Lavinia's Window

by Michelle Weisen

  I am twelve today and have much to learn. I will spend this year thinking about the kind of person I wish to be, and how I will behave towards others. I love my family more than I can say in words. Every night I look for Mama in the brightest star. I can feel her spirit around me. But there is a hole in my heart where my Papa should be. I don’t even know what he looks like. Why does he make no effort to see me? I know that Papa would love me if he could see me for who I truly am. I have already decided what my adventure will be. I will go to New York to find him. I don’t know when or how, only that I will. LSR

  Satisfied, she leaned back, envisioning the anticipated meeting with her father, creating her own images of a joyous reunion as the moon slipped behind a cloud.

  Pheasants Eye -“Sorrowful Rememberances”

  Chapter 6

  16 April 1883

  Alex Rexford leaned back in his worn leather chair, his hands clasped behind his head. Constance’s letter lay on his desk. He picked up the photo of his daughter with her pug, and studied it. Alex was pleased that Lavinia so clearly enjoyed the little thing, though he could take no personal credit for its selection. His secretary purchased and sent Lavinia’s Christmas gifts for him. It would never do to ask Charlotte, whom he had married ten years ago, to assume that responsibility. Although Charlotte knew that Alex had been married previously, he had made it clear that it was not a topic he wished to discuss. Consequently, Charlotte knew very little about Julia, and nothing about Lavinia.

  He studied the photograph and noted that Lavinia resembled her mother through the slight tilt of her nose and generous mouth, but she also had his strong chin and high forehead. The girl’s most striking feature was her aura of gentle shyness, so like Julia’s. Overwhelmed by emotion, he rubbed his face with both hands. Unsettled, Alex reflected upon the past.

  So many years ago he and his partner James worked long hours to establish their shipping company. Despite their chaotic schedules, James had managed to find time to marry Belle, and start a family. Happily married, the two took Alex under their wing. The three of them shared many enjoyable evenings and, though Belle introduced Alex to a number of young women, nothing serious ever developed.

  Belle finally threw up her hands and declared Alex hopeless. “I am very fond of you my dear, but your work is your mistress. How can one compete? I am glad that James has more sense.” And it was true. Alex disliked social functions and often felt awkward. He preferred the stability of the office to the unpredictability of the female psyche. That all changed the evening he accompanied James and Belle to her Aunt Mimi’s birthday party. Through the crowd Alex saw Julia talking and laughing with her cousins. Her blue eyes shone with delight, and she blushed when James tugged at one of her auburn ringlets. Surprised, Belle noted Alex’s reaction and introduced them. When Alex took Julia’s hand and gazed into her eyes, he knew that she was the woman that he had been waiting for. It had all seemed so easy then.

  “Sir?”

  Alex turned to find his assistant in the doorway.

  “Are the receipts ready for the bookkeeper?”

  “Yes, Mr. Cox. Please close the door on your way out.”

  “Yes sir.”

  “I was a different man in those days,” he thought. “My reasoning was swayed by emotion.”

  After Julia died, his anger with the Spencer family affected his business relationship with James, and they eventually divided the company. Alex stayed with the New York division, and James took over the Philadelphia location. Alex deeply regretted that their friendship ended. He missed those carefree evenings with James and Belle. He studied the framed photograph on his desk of Charlotte, a fair-skinned, blond society girl and their two young daughters, miniature replicas of their mother. Charlotte was groomed for the kind of life that his wealth provided. She was a sophisticated woman, well connected with the upper echelons of society. Unlike his first marriage, his current relationship lacked love and passion. He and his wife had little in common, but Alex considered the partnership satisfactory. It was civil and uncomplicated, and Alex intended to keep it that way. He was determined to distance himself from Constance, and her letter did not affect his decision. On the contrary, his bitterness had deepened over the years. Still, the girl appeared to be turning out well, and he wondered whether she had inherited Julia’s loving nature.

