The Soul Believes It

by Julie Allan

  “Oh, my dear, let me get a good look at you! My nurse tells me you are the daughter of my niece, Caroline.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Caroline Bowman was my mother; she was married to my father.” Why did I say that? Lizzie felt M.A.’s hand on her arm, pulling her back down to a seated position and gratefully she allowed herself to be guided.

  M.A. then stood and reached out a hand to Beverley, “I’m Mary Ann, one of Lizzie’s best friends from childhood.”

  Beverley took her hand in her own and patted it. “A good friend is worth more than all the French treasures in the world.” She laughed again and pushed a button on her chair. A woman appeared almost instantaneously. “Bella, could you please prepare a tea tray?” It was a question, but it was clearly communicated as a command.

  Bella nodded and stepped away as quickly as she had come.

  Lizzie sat tongue-tied, but Beverley hardly seemed to notice. She began a synopsis of her life. She was Annabeth’s younger sister by twelve years. She had been twelve when Caroline had been born, and they had grown up more like cousins, than aunt and niece. When Caroline had been engaged to Cole Wentworth and then left home after his death, Beverley had been a diplomatic wife in Europe, where she and her husband had spent over forty years of service. They didn’t have any children of their own and returned to the States to retire.

  “As you can see, I was rather fond of my years in Europe,” Beverley waved her hand at the furnishings of the room. She maneuvered her chair over to a small writing desk opening up a faded hat box that was resting on its surface. “I’m embarrassed to admit I have not sought you out. I’ve been back stateside about eight years, and the first five of those were spent tending to my husband’s health needs. When he died, my health spiraled down, and well, here I am.”

  She put the box in her lap and rolled over to the settee and thrust the box at Lizzie. “You can take this with you; it contains letters from your mother, some pictures and a few other odds and ends.”

  “Thank you,” Lizzie managed to say.

  Bella returned with the tea and a lovely assortment of European biscuits. Once they all had a steaming cup of tea, Beverley began again.

  “Now, my grand-niece, before I get into the meat of the information I ‘m sure you are seeking, I want to hear all about you and yours.”

  Lizzie set her teacup on the marble-topped coffee table, and much like a child forced to give an account of their day, she began to tell about her childhood. She spoke a little about her parents and then began to share her memories of Aunt Dorothy and Uncle George. As she continued, she began to relax. Her voice became more natural and animated, and she found herself delighted with the approving nods and laughter her memories elicited from this woman who was both family and stranger. She briefly shared about her first marriage and quickly moved on to her return to Mount Pleasant and her life with Bennett, Dot, and Sawyer. She finally stopped to take a sip of her now cold tea.

  M.A. rose to refresh the cups and offer around the plate of biscuits. Beverley selected two chocolate hazelnut ones and ate them with enthusiasm.

  “Well, I guess we’ve crammed a lifetime of stories in less than an hour. But I know what you really want to hear about is that sister of yours. I better tell what I know before I get too tired to tell it.” Beverley paused and brushed a few crumbs from her bosom.

  Lizzie sat still, almost afraid to breathe, worried it would somehow break the spell.

  Beverley continued, “As you are aware, Caroline was engaged to Cole, and he was mighty handsome, too much for his own good if you ask me. Well, he was shipped off to Vietnam, freshly graduated from the Citadel. I’m sure it did not take much persuading to get Caroline to give him a warm send off. Just a few short months after he left, his plane crashed in the jungles of Vietnam, and Caroline found herself in a family way. Well, her parents were very distressed, as it was quite a scandal back in the day in a family like ours. If it had been up to your grandmother, I think Caroline would have been sent away to join us in Europe, and I would have become the mother of the child. Your grandfather, on the other hand, wished to have the matter taken care of discreetly by a doctor if you understand my meaning.”

  “He would have had my mother have an abortion?” Lizzie interrupted, “I thought he was a deeply religious man from what I have heard!”

