saint Sebastian the Rose

by Glover, Michael W.

  “You can go and see what is going on, even though they said they would keep us informed,” their father said.

  Down the halls they flew, heading for the room of events, the Grand Staircase Hall.

  The doorway became their focus as it had so many times before, and never had that doorway let them down. Entering the great room in lead was Father Lemoine; behind him came Sebastian with Father Donovan. They all walked across the room, past the monks standing here and there. Halfway across the room Sebastian looked up to the landing the twins had claimed as their own.

  They knew where he was going—to his room. They had also watched Father Matthew leave the castle upon hearing their news, to go and search for Sebastian, but he was not with this small group.

  Their worry, which had subsided with the news of the monks’ return, rose again. Was Father Matthew somewhere else in the castle?

  The party disappeared. There was business to attend to, and they were not privy to that. They realized they would have to wait to know what had come about this night. The morning would come, and they would seek out the answers they wanted and decide what to tell their father.

  The situation in the lower part of the monastery was much different. Sebastian was relaying the bad news. Father Lemoine and Father Donovan sat in Sebastian’s chamber in rapt silence. Their expressions would have seemed more dire but for the welcome return of their most unusual brother.

  The night labored on, and before it passed, Father Lemoine and Father Donovan emerged. They gathered the monks and sent them on their way without an accounting of the events, knowing the need for rest.

  The twins awoke early, unwilling to wait for any news that might shed light on the events. They ran from their room into the common room to find that they were not the only early risers: their father’s room was already open, and he was nowhere to be found. The sun was still not up, but there was light enough to make their way around.

  They left the room with hurried steps. Jessica was leading the way for a change, and Jacob decided to let her since she looked like she had a destination and a purpose. She ran past the halls leading to the kitchen and the dining room. Jacob found this a little annoying since he was hungry. He was always hungry, but he would just have to suffer. They came to one of several junctures: this one was a small foyer, which had an exit to the courtyard. Jacob wished he had brought his jacket, for the mornings were still cool. He still wondered why they were heading to the courtyard so early in the day.

  “Shouldn’t you have said we were going outside so we could have brought our jackets? I’m tired of being cold!” Jacob was just catching up to his sister as she reached for the door.

  “Why must we go outside?” Jacob was whining as she stepped outside.

  Jacob followed Jessica and stopped behind her. The answer was simple enough: across the courtyard sitting on the familiar stone bench was Sebastian, looking their way as if expecting them.

  The snow that had been so prevalent had all but disappeared now. The days were warming, and in those warm hours the white covering slowly disappeared as though it had never been there. That thought bothered Jacob and seemed eerily similar to things they had witnessed lately.

  Jessica walked over to Sebastian and he scooted over to make room for her on the stone bench. His eyes only left her long enough to acknowledge Jacob’s presence. He knew they were here to ask the obvious questions.

  Jessica sat down on the bench; the stone was cool and her mind jumped back to the time they’d spent in the old crypt. But it was a different kind of cold; it was something pervasive and disturbing. After sitting for a moment Jessica looked up and into Sebastian’s eyes—those eyes that she lost herself in somehow. She felt like a silly schoolgirl. She was just eighteen, she knew, but how very intelligent and mature she was for her age. Jacob was uneasy with the tension between them and spoke, if only to break the silence.

  “We got back as soon as we could,” Jacob said apologetically, knowing they could have made the journey more quickly if they had not lost their way a couple of times. Sebastian looked up at Jacob and offered a small smile but still said nothing.

  “They wouldn’t let us come with them when they set out to find you. They said we would be in the way and would be safer in the monastery,” Jessica offered.

  “And they were right,” said Sebastian. “And you did exactly what I asked, and for that I’m thankful. Things could have been potentially worse if they had not come.”

  “What happened? We don’t know anything,” said Jacob.

  “The day didn’t pan out exactly as I had planned. I didn’t find the things I was looking for at first,” Sebastian explained, skirting the truth.

  “I overheard them say they found you at the church?” Jacob asked.

  “There was something there, more than I thought. Something came to me later on, after we were in the crypt. So I had to investigate.”

  Jessica knew there was more, but she was afraid to ask. Jacob could see the question on her face and also the fear.

  “What about Father Matthew?”

  Sebastian looked around, trying not to look at the twins for he knew they were fixed on him and he was struggling to hold his composure. Usually this was not a problem for him. After having lived for so long and seen so much, it would seem that not a lot would affect one, but this was different. Sebastian began to speak and felt his voice, which was usually a strong melodic sound, break just a little.

  “He’s not been found.”

  The twins looked at each other and felt a pang of guilt; maybe if they had insisted on going with Father Matthew, he would be there with them. Or maybe they would have shared his fate.

  Jessica reached up and put her hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian turned his head, accepting the gesture while trying to hold back the wave of grief. How long had it been since he had shed tears? A lifetime, he knew, until recently. He had blessedly forgotten the feeling and wasn’t prepared for it now.

