The Complete Cooper Collection (All 97 Stories)

by Bernico, Bill

  By the time Gloria and I had finished with our statements over at the twelfth precinct it was nearly seven-thirty. We made it back to her place just as E.T. was beginning on channel nine.

  “Hey,” I said. “We don’t have to watch the movie off the television, remember? I gave you the DVD.”

  “Sorry,” Gloria said, handing me back my DVD in two pieces. “I forgot that I had it in the car with me and I accidentally sat on it.”

  I held the two pieces out in front of me and looked at Gloria out of the corner of my eye.

  Gloria went into her Marilyn Monroe impression again and whispered, “I’ll make it up to you, Jack, I mean, Mr. President.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close. “You sure I can’t take this wig off?” she said. “It itches.”

  “Uh uh,” I said. “Haven’t you heard? Gentlemen prefer blondes.”

  “Now that’s one movie that I do have on DVD,” Gloria said. “Would you like to watch that one?”

  In the end, we forgot all about television and ended up in her bed. I went to sleep with a blonde and woke up in the morning next to a brunette. Either way, I couldn’t have been happier.

  Later that morning I phoned Marie Reese and asked if we could stop by and talk with her. We agreed on ten-thirty and Gloria and I drove up to Burbank and sat across from our client.

  “As it turns out,” I told Marie, “Gordon was killed by a fellow named Frank Stouffer, who was posing as a policeman at the time. The one and only witness was an old man who owned the shop on the alley where Gordon died. He was too scared to go to the police, since he thought it was a policeman who had killed Gordon.”

  Marie’s eyes began to tear up. “But why?” she said, trying to make sense of it all. “Why did he have to kill Gordon?”

  “As far as I can tell,” I said, “Gordon stumbled upon an extortion racket that was being carried out by Stouffer and another man named Willy Cordell. Gordon had been hired by a shopkeeper named Myron Talman, who had a store in the same block as the witness to Gordon’s shooting. Gordon was asking too many questions and getting too close to the truth about those extortions. He had learned Willy Cordell’s name simply by tailing him and keeping notes on his activities. I don’t think Gordon even knew that there was a second man involved. When Stouffer came upon your husband, Gordon pulled him aside and tried to report the extortions to someone he thought he could trust. Stouffer led him into the alley and shot him.”

  “Have they caught this Cordell fellow?” Marie said.

  “He turned up in the reservoir shortly after Gordon died,” I said. “He went unidentified for almost a month before his dental records verified that he was Willy Cordell. And with Stouffer in custody now, that pretty much puts an end to this whole ordeal as far as you are concerned. I hope you can find some peace of mind now, Marie.”

  “Thank you so much, Mr. Cooper,” she said and turned to Gloria. “And thanks for your help, too, Miss Campbell.” She showed us to the door and gave me a check for our final payment.

  I drove back to Hollywood and dropped Gloria off at her house, telling her that I was planning on stopping by to visit with Dad. I told her I’d meet her back at the office right after lunch.

  Mrs. Chandler was sitting on the sofa with Dad, watching an old movie that he liked. I knocked on the door as I was coming in. “Is there anyone at home?” I said, closing the door behind me.

  “We’re in here,” Dad said. “You’re just in time to watch this Cagney movie with us.”

  The opening credits were just scrolling up the screen as I sat in the overstuffed chair next to the sofa. Man of a Thousand Faces was just starting. I’d seen the movie a dozen times already but never tired of seeing it again.

  Mrs. Chandler got up from the sofa and excused herself, saying something about getting lunch started for Dad. I suspect she just wanted to give him some time alone with me.

  I got up and took the seat that Mrs. Chandler had just vacated, and turned to Dad. “Well,” I said. “We just wrapped up another case.” I pulled Marie Reese’s check out of my pocket and held it out in front of Dad. “Another satisfied customer.”

  “How’s Gloria working out?” Dad said.

  I cleared my throat. “Oh, she’s coming along,” I said. “She really came through for us on this one.” I described Gloria’s role in the apprehension of Frank Stouffer and when I’d finished telling Dad all about the case, he got a faraway look in his eye.