  Unfortunately, his own two daughters were spoiled and selfish. Alex felt that Charlotte encouraged their sense of entitlement and, although he did not voice it, he wished she spent more time teaching the girls humility and compassion for others. As it was, he found them intolerable and spent as little time as possible with them.

  Well, Constance had wanted the girl and it was up to her to raise her. Alex could see no value in preserving ties from a painful past he wished to forget. He tucked Constance’s letter and Lavinia’s picture into an envelope with previous correspondence and placed it in his bottom desk drawer.

  Baby’s Breath -“Love Everlasting”

  Chapter 7

  Lavinia was mixing dough under the watchful eye of Mrs. Lawson. “Should I add more flour?”

  “No, love, I think the dough looks ready. Now coat the board and your hands with flour, shape the dough into a ball, and lay it out.” Mrs. Lawson handed Lavinia a rolling pin.

  Lavinia rolled out the dough and then started cutting out dog bones with a tin cutter Claire had sent from Philadelphia. Soon she had two pans of bones ready to put in the oven.

  “We’ll bake them about ten minutes and see how they come out,” said Mrs. Lawson. “Won’t the General be surprised?” asked Lavinia. “I am sure that George and Martha will love them, and you will too, won’t you Bubbles?”

  Bubbles yawned in his basket and turned over on his back, sticking his legs in the air. “Guess he’ll be more excited when he gets one,” commented Mrs. Lawson.

  Bubbles was currently enjoying his status as the only exception to the “No Animals in the Kitchen Law.” However, certain rules applied: he was allowed in the kitchen only when Lavinia was cooking or baking, and only if he stayed in his basket. It was also understood that if Lavinia was passing through with Bubbles, Mrs. Lawson pretended not to see him.

  Constance entered. “Something smells good.”

  “It’s dog biscuits, Grandmama,” Lavinia giggled. “I am using the cutter that Claire sent to me.” She lifted the tin shaped bone for Constance’s inspection.

  “What will they think of next? I expect there are some pretty spoiled dogs in Philadelphia.” “Seems to me there are some pretty spoiled dogs in Chadds Ford, too,” observed Mrs. Lawson. Bubbles stood up in his basket, snorted twice, and shook himself furiously. “Apparently, Bubbles took exception to that remark, Mrs. Lawson,” laughed Constance.

  Lavinia knelt down next to the basket and patted his little head. “Spoiled or not, you are the sweetest little boy.” Bubbles blinked and gave Lavinia a sloppy kiss.

  “Timothy and Kevin left for New York this morning. There has been some trouble with Kevin’s mother,” said Constance. “I don’t know how long they will be gone. Although the General has been more like his old self lately, I would feel better if we had someone to keep him company until Timothy returns.”

  “We cannot spare anyone here as it’s seeding time, but I believe that young Oliver Piper might be persuaded to come. I’ll send Sally over after lunch,” said Mrs. Lawson. “It’s time to take the biscuits out, Lavinia.”

  Lavinia carefully removed the dog biscuits from the oven, and placed them on a cooling rack.

  “Thank you Mrs. Lawson,” said Constance. “Lavinia, please tell the General it is time for lunch.”

  Lavinia found the General reading in the library. George and Martha lay before the fireplace. He looked up.

  “Well, Soldier. What brings you here?”

  “Grandmama says that it is lunchtime.”

  The General consulted his pocket watch. “Right on schedule. George! Martha! Come!” They made their way to the dining room, w
here Constance waited. Mrs. Lawson had prepared one of the General’s favorite meals, shepherd’s pie. She had also set out a plate of Lavinia’s dog biscuits.

  “What’s this?” demanded the General.

  “I made them, Sir, as a special treat.”

  “Good work, Soldier!”

  The General dished out shepherd’s pie for Constance, Lavinia, and himself, and put a dog biscuit on each plate.

  Lavinia looked at Constance, who said nothing.

  The General spooned out portions for the wolfhounds and added a biscuit. He filled a tiny plate for Bubbles, and pushed it across the table. He placed the food on the floor and called George and Martha over.

  The General ate his meal with relish. “Quite tasty!” he said as he took another dog biscuit.