  Sebastian turned his head and looked about, aware of the time. The horizon was glowing with the promise of dawn; the sky was lightening, hinting at its true color of blue.

  He wanted to stay; always he wanted to stay, and that is why he was always here, now, at this time. How he wanted to stay and experience this new bond he had with Jessica next to him and Jacob behind him; how he felt their love and friendship.

  Sebastian was thinking these things as he watched the sunrise with them. What would happen? he thought. Could he do it? He often wondered if he could survive the sun’s rays, rays he knew could burn him to his very core. He knew the stories, tales he had heard and read in the old tombs.

  Sebastian was remembering some of them now, the quotes that had stuck with him.

  Like a fine blade, sharp as the day it was made, the sun’s rays will pierce the damned with no effort, stabbing them as if they were made of paper and turning them black like so much tinder.

  Jacob and Jessica understood his internal struggle, just not the extent of that struggle; But stand there they would until he was ready.

  Sebastian sat lost in his waking dreams, knowing he could not let them bear the sight of such an event even if he was ready to give himself to the embrace of the warmth he missed with every passing day. He knew he tortured himself by coming here. Would it not be better if he stayed away from the fringes of the day, not teasing his desires so? Should he not just accept the night and relinquish any thought of impossible dreams?

  Feeling the coming warmth, Sebastian stood, letting Jessica’s hand fall from his shoulder. A new look of composure and seriousness came over his face, a look far too solemn for the beautiful and far-too-young face—the combination was unsettling.

  “I have to go to work now. There are many things I need to do.” Sebastian acknowledged the twins and started to walk away, needing to find his home and quickly, since he had relinquished the enticement of seeing the sun rise.

  “What about Father Matthew?” Jacob wondered.

 
Sebastian stopped. He felt the warmth on his back and he knew it was more than just a rise in temperature. Sebastian turned to face the twins again.

  “There are others who will go and look for him.” Saying this hurt him badly, but he knew he couldn’t join the search. He had not been told of Father Matthew’s absence until very late because Father Donovan knew he would have gone right back out.

  “Don’t hold out hope for him. He has likely come to his destiny as we all shall, some sooner than others.”

  Sebastian didn’t wait for more questions; he turned and walked through the door. He would not get much rest; there would be no time for that now.

  chapter NINETEEN

  AFTER MUCH-NEEDED FOOD the twins sat in the dining room alone. A somberness had fallen over the monastery. The joy was stolen away like having the breath knocked out of you. Jacob and Jessica wanted the heavy feeling to go away.

  Their feelings were mirrored when they saw Father Dagrun enter the dining hall from the kitchen. The large man, who was usually full of gust, was forlorn. He walked over to the twins in such a calm manner they were almost more afraid.

  “How was your food?” Father Dagrun asked.

  Jessica could feel the pain in the big man’s voice and almost came to tears. All the monks here were feeling the worst pain, she could tell. Was there really no hope? The answer seemed to be written on every face she saw. Never could she have imagined such solemn looks here.

  “Very good, of course,” Jessica said, wanting to express as much comfort as possible to the struggling monk.

  Jacob was just as sad for the monks, but he was also very interested in what was going to happen. He always wanted to know more.

  “Father Dagrun, tell us more about what you know.”

  “You know about as much as I do,” Father Dagrun answered.

  “No, I mean about them. You know …” Jacob fished for understanding but not blatantly. Father Dagrun caught his meaning and took on a more serious expression.

  “We have known of them for some time, if that’s what you are asking about. There has not been any contact for a long time, and that is how I like it.”

  “You really believe this?” Jacob asked, still not accepting the truth of the matter.

  “Yes. We really aren’t supposed to talk about it to others, but you seem to be caught in the middle. This is not something you can go around talking about,” Father Dagrun explained.

  “What do you mean, ‘we have known about them’?” Jessica was getting curious. Father Dagrun shifted in his seat at the question.

  “I don’t really know what I should tell you, or if I am the one to do it. I am not the best at explaining things. Maybe you should be talking to Father Donovan; it’s really up to him.”

  “Have they told our father?” Jacob asked. He had not seen his father since the night before.

  “I don’t believe so; he is working in the library. Father Donovan asked him to help with some research. It is better if he doesn’t know. People have a hard time accepting the truth.”

  The twins left the large monk to himself and his duties. They wandered the halls looking in on their father in the library where he spent all of his time, time they knew he loved, even though they missed his interaction. But now they knew he was working on something for Father Donovan, who peered over their father’s shoulder.

  They left the confines of the castle and took to the grounds where they sank themselves into the silence of the lawn surrounding the monastery. As they walked along they felt the pressure of their footsteps on the soft soil, soil they knew was hallowed ground; here they tread upon the souls of many who lay at rest.

  Together they stopped and sat on the grass as Jessica ran her hand along the top of the blades and let her hand come to rest, palm down. So many had gone, and now it seemed another was lost to the fight. They had never experienced the loss of someone so close, even though Father Matthew was a new acquaintance.

