Paper Cranes

by Nicole Hite

  “I have something you can put on, but you have to wait until after dinner,” I grinned.

  “Unless it’s you, on me, I don’t want it,” he hummed.

  “Awe, don’t ruin my surprise,” I grinned.

  “ I suggest we get going then, or I can just skip straight to dessert and keep you here.”

  “Tempting, but I’m actually quite interested to see what you have planned,” I said as I pulled his crisp linen shirt toward me.

  “As you wish, Dove,” he stated as he leaned down to place a sweet kiss on my full lips.

  Offering his arm, I laced my arm around his. God, he smelled so fucking good. The oil smelled had washed away like the ocean and instead was replaced by tropical flowers and coconut. The sun had bronzed his skin, deepening his hibernating tan. He was striking.

  As we walked toward the beachfront, the lights and noises from the resort began to fade away. The closer we got to the ocean the harder it became to see where we were going. All of a sudden the sand began to illuminate with a runway of lanterns. Following their glow, they led us to a dock. Lined on either side of the dock were dozens of candle lit lanterns, sparkling off the shimmering water.

  The further out we walked, the closer our destination became. At the end of the dock was an airy hut with a gorgeous round table, two chairs and a bottle of sparkling cider. Directly in the middle was a bouquet of the very same hibiscus flowers I had in my hair. Clever fella.

  “You did all this?” I asked, feeling a knot in my throat.

  “Just for you, Dove,” he smiled proudly.

  Being in the Bahamas, I resisted the temptation to question the warning signs I was feeling from Lee. As our trip was slowly coming to an end, I felt Lee was grasping and clutching for me. More so then he ever had. I didn’t mind at all, but the cautious person I am, was speculative. Before we had left, Lee had made a comment about telling me something. Something I’m sure would change us forever.

  I didn’t want to ever leave the Bahamas. It was safe here, from worries, fears and reality. I didn’t want this feeling to ever end. I will admit, I was falling in love with him. It was inevitable at this point and just knowing that something, possibly devastating, was about to happen was almost too much to bear.

  I had done such a great job pushing it out of my mind so I could enjoy this trip and now that we were about to leave paradise, I couldn’t deny my fear.

  “Gage and JoJo are bringing Daisy to the park to meet up with Betty, Ed and Jackson tomorrow. I was thinking we could meet up with them when we get back. You know, to allow Jackson play time with Daisy for a while.”

  “Yeah, that sounds great.”

  At least that would buy me some additional time of bliss.

  “I really miss that little guy,” I said honestly.

  “I love to hear you say that,” he smiled as he grabbed my hand. Squeezing tightly, he gave me a sexy wink.

  It was true though. I had grown to love Lee and Jackson so hard that the suspense of his conversation was tearing me up inside. On both occasions it sounded bad, but I suppose it would be up to me to decide if it was too bad; moreover, if it was forgivable. I thought I meant more to him than that. But what if I didn’t? Maybe he was just waiting to break up with me.

  I gripped his hand, not wanting anything to change. I needed him in my life. I needed his strength, courage and kindness. But was it really kindness if he could so easily keep something from me?

  “Everything’s okay, babe. We’ll be home soon enough.”

  That’s what I was afraid of, and if he was going to end it, why call me babe? He never called me babe? I was completely confused right now. My emotions were all over the place.

  The thought of someone important leaving me again felt like someone threw a monkey wrench into my gut.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Lee interrupted my train of thought.

  “What happened to your mom?” It just came out. I wasn’t even going to bring it up yet and yet here we were.

  “You don’t wanna hear this sob story,” he diverted.

  “I do though. I want to get to know you better.”

  “Well, after Gage was born, mom got really depressed. Dad said it was postpartum or something.”

  “A lot of women go through that,” I tried to make him feel better.

  “Her depression was really bad, Dove. She pushed my dad away and quit her job. Dad had to make ends meet so he spent a lot of time at the garage. He was working, easily, sixteen hours a day and only getting six or seven hours of sleep.”

  “Oh my!”