  “You miss it already, don’t you?” I said, referring to the job.

  “What?” Dad said. He obviously had not heard everything I’d just said.

  “The job,” I said. “You miss it? Are you getting antsy to get back to work?”

  Dad shrugged. “I’d like to be back at it, but you know what the doctor said. It’s going to be a long six months stuck here in the house.”

  “Dad,” I said. “I’d like to run something by you and get your opinion on something that’s been on my mind.”

  “Sure,” Dad said. “What is it?”

  I hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right opening line. “I am an adult now and I know all about the hazards of getting involved with anyone I work with, but Gloria and I…”

  I hadn’t finished my thought when I heard Dad’s quick intake of air. “Are you all right?” I said.

  Dad waved me off. “Swallowed something wrong, that’s all,” he said, trying to cover. “What were you saying now?”

  “I hadn’t planned on this,” I said. “It just sort of happened. I’m just surprised that nothing like this happened the first time we worked together. She’s really something, you know? No, I guess you wouldn’t know.”

  “I can imagine,” Dad said quietly.

  “You know how you can almost tell when that one right person comes along?” I said. “Hell, I’m sure you do. You must have felt that way when to met mom, didn’t you?”

  Dad nodded. “I remember,” he said. “I still miss her every day.”

  “I just wanted to be the one to tell you,” I said. “I didn’t want you to hear it from Dean or someone else that will probably see me and Gloria together. I just had to share this with you. You’re about the only one I can tell who really understands these kinds of things.”

  Dad nodded and let out his breath. “I’m happy for you both,” Dad said. “I hope she makes you happy, too.”

  I sighed. “She really does,” I said. “I don’t know what this is going to do to our working relationship. But I guess I’ll deal with that some other time. Before you know it, you’ll be back at work and who knows where we’ll be by then?”

  “You give Gloria my best when you see her,” Dad said.

  “I will, Dad, and thanks for listening,” I said. “I have to get back to the office. You take it easy now, you hear?”

  Mrs. Chandler came back into the living room carrying a tray with two soup bowls and some crackers. “Won’t you stay for lunch, Elliott?” she said.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Chandler,” I said. “I have to be going. Why don’t you and Dad have your soup and watch the movie. Good bye, Dad. I’ll let myself out.”

  I drove back to the office and found Gloria behind her desk, entering the rest of the files I’d given her earlier into our database. She stopped when I came in and got up to greet me.

  “How’s Clay doing?” she said. “Is Mrs. Chandler looking after him?”

  “She’s taking good care of him,” I said. “They were having soup and watching Man of a Thousand Faces when I left.”

  “The Lon Chaney biopic with James Cagney,” Gloria said. “Have you seen it?”

  “Only about a dozen times,” I said. “Oh, and Dad said to give you his best, whatever his best is?”

  Gloria didn’t have to guess. She already knew.

  66 - The Best Offense

  Gloria Campbell strolled slowly through the aisles of a popular women’s dress shop on Hollywood Boulevard. She rarely wore a dress, preferring instead to wear her designer jeans and
cotton blouse. Her job lent itself more to these kinds of garments. A dress would be impractical in her line of work—a private investigator with Cooper Investigations. Tonight, however, was a special occasion and she wanted to look her best for her new boyfriend, who also happened to be her boss, Elliott Cooper.

  She and Elliott had been seeing each other socially for nearly a month and things were starting to get serious. Gloria still had not told Elliott anything about her last relationship, which ended because of health reasons—not hers, but her previous boyfriend’s. He was older and his heart couldn’t take the kind of excitement Gloria could dish out, so they agreed to break it off before he ended up with a third heart attack. Her older boyfriend had also been Elliott’s father, Clay Cooper, second-generation owner of Cooper Investigations.

