Illusion (Illusion Series Book 1)

by Karla Lopez

  "Fuck, Emma."

  "You scared me!" She says breathlessly. I groan loudly as she squirms under my arm. "Austin your ribs."

  "I'm fine. You're not on my bad side, but just stop moving." She does just that before I continue, "Why kiss me when I'm asleep when you can do it when I'm awake?"

  "Austin," She says firmly.

  "Kiss me, Emma."

  "No," She whispers.

  "Kiss me, Emma," I say against her lips.

  She stares into my eyes trying to search for the one emotion we deny each other all the time. I lick her top lip and that's her undoing. She crashes her lips against mine with such hunger. I groan when she bites my lip and sucks on my bottom lip, sending the sensation directly to my groin. Her tongue tangles with mine. She tastes so good and so sweet against me. She must have just brushed her teeth before coming in here because she tastes like mint with some kind of fruit mixed with it. I tease her back with my teeth, and she moans against my lips.

  She surprises me when she starts kissing down my throat and sucking on my earlobe making me so hard it hurts. I haven't had sex in a long time before Emma. And with Emma, we haven't gone all the way. Just the causal messing around and exploring each other. I want her so bad. She keeps kissing me down my chest and I can feel her kiss become softer and gentler when she kisses my wounded areas. She comes back up against my ear and in a soft seductive tone she says, "I want to suck you."

  Fuck.

  For being a virgin Emma has never been shy with what she wants sexually. She's so comfortable around me and I fucking love it. She looks at me waiting for approval, so I pushed my briefs down as a response. She smiles so innocently, it's intoxicating. She begins at my naval sucking lightly, teasing me and fuck, the anticipation has me ready to come. She wraps her hand around my hard length and as soon as I feel her warm mouth around the head of my dick, I let out a sharp breath feeling her take me into her mouth. She begins to move her head up and down leaving me with a tight warm sensation throughout my entire body.

  After a few minutes, she starts sucking at a faster pace. She looks up at me and with that, I feel my muscles tighten. I groan and breathlessly say, "Fuck. Baby, I'm going to come."

  I make that aware just in case she doesn't want me coming in her mouth, but that motivates her to suck even faster. I grip her hair as my anchor. She moans when I do, sending me over and coming in her mouth. I lay breathlessly against the pillow, amazed that she's such a natural and how comfortable she’s doing it. I yank her onto my side again and ask, "Are you okay?"

  She giggles and the sound is so effortless it warms my chest. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

  "Oh baby, I loved every minute of it." I kiss her hard and wet so she can feel my appreciation. She smiles very proud of herself.

  "I liked it. I feel so comfortable with you."

  I smile like a fucker in love and kiss her again, but softly. I push my finger into her waistband and say, "My turn."

  "But your ribs?" She tilts her head to motion towards my ribs.

  "So. Come here. Put each leg on each side of my head."

  She blushes as she realizes how we're about to do this. "Austin."

  "Come on baby. You don't want to?"

  Her smile is ruthless when she slips my briefs and her panties down her

  legs. She climbs over me and places one thigh on each side of my head.

  "Take off the shirt too," I command and wait. She does just that and I pinch her nipples hard enough to make her moan.

  I kiss the inside of each thigh and lick softly at her cream skin enough to make her wet. As soon as I can see her wetness, I blow against her core to tease her. A moan escapes her mouth to encourage me to keep going. I slowly run my tongue between her folds right on her parting. I flick my tongue fast against her clit and catch her off guard when I suck hard on it. Licking up her wetness as I kiss her clit. She squirms on top of me and pulls on my hair which only turns me on again. "Fuck. Baby, you taste so fucking good." She moans in response as I continue to suck.

  As I suck her clit, I slide a finger inside her. She so fucking wet, it's intoxicating. I slide my finger in and out slowly to tease her, but Emma has different plans as she begins to ride my finger and my tongue. "Oh Austin...ahh...I'm"

  "Fuck, yes baby come." She tightens around my finger and comes undone. As she rides out her waves she slowly stops moving and her chest heaves up and down. She slides back to my side and I wrap my arm around her. She feels heavier than usual probably due to the post-orgasm daze, but I don't mind.