  “Yep, left a lot of time for mom to stop being mom and more into spending time with Uncle Tony. At least that’s what we called him; he was dad’s best friend.”

  “That’s horrible,” I whispered.

  “I guess she felt Uncle Tony was giving her things Dad wasn’t and couldn’t handle being a mom anymore. She dropped us at the garage one day and told Dad to figure it out.”

  “Have you spoken to her since?” I asked, almost terrified I had.

  “She tried crawling back to dad a couple times, but he refused. She didn’t deserve to be let back into our lives. I can’t blame him for that,” he shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

  “Perhaps forgiveness is not always the answer. Sometimes you have to just let it go and pray for that person. Pray they find happiness and forgiveness for themselves. It wasn’t your job to make that happen. You were just a kid.”

  “I get it, but there will always be a part of me that wishes I could have done more. What about you? I’ve never heard you talk about your parents.”

  “Not much to tell.”

  Now it was my turn to be uncomfortable.

  “Oh come on, Dove. I spilled, now you.”

  “I didn’t have a family to speak of. My dad left when I was a baby, mom committed suicide because of it. I was shipped off to my Aunt V’s until she passed away. JoJo was my next-door neighbor as a kid and when everyone was gone, her parents took me in. So, I literally had no one after that. No aunts, uncles, siblings, nothing. Jo has been my only family for as long as I can remember.”

  “It seems you and I have a lot more in common than I had originally thought.”

  Just then our private waiter makes his grand entrance with three silver covered trays. Saved by the bell.

  “Enjoy,” he stated as he parted ways.

  Lifting the lids were a variety of choices.

  “I figured with it being our last night here, we should try it all,” he grinned.

  “You’re going to have to explain what each one is, because all I see is fish, beef and chicken,” I laughed.

  “Let’s see,” he pointed to the first choice, “this is a local lobster with light curry sauce, fried plantains and bok choy.”

  “Sounds yummy…I think,” I smiled. Lee had really gone all out to make this perfect.

  “Should be. Fingers crossed. Hmm, this is the Parmesan crusted chicken with lemon-basil sauce and artichoke.”

  “That sounds delicious. Amazing choices.”

  “The last one is roasted filet-mignon, spring peas, crispy potatoes with whole-grain mustard.”

  “How on earth did you remember those?” I questioned in awe.

  “Well, I may have a cheat sheet here,” he roared with laughter.

  “You sneaky little turd.”

  “Shall we?” he laughed, lifting a fork to my mouth.

  For the first time out, I swallowed my pride, “Would you mind cutting my food, I…”

  “No need to explain, babe. I have you covered. Don’t worry.”

  This man, oh this man.

  At the end of our meal, we sat sated.

  “I feel like I’m one of those pigs we swam with!” I huffed.

  “Never, Dove. Maybe if we get up we won’t feel stuffed.

  Lee pulled my chair away from me, offering a hand. Standing, I tripped and fell into his arms.

  “I’m such a klutz. What am I gonna do later on…”r />
  “Don’t think about that right now. Live in the present. It’s just you, me, this picturesque island and countless memories we’ve made here.”

  “Lee, I…” I wanted to get it off my chest and just get it over with. I couldn’t wait till we got home to find out what was going on.

  Placing a finger to my lips, he silenced my next words.

  “No, Dove. Let’s just enjoy this moment. Besides, I need to tell you something.”

  Oh God, he was going to do it right here, right now. This is not how I wanted to end our vacation. No. No. No. No.”

  “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I think that’s pretty clear. It took this trip for me to grow some balls and finally tell you.”

  Now it was my turn to place my finger on his lips. With tears running down my cheeks, and my hand placed over his heart I finally said what I had been waiting to say since the day I had admitted I cared deeply for Lee.

  “I love you too.”

  “I’m never going to let anything happen to you, cher. I’m here, forever and always. Remember that,” he kissed me softly.

  His eyes glistened as he slowly pulled away, holding on desperately.

  “I know, babe.”

  “No, listen. I will always be here. I love you, my petite bebe.”

  Something in his very tone was sad. Just when I felt I was falling in love, I felt it slowly melt away just as quickly. Words had never been so bittersweet.”

