Illusion (Illusion Series Book 1)

by Karla Lopez

  I feel faint like the air isn't reaching me. I feel like I'm having a heart attack. I grab at my chest trying to reach any comfort, but suddenly my whole world turns black.

  ∞∞∞

  I wake up to the beeping of a machine and dim artificial lights in the room. My chest aches with a dull pain. When a small gasp leaves my lips it burns my lungs. As my blurry vision turns clear I spot a beautiful brown-haired girl in the chair beside me. She's watching me closely, attentively. Her honey eyes meet my ocean ones and she gives me a timid smile. I must be dreaming because there's no way that Emma would be this calm, but I'm not dreaming because I feel her when she touches me. "You're awake." She whispers as more of a statement rather than a question. Like she's trying to reassure herself.

  "I would think you were with Kyle." My voice comes out raspy as she places a straw in my mouth, and I take a sip of the water.

  "That's what we need to talk about."

  "He didn't die, did he? I'd hate to go to jail." The sarcasm drips from my tone.

  Emma let's out a heavy sigh, "Is that really all you care about? Is going jail? Not his life?"

  My nostrils flare at her audacity, "I can care less about him. He used to be my worst nightmare. And now he's fucking trying to have what's mine."

  "Austin you beat him to a pulp. He's in a coma right now because of swelling in his brain. How can you think that's okay?"

  "Emma don't fucking talk to me about okay. YOU were in his lap. YOU were the one kissing him."

  "YOU SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!" She shouts as tears run down both her cheeks.

  Fuck. I had forgotten about her hearing that. I didn't actually fuck her, but there is a her and she's going to be Emma's fucking nightmare if she ever finds out. I don't plan on telling Emma that I didn't fuck her because telling her would mean I would have to tell her the whole truth and that's not something I ever want. She will hate the person I am. She will be disgusted, and she'll see the true monster in me. Even though she thinks she already has that's only the beginning. "Yeah, well we broke up," I say without emotion.

  Her face makes my heart break even deeper than it already is. I didn't think it was possible. I saw it in her eyes. She had hope I was going to tell her that I didn’t, and I really didn't, but she'll never know that. She bites her lower lip hard to keep from crying and I feel my chest ache. I try and change the subject to make the air a little lighter, "What the fuck happened to me? Why did I faint? Why am I in this hospital bed?" She just stares at me hurt flooding through her eyes and I want to look away, but I can't. I watch her emotionless. I'm a fucking dick, but at least I don't hide it.

  Liam walks in and relief washes over his facial expressions, "You're up."

  "No, I'm down. Yes, fucker I'm up."

  He laughs lightly then his smile vanishes once he sees Emma which she has already sat back down and is staring at the ground. "Is this a good time?" He asks leaving the question heavy in the air, so I ask a different one instead, "What the fuck happened to me?"

  "I guess when I pushed you off of Kyle into the wall your bruised rib broke off and punctured your lung. Sorry I guess." He shrugs like we’re talking about the fucking weather.

  "Fucking great. So, when can I leave?"

  "Sorry bro, you have to stay for a couple of days."

  "Nice going moron. How's Kyle?" I can feel Emma's eyes on the side of my face, but I don't meet them. Maybe if I'm a dick from now on she'll learn to hate me and eventually stay away from me, but of course, I need Kyle to go away first. Not by killing him. I'm not a total monster, but enough for him to not even want to remember her.

  "Yeah about that. I had to tell them that some guys broke into Emma's house and you guys tried to stop them and you were already hurt, and that one guy got Kyle pretty bad. And I was keeping Emma calm. Hints to why I didn't get hurt."

  "What the fuck? And they believed that?"

  "Well they didn't really have a choice. You and Kyle were unconscious, and Emma and I were the only witnesses. Let's just hope that when Kyle wakes up, he decides to go with our story."

  "If not, you'll make it happen." I answer without emotion.

  "What does that mean?" Emma asks with accusation.

  I ignore her and keep talking, "And my father?"

  "He has no idea you're here. I made sure to tell them that as a lawyer they weren't allowed to disclose who and where it happened with."

