Secrets in the Lyrics

by Sm Donaldson

  Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Beautifully Tainted!

  My Life List:

  1. No more men

  2. Save enough money to rent an apartment on my own

  3. Get rid of the flab

  4. Work out

  5. Restrict my fat ass to 800 calories a day, if not less

  6. Learn to survive on my own. I don’t need to lean on the guys. They have their own lives and I don’t need their pity.

  These past two months on tour have been long hours. I’m still a little embarrassed in front of the guys and it’s hard to avoid them when you live on a bus together, but after my melt down at our first show, they don’t ask any more questions. I steer clear of the bus right after the show, unless we are pulling right out, so that the guys can screw whoever they want to. The only thing I ask is that they have the girls gone within an hour and stay the hell away from my bunk. It’s easier when we stay at hotels. I get my own room, which is good because sometimes I wake up from nightmares about Chad coming after me. Gable stares at me all the time like I’m going to go off the deep end or something. He’s always trying to get me to go eat with them. They don’t understand that I’m trying to eat healthy and they eat junk. During this tour I’m making some changes. I go jogging or running wherever our location is and if we stay in a hotel that has a gym, I use it. I have restricted myself to 800 calories a day. I only drink water, no alcohol, and I keep a food journal. I’m starting to see results in the mirror. My body is pretty much healed from the fight. Of course, I’m still wearing the same clothes so no one else notices. I’ve only picked up a few new pieces, though I might would get a whole new wardrobe if these fucking boobs would go away.

  I’m still in my own thoughts when Gable slaps my curtain. “Hey, we do sound check in fifteen.”

  I put my list down and grab my shoes as I slide open my curtain. “Thanks, man.”

  “Hey, our show is over kinda early tonight, the guys and I want us all to go out for dinner. We will pick a place where you can get something healthy. We just want you to come with us.”

  I shrug. “Sure, how are we getting there?”

  “I called and got us a car.”

  I realize that I really haven’t talked to any of them much at all. I need to try and be better because they are the only family I have. “So, how have things been with Scar? I mean after that wreck she was in.” A month or so ago Scarlet had been run off the road and it totaled Gable’s car.

  “She’s been good. Cade sent her his old car, which was fine with me. She was working at some shithole bar, it was kinda a dangerous place. So he gave her the car and made her quit. She’s dating the guy that called me, Ryder. She seems happy, like really happy, for the first time in a long time.”

  I nod as I slide my long necklace over my head. “That’s good. She deserves it, you know.”

  He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Everyone deserves happiness, Ivie.” With that, he turns and walks out the door.

  ~*~*~

  “Man! That was an awesome fucking show!” Keeg yells as we walk to the bus.

  I can’t help but notice the groupie whores outside the bus when we get back there. I speak softly to the guys. “Just let me grab a change of clothes and I’ll give you guys your time.”

  Gable stops me. “Hey, I thought you were going out to eat with us?”

  “Well, I mean you guys have some hot ass waiting here at the bus, so I figured we would go after.”

  Keeg steps up. “The only hot ass we are interested in doing anything with tonight is you. So let’s get on the bus, shower, and go fuckin’ eat. I’m starving!”

  Stoney puts his arm around my shoulder. “Nope, you are stuck with us tonight. I know you don’t want to hang out with a bunch of stinky guys but too bad, we wanna hang out with you.”

  We dodge around the groupies and get on the bus. I get first shower and then take over the back room to get ready. I need to dress nice if I want to be seen at a restaurant with them. Not that they care, but other people will have shit to say.

  I pull on a denim skirt I bought a few weeks ago with my hot pink skull and cross bones tank top, a black studded belt, and my biker boots. I spend a few minutes on my hair and make-up before I make my way out into the front part of the bus. The guys must have dressed in the hall because they are ready to go.

  Stoney rubs his face. “Damn Ivie, you look like a rocker’s wet dream.”

  Keeg chuckles as Gable runs his hand on the back of his neck, shaking his head. I know they are full of it and just picking at me for wearing a skirt.