  After an amazing last night in paradise and an even better night in bed, we finally touched down in New Orleans. It’s always bittersweet at the end of a trip, but in a way, there was still a small smidge of bliss to be had. Lee loved me and I loved him. It was no longer a secret, but cold hard facts.

  Making our way to the park, we grasped hands and exchanged loving glances at one another. The temperature was significantly cooler, but the bronze glow of our skin together was a pleasurable reminder of our time alone. Never again will a trip mean so much.

  Before we could even exit the truck, Jackson came barreling toward us. With outstretched arms, we caught him in our warm embrace. His innocent face was so happy to see us. Yes, Lee and I. We were an us now and it felt amazing. I was floating on cloud nine and never wanted this feeling to end.

  For the longest time, I sat watching Jackson and Lee frolic around with the Daisy. They looked so happy that it warmed me to the core. He was so cheerful and full of life; an innocence that he would eventually grow out of over time.

  Sitting on the picnic bench, Jackson’s Nana Betty came over to sit next to me. She had always eyed me speculatively, so her sudden presence was unnerving. Was she mad about the puppy, or that I was forming a bond with her grandson?

  “How was your trip? Did you two have a good time?”

  “It was amazing. The resort was so wonderful. I can’t believe Lee went all out like he did, but I missed being home. I really missed Jackson too.”

  “So, Lee paid for the whole thing?” she asked confused.

  “I told him I wanted to help, but he wouldn’t have any part of it.”

  “Well that sounds lovely. I’m glad you had that opportunity to spend time with him. He must care about you a lot to do something like that.”

  “We love one another. I suppose that’s what people do for one another when they love someone – try to make their wishes and dreams come true.”

  “Hmm, I suppose so,” she stated rather rudely.

  What was her deal? Was she mad at our happiness?

  The silence was deafening between the two of us. I could barely take it. I fidgeted in my seat, hoping she would say something, anything.

  “He’s such a great kid, huh?” I tried to make small talk.

  “He’s a wonderful kid, full of life, just like his mother was,” she said with an almost condescending tone.

  I didn’t want to push my luck, but maybe she would give me something, anything about what happened between Lee and their daughter.

  “I like you, Kat, so what I’m about to say is going to be rough,” she began. “I need you to stay away from my grandson.”

  “Excuse me,” I looked at her confused.

  “Jackson’s had a hard time without a mother, and Lee has had it even harder. Lee told us about the ALS.”

  My once jovial heart was beginning to crumble before me. She was trying to take away the two people I cared about the most in this world, but why?

  “Melissa, our daughter, had ALS as well. Did he tell you that?”

  “Yes, Lee told me,” I lied, not wanting her to know that my heart was breaking into a million pieces right now.

  “Did he also tell you how he left her and Jackson when it got to be too much for him? We had to file legal suit just so he would take responsibility of Jackson.”

  “You’re lying,” I could feel the bile rise in my throat. My head swam with confusion. All this time I had been terrified this would happen to me, and yet, he did the exact thing to Mel. Why wouldn’t he do this to me too? Hell, why would he do this to her?

  “I wish I weren’t. I watched my daughter deteriorate day by day and the one person she needed the most, left her to suffer by herself. If it weren’t for that little boy right there,” she pointed toward Jackson, “she would have taken her own life. I guarantee you that.”

  “You are a wonderful woman, Kat. You remind me so much of her, but I can’t allow you to tear that boy apart like Lee did my daughter. He deserves to have a constant in his life. He needs someone who will be there for years to come. I don’t mean this to be ugly, but if you care about him at all, let them go.”

  She was right, we were now a three. It wasn’t just Lee I needed to watch out for anymore. But how could Lee leave like that? And, how was he so sure about us considering. My head was swirling with panic. My life was on a roller coaster ride without breaks.

  I had wanted to yell and scream at her as if she were wrong. That Lee could never be so vile and evil. That he cared about her completely up until the day she passed. That he willingly took Jackson as a form of their legacy. But I knew that was a lie, a horrible and shameful lie.

