Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1)

by Jamie Campbell

  They stood in front of the mirror in their dresses, beaming with the satisfaction of finding something so beautiful and perfect.

  As Kaley admired both their choices, she couldn’t help but think of one thing – the dresses didn’t belong on invisible girls. They were supposed to be seen, they were meant to show people how truly visible they really were.

  “You won’t need those. But it’s cute you’re trying.” A voice came from behind.

  Kaley looked across the mirror, not needing to see who it was. She turned around to face her. Abigail was standing in the doorway of the fitting rooms, Macy and Madison on either side of her. It was the evil trio, there to cause nothing but bitterness, anger, and hurt.

  “And why wouldn’t we need dresses?” Harper stood with her hands on her hips, ready for a fight.

  “Oh you might,” Abigail addressed Harper before turning to Kaley. “But you won’t. Eli is going to the dance with me.”

  Kaley was so over the whole thing. If she could, she would have made a dramatic exit, however they were trapped. They weren’t going anywhere without the girls having to move first.

  She had no choice but to talk her way out of there. “So you’re saying Eli was mistaken when he invited me to go with him? Funny, he didn’t seem confused, he appeared to be very much intent on taking me.”

  “That was then, he’s come to his senses now. Whatever was making his brain explode has gone. He’s taking me now.”

  “Liar!” Harper suddenly yelled, taking them all by surprise.

  Kaley patted her on the arm. “Harper, it’s okay. So Abigail, does Eli even know he’s going to the dance with you?”

  For just a second, doubt crossed Abigail’s face. She covered it quickly, but not fast enough for the others not to see. “Not yet, but he will. It’s practically a given. Guys like Eli don’t date girls like you. The sooner you realize that, the better off the world will be. The natural order of things will be restored.”

  “Maybe he’s tired of girls like you.”

  Abigail laughed. “Guys are never tired of girls like me, sweetie.”

  Macy and Madison joined in the laughter at her side, the trio cackling like witches from fairytales. It sent a chill down Kaley’s spine, she felt like she was only two inches tall standing in front of them.

  To make it worse, Abigail was right.

  Guys like Eli didn’t date girls like her. He was popular, gorgeous, and rich. She was invisible, ordinary, and working class. They didn’t belong together. They were mismatched like a pair of odd socks. One day they would lose each other in the wash.

  Kaley didn’t say another word, she pushed Harper into the change room and closed the door firmly behind them. If they couldn’t escape, they would hide.

  At least they would be able to do it in their own clothes. The dresses that had sparkled so much moments before now seemed like nothing but cloth.

  They changed in silence, returning to their ordinary clothes and placing the dresses on their hangers. After a few moments they heard Abigail’s laughter grow more distant as she grew bored with them.

  Her confrontation had its desired effect, she didn’t need to wait around to rub it in even further.

  “Just ignore her,” Harper whispered as they waited to be sure it was safe to come out. “She’s only trying to make you feel bad.”

  “It’s working.”

  “Don’t let it. Only you can let her have that effect on you.”

  Harper gave her a hug, it was exactly what she needed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Well, you wouldn’t have to bask in my awesomeness.”

  Kaley smiled, rolling her eyes. “It’s worth it.”

  She turned and opened the door a sliver, the coast seemed to be clear. Abigail and her minions didn’t appear to be anywhere in sight.

  Although, they could be hiding for the sheer fun of it. Kaley wouldn’t put anything past them, not with the few weeks she had lately. They stepped out and looked into the store, they were definitely gone.

  “Are you getting the dress?” Harper asked, holding her own with a firm grip.

  Kaley looked at the navy blue fabric hanging on the rack. It was exactly what she wanted, she wasn’t going to let Abigail ruin it for her. “Yeah, I am.”

  “Good, I’m getting mine too.”

  They paid for the dresses and continued shopping for accessories. Strom wouldn’t want his little girl going to the dance without the appropriate shoes and a handbag, would he?

  Thoughts of Abigail marred the rest of their shopping trip, despite how hard Kaley was trying to put her out of her mind. She wanted to take Harper’s advice and not let her hurt her. However it was difficult to shut her out when her words kept repeating in her head.

  The way Abigail had said girls like her, like she was some kind of trash that didn’t have a right to exist in her world, did hurt.

  What was so bad about her? She got good grades, she tried not to hassle other people, she never made a fuss, and she tried to do the best she could. What detail about her was so terrible that Abigail was personally offended at her very existence?

  The whole idea of Abigail and her hatred was enough to send Kaley crazy. By the time they arrived back at her house, she was feeling absolutely depressed about it all.

  She would never be able to enjoy having Eli as her boyfriend while Abigail still had her claws in him. It didn’t seem fair. Girls like her should be able to win sometimes, even just once.

  They entered Kaley’s bedroom, purposely avoiding Georgie in the kitchen. She would want to see the dresses and then spend half an hour coming up with ways to make them more sparkly or sexy. It was well intentioned, but so not what they needed right now.

  Kaley plunked onto the bed after hanging up her dress, Harper took the desk seat. They were both still feeling the aftershocks of the encounter, even though neither of them was talking about it.

