Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1)

by Jamie Campbell

  Kaley had never met her father’s boss, but she bet he was old. You didn’t get to be CEO of a corporation without putting in many years. Perhaps her father would be a CEO one day, it all started with one promotion.

  “Mom, I’m done. I’m going to my room,” Kaley yelled into the kitchen. She got a dismissive wave in response, good enough for approval.

  The best part of her entire day was retreating to her room at night. It was her oasis, the one place where she could be who she really was. It contained all the usual things – a bed, nightstand, wardrobe, desk, and a television.

  But that wasn’t the best part.

  Her absolute favorite item in the room was her guitar. She had worked two jobs last summer in order to save for it. She didn’t want just any old guitar, it had to be a Taylor brand.

  Through the guitar she could express everything that was inside her head. When she couldn’t say the words out loud, she could put them into a song and sing them. It was her outlet for all the terrible, horrible, wonderful, and magical things in her life.

  Mostly, the songs were about how invisible she was. One day, she vowed, people would hear her songs even though they couldn’t see her. She could never sing them in front of others, but perhaps someone would buy them one day. She would probably give them away if someone actually wanted them.

  That was her dream, anyway.

  Picking up the light brown acoustic guitar, Kaley sat on the edge of the bed and strummed. The beautiful humming sound she could hear and the familiar vibrations she could feel in her fingers was all she needed to instantly feel better. With that guitar in her hands, she felt invincible. It made a nice change to the rest of her life.

  As she tried to replicate the tune she was hearing in her head on the strings, Kaley’s mind started wandering. Eli had been bouncing around in her brain all afternoon and he wasn’t going away.

  It had been fatally embarrassing running into him in the school hallway. If there had been other people around, she would have died right on the spot. But he was the one that had apologized. It was him that had run into her. And then he actually helped her put everything back into her bag. For one or two moments, their hands even touched.

  Soon, the tune in her head had some words to go with them.

  It’s a little bit magic, that thing that you do.

  She tried a few different chords, trying to work out which one fit the best. The higher ones were too high and the lower ones she would never be able to sing. Kaley decided to stick with the middle range. She sang the words over and over again, making sure they fit the tune. It was a perfect match. She moved on.

  It’s in the nod of your head, the twinkle in your eyes.

  There was only one person that inspired the words: Eli. She thought of the few minutes they had spent together in the hallway. His eyes were so sparkly, so alive – like he had some secret only he knew.

  She wanted to know so badly what made his eyes twinkle like that. Surely it wouldn’t be running into her. She wasn’t the kind of girl that inspired such a reaction.

  Kaley wrote down the notes and lyrics in her songbook. It was good enough to commit to paper – but only in pencil. She wasn’t ready to get the pen out yet and make it permanent.

  Her songs were always a work in progress, no doubt they could be improved a thousand percent by someone who actually knew what they were doing.

  Nobody knew of Kaley’s songbook except her old music teachers and they had sworn to secrecy. She had never told anyone else or shown them to anyone. It was her secret, one she felt was something that was all hers.

  She didn’t have anything else like that.

  When her parents listened at her door – and she knew they did that all the time, they were so nosy – they just assumed she was playing a song she’d heard on the radio or downloaded from the internet. It never even crossed their minds that it was her music she was playing and not that created by someone else.

  She would never correct them.

  The sound of people outside interrupted her thoughts. Kaley went to the door and opened it a crack. Two strangers, presumably her father’s boss and his wife, were standing in the living room. Just as suspected, they were on the older side. Probably about fifty, Kaley thought.

  She closed the door, leaving them to it. Once they were ready to eat, her mother would deliver a plate of food to her door. She was good like that, she still thought about her even when there were more important people there.

  Kaley continued playing her guitar, the tune in her head repeating over and over again until a few more chords fell out. She had twelve notes to play with, each song merely a variation of those same twelve. It was the same for every song ever sang, it all came down to those magic twelve.

  Her first piano teacher taught her that. Old Mr. Doherty had been such a patient man. To five year old Kaley, he seemed a hundred years old. In reality, he was probably about sixty. He would spend one hour with her on a Tuesday evening.

  His stories were almost as good as the lesson. He played nearly every musical instrument made and had been in the national orchestra for most of his adult life. Upon retirement, he decided to pass on his knowledge to students. All for twenty dollars an hour.

  Those Tuesday lessons evolved into Tuesday and Thursday lessons as Kaley’s thirst for music couldn’t be sated in just one hour. Mr. Doherty recognized her natural talent and aptitude for the notes and told her parents she needed to learn more.

  To their credit, they listened and actually did something about it. Not only did they double the lesson time, but they also asked her if she wanted to try some other instruments.

  She tried the flute but didn’t really like the sound and the limitations. Next came the saxophone because she had seen Mr. Doherty play it once when he invited her to an orchestral performance. She could never make it sound like he did.

  Next, Kaley tried the guitar. It was an instant fit. The beautiful rhythms it played danced around her ears like sparklers at Christmas time. She held it in front of her and her hands knew where the chords were.