  Lee looked over in our eyes as the happiness that was once there turned to panic. He knew exactly what Betty was confessing, which only confirmed what she was telling me. I knew this was too good to be true.

  After my conversation with Betty, I decided it best to drop off Jackson and Daisy at Lee’s house as we drove to my house. Driving back to my house in silence, a traditional New Orleans jazz funeral procession halted the truck. A white mule pulled the glass coffin as a brass band played, “A Closer Walk to Thee.” The somber sway of the mourners followed the flower-covered coffin as they slowly made their way to the gravesite where they would “set the spirit free.”

  Seeing that we weren’t going anywhere anytime fast, Lee pulled the truck up to the curb parallel to the graveyard. Though some mourners wore black and carried black parasails, a handful wore white and carried very decorative umbrellas. The array of colors mirrored a beautiful rainbow as their fringed tassels blew blissfully in the breeze.

  Watching the family and friends come to a peaceful stop just outside a tomb, their faces were not of sadness, but of love and freedom. Their loved one was at peace. As they slid the coffin into the tomb covered by a drape, the minister preached to his congregation. I had never been a spiritual person, but something about this display was beautiful. As morbid as this sounded, it was a picturesque way to send your loved one to their final resting place.

  The drape was removed as the casket was enclosed into the tomb. There were no outburst or sobs, but merriment and glee. The individual no longer suffered for which the family was grateful. The somber mood quickly changed to celebration as they remembered their loved one. The band struck up the beautiful sounds of, “When the Saints Go Marching In” as the parasail’s bobbed up and down, while making their way out of the gravesite.

  Their rhythmic march keeping beat with the band as spectators join in the festivity. The m
ourners did not shun them away, but welcomed them with open arms. A stunning display of grievance turned to joy.

  “Ready to go?” Lee asked as we made our way back into the street.

  “Yeah,” I said quietly as I continued to glare out the window. I wiped a tear from my damp cheek, praying Lee hadn’t seen.

  As we made our way down the road, we stumbled upon and old junkyard. The car was creeping along, but relatively quickly. Lee pulled my hand to him, sensing something was wrong. Wrenching it away, I jumped out of the cab. Jumping out behind me, he swiftly caught up.

  “What’s wrong, Kat. Please talk to me,” Lee grabbed my wrist. Spinning around, my eyes filled with tears. “Was it the funeral?”

  “I’m furious.”

  “Is it me, because I…”

  “God, no it isn’t you. Well, it kinda is. Fuck! I’m just exhausted with life. I try so hard to keep it together, but truthfully, I’m frightened deep down. I’m terrified of this journey; one I didn’t choose for myself. It sounds selfish, but what the hell did I do to deserve this? Huh?”

  “You didn’t do a thing, sweetheart. That is the shitty part about this disease – you didn’t do a damn thing.”

  I picked up a crumbled can and hurled it at a window pain. Shattering the glass, the motion felt liberating. Maybe this was exactly what I needed to vent.

  “I think about the future and I can’t take it. I beg that I’m going to wake up one day and it’ll all have been a big joke, but that’s not going to happen. I’m afraid of the days where I wake up and can’t move my legs or even smile any longer. Do you know how frustrating and sad it’s going to be when I can no longer laugh or smile about life? I am going to be a prisoner in my own skin.”

  “I can’t even pretend to know what that feels like.”

  Grabbing a rock this time, I paced back and forth as I found my next victim. I slammed the stone into a rusted pickup truck windshield, watching the glass splinter, crack and explode. My chest began to heave as I tried desperately to hold it together long enough to get what I needed to say off my chest. I picked up another rock and began tossing it up and down in my palm

  “I was on a social media site the other day, and a “friend” of mine reached out. I thought to myself, how thoughtful. She then proceeds to ask me if I experience so-and-so symptoms. I kindly replied no, however I am not a physician and to have a doctor check her out. Want to know what her reply was? She actually said, “Oh. Thank. God.” Yeah, like, Thank God I don’t have that horrendous disease, oh but, I’m here for you. What total bullshit. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. Unfriended.”