  “Edward, what do you have planned for this afternoon?” asked Constance.

  Lavinia discreetly pushed her dog bone over to Bubbles. “Today is Thursday. I will visit my lady love,” said the General solemnly.

  “I would like to go with you if I may,” said Lavinia.

  “You may,” he replied.

  “What flowers shall we bring?”

  “Blue violets. I have written a poem for my lady. Would you like to hear it?” asked the General.

  “Very much,” said Constance.

  The General took out a pair of glasses and a sheet of fine stationery from inside his jacket. He put on his glasses, unfolded the paper, and read:

  Ellinor May

  I drift through slumber to join my lady,

  beyond the moon she waits for me.

  We do not miss what we never had,

  with her lies my destiny.

  Save me, my love, from falling

  into the morning that brings me awake.

  Wrap your spirit around my soul,

  and deliver me from my heart’s ache.

  “What do you think, Constance?”

  Tears coursed down Constance’s cheeks. “Forgive me, Edward. I’m quite moved. It’s beautiful. If you will please excuse me,” she said, and left the room.

  Lavinia looked at the General. “Your grandmama has a soft spot for poetry, Soldier. She’ll be all right.” He refolded the poem and placed it in his jacket along with his glasses. He took the uneaten dog biscuit from Constance’s plate and put it in his pocket. “I’ll eat this later.” He turned to Lavinia. “You take care of the violets, and I will tend to the horses. Meet me at the stables.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Lavinia ran to her room and cut pink and lavender ribbons for the flowers. She put on her mantelet and went to the glass-house. She took a small pot of blue violets and placed it in a basket and tied the handle with the ribbons. She carried the basket to the stable.

  The General had saddled Daisy, a small roan for her. She was an even-tempered mare and loped along easily with the General’s bay thoroughbred, Mercury, who was getting on in years. The General helped Lavinia up into her saddle and mounted Mercury. They trotted along the old country road to the Methodist Church, enjoying the crisp April day. They dismounted at the cemetery, tying the horses to the hitching posts. Lavinia followed the General to the grave of Ellinor May Wynne.

  Ellinor May had been Edward’s fiancée. The Wynne and Randolph families were very close, and the two had known each other since they were children. Edward joked that he had loved Ellinor May all his life when he gave her an engagement ring at Thanksgiving. Tragically, Ellinor May contracted pneumonia a few weeks later, and died on Christmas Day at the age of twenty. Heartbroken, Edward never married. He visited Ellinor May’s grave weekly except while serving in the Civil War. He now slipped the poem in the basket of flowers, and set it next to her headstone. He sat down on a stone bench which he had ordered shortly after Ellinor May’s death. It was placed at the foot of Ellinor May’s grave, and bore the inscription, “I Went to Heaven.”

  “Soldier, I’d like a little private time with my lady.”

  “Yes, Sir,” said Lavinia, “I’ll be in the church.” Lavinia walked along a path dotted with wildflowers, turning around once to see the General talking and gesturing animatedly. On rare occasions Lavinia thought she glimpsed the faint outline of a young woman sitting next to the General and hoped that it was so, and not part of her imagination. She pushed open the door to a small stone church and saw the Reverend Mitchell reading over his notes at the pulpit. He looked up.

  “Good afternoon, Lavinia.”

  “Good afternoon, Reverend.”

  “Are you here with the General?”

  “Yes, Sir. He is visiting Miss Wynne.”

  “I see. Would you like to light a candle for your mother?”

  “Yes, I would!” Lavinia and the Reverend went over to the vigils where the Reverend watched as Lavinia carefully lit a small votive from a larger candle. She said a prayer for her mother. Reverend Mitchell also said a prayer, and blessed Lavinia.

  “I am reviewing my sermon Lavinia, but you are free to stay and pray if you wish. If you require anything, call me.”

  “Thank you Reverend Mitchell.”