  “Are y’all ready?”

  They nod and we walk out to the SUV waiting for us.

  My pants instantly tighten when she walks in with that outfit on. I knew looking at her face over the past few months that she’d lost weight, but seeing her in clothes that fit, she’s a skeleton version of herself. Her boobs are mostly the same, but the curves of her ass are definitely smaller and her collar bones are sticking out. We need to put some weight back on her.

  But today when she got out of her bunk, her list fell out and I picked it up after she walked off. She really sees herself as fat. I can’t help but wonder what that fucker Chad said to her to make her feel that way. Then it could be bitches like that damn girl I kicked out a few months ago. I will never understand where women get off tearing each other down. Don’t they know men find that shit stupid? It upsets me that she seriously thought we’d back out on our plans with her for a piece of ass. I’m just glad Cade helped me out with the Chad situation. That motherfucker isn’t a cop anymore. He was strung out on all kinds of shit and some of Daria’s acquaintances suggested that he leave Ivie alone. Well, more like physically persuaded.

  It hasn’t gone completely unnoticed to us that she disappears after the shows are over. She’s told us that as long as we stay away from her bunk and are done within’ an hour, she doesn’t care. I just hate that she feels that way, like she’s a guest on our bus. I’ve talked to the guys about stopping that shit.

  After that first girl, I just haven’t wanted anyone. It feels wrong for some reason. I’m tired of endless skanks. So my moodiness may be the fact that the only release I’ve had is in the shower courtesy of myself, and as much as I don’t want to admit this, visions of Ivie.

  Once we arrive at the restaurant, I sit on the side with Ivie so I can try to get her to open up. “So what’s up? You live on a bus with us and we hardly see you.”

  What? I’ve never been one for beating around the bush.

  “You guys see me all the time.” She tries to blow me off.

  Keeg rolls his eyes. “You are full of shit. We see you during practices and performances. Otherwise, you are like a ghost. You’re either running or sleeping. Then whatever you do right after we get finished with shows.”

  She looks at us like she could punch us. Stoney glares at her. “You act like you don’t belong on that bus with us. Like we don’t want you there or something. We do. I mean, yeah, it’s nice to get the attention that some of the girls give us, but most of the time we are just killing time. I’d rather sit around after a show sometimes and play Xbox or some shit without having to deal with some over made up diva chick who is drunk and trying to piss her daddy off.”

  She shakes her head. “You guys are full of it. You like getting your brains screwed out by random chicks. If I’m on the bus right after a show, it cramps your style. Trust me, girls have a way of letting each other know. And most girls let me know that I don’t belong with you guys.”

  I speak up. “See, that’s where you are wrong. We don’t care if they think, or anyone thinks, you don’t belong with us, because you do.”

  She looks at me and is about to fire back when the waitress shows up. I speak up. “We’ll have four shots of tequila and four bud lights.”

  Ivie glares at me. “I’m not drinking. That is wasted calories. Plus, I haven’t had anything to drink in months.”

  Keeg chuckles. “Well
good then, you’ll be a cheap drunk.”

  The waitress is back soon to take our orders. She looks to Ivie first.

  Ivie smiles. “I’ll have a spinach salad with no cheese and no dressing.”

  Holy shit, no wonder she looks like a skeleton. I speak up. “And she’ll have the 7oz sirloin, medium, with a side of broccoli.”

  Ivie glares at me. “No, I’m only eating the salad.”

  “Ivie, you are eating something other than fucking spinach leaves. Now, the sirloin is the healthiest steak and I got your fucking broccoli, so there, it’s healthy. You need the protein.”

  I look back to the waitress. “I’ll have the 16oz Ribeye, medium, with the loaded baked potato. Oh yeah, and can I get some of that crab soup to start with?”

  She looks to the other guys for their orders while Ivie glares holes into my body. “I’m not drinking, and I’m not eating that damn food.”

  I look at her with the same glare and whisper sternly. “Yes, you are. Take today as a cheat day, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but you will be a member of this band tonight other than just on the fucking stage.”