  I chuckle, "Lawyer? You do realize we can actually afford one this time?"

  Liam smile grows from ear to ear, "What's the fun in that?"

  I can feel Emma's eyes on me when she suddenly stands up. My eyes meet hers and they're filled with so many emotions it's hard to keep up. She storms out of the room without another word. My chest aches and it's not just physically. I know that by hurting her, I'm hurting me. "Why are you putting on a show for her?" Liam asks with sincerity.

  "Maybe it's time she saw the real me."

  ∞∞∞

  I watch her as she reads next to me, her brows creased in concentration. She hasn't left my side since I was admitted, and it's been two days. She rarely gets up and she stopped visiting Kyle once my father and Amy showed up. And I thank God for that because my father has met her. I'm not scared of the consequences of what I did to Kyle, he deserved it and so much more. I just wish I would have done it sooner. Back when we were kids, I never had the courage to go against him, but now, now that I know how to fight, I do. He will never get near me or the people I love.

  She hasn't said much either. I know she's hurt and angry, but what I don't get is why she's still here. I've been a dick to her and what's worse is that it's been on purpose, but she doesn't go away. It's about eleven pm and I'm tired, but I don't want her sleeping here another night. It hurts me to hurt her. "Emma," I whisper her name and her honey eyes flick up to meet mine. Her eyes aren't as bright as they usually are. The golden flakes in her eyes are dimmed just like her. "I think you should go home and sleep."

  She releases a breath, "Why?"

  "Because it's pointless for you to be here. And I don't need you here. I have nurses that can help me. I also just don't want you here." She drops her eyes to the ground and rapidly blinks as if to try to stop from crying. In reality, I don't want her to go, but I can't have her near me and not be able to comfort her and be with her. We can't do this anymore. I'm not good for her. She needs someone who can't lie to her, who doesn't keep secrets and that's not me.

  She doesn't say anything else; she just stands and walks out the room. My heart sinks as I watch her leave, but I'll maybe get some sleep tonight. The other nights I would wake when she was sleeping so I could watch her. I'm not going to get these times back, but I can't keep torturing myself either. Soon after everything goes silent, I fall into a deep sleep.

  I wake up to the feeling of the bed dip next to me and a warm small body lay against me. My body aches at the touch, but I know that touch and smell.

  Emma.

  I try to relax my body to keep her believing I'm asleep. She fits so perfectly against me. I missed her. I haven't held her in so long. This is going to be torture for me, but I'll enjoy her for now. I suddenly feel warm wetness against my chest and sniffles coming from Emma. She's crying. Fuck.

  "Why can't I hate you?" Her voice comes out soft and painful. I hold my breath thinking she knows I'm awake, but she continues, "I wish I could talk to you when you're awake, but you're just so mean. I usually don't cry, but I cry a lot now. My tears are for you. I wish I could fix you, fix us." I wish she could fix me too. She stills and her breathing evens out. I know she's fallen asleep and I quickly follow behind her.

  The next morning, I stir to feel Emma still on me and I feel relieved to know that she hasn't woken up yet. I open my eyes to see the top of her head. I lay my cheek against it and rub her back. How I wish I could be everything she needs me to be. She stirs and hazy honey eyes stare up at me then they widen, "Sorry. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be here." Before she can get up, I pull her ba
ck against me and I suppress a grunt of pain. Without telling her anything I look into her eyes and lay my forehead against hers. I tell her what she needs through this. She listens as she closes her eyes and just feels what I'm trying to tell her.

  I love you.

  She smiles as she opens her eyes and man, she loves me back. Even though I can't have her, and she can't save me, she loves me, and I love her.

  Austin

  I WATCH HER THROUGH heavy-lidded eyes. I want to kiss her so bad, but I know I shouldn't. Now’s not the time and maybe there never will be a time. I rub my thumb against her bottom lip, "Brains." Her smile fades when I say the nickname that I used on her sometimes and holder tighter against me when she tries to climb off. "Where do you think you're going?"

  "Why do you use that name on me?"

  "Brains?"

  "Yes." She whispers in response.