  Lavinia sat at the end of a pew and looked around the church. It was fairly simple with white-washed walls, but the stained glass windows were beautiful. The sun cast prisms of light throughout the church. Lavinia felt at peace, and soon drifted off to sleep.

  “Soldier!” Lavinia jolted awake.

  “Yes Sir.”

  “I’ve seen her!”

  “Seen who, Sir?”

  “Ellinor May!”

  Lavinia sat straight up and looked at the General. He was agitated and very emotional. His eyes brimmed with tears. Reverend Mitchell was well acquainted with the General’s condition, and came over to investigate.

  “General Randolph, how are you today?” “Better than I have ever been. I have seen Ellinor May!”

  “General, Miss Wynne has been deceased for many years,” said the Reverend gently. “I believe that you have made a mistake.”

  “Certainly not! I know what my fiancée looks like!” shouted the General. “She spoke to me!” “I see,” said the Reverend. “Can you describe her?”

  “She is the same young girl I remember. Her hair, strawberry blond, we use to call it, is plaited down her back. She has that sprinkle of freckles across her nose. When I called her name, she answered me. I told her who I was. She knew me!”

  “Oh dear,” said the Reverend. “General, come sit down next to Lavinia.” The Reverend sat in the pew in front of Lavinia and the General to speak with them.

  “The young girl is Ellinor May but she is the daughter of Thomas Wynne. She has been away at boarding school for the past several years and only returned a week ago. Apparently she bears a striking resemblance to her late aunt, for whom she was named.”

  At that moment a shaft of light lit up the church as the front door opened and a girl of about twenty stepped in.

  “Ellinor May,” called the Reverend. “Come and meet some friends.”

  They all stood in the aisle to greet her. Ellinor May was a tall, slim girl with curly hair, gentle brown eyes, a stardust of freckles across her nose, and an angelic smile.

  “Good afternoon,” she said sweetly. “I have already met Edward, and you must be Lavinia. I have heard so much about your family from my father. I feel as though I know you already.” She reached out and hugged Lavinia. Ellinor May’s warm and generous nature was infectious. Lavinia loved her instantly.

  The Reverend said, “I believe the General has mistaken...”

  “I am fully aware of the situation Reverend,” said Ellinor May firmly. “Thank you.” She turned to the General and Lavinia. “I should like to take a short walk. Will you accompany me?”

  “It would be our pleasure, my dear,” said the General. He offered his right arm to Ellinor May, and supported his left side with the cane. They walked slowly together, Ellinor May mindful of the General’s infirmity. Lavinia lagged behind, watching the unusual friendship unfold. They stopped to sit on the bench
in front of Ellinor May’s grave. The General gave the basket of violets to the young girl and read her the poem. They sat talking quietly for about an hour, side by side.

  “I must go now, Edward. I will speak to Father and I hope that you will come to supper next week.” The General stood and kissed Ellinor May’s hand,

  “You have given me one of the happiest afternoons that I have known in a very long time, my dear. Thank you.”

  Lavinia and the General watched Ellinor May walk along the path toward home before mounting their horses.

  “Sir?” asked Lavinia as they rode along.

  “Yes, Soldier.”

  “Does she really look like your Ellinor May?”

  “As I remember her, she does.”

  “Do you feel sad?”

  “No, I feel as though God has sent me an angel today.”

  Lavinia later reflected in her journal:

  Love is bigger than I thought it was. I know families show love by taking care of one another. Grandmama makes sure that I am fed and clothed properly. She also oversees my studies and helps me say my prayers. She kisses me every night and every morning, and that makes me happy. I love Bubbles like he is my baby and I take good care of him. The General loves us all very much but his love for his own Miss Ellinor May is different. It is the kind of love that people have when they want to marry each other. The General fell in love with Miss Ellinor May when he was young and, even though she died, he still loves her. I think Miss Ellinor May decided to help Uncle Edward from heaven. That is why she sent someone special to be his friend today so he would not miss her so much. Now I am certain that Mama loves me and helps me whenever she can. Heaven is a good place. That is where love comes from. Love is pieces of heaven in our hearts. LSR