  “He was, dear, but he was also a man of some standing in this community and he worried the truth about the child would come out even if I had taken it on as my own. Needless to say, Caroline was distraught with grief over Cole, and she could be head-strong. Before the matter could be settled, she packed a bag and disappeared. She did leave a note for your grandparents, and she mailed me several letters over the years. Now, I loved my sister Annabeth, but I never understood why she didn’t make more of an effort to find Caroline. If I hadn’t been away in Europe, I certainly would have gone after her.”

  Some of the larger than life persona seemed to deflate out of Beverley, much like a balloon that is a day or two old. Suddenly Beverley sat before her, a tired old woman and Lizzie was moved to embrace her.

  The move took Beverley off guard, and a few tears escaped. “Oh, you do have so much of Caroline in you!” She patted Lizzie’s back and returned the embrace with all the strength her failing body could muster.

  “I do hope you won’t judge Annabeth or me too harshly when you read through those letters. I also hope you will come back sometime and see me. I know it is a drive from Charleston, but I would like to think I could maybe heal some of the old wounds that have been hidden too long in this family.”

  “Absolutely, I would love to bring my daughter to meet you as well.” Lizzie kissed Beverley on the cheek.

  “You have made an old woman very happy today. I do hope you find your sister; I would like to meet her too before I go to meet my maker.” Beverley pushed the button on her chair again, and Bella soon appeared. “I’m tired Bella, could you please show my grand-niece and her lovely friend out, then I will have a nap before lunch.”

  When M.A. and Lizzie got in the car, they sat in stunned silence for a moment.

  “Wow, the only thing I can think to say is wow.” M.A. strapped on her seatbelt.

  “I think I need some bourbon with lunch.” Lizzie managed to answer as she started the car.

  Chapter Four

  The story of how her sister came to be was finally clear, but who she was and what happened to her after she was adopted remained as murky as the day Lizzie had discovered the letter. It had been a day since she and M.A. had returned from their research trip to Beaufort and she knew she needed to share with Bennett, Dot, and Sawyer.

  She had arranged a family dinner and asked Dot to leave her boyfriend Hudson behind. Dot had brought him to just about every family dinner for nearly six months now. Lizzie really liked Hudson and was secretly rooting for him to be the one. He brought out the best in Dot, and he was as tolerant of Dot’s mishaps as Bennett was of hers.

  “Mama, I thought you liked Hudson.”

  Lizzie could almost see Dot’s pout through the phone. “I do, but I have some sensitive news to share, and it is strictly for family.”

  “Oh! You’re not sick, are you? Or— Daddy?”

  The panic in Dot’s voice made Lizzie’s heart skip a beat. Ever since Bennett’s bout with cancer, a cough or a hint of an announcement sent Dot’s mind to the dark side.

  “No, Dot. Nothing like that, I promise.” Lizzie soothed, wishing she could reach through the phone and hug her.

  Next, Lizzie had to call Sawyer and tell him he could not bring a stray cadet with him. Sawyer often brought several cadets home for Sunday dinners, and Lizzie enjoyed having a table full of grateful appetites. If he was concerned by her enigmatic summons, he kept his thoughts to himself.

  Lizzie prepared a family favorite, shrimp and grits, along with a Caesar salad and a rich red velvet cake for dessert. This was her soul food. Lizzie smiled as Sawyer dished up his third serving of the shrimp and grits. />
  “Easy there son, I made a red velvet cake for dessert.”

  Sawyer shook the serving spoon over his bowl to get as much as he could. “No worries, I’ll have room.”

  Bennett pushed back a little from the table. “I don’t think I ever get tired of this meal.” He smiled at Lizzie, “As much as I have loved having my family gathered around this table and hearing all about what our children have been up to, I think it’s time that you fill us in on this mystery news that brought us all together tonight.”

  Lizzie nodded and wiped her mouth with her napkin as she searched for the words to begin. “What I’m going to tell you is going to seem incredulous, I have had over a month to process it, and frankly, I’m still in shock.”

  Lizzie looked around the table at the faces now hyper-focused on her. Even Sawyer had stopped eating. She began with her discovery of the letter, then the packet of information that Ben had been holding. She told them about her trip to Beaufort and all she had discovered and ended with the meeting with Great Aunt Beverley.