  She barely needed any lessons before she could play it as good as any adult. Her teacher was named Mr. Eton and he was possibly the coolest guy she had ever met. He never played the guitar professionally, he had always taught music in high school. Offering private lessons to younger kids was a way to make money on the side.

  He knew thousands of songs and could play any in a heartbeat. He mesmerized seven year old Kaley with his talent and only sparked the fire inside her further.

  Kaley still saw Mr. Doherty and Mr. Eton on a regular occasion. She no longer needed lessons, but occasionally she would play them a song she was particularly proud of. They were the only ones that knew of her secret songbook.

  They promised to keep her secret, despite telling her too many times to count that she should share her talent. Every time she refused. It was something to give her a voice when she needed to find one – not something to tell other people about. Even Harper didn’t know, and they shared everything.

  Almost, anyway.

  The door to her bedroom opened while Kaley was lost deep in thought. It startled her for a moment.

  “Your dinner.” Georgie placed the plate on her desk. “Are you sure you don’t want to join us? They aren’t so bad, really.”

  “I’ll be fine. Thanks, Mom.”

  “Okay, but if you want dessert, you’ll have to come and get it.”

  Georgie closed the door after setting the bait. She always did that – tried to lure her daughter out of the room. The joke was on her, Kaley didn’t particularly like the dessert she made. It was a strawberry tart and she never put in enough sugar to make it sweet. She almost felt sorry for those that had to eat it and pretend it tasted good.

  Kaley looked at her dinner, steam rising from the hot meal. It smelled really good, it was enough to tempt her away from her writing session.

  She flicked on the television to have some background noise. It was better than listeni
ng to the outbursts of laughter coming from the dining room. Georgie had a high-pitched giggle that could resonate through several walls and a sturdy door.

  It was one of the things she loved about her mother. It might grate on other people, but she found it cute – like it reminded her of complete happiness. Either that or she was a good actress. It could have been either with Mother Barbie.

  After the meal, Kaley returned to her guitar. She wasn’t done with her song yet. She wanted to keep going, at least it kept the thoughts about Eli at bay while she worked. Providing she didn’t focus on the lyrics, anyway.

  Chapter 3

  The next day at school, Kaley found herself someplace she never thought she would. She never ventured there and never had a desire to. It was dangerous territory, she never knew what she could get hit with. A ball, a drumstick, a cheerleader’s hand, anything could come flying her way.

  The bleachers surrounding the school’s football field was a dangerous place indeed. Which is why she rarely went there.

  Today was different, she was prepared to risk her life to catch a glimpse of someone. When she awoke that morning, she had hoped she would be over her stupid crush on Eli Stone. Whatever she had imagined that transpired between them yesterday didn’t exist. It was ridiculous to think otherwise.

  Which is exactly what she told herself every step of the way there. Her head was screaming for her to turn around and find Harper, yet her feet weren’t listening. Her heart was apparently in control of them today. Or her delusions, one or the other.

  Whatever, she couldn’t stop herself from spying on him while he trained with the rest of the football team.

  As if in slow motion, she watched as the sun glinted off his brown hair and basked his upturned face in the soft glow of the light. He was laughing, slapping his teammate on the back about something – a shared joke Kaley would never know. In that moment, she was jealous of his friend. She wanted to be in on the joke and able to share in the laughter.

  But that would never happen, the sensible part of her said so. Eli had only spoken to her because he had run into her. If it was a normal day and they didn’t happen to collide, he wouldn’t have even known she existed. He would have retrieved what he needed from his locker and she would have got to class quicker. At least then her head wouldn’t be so full of damn Eli Stone.

  “Hey, here you are.” Harper interrupted her daydreaming and sat down beside her on the bleachers. “I’ve been looking for you. Never thought I’d find you here but it was the last place I would have looked. And I always find what I need in the last place I look. So I looked here first and here you are.”

  “What?” Kaley only heard about two words of the whole sentence and understood even less of them.

  “What are you doing here?” Harper wasn’t prepared to repeat it again, once was enough.

  “Nothing.”

  “Something must have made you come out here. You don’t just go sit in the bleachers for nothing.”

  “Well, I am,” Kaley lied, trying not to get defensive. Harper knew her too well. If she tried too hard to cover her true reason, she would get it easily.

  Harper shrugged and pulled out a mandarin, she started peeling it, offering half to Kaley. She scanned their surroundings, taking in everything that was happening on the pitch that afternoon.

  The football team were practicing, as were the cheerleaders. A few enthusiastic people were running laps around the edges.

  “Oh my gosh, you’re here watching Eli,” Harper accused when it hit her. They had started at the school a year earlier and never sat in the bleachers during lunchtime before. She knew there had to be an ulterior motive.

  “No, I’m not,” Kaley laughed but it didn’t sound right. “Can’t a girl just sit here and enjoy the sunshine?”

  “Maybe some other girl, but not you.”

  Kaley wondered whether she could get out of the situation without revealing her pathetic truth. She couldn’t, there was no way Harper would let it go.