  Clay had not said anything to Elliott about his relationship with Gloria, hoping to spare either of them the embarrassment it could cause. But one evening, after Elliott and Gloria had wrapped up their latest case, Elliott had stopped by Clay’s house to tell him about the outcome of that case. He had also opened up to his father about his involvement with Gloria, totally unaware that it was she who had contributed to Clay’s second heart attack. Clay had tried to contain his feelings and his anxiety upon hearing how happy Elliott was with Gloria. He had wished them well on the outside, but had been secretly dying on the inside.

  Gloria had been in this same store just the day before and had been trying to decide on one of two dresses that she saw. Today she’d made up her mind. She pulled a slimming red dress off the rack and carried it to the dressing room at the end of the aisle. She stepped out of her jeans and laid them on the seat in the dressing room. They made a clunking sound as she laid them down before she remembered that her cell phone was still in her pocket. She removed her blouse and then slipped into the dress, zipping it up on the side and looking at her image in the full-length mirror on the back of the dressing room door. She smoothed her dress down at the sides and turned around to get a view from behind. Yes, this would do very well, she thought.

  Before stopping in the dress department, Gloria had visited the shoe department and had selected a pair of high heel pumps that complimented the dress perfectly. The high heels would accent her shapely legs once she’d slipped into the sheer panty hose. This was a lot more feminine looking than Gloria had been in a long time and it felt good. She exited the dressing room and walked over to a mirror on the floor and looked at her reflection again. She looked even better in this light, she thought.

  She wasn’t used to high heels and her feet wobbled a little as she walked back toward the dressing room. Once she was back inside, she looked around, thinking that she must have entered the wrong cubicle. Her street clothes weren’t hanging where she’d left them. Gloria hurried back out of the dressing room and found another door to her right. This cubicle was empty as well. She checked all of the cubicles and still couldn’t find her clothes in any of them.

  “Oh, this is just dandy,” she said to no one in particular. She stood there for a moment, not sure what she should do. She decided that she’d better try to find the store manager and explain her dilemma before someone started to suspect her of shoplifting.

  The store manager was a portly man named Rodney Jarvis. If he’d had a small mustache just below his nostrils only, he could have passed for Oliver Hardy. He had a semi-circle of dark hair around the back of his head and looked like he would sweat at the mere mention of heat. His suit jacket had that permanently unbuttoned look about it, like it was a size too small for him. He invited Gloria to sit.

  “Mr. Jarvis,” Gloria said. “I don’t have my identification with me to prove what I say, but my name is Gloria Campbell and I am a private investigator. I came here to your store to buy this dress and these shoes but when I left the dressing room to look at myself in a better lighted mirror on the floor, someone slipped into my dressing cubicle and made off with my street clothes. I can’t very well walk home in this outfit, now can I?”

  Jarvis looked me over briefly, trying to determine if I was making this story up or if I was on the level.

  “Look,” I said. “If I was just another shoplifter, do you think I’d try and walk out of this place in this?” She gestured at the dress and shoes she had on. “I need to get home, but my car keys were in my pants, along with my wallet and cell phone. Now what are you going to do about it?”

  “Would you like to use my phone to call someone for a ride back home?” Jarvis suggested.

  “And what will I be wearing on my way back home if I can find a ride?” Gloria said. “Obviously not this outfit. I haven’t even paid for it yet and no doubt you’d like it back.”

  “Well, uh, yes,” Jarvis said. “That would have to be paid for before it could leave here. Could whomever you call for your ride bring you a change of clothes, perhaps?”

  Whomever, Gloria thought. At least this clown was versed in the English language. “I’d call someone,” she said, “But they took my phone along with my wallet and pants.”

  Jarvis slid his desk phone over toward Gloria. “You can use my phone,” he said. “Just dial a nine first to get an outside line.”

  Gloria rolled her eyes and grabbed the phone, dialing the office. On the third ring she got the answering machine and hung up. She dialed another nine and then tried my cell phone number. I picked up on the second ring.

  “Cooper,” I said in a professional voice.

  “Elliott,” Gloria said. “It’s Gloria.”

  “Gloria?” I said. “Where are you calling from? I didn’t recognize the number.”