  I shift to get in a better position when she says, " I'm sorry," and turns toward the other side of the bed.

  "Hey, come back I was just adjusting myself." It hurts me to see that she expects for me to reject her, but all I wanted tonight was to feel close to her again. She returns to my side once again and silences falls in the room. Our breathing giving a unison rhythm, but I know she's not asleep yet. I know she's overthinking what we just did like she always does. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

  "Nothing," She whispers.

  "Em," I say with finality.

  She lets out a heavy breath before continuing, "Did you like it?"

  What the fuck? "Of course, Emma. I loved it." She doesn't respond and I wonder where these thoughts are coming from. Emma isn't the kind of girl to be insecure and then it hits me, Mia. She thinks I slept with Mia. I didn't want to have this conversation with her, but I don't want her having doubts about my feelings towards her or ruin her with insecurities in the future. "I didn't sleep with Mia. You misinterpreted what I had said. Yes. I did try. Well Mia is an old something and when I went over, she was naked waiting for me, but I couldn't even get hard looking at her. All I kept thinking about was you. And I know it was wrong to even go over, but I didn't sleep with her. And what she said at the hospital she said because she knew who you were. Fuck. Emma, I don't mean to keep hurting you."

  Even though that's a lie, I do still keep hurting her and it's on purpose.

  Emma

  I WAKE UP TO the soft thud of Austin's heartbeat. It's beating slowly and calming in his chest under my ear. It feels warm and like home in his arms. I missed this, feeling like I belong, but everything that has happened in the last couple of weeks only makes this messier. We're a mess, we're always a mess. Why can't we ever be a normal couple? I feel Austin's fingertips in my hair, lazily running his fingers through it. I turn my head and look up at him. He's staring straight at the ceiling, "What are you thinking about?"

  He doesn't look down at me to answer, "Good morning to you too. I was thinking about you." Austin irritates me when he doesn't elaborate like he wants me to freak out before actually telling me what he means.

  "What about me?"

  "You really want to know?"

  "Yes. That's why I'm asking."

  "About how much I love you."

  My body goes stiff against him. I didn't expect him to say that. I know we've said it nonverbally many times and the last time he said it out loud he said it to hurt me, but now hearing it in a calm setting only makes my heart fill with warmth.

  I lay my head back against his chest. He doesn't say anything else and I don't respond. We just lay there in the midst of the heavy word that means so much. I run my fingertips up and down his chest and abs, being careful where I touch. I start thinking about Kyle and how bad I feel that I'm the reason why he's lying in a hospital bed. Even after seeing Austin attack him, I'm not scared of Austin the way I should be. The way Kyle is. What I'm scared of more is Austin leaving me. And I'm sure this can't be healthy. What's eating at me too is that Austin didn't cheat. He didn't do anything with anyone else. I'm the one who actually was seeking out Kyle knowing he had feelings for me. I used him and I feel dirty for doing so. The fact that I kissed him also makes me feel bad towards Austin.

  I'm scared to bring it up, but I know I have to, "We need to talk about something else."

  "Okay, about what?"

  "Kyle." />
  He sighs, "Emma."

  "Austin, we need to. And it's not like you can get up from the bed. So, we're having this conversation whether you like it or not." Silence falls between us before I continue, "I'm sorry."

  "Sorry?"

  "For kissing Kyle." I feel him stiffen under me, but I keep going, "I was jealous that you had slept with someone else and I wanted to get back at you, but it was wrong. I shouldn't have. It was mean and immature."

  He stays silent for longer than my liking before he answers, "I want to be an adult and say I understand why you did what you did because I put you in that position to think that way, but I'm fucking pissed Emma. I'm so livid. Every time I close my eyes, I see you on his lap kissing him and I want to hurt him all over again. I'm so angry that I can fucking care less that he's lying on a hospital bed right now."

  I shut my eyes to keep myself from crying. I cry so much already. His anger makes me shiver. "I'm sorry" I whisper.

  He sits up gently pushing me off his body. He uses the nightstand and wall by the bed to get up. He's naked and his bareback body is facing me. "I know you are, but that doesn't make it better."