  “What do you want to do?” Kaley asked, not having the energy for much. Between all the thinking and all the shopping, she may as well have a low battery sign stamped across her forehead.

  Harper picked up the guitar leaning against the desk. “Play something for me. I’ve never heard you play the guitar.”

  “That’s because I’m not good at it.”

  “Yeah, right. So eight years of lessons taught you nothing? Don’t tell me I spent every Thursday afternoon of my childhood with my mom making potpourri balls while you just learned how to look pretty.”

  Kaley didn’t even have the energy to laugh, perhaps Harper had a point. She had spent eight years taking lessons with Mr. Eton. Maybe she was as good as she was ever going to get.

  It still didn’t seem good enough.

  “Come on, play me something. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated.”

  “I don’t play in front of people, you know that.”

  “I’m not people. I’m Harper, remember? Your best friend?”

  They had a stare off, waiting for the other to relent first. Unfortunately, Kaley nearly always lost that particular competition. She blinked first, showing her resolve was fading.

  Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad if she played one song. Just something simple, like Harper said. Something that would shut her up and convince her not to ask again in the future.

  She took the guitar.

  “Fine, but just this once and you can’t tell anyone I played for you. Are we clear?”

  “Perfectly clear.”

  She took the pick out of the strings and wondered what she should play. She didn’t want to perform any of her own songs, that would be a whole different level of embarrassing.

  Instead, she played the song that had practically been on repeat on the radio. Even without singing the words, it should be enough for her to recognize the tune.

  Harper never said a word for the entire three minutes it took to get through the song. It only made her feel even more nervous about having an audience.

  She wanted Harpe
r to say something, even if it was only to show disgust at her terrible efforts. The silence was more painful than anything else.

  When Kaley finished, she couldn’t take the suspense any longer. “Well? It was terrible, right?”

  “Are you kidding? That was amazing, I can’t believe you keep telling me how bad you play.”

  “It’s not good.”

  “Are your ears not working?” Harper pulled on her own ears to make the point. “You’re awesome. You are never allowed to say you can’t play ever again. Now I know you can play the guitar and the piano, what else can you do? Can you sing too?”

  “No, I definitely can’t sing.”

  “I bet you can.”

  Kaley could feel her face reddening with the embarrassment. She didn’t want anyone to know about her music, it was her secret. Now Harper had seen a glimpse, she hoped it would be the end of it. However that would be highly unlikely knowing her friend like she did.

  “Sing something for me,” Harper demanded, on a roll now like she was her new toy.

  “I’m not singing for you. I’ve already played the guitar, that’s your limit.”

  “I’m going to work out a way for you to sing for me, I promise you.”

  “Sure,” Kaley laughed before changing the subject. “Do you want a drink or something to eat?”

  “I could go a soda.”

  “I’ll be back in a minute then.”

  Kaley left Harper alone while she braved the kitchen. It would be easier to duck and weave from Georgie’s questions if she went alone. Harper tended to side with Mother Barbie, they were like a brick wall when they got together. It wasn’t fair.

  “How was your shopping?” Georgie asked as she poured the drinks and put together a plate of chocolate cookies.

  “It was good. We both got a dress.”

  “Oh, you have to show me.”

  “I will, later. We’re kind of busy at the moment,” Kaley lied, knowing it would work.

  “What color did you get?” Georgie wasn’t going to give up easily. She poured slowly, making sure to get a few more questions in.

  “Navy blue.”

  “Blue matches your eyes. I’m sure it’s gorgeous on you.”

  “Thanks.” She tried so hard not to think of Abigail at the same time as her dress. She didn’t want them to be associated, not because of a horrible encounter in the change rooms. She needed to separate the two in her memory, however that was supposed to be done.

  Georgie handed her the drinks and cookie plate, placing them on a tray so she could carry them without a third hand. “I want to see the dresses before Harper leaves, I have to see hers too.”

  “Will do, Mom. Thanks for the snack.”

  Kaley left her mother and returned to her bedroom, knowing she got out of that one relatively unscathed. Sometimes Georgie was too much, but other times she was just Mom.

  She placed the tray on the desk, noticing Harper was looking through a book. She took a soda and sat down on the bed again. “What are you reading?”

  Harper held up the book – it was her songbook. The one she kept hidden from everyone. Without thinking or hesitating, Kaley snatched it from her hands.

  “You shouldn’t have that, it’s private.”

  “Did you write all those songs?” Harper’s eyes were wide open with surprise, barely comprehending what she had seen.

  “It’s none of your business, it’s nobody’s business.” Kaley closed the book in her bedside drawer, so angry at it being discovered in the first place. She wanted to yell at Harper for snooping. She wouldn’t have cared if she had found anything else, just not her songbook.

  “But they’re fantastic. How can you hide them away?”

  “They’re private.”

  “They’re amazing. Kaley, you have a real gift. You’re a songwriter. How can people not know this about you? Why on earth do you keep it secret?”

  “Because it’s my diary. I don’t want people reading my diary.” Her face was red with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. Someone had read her innermost thoughts and feelings, she was left wide open and vulnerable.