  I really feel like a jackass for talking like that, but I can only handle so much. Right now I’d love to bend her over a table with that skirt up over her ass. Whoa! Shit, I have to stop my brain from going there.

  She actually does take her shot with us and drink her beer along with another round we order. I’m proud that she actually eats most of her food.

  When she asks me to let her out to go to the bathroom, I can’t help that my dick pure groans in agony when her ass brushes against him. Finally, after she’s gone for a minute, I make my way to the guy’s bathroom to throw some cold water on my face.

  She walks out of the ladies room about the time I’m walking down the hall and runs straight into me.

  She stumbles and laughs. “See, I told you I didn’t need to be drinking.” As she slumps back against me smiling. Seeing that smile I haven’t seen in a very long time does it for me.

  My dick is hard as a rock again. Fuck, I’m in trouble.

  After our second round of drinks I know I’m in trouble. I ate most of my food hoping that they wouldn’t catch up with me so fast. Screw that idea, I’m so drunk that when I slide out in front of Gable to go to the bathroom, I’m pretty sure I feel his dick get hard against me.

  I look at myself in the mirror while I’m washing up. I look kinda skinny in this outfit, or else I’m drunk enough to believe that. I feel kinda bad that in my own pity party, I’ve excluded them from my life. They have always been there for me and here for the past two months, we’ve been traveling the Gulf Coast and I’ve ignored them. Made excuses and ignored them. Why? Because I got my ass kicked by some asshat with a little man complex?

  Wow, these drinks must really be helping my self-esteem right now, because I seriously want to go kick Chad’s ass. I laugh at myself in the mirror and walk out the door, running right into Gable.

  I laugh. “See, I told you I didn’t need to be drinking.”

  He runs his hands down my sides. “See, that smile you just gave me, I’ve been missing. It really is a beautiful smile.”

  I look up into his chocolate brown eyes. “You really like my smile that much, huh?”

  I don’t notice we’ve backed up until my ass hits the wall. “Yes, I love your smile. I always have. It’s killed me these past couple of months to see you so down.” His hands are on my ass now. “Plus, we have to put some of this ass back on, it was one of my favorite curves of yours.”

  I giggle. “Oh really, well I got all of this flab off and it isn’t coming back, sorry to disappoint.”

  He looks at me sternly. “Who told you that you have flab?”

  I shrug. “Everyone. Girls. Guys. Chad.”

  He glares when I say Chad’s name. “Look, they are all fucking stupid. You were perfect the way you were. All of your curves were in the right places and Chad is too much of a needle dick to realize it.”

  I start laughing uncontrollably at the needle dick comment.

  He brushes the side of my face, lifting it up for him to see. “See, that’s what I like to hear and see.”

  Suddenly his lips are on mine and his hands somehow end up back down on my ass.

  I break from the kiss breathless. “Gable, what are we doing?”

  He groans, pressing the crotch of his jeans into my lower stomach without even trying, resting his forehead on mine. “Fuck, I don’t know.”

  “We can’t do this. It’ll fuck everything up, Gable.”

  He steps back, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck I know, I know. I’ve did my best to stay away from you all these years.”

  I’m standing here in shock by his admission. “So let me get this straight, you’ve been trying to stay away from me? Did you not want to be seen with me or something? Was I really that horrible to look at?” I feel myself tearing up as my insecurities come tumbling out.

  I turn to walk back into the bathroom before he sees the tears in my eyes. “Ivie. Fuck, that isn’t how I meant it.”

  I throw my hand up with my back to him. “Save it.” I step back in the ladies room as tears start falling uncontrollably from my eyes.

  Its only seconds later when the door bursts open and in comes Gable. I glare at him with tears running down my face. “Get out, this is the women’s bathroom!”

  He reaches behind him and turns the bathroom lock. “No. You are going to fucking listen to me.” He grunts out. He backs me against the counter. “I know you felt how hard my dick was out there, do you really believe all that shit you said to me?”