  In the middle of their makeshift wake a shadow crossed them. Father Donovan took their measure. The sun was behind him and gave him an outline like a divine glow. The old monk nodded his head and the twins knew they were to come with him.

  “You know he was a noble one, and I will not lie to you: I will miss him terribly. He was young in life, but I most admired his gracious spirit.

  “I think that is why he and Sebastian were so close. Sebastian is very noble and I think that is why you like him so much.” Father Donovan looked at Jacob and Jessica.

  “What is Sebastian doing?” Jacob asked, confused. Father Donovan understood the question completely.

  “Sebastian is doing what he can to understand the situation—everything he can do.”

  “But they were best friends?” Jacob pushed.

  “Yes, if Sebastian had a best friend, it would be Matthew. Sebastian is not easy to understand, but Father Matthew did more so than all of the others,” Father Donovan conceded.

  “Then why is he not out looking for him? Wouldn’t a best friend be out there right now?”

  “I understand, but you must appreciate what he is going through right now. It is not an easy thing—to do everything in your power and still have that not be enough to move the world to your will. He is doing his part, and we have others out there doing theirs, helping us to understand this new puzzle life has placed before us.”

  They walked the perimeter of the castle, following the line in the ground made by the limestone wall. Father Donovan walked and waited patiently for the next question he knew would soon come. That is the thing about youth that is most forgotten by those who have lived longer: it’s the questions that persist most, the never-ending wonder with the word “why.” That is one reason Father Donovan loved to teach the youth—they kept him on his toes and made him remember that most wonderful and essential question—“why?”

  “Then there is no hope?” Jacob finally said.

  “The one thing my long life has taught me, and I wish to pass on to those whom I learn so much from, for you know so much you do not realize, is that there is always hope. That is why we are still doing everything we know to do.”

  They began walking again, taking up the line of stone as their guide, hoping this line that went on forever would lead them to an answer, or at least an understanding.

  “We are searching the places we think might be important or revealing. The monks here are working diligently on plans for anything. Sebastian—he too is doing his part. Few know the area like he does, and some of the work here that might help us—logs, maps and histories. Your father has also been enlisted, but he does not know everything the two of you do, I would guess.” Father Donovan looked at them, indicating they were privy to more than most.

  “I am sure we can find something for the two of you to do.”

  Jacob was glad Father Donovan understood his desire to help and resolved to do what he could.

  “I know Father Lemoine has spoken highly of the time you have spent with him. I think he could use a hand in the armory.”

  Jacob smiled broadly. Father Donovan had put the round peg in the round hole with his decision.

  Jessica looked at Father Donovan and was sure she knew what he would say.

  “Am I going to help Sebastian now?” Jessica beamed. Father Donovan hated disappointing her, but he had no choice.

  “I am afraid now is not the best time. I was hoping you would help my two illustrious librarians. They need more pairs of eyes to go over the catalogs of tomes for your father and others.”

  Her face darkened, and she felt a little guilty for her selfishness in the face of the monk’s grief.

  “You can help Sebastian later, I think, before dinner; maybe you know where to find him?” Father Donovan noticed the light come back into her eyes. How he knew he could not control the thoughts of these young ones even though he knew the end that would come of it. He knew life was a journey, and we do not choose who walks beside another. There is something there that never quite makes sense; only
in the end do our choices paint the picture we see fully.

  With their marching orders they were off in separate directions to take up the effort. Jacob found Father Lemoine who was hard at work in the armory collecting, assorting, assembling, and completely focused.

  Jessica discovered the librarians hard at work and hardly fighting. She was put to work at once, sent here and there to collect the dusty volumes. The books were stuck everywhere, as though every structure was built with them.

  Her father would look up on occasion and give her an approving nod and then put his nose back into the books. Would she tell him all she knew? Would he believe her? Did she even believe all that had happened?

  The day passed in a flash and Jacob and Jessica were happy for that, but one thing plagued their thoughts as the hours passed: the night was coming and they were gaining a new appreciation for their fear of the dark. Had all of the things children are frightened of become horribly true in a blink?

  Dinner hour was fast approaching, and each of the twins was happy for different reasons. Jacob was hungry, of course, and Jessica was excited to see if Sebastian would be waiting in the yard.

  Jessica ran down the halls, growing more accustomed to the dark and the winding walls of stone. She stood before the door. The heavy thing swung on the large steel hinges, creaking appropriately. Jessica pushed it open with a great heave and saw Sebastian was already there, expecting her. She suddenly felt better than she had all day.

  He always looked good in the dying light of dusk. Jessica wondered why she had never before met any guy who was as smart, serious, and mysterious as Sebastian. She just considered herself lucky, and accepted being in the right place at the right time.

  Unsure of how she got there, Jessica found herself sitting next to Sebastian. She looked at his face and how strong he looked; something in the expression outweighed the soft appearance. Finding his eyes she lost herself. There was something so indefinable, but she cared not for explanations. Who wants to know exactly how the universe works? It’s enough to know that you love to stare at the stars.