  "You said you didn't want to love me. What was I supposed to do? I was hurt Austin."

  "Yeah, I was hurt too. I know it's my fault, but your insecurities and mine mixing together are toxic for us, so that's why I walked away. I didn't do it on purpose. But the difference between you and I is that I can't be with someone else and you could. Last night I wanted to be with you. I want us to be intimate, but that doesn't change how I feel. You kissed him, Emma. That was such a fucking big deal for you. And you did it so easily with him. Maybe you should think about who it is you really love."

  "Austin."

  "I'm going to shower."

  His last words hang in the air thick as I watch him leave.

  As I hear the shower run, I only grow more frustrated. How can he say I don't know who I love? I love him. Kyle, I care for him, but it's not the same thing. Is it? Ahh. I want to pull at my hair. Why does everything have to be so complicated, but I can understand why Austin thinks the way he does. I let Kyle kiss me like nothing and with Austin, I had a major freak out. I don't even know why that is.

  I walk over to the bathroom doorframe and just watch Austin through the mirror. His naked back towards me. I can see his tense muscles and I can see he's in pain. My chest hurts at the sight. He's being stubborn, but I can't just watch him hurt. I begin to undress until I'm bare and walk over to get into the shower with him. His head snaps towards me and I see it all over his face. His pain. My heart aches with the sight. I walk closer to him and hug him as best I can with his wounds exposed against my skin.

  Before I can tell him what I want, I let us bask in the silence. I grab the loofah and squeeze body wash on to it. I gently lather on the soap on to his skin and Austin closes his eyes as if my touch is painful to him. I try to keep my emotions at bay. I have to show him that he's all I want. He's all I see when I think about peace, but at the same time I'm not native. I do question why it was so easy to kiss Kyle. Why it’s so easy to feel comfortable with Kyle? It shouldn't be that way. I should be consumed by one soul and one soul only. Right? That's how it's supposed to be.

  I lean into him and lay my head on his shoulder. I let a breathless sigh escape my lips, "Austin you mean so much to me. I feel incomplete when I'm not with you. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like my will to breathe depends on you. On you loving me. On you breathing life into me. I'm just as broken as you are, but you seem to hold my pieces for me. You help me forget. That means so much to me. When you walked out of my life, I felt like I was dying. I'm pretty sure that's not what it feels like, it felt unbearable. I needed to be near you to know that I was going to be okay. If that's not love, then I don't know what is."

  My heart pounds at the sound of silence enveloping us. Before I know what is happening, my back hits the glass shower wall and Austin is holding me up by my thighs. I look into his eyes and I see lust, anger, and sadness. He slams into my lips kissing me hard and demanding. His kiss is bruising, but I want more. I wrap my legs around his body and pull him closer. My hands go into his wet hair and pull as I feel the tingling sensation begin. He deepens the kiss more by molding our bodies together. My legs opened wider to allow his torso to lay against my heat.

  The friction of our bodies is making me lose control. All I can see is Austin. I want him. I needed him. His lips leave me and trail down my neck down to my breasts. He sucks hard on each nipple causing my back to arch and my chest goes against his face. He groans and bites each nipple in response. I can feel the heat in my lower stomach and between my legs. Austin comes back to my lips and kisses me breathlessly. He rubs his fingers against my core then my clit. I moan loudly at the contact. I feel like I’m going to explode with need.

  Austin grabs my wrist with one hand and places them on top of my head. He continues to kiss me as I begin rubbing myself against his hard length. We both moan against our lips. I whisper the only thought I have in mind, "Austin, make love to me." His eyes snap at the sound of my voice and he stares into my eyes. His ocean eyes meet my honey ones. He looks pained and ashamed.

  "I don't want to make love to you. I want to fuck you. There's a difference. So, I can't touch you anymore because I want our first time to be where I'm making love to you. I'm so angry with you. I don't want to be the one to help you forget. I want to be the one who helps you work through your problems. Your strength, not your weakness because that's what you are Emma. Fuck, that's what you are to me. You give me the strength to keep fighting in this ugly world of broken souls."