  I start to feel a panic come over me, I feel trapped. I start to shake uncontrollably in fear that he may hurt me.

  He brushes away my tears with his thumbs. “Ivie. I know I sound rough right now but I would never hurt you. Never. Please don’t shake like this, it breaks my heart.”

  He wraps his arms around me. “What I meant earlier was I was trying to stay away from you for the good of the band. I didn’t want to complicate things.”

  “Look, I’m just a little over sensitive right now. Having someone tell you how ugly you are for months, along with beating the ever living shit out of you every chance he got, makes me that way.”

  He pulls me into his chest. “When you got out of that car and I saw your face, I was ready to kill him. But I-.”

  About that time someone starts beating on the door.

  I start to giggle now. Jeez, I’m losing my mind. “They are going to think we are in here having sex and get us kicked out.” I whisper in a giggle.

  He looks at me. “Just follow my lead. Don’t dry those tears up just yet.” He tucks me into his side stroking my hair.

  As we walk out the door, two women are standing there staring at us. He coos. “It’ll be okay, sweetie. We’ll get you there as quick as we can.” He glances at them. “She just got a bad phone call from her family.”

  Both of the women act in awe over him stroking my hair. I hear them as we walk off comment on how sweet he is.

  I stop him. “I really have to clean my face up before we get to the table.”

  He grabs my hand and pulls me around the corner. “Here, I’ll help.” He wipes the tears from my face, cleaning up the mascara as he does. He fans my face to pull some of the redness away.

  Fuck, between crying my fucking eyes out and being horny, I probably look like shit.

  “It’s okay, if the guys ask I’ll say I got sick.”

  Once we get back to the table, the guys look up and Keeg says, “I was beginning to wonder about y’all. Have you been crying?”

  I shrug it off. “No, I got sick in the bathroom. I told y’all I haven’t drank in months.”

  They nod and Stoney laughs. “Well, come on then light weight, let’s get you back to the bus.”

  I laugh. “Fine, I suppose it’s time to go.”

  We pay our bill and make our way out to the SUV. I slide in the backseat next to Gab
le and he reaches over to take my hand. I can’t help but feel the heat in my face from the blush creeping up on it. Thank God it’s dark in here.

  I know we’ll spend most of the day on the bus tomorrow. We actually go down the Space Coast to do some local festivals around West Palm so we should get plenty of rest, but I’m still ready to crawl in my bunk and pass out.

  The guys agree as we get back on the bus. It isn’t long before all of us are snuggling in our bunks. I don’t even realize I’ve dosed off until I feel a shift in my bunk. I’m startled until I hear him whisper. “Hey. We weren’t finished talking.”

  Lying here in my bunk listening to Keeg and Stoney snore, I can’t help but think how if those ladies hadn’t interrupted us, how different things would have went. I remember how soft her lips were, the small demanding thrusts of her tongue.

  Once again, I can’t think about her without my dick getting hard. I’m doing something about this right now. I slip out of my bunk, making sure Keeg and Stoney are still snoring.

  I slide open her curtain and I can make out her lying there, sleeping like an angel. I slip into the bunk alongside of her and slide the curtain closed. She jumps. I whisper into her ear. “Hey, we weren’t finished talking.”

  She whispers back. “I’m pretty sure we were.”

  I continue to speak in hushed tones. “I’m pretty sure you said we’ll finish this conversation in my bunk on the bus.”

  She giggles. “Um no, I don’t think that is what was said at all.”

  I lean in and kiss her lips. “I’m pretty sure it was.”

  “No-.” Before she can say more I’m consuming her lips.

  “Damn, Ivie. You drive me crazy and I think you make my dick permanently hard.”

  She brushes her hand down against my boxers. “Hmm, seems I do.”

  I push her over on her back, quickly realizing this bunk isn’t very big. How have Keeg and Stoney been banging girls in these things?

  “Shit Ivie, this is small. We can’t do much in here.”

  She reaches inside my boxers and starts stroking my dick. “Well we’ll just have to improvise.” She says.