  “She really wants to meet y’all,” Lizzie finished. She sat back and waited for the questions.

  Dot had been so stunned she had not even interrupted Lizzie once in her telling. Now she was smiling. “Wow, this is so cool! Like something out of an epic novel.”

  Sawyer nodded, “I think this Aunt Beverley will fit right into this family.”

  Bennett stood up and began clearing the plates. “I always wondered about your mother’s side of the family. Maybe we can use Facebook to help us find your sister.”

  Dot began to help Bennett, “That’s a great idea!”

  “Now hold on, I’m not sure I’m quite ready to go public with all of this just yet. I need more time to process.” Lizzie brought the red velvet cake over from the sideboard and began slicing.

  Dot handed her the plates, “I guess it is a lot to take in, I mean, I can’t imagine finding out I had a sister out there somewhere.”

  “You would be overjoyed; I bet when I was born if you could have changed me into a sister you would have.” Sawyer tossed his napkin across the table at Dot.

  Dot tossed the napkin back. “Well, I might enjoy a sister, but for a brother you’re alright.”

  Lizzie laughed, “I can promise you there are no hidden sisters or brothers for either of you. At least not from me.”

  All eyes looked at Bennett. “Don’t look at me! The only offspring, I have are sitting around this table.”

  The next morning, Lizzie began to go through the box of letters and photos that Aunt Beverley had given her. There were some pictures of Caroline and Beverley together and some of Beverley and Annabeth. There was a letter from Annabeth telling Beverley all about Caroline’s dilemma and how Annabeth was agonizing over her daughter, but how she could not bring herself to defy her husband’s wishes. It read like a family saga novel. Three letters were in Caroline’s own hand. Lizzie held them and let herself imagine her mother’s voice. Will I feel her with me like Aunt Dorothy? Lizzie hesitated, she was unsure she was ready to risk any further shattering of the image of Caroline she had carried in her mind. However, the revelations of the last few weeks had already done so much of that; now she just wanted to understand better what had transpired between her mother and her grandparents. Ultimately, she wanted to know who her sister was and how to find her.

  Lizzie sat the three letters aside on the small table between the wing chairs and stood to look out the window. The day was inviting, and Bennett would be home for lunch today. She hurried off to the kitchen to turn leftover shrimp into a refreshing salad to serve on rolls. She set up the porch table and was just pouring the iced tea when Bennett arrived, giving her a peck on the cheek.

  “So, what have you done with your morning?” he asked, sitting down at the table.

  “I started going through the box of letters and photos that Aunt Beverley gave me. I found three letters written by my mother.” Lizzie paused to take a bite of her sandwich, a bit of the mayonnaise dressing dripping down her chin.

  Bennett fished out a pod of pickled okra from the jar on the table. “So, what did the infamous Miss Caroline have to say?”

  “I haven’t read them yet. I read some from my grandmother to Aunt Beverley; I can honestly say I have a hard time understanding how she didn’t reach out to Caroline, I know she loved her husband, but what a choice, your husband or your child.”

  Bennett nodded, “You also have to remember it was a different era. Your grandmother was also making her decisions within the confines of society. Life is so anything goes these days, we forget it wasn’t always like that.”

  Lizzie wiped her face and set down her napkin. “True, I certainly don’t mean to judge, I’m just trying to understand.”

  Bennett took the last bite of his sandwich and smiled. “I seriously don’t know how I’m not three-hundred pounds eating your food. Once again a tasty and satisfying lunch.”

  Lizzie laughed, “I never get tired of cooking for you. Now you better get back to work and burn off those calories.”

  “That will not be hard to do today. I’m going to get the boats in pristine condition; we have three charters going out tomorrow.” Bennett stood up and began gathering dishes to carry back into the kitchen.

  “So, does that mean you won’t be home for lunch tomorrow?” Lizzie screwed the lid back on the pickled okra and followed Bennett into the house.

  “That would be correct. Why? Do you want to make a date with your boyfriend?”