  "My mom used to call me that before she died because I was so into books. I call you that because I see what my mom saw in me in you. Why?"

  "Oh. No reason. I was just curious."

  "You're lying to me."

  "No, I'm not." She tries to get out of bed, but I hold her even tighter and my side begins to intensify with a burning sensation.

  "Emma," I say her name in a demand and she winces. I've never been so mean or rough with her before but fuck, I'm not the same guy I was before I left her.

  "Kyle calls me that." Hearing her confession, it makes my skin burn with anger. It makes me want to hurt Kyle all over again. Fuck. I hate him so much. He knows my mom used to call me that. Why would he use it on Emma? I let go of Emma with the pure fury of the situation. I can't do this. I itch to get out of here and run back to my old habits and Emma's isn't one of them.

  Emma watches me closely as she sits down on the chair next to the bed and doesn't say another word. I want to tell her to get out and leave me alone, but the stupid part of me that's in love with her wants her right where I have her.

  I'm so pathetic.

  I close my eyes in an attempt to calm down when the loud thud of the door being slammed open startles us. I hear her voice and my hair stands in anxiety.

  Mia.

  "Fuck," I say out loud without meaning to and open my eyes to see her standing wide-eyed at the door. She's in dark jeans and T-shirt. Her long blonde curly hair hanging in front of her chest. Her dark black eye makeup is smeared around her eyes. Her red lips curve in an evil smirk. How the fuck did she find me? "Miss me?" She says with a cold humorous tone.

  "Mia, now is not the time." I look over at Emma who's watching her closely with curiosity.

  "Oh, come on baby. That's not what you were saying a couple of nights ago."

  I didn't expect Mia to be so quick to open her mouth and say the wrong thing, but who the fuck am I kidding? It's Mia. She gives Emma a smirk. She knows exactly who her target is. I'm expecting Emma to walk out on me, but I don't want her to leave because she might not come back. Emma stays put in her seat and I watch her from the corner of my eye as everything sinks in for her. Fuck. She looks like she's going to walk out but thank fuck Liam walks in and I've never been so grateful.

  "What the fuck are you doing here?" Liam is angrier with Mia than I am.

  "Aww, look it's the puppy." She rolls her eyes at him.

  "Get the fuck out Mia before I make you."

  She puts her hand on her chest before she answers, "Is that supposed to scare me?"

  "If you know what's best for you," Liam walks closer to her before he continues, "Fuck yes!"

  "Fuck you," Mia answers with anger.

  "I know that's all you're good at, but no thank you."

  "You're such a dick." Mia’s face flushes with anger and she looks ready to throat punch Liam.

  "Yeah, but at least I'm not the bitch still trying to ruin Austin's life."

  Mia's head whips towards me as to defend her, but I can't. It's true, because of her I've gone through some of my worse moments and I've put Liam through hell because of it. "You can't ruin what's already ruined." Her venomous eyes meet mine and my fury grows. She's trying to get under my skin and it's working. She knows where to hurt me. I fucking hate her, but I can't seem to ever stay away from her.

  I stare back just as demanding as she is, and she ends up walking out. Liam gives me a stare of disappointment and anger. Fuck, I know screwed up. "They're going to discharge you tonight. You can't go back to Shane's house, so I'm taking you back to the house up north. The doctor said you have to have someone stay with you. I'll stay but don't fucking talk to me. I want to rip your fucking head off." He walks off with those last words and I know I'm going to have to talk it out with him, but I'm not prepared to tell him what actually happened. I'm too afraid he'll hate me.

  Emma gets up and for a moment I think she's going to walk off, but she walks over to me instead. "I want to stay with you at the house."

  I eye her suspiciously, "Why?"

  "I want to make sure you're okay. I don't want to leave you." She whispers and stares at the ground. The sight moves something in me. Why isn't she yelling at me? Why isn't she demanding to know who Mia is? Or everything that just happened? Emma is acting too cool about this and it worries me.

  "If you want to come stay you can."