  “I’m calling from the manager’s office at Madame Michelle’s Dress Shop,” Gloria told him.

  “A dress shop?” I said. “What happened, did you wander into the wrong store?”

  “Spare me the sarcasm,” Gloria said. “I’m in a jam and I need your help. Are you in the area?”

  “I’m just exiting the Hollywood Freeway now,” I said. “I could be back at the office in ten minutes. What do you need?”

  “Turn around as soon as you can,” Gloria said. “Drive over to my place and get me a pair of jeans and a blouse or shirt. Oh, and a pair of shoes, too. Bring all that to Madame Michelle’s and meet me in the manager’s office. I’ll explain everything when you get here.”

  “How would you suggest I get into your house?” I said.

  Gloria thought for a moment and then said, “Pull open my front screen door. It’s never locked. Under the crossbar in the middle of the door, I have a spare house key taped to it. Let yourself in and bring that key with you when you come.”

  “But…”

  “Please, Elliott,” Gloria said. “Just go, would you?”

  “Give me twenty minutes,” I said. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  Gloria hung up the phone and slid it back over toward Mr. Jarvis. “Thank you. Someone will be here shortly with a change of clothes for me. Meanwhile, what are you going to do about my things? I need them back.”

  “What can I do?” Jarvis said.

  “Does your store use surveillance cameras, Mr. Jarvis?” Gloria said.

  “Yes, of course we do,” Jarvis said.

  “Can I see the surveillance tape from fifteen minutes ago in the dress department?” Gloria said.

  Jarvis hesitated for a moment.

  “Now!” Gloria almost yelled and then caught herself. “I’m sorry, Mr. Jarvis. Could I see that tape now, please?”

  “Right this way,” Jarvis said, leading Gloria through another door, down a hall and into an office marked, ‘Security’.

  Inside the room Gloria could see a dozen or more security monitors displaying different areas of the store. She scanned the monitors and stopped on the second one from the right. She pointed to the screen.

  “That’s where I was,” she said. “I’d like to see the tape from that area.”

  Jarvis pressed a button on the recorder that sat directly under the monitor that Gloria had pointed to.
The tape stopped. He hit another button and the tape rewound in fast motion. Gloria watched the counter as it counted down backwards from the present time to fifteen minutes prior. She saw her own image as it emerged from the dressing room and stepped over to the mirror. A few seconds later she caught the image of a person sneaking into her dressing cubicle. Five seconds later the figure came back out carrying something with her. Gloria pointed at the screen.

  “Freeze that,” she said.

  Jarvis hit the pause button. The image froze on the screen.

  “Can you zoom in on this area here?” Gloria said, pointing to the person’s face.

  Jarvis maneuvered a joystick device and the image came in closer until Gloria instructed him to stop. “There she is,” Gloria said. “And she’s got my clothes and shoes with her.”

  “She looks amazingly like you, doesn’t she?” Jarvis said.

  “Well, obviously it’s not me,” Gloria said. “Because I’m right here and she’s gone with my clothes. I’ll need a printout of that frame, if you don’t mind, Mr. Jarvis.”

  Jarvis pressed another button and a printer on the countertop spit out a color photo of the thief’s face. Gloria grabbed it and took a closer look. She didn’t recognize the woman in the photo. Suddenly it dawned on Gloria that her cell phone was still in the pocket of her pants. She turned to Jarvis again.

  “May I use your phone one more time, Mr. Jarvis?” Without waiting for an answer, Gloria picked up the handset from Jarvis’s desk phone and dialed her cell phone. It rang five times before someone answered.

  “Hello,” a woman’s voice said.

  “Hello,” Gloria said. “Who am I speaking to?”

  There was nothing but silence on the other end for a moment.

  “Look,” Gloria said. “I don’t care that much about the jeans and blouse. If you need clothes that bad, keep them. But I need my cell phone, wallet and car keys back. They won’t do you any good. I can just cancel the charge cards and phone service and you wouldn’t know where my car is or even what it is, so why not give them back?”