  “Tempting…I think I will call Amy and see if she can meet me for lunch. I feel bad I haven’t told her about this sister or my mother’s family and M.A. knows all about it.”

  Bennett pulled Lizzie into a hug. “I think my sister will understand, but I also know she will like to be in the loop.” He kissed her. “I will see you around six.”

  “Love you, see you tonight.” Lizzie watched as Bennett headed out. She heard his truck engine start and turned her attention to cleaning up the lunch dishes.

  The letters in the office were beckoning, but so was the sunshine. Lizzie scooped up the letters and her keys and drove out to the beach. The Tourist Board perfect weather had enticed a lot of people out to the sand. Lizzie wondered how many of them were playing hooky from their responsibilities. She walked away from the more populated parts of the beach, going under the pier and walking down the sand in the direction of Wild Dunes. She walked all the way to 31st Avenue before she finally sat down in the sand. The sun was warm, but the wind coming off the water still had a chill. The sunshine sparkled and danced on the waves. She felt her soul relax and rejoice. This was her happy place. She extracted the letters from her pocket and chose the one with the earliest postmark to read first.

  Dear Aunt Beverley,

  I am not sure if Mama has written you, so please forgive me if I am repeating news you have already heard. It is so difficult for me to write this and I wonder if I will ever feel anything but pain in my heart. You see, almost six months ago, Cole’s plane was shot down over the jungles of Vietnam. Before he left, we had a very intimate goodbye, and I am just a few weeks away now from delivering his child. I left Beaufort months ago; Daddy was so upset, he actually told me he was arranging for a doctor to get rid of the baby. Mama tried to convince him to let me come to you, but he was against it. I was so confused, so I just packed my bags and left. I have been doing alright due to the kindness of strangers and a little white lie that I am a war widow. I know I can never go home, I have no idea how I can possibly raise a child on my own. I have met a very nice lady who has a cousin who works for a Christian adoption agency, and she says they can ensure that my baby…Cole’s baby, could be placed in a good home. I have been thinking about it. I’m afraid that I will not only be able to take care of this child, I worry it will be a constant reminder of my pain. I am so angry at Daddy and Mama; I’m angry at the war; I’m angry that I am in this position. When I imagined my life with Cole, it was always full of children. The only thing t
hat gives me any joy is my painting. One of my new friends has introduced me to a gallery owner, and she has offered to sell a few of my paintings. If it goes well, she said she would help me put on a show. I hope all is well with you, give my love to Uncle Beau and please pray for me.

  With love, your niece,

  Caroline

  Lizzie sighed and folded up the letter. She could not imagine how her mother at such a young age could have handled such great grief and such difficult decisions. When she was twenty, she had been focused on what to wear to the next Sorority party. What would I have done in her shoes? Lizzie stood up and began walking back towards the pier. She felt the two unread letters burning a hole in her pocket, but she was exhausted from thinking about it, they would have to wait for another day.

  Several nights later, Lizzie and Bennett were enjoying the mild spring air on the porch. The candles flickered inside their hurricane glass, casting dancing shadows around them. Lizzie rested her head on Bennett’s shoulder.

  “Do you think my mother ever regretted giving away my sister?”

  Bennett placed his hand over Lizzie’s and squeezed. “I can’t imagine what she faced in that decision. From what you told me she had no family support, and she was heartbroken over the loss of her fiancé; I’m sure she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to provide a good life for her child. So, regret no, if she understood she made the best choice she could in the circumstances. But, I’m sure your sister was often a weight on her heart.”

  Lizzie squeezed Bennett’s hand back. “I don’t know what I would have done in her shoes, but when I think about Dot and Sawyer, I can’t imagine the pain of giving them away.”

  Bennett took a sip of his beer and placed it back down on the table. “Maybe you should try to look at it from another perspective.”

  Lizzie sat up, placing her hand on Bennett’s chest. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, think about it from this sister’s perspective. If she knows she is adopted, I’m sure she has wondered why. We have no idea what she knows and what she doesn’t know. But there is a very good chance she was adopted by a loving family, and to her, she has a complete family.”