  She gives me a weak smile and squeezes my arm as to say thank you and sits back down. I wonder what Emma is thinking as she stares at the ground. I have so many questions for her behavior, but I guess I'll find out when we're finally alone. The house is big enough to avoid Liam.

  Tonight, I'll hold Emma again and I'll touch her even if tomorrow I don't know what is promised for us.

  ∞∞∞

  Liam helps me get into bed as soon as we get to the house and Emma stands at the door awkwardly like she doesn't know what to do with herself. She keeps staring at the ground like catching my eyesight might be too painful. I fucking hate that I did that to her, but I'm toxic. I can't stop doing it. That's what happens when you're a bad seed and a broken soul. I'm only thinking about her. My heads a mess. Liam walks out without a word towards me. I know he's pretty upset about Mia, but fuck, I can only deal with one of them at a time.

  With knowing that Emma is here Liam's not going to come near this room for the rest of the night, which works for my benefit. I want Emma to feel comfortable around me and I know that I don't deserve it. I know I'm fucking confusing her by telling her I don't want her, but I love her. It's a fucking confusing concept to me too.

  Emma is my own personal drug and I know soon I won't have it. Emma will find out who I really am. She'll find out how broken I truly am, and she won't want to be with me. I can't fucking blame her. I just hope she doesn't ask any stupid detailed questions because I don't want to think of how fucked up I am tonight. She stays in the same spot even though Liam has been gone for several minutes. "You can come closer, Emma."

  "Okay," She whispers. Even though I can hear the cold tone in her voice, it’s like she's afraid of me and that only cuts me deeper within.

  "You didn't bring any clothes, did you?" I ask her as she sits at the edge of the king size bed which is very far away from me.

  "No. I guess not. I'm sorry." Why the fuck is she apologizing?

  "It's fine, Emma. You can use my boxers and a t-shirt from the top drawer."

  Her head snaps in my direction before she asks, "You have clothes here?"

  I know what she's thinking that I have a whole life here that I've never made her a part of. I can see the wheels spinning in her head.

  "Yes. It's my house." I didn't explain, but I saw her face fall as she walks over to the drawers. Fuck. Why did she need validation for everything? Yeah, because you fucking caused it dick.

  I elaborate on what I said because I didn't want to hurt her any more than I have to. Well, as much as I can help it. "I bought this house after you told me what you wanted your house to look like." She pauses what she’s doing but doesn't turn towards me.

  "The house from the books my mom used to read to
me. My mom’s dream house—” her voice breaks with the last word.

  "Yes."

  "Why?" She asks as she turns towards me. The tears falling from her eyes down her cheeks so effortlessly.

  "Why what?"

  "Why would you do that? You've clearly have shown how bad it is to love me. How much you hate it. So much that you disappeared doing God knows what while you screwed someone else. And let's not forget your precious Mia that came to your room. I know it's her who you fucked."

  "Then what the fuck are you doing here?" The anger drips off of every word. I want her here. That's why I didn't put up a fight when she suggested it, but fuck she makes me angry. And most of all, I’m fucking angry at myself.

  "I guess because I'm the sad girl with abandonment issues. I'm the stupid one that gets attached to people who don't deserve it." My heart sinks with her confession.

  She walks out, slamming the door loud enough for it to bounce off the walls after seconds of it being closed. I did this to her. I'm playing with her insecurities so much so that she's even willing to be here with me after "cheating" on her. How fucked up do you have to be to allow that?

  I'm such a fucking dick. After waiting what seems like forever for her to walk back into the room, I sigh. It isn't like I can go after her and she knows that. It’s one in the morning when I finally hear the door open. The lights are off and my eyes closed to make her believe I’m asleep again. Emma is something else. Out of all the rooms of the house she still chooses to come to sleep with me. Fuck, I love her so much. The bed dips with her light weight, but she’s far enough away that I can't even feel her body heat. Damn this bed for being so big.

  She surprises me when she turns and slide up against me. She has changed into the clothes I told her to. I can feel her stare on me, I’m holding my breath scared to be discovered, but I don't understand why exactly. She kisses me softly light like a feather, but I can't contain myself. I wrap my arm around her and push her into my body. She yells loud in my ear.