  “Fine, I was watching Eli.”

  “I knew it. You are totally crushing on him.”

  “Why did I tell you about our encounter yesterday? I knew I should have kept it to myself.”

  “Because you can’t keep secrets from me.” Harper nudged her playfully. She looked at their target, the beautiful Eli, across the field. The team were practicing their throwing and catching skills. The ball seemed to float in and out of Eli’s capable hands. Sweat was starting to slide down his face with the effort. “He’s really cute, I don’t blame you. I can see the attraction.”

  “He’s also completely unattainable.”

  “Maybe not. He’s not getting back together with Abigail.”

  “He isn’t? How do you know?” Kaley perked up, her hope perhaps a little restored.

  “I was in the bathroom when Abigail and her minions were talking. I stayed in the stall until they left. She said she was over him and on the prowl for someone that deserved her.”

  Kaley nodded, it did sound like something she would say. Abigail, in her world of being perfect, wouldn’t appreciate a guy like Eli. She wouldn’t be able to see him for the gorgeous and caring creature he was.

  She would just see his perfect hair and adequate wallet. The moment he put a foot out of place, she would drop him and move onto the next guy. She was surprised she hadn’t done it sooner.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s not like Eli is suddenly going to ask me out or anything.” Even though I desperately want him to, Kaley added in her head. Just the thought of it was enough to send the butterflies in her stomach into a spin.

  “Guys like that don’t go out with girls like us,” Harper sighed. She doubted whether even one person practicing on the field would be able to recall either of their names. “But who needs them anyway? We don’t need stupid boys. We can live without them.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” Kaley said with conviction, trying to convince both of them. “It’s their loss. We’re awesome.”

  “Yeah we are. Awesome with a capital A.”

  The words were one thing, believing them was another. The truth was, if any of those boys ran up to the bleachers and declared their everlasting love for them, they’d change their minds in a heartbeat. There probably wouldn’t even have to be a declaration, a passing ‘hey’ would likely have the same effect.

  It was too depressing.

  Harper changed the subject, remembering why she had been looking for Kaley in the first place. “Have you thought any more about joining the school band? Our first practice is this afternoon, it’s not too late to sign up.”

  Kaley rolled her eyes, they had that same conversation too many times over the last few weeks. “I’m not joining the band, Harper. I’m not good enough to play in public. I can’t do it.”

  “Maybe if you played in front of people, we could be the judge of that. You’ve been taking lessons forever, you must be able to play something.”

  Harper would never understand, so Kaley didn’t even try explaining any longer. The way she played music, the way she wrote songs, it wasn’t up for public ridicule. It was her way of speaking to all those she couldn’t. She didn’t do it for other’s entertainment.

  Plus, she would have to play the most boring songs in the world over and over again. She would rather be spending her time with her guitar, doing whatever she wanted.

  “I don’t want to play in the band. It’s your thing, not mine. Besides, if I’m in the band, who can cheer you on from the sidelines?” Kaley smiled, trying to make a joke of it. “I like cheering for you.”

  “You’re the only one.”

  “Not true, your parents are there for every performance.”

  “That doesn’t make it any better.” Harper pouted, but she couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her lips. “Fine, but when we are winning the regional band competition and getting untold fame and wealth, you’re going to be sorry. You’re going to be the girl that could have been in the band.”<
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  “I think I’ll be able to live with it.”

  “We’ll see.”

  The bell rang in the background, signaling the end of lunch. It was always the quickest forty minutes of the day, twice as short as any class of the same length.

  Harper stood to leave, when Kaley didn’t look like she was going anywhere, she was worried they weren’t on the same planet anymore. “Are you coming? We have English class.”

  Kaley stole one last look at Eli as he used a towel to wipe off the sweat that had accumulated on the back of his neck. How she wished she was that towel at that very moment.

  “Yeah, let’s go.” She tore herself away from the view, taking a snapshot in her mind so she could replay it later.

  They went to one of the most boring classes they had on their schedule that semester. It wasn’t that the actual subject of English was terrible, it was just the way the teacher made everything seem boring.

  He didn’t quite capture the love story in Romeo & Juliet, describing it as a lesson about defying your parents and the terrible consequences they had to deal with afterwards. Then there was the three weeks they spent on the proper use of grammar and how texting was depriving the world of vowels. That one was painful.

  As Kaley sat in the middle of the room, her preferred seating for the least amount of teacher attention, her mind wandered.

  She couldn’t help it, if she heard Mr. Baron say the word herewith one more time, she was going to scream. Nobody spoke like that unless they were a lawyer, give it up already. Secretly, she suspected he might have been trying to start a trend at the school. Perhaps herewith would be the next watchword amongst the cool crowd.

  It was the only explanation Kaley had.

  Then her eyes started to wander too. Eli was sitting in the back of the class – the last row and three away from the wall. He was writing something in his book, surely he couldn’t be taking notes.

  Kaley couldn’t turn enough to see any of the details. She could barely hide the fact she was turning to look at him at all. She wished she had a mirror, that would have been handy for seeing behind her.