  There were songs in that book about things she had never told anyone – ever. Crushes, feelings, thoughts, they were all in there.

  It wasn’t right.

  She wanted to rewind the last ten minutes and erase them completely from Harper’s memory. She couldn’t have her best friend knowing this about her, she would never let it rest. Harper would be a good friend and encourage her to share her songs, the exact opposite of what she wanted.

  “Well, I think you’re being selfish.” Harper stood, angry herself now at the reaction she received. “If I was even a tiny bit as talented as you, I would tell the world. Or at least my best friend.”

  “My best friend wouldn’t read my journal.”

  “It’s not a journal, it’s a book of songs. Really, really great songs.”

  “It’s a journal to me.”

  Kaley sat on the bed unmoving, while Harper picked up her dress and stomped out of the room. She slammed the door behind her, making Kaley jump as she stared into nothing.

  She couldn’t fully take in how things had changed so swiftly in just a few minutes. Everything was going to be different now, not only because of the fight but because someone knew about her secret songbook.

  It was no longer a secret anymore, how long would it be before everyone knew? Once Mother Barbie found out, that would be the end of it. She would insist on seeing it and then everything would be exposed.

  She heard Georgie’s car start in the driveway outside, leaving to take Harper home. Kaley wondered if they were talking about it right at that very moment. By the time she returned home, Georgie would probably know all about it.

  Would she confront her straight away? Or would she wait in silence for such an interminably long amount of time that Kaley had to confess to stay sane? It was too hard to tell.

  As she calmed down and tried to console herself with the fact that she didn’t have to show the book to people, Kaley could only resume her feelings of sadness.

  The songbook did change things, but perhaps she had overreacted at Harper. It did look kind of innocent on her desk, she might have done the same thing while waiting alone if the roles were reversed.

  Kaley knew she was madder at herself than Harper, she shouldn’t have left the songbook out in the open. It was stupid of her, and careless – something she wasn’t normally.

  Harper had been really angry and upset when she left. So much so she didn’t even tell her she was leaving. That wasn’t a good sign.

  Not only had she lost her secret, but her best friend too. And probably her boyfriend if Abigail got her way. Overall, it was not turning out to be a good day. She felt the tears sting her eyes and let them flow freely down her cheeks.

  As she sat despondently on the bed, Kaley turned toward the window, movement having caught her eye. She saw Harvey standing at his window, another person she had managed to alienate lately.

  She figured soon she wouldn’t have anyone in her life to worry about. They would all join an ‘I hate Kaley’ club and moan about her.

  Harvey managed a wave, at least he wasn’t flipping her the bird, which would have seemed appropriate considering how she was feeling. She waved back, trying to manage some enthusiasm but failing miserably.

  She watched as Harvey moved, he seemed to be writing something. Before she could work out what he was doing, he held up a handwritten sign on a notepad:

  Are you okay?

  Kaley couldn’t stop the small smile creeping across her lips, the gesture was so sweet. She wiped at her tears and nodded, trying to convince the both of them that she was, in fact, okay. She waited as he wrote something else:

  Sure?

  She nodded again. Looking around the room, she found a notepad and a marker. She scribbled and held up her own sign:

  Thank you.

  Harvey gave her a salute and returned to his own desk where the comp
uter was on. Kaley sighed and flopped back onto her bed. At least the tears had stopped – for now.

  Kaley didn’t know how long she laid on her bed staring up at the ceiling. She heard Georgie return and pop her head into her bedroom. When she had been met with an ‘I don’t want to talk about it’, she had thought better about prying and left her alone.

  She would probably have to add Mother Barbie to her list of people she had upset now too. The list was growing by the hour.

  The bedroom grew dark as the sun started to go down over the horizon. Kaley sat up, but only to turn the light on and close the curtains. She didn’t want Harvey watching her being totally pathetic, she did still have a portion of her dignity… for now.

  Standing in the room, Kaley instinctively went to her guitar. She needed something to get her out of the fog she was living in. She needed something to turn her mood around and staring up at the ceiling, feeling sorry for herself, probably wasn’t going to do it. She sat on the bed with the guitar and started strumming.

  Her first thoughts turned to Eli. She hadn’t heard from him since his text that morning. She didn’t know whether that was a good or bad sign. Perhaps he was just busy, perhaps he was with Abigail, or perhaps he was tired of her and come to his senses like she had said in the fitting rooms.

  The whole thing was such a mess she didn’t think she would ever be able to sort it out. In other words, the whole thing was just too painful. Kaley suddenly decided it would be far easier to let him go, forget about love and all the pain it caused. It was much easier being single.

  As the thoughts entered her head, they filtered down to her fingers and a song started to form:

  Those butterflies in your tummy,

  Aren’t there just to feel funny,

  It’s actually a warning system,

  So you really need to listen,

  I’m telling you to run far away,

  Don’t waste even another day.

  She wished she had run away. When Eli had bumped into her in the school corridor and sent her books flying, it was a warning. She should have walked away and forgotten about him.