  Austin stares at me for a few moments longer before he walks out of the shower. I want to slide down to the floor and just cry at the intense emotions I feel towards everything with Austin, but I can't because I love him. I want to be with him, and I will fight for it. I don't know when I became one of those girls. I don't deserve Austin because I know he's right. I don't know how to love him right and he doesn't know how to love me enough.

  I walk out of the shower and follow him without grabbing a towel. I see him standing in the middle of the room. His back towards me. I can see all the bruises that cover his skin. I gasp at the sight. I never got a good look at him, but now that he's healing, they look even worse. He turns to look at me when he hears me. He keeps his eyes on me knowing full well I'm naked in front of him. He tries to keep his face blank of emotion, but I can see lingering lust and anger in his depths. Before I can get a word out, the door to the room opens and instantly, I look down to see if Austin is wearing a towel and he is around his hips.

  "What the fuck! Liam, get out she's naked!"

  "Oh, shut it. I can't even see her from behind you."

  "I don't give a fuck. Get out. Emma go change." I instantly walk into the bathroom totally feeling flushed from almost being seen naked by Liam. I stand by the door to listen to what they're saying when Liam replies, "I didn't see anything, promise."

  Austin answers with frustration in his voice, "What do you want?"

  "Kyle’s awake." My heart begins to race at the thought of Kyle being awake. He's okay. He's going to be okay. Maybe you should think about who you truly love. Austin's words from this morning run through my head. I shake my head to make them go away. I love Austin and only him.

  I listen for Austin's response as I lean closer to the entrance, "Does it look like I give a fuck." Fury begins to boil inside of me. How can Austin be so heartless to not care about the guy he almost killed.

  Liam chuckles at his response and my eyebrows crease at his tone, "I don't either, but we have to make sure he doesn't talk."

  "Send Michael. He'll know what to do." Michael? Who the heck is Michael? And what are they going to do? "But tell him to be careful because my father knows who he is and if he finds him, he'll end up in jail." My eyes widen at the monotone of his voice. Like he can care less about the task he's asking for.

  Without thinking I walk right out and
ask, "Who's Michael?" Austin turns around and his eyes widen, and he yells, "What the fuck Emma! You're naked!" He pushes my body against him and walks me back into the bathroom. We hear Liam laugh before he shouts, "I'll handle Kyle, you handle her. And oh, by the way, this time I did see her naked."

  Austin's eyes widen with fury. He turns around back into the room and I hear him say, "Shut the fuck up before I make you Kyles bed buddy." And then the door slams shut.

  Austin storms back into the bathroom as he speaks, "What the fuck Emma?!"

  "Who's Michael?"

  "I'm not going to tell you so stop fucking asking me. And change." I stay in place before he speaks again, "Now!"

  "Please Austin." I'm not sure what exactly I'm begging for. For him to see me the way he did before Kyle. For him to want to be with me. For him to stop hurting Kyle. For us to walk away from this situation. Austin's eyes soften as he looks into mine. He lets out a heavy sigh. A sigh of exhaustion.

  He doesn't make a move to get closer to me, but his body relaxes, and his eyes look at me with that love he has so deep within. I know what I have to do to show him that it's just him. Whatever I'm feeling towards Kyle it's not the same as it is with Austin. Austin is the moon and the sun. He gives me warmth and light. I move towards him and wrap my hand around the base of his neck and lean into him. His forehead lands on mine and we both close our eyes instinctively. I breathe him. Man, I have missed him. I whisper slowly and clearly, so he can hear me. "Austin...I love you. More than anything in this world. And yes, at first, I was so fucking scared that I wanted nothing to do with it, but now, now that I have almost lost you there's no going back. You can leave me, and I still would love you forever."

  Austin lets out a heavy breath out he was holding while I spoke. I open my eyes and he's already watching me with curious eyes. He stares at me for what seems like hours, but it's only a few seconds. "Fuck, Emma. You don't even know what you are fucking doing to me. You're a drug that I don't want to get rid of. An addiction that I welcome warmly. I know in the end I'll end up overdosing on this love and it will be a mix of a catastrophe of toxicity, but baby I'll burn with you. I've loved you for so long Emma, but not long enough. I love you, baby."