Your Teenager Is Not Crazy

by Jerusha Clark

  Evaluate “essential activities.” You may need to reprioritize what you do and when. The number of uninterrupted hours of sleep you get matters, so plan accordingly.

  Limit caffeine intake. And always keep in mind that no pill, vitamin, or drink substitutes for sound sleep. Most people recognize that consuming caffeine close to bedtime can negatively impact sleep, but high caffeine consumption early in the day can influence sleep habits as well. Nicotine and alcohol also interfere with sleep.

  Eat and drink wisely. A heavy nighttime meal or snack impacts sleep cycles. And while no one wants to wake up as a result of drinking too much before bed, going to bed dehydrated may also cause sleep disturbances. Research shows that warm beverages, especially those containing calcium, can promote sleep. Grandma’s advice to drink warm milk doesn’t seem so quaint in light of scientific research.

  Exercise. Physical activity throughout the day increases the likelihood of sound sleep. Exercising too close to bedtime, however, can interfere with sleep, so finish your workout early.

  Don’t try to force it. Attempting to “make yourself fall asleep” can be pointless and frustrating. Teach your adolescent that if they cannot sleep after twenty minutes, reading or listening to relaxing music until they feel drowsy is a good option.

  Avoid nighttime stress. When the body releases the stress hormone cortisol, alertness increases. Wrestling with difficult discussions, tackling large and demanding projects, even “watching the clock” before bed can cause the body to produce sleep-inhibiting levels of cortisol.

  Limit work hours for adolescents. Studies show that teens who work part-time sleep less than their peers. Those who work more than twenty hours per week are the most negatively impacted, so limit work hours when possible.

  Nap early or not at all. A thirty-minute or less nap can rejuvenate a flagging body and mind. Sleeping longer than that, or napping after dusk, however, can negatively impact your sleep.

  Look for the warning signs of sleep disorders. If your adolescent implements healthy sleep hygiene habits and still struggles with insomnia, consider having him or her evaluated for narcolepsy, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, or other chronic sleep-disrupting conditions.

  We’d like to leave you with one final tip, which deserves special attention for adolescents:

  Power down one hour prior to bedtime. Electronic devices emit a form of light—blue light—particularly effective at inhibiting the release of melatonin. For this to happen, a person doesn’t even have to be staring directly at a screen. If enough blue light hits the eye, even indirectly, the brain halts the release of melatonin. Climbing into bed with a tablet or a laptop, or leaving a glowing screen on in an adolescent’s room, makes it especially difficult to sleep soundly. For sleep-deprived teenagers, this is a recipe for disaster.20 An added benefit of the whole family powering down before bed is that other activities—reading, prayer, conversation—may occur in the quiet space created in an electronics-off-before-bed home.

  21

  I’m Starving

  Anyone wanting to stir up mommy guilt needs use only two words: healthy eating. With this ostensibly positive phrase—Isn’t healthy eating a good goal?—anxiety, shame, and defensiveness can descend on even the most conscientious of moms. After all, you can always do more: nix sugar, cut back on processed foods, add more whole grains and omega-3s, and on and on.

  Years ago, I (Jerusha) burst into a tearful rage after Jeramy mentioned—without any ill intent—that it would be nice to have more fresh fruits and vegetables around the house. Sitting there with both girls under the age of two, barely capable of getting through the grocery store once a week, I felt angry and ashamed.

  Guilt over our family not eating healthy enough has lurked in the background most of my mommy life, and I have to be honest: my five years as a part-time homeschooler were the worst. “Supermoms” sent their kids to enrichment classes with thermoses of seaweed soup and freshly-squeezed carrot juice (true, “it-happens-in-California” story!). I went home and beat myself up for having Goldfish crackers as the number one item on my shopping list.

  Like most of you reading this book, I want my kids to eat well. I know the health risks of a poor diet. I see the difference in my adolescent daughters after a slumber-party junk food binge. But also like most of you, I struggle to make healthy eating a reality. When you consider an adolescent’s natural drive to resist what parents suggest combined with biochemical urges prompting anything-but-healthy dietary choices, the phrase impending doom comes to mind.

  It doesn’t have to, though. Our family has discovered that even small changes in our eating habits make a big difference. We all feel better eating well, and feeling great makes it easier to continue adjusting and sticking with resolutions.

  This chapter certainly isn’t meant to leave you feeling uptight about every bite that goes into your mouth. Perhaps the most helpful idea I’ve encountered about healthy eating can be summed up as “the 80/20 rule.” If you eat well 80 percent of the time, you can relax about the 20 percent of the time when healthy options aren’t available or when you’re celebrating something special.1 Eating 80/20 is possible. You can do it, and so can your teen.

  One of the worst things we can model for teenagers is anxiety about food and healthy eating, so before we jump into this chapter, let’s agree to leave the guilt here. Unburdened, we can take a look at how the food adolescents eat and the choices they make impact the body, mind, and spirit.2

  Bio 101

  Because teens make many decisions about food on their own, tend to have additional resources and opportunities to buy food outside the home, and are often heavily influenced by peer choices and media exposure, helping them establish healthy eating patterns is an important goal. Adolescents need more energy (in the form of food) than both children and adults, and rapid growth spurts occurring during adolescence often drive teens to consume large amounts of food. Many of you—perhaps even today—have heard your teenager moan, “I’m starving.”

  Left to their own devices, most adolescents have notoriously poor eating habits. The vast majority of adolescents don’t consume enough nutrient-rich foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins) to optimize the incredibly important growth and development happening in their body and brain. Throughout this book, we’ve discussed the remarkable process of neural remodeling occurring in your adolescent’s brain; try running that on Yoo-hoo and Funyuns.

  Unfortunately for adolescents in the United States, the typical diet is high in all the wrong things—sugar, calories, saturated fat, and trans fats. Consuming what’s readily available may leave teenagers in worse health, with lower overall energy and decreased satisfaction.

  Renowned neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Amen puts it succinctly: “What you consume on a daily basis directly affects the health of your brain and body, and proper nutrition is the key. I often say if you have a fast-food diet, you will have a fast-food brain and an overweight body. To be your best self, get optimal nutrition from the food you put in your mouth.”3

  In his book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Body, Dr. Amen outlines important general facts about nutrition and the body. We’ve adapted and applied them to teenagers here:

  Food affects your teen’s attitude and energy level. Eating well gives people energy that lasts all day and can significantly decrease mood swings.

  Your adolescent’s eating habits influence overall health. Nutrient-rich foods lead to a stronger immune system, cardiovascular and digestive health, as well as peak brain functioning.

  Eating well impacts your adolescent’s academic performance. The ability to think quickly and clearly is tied to your diet. Brain-friendly foods enhance mental sharpness, helping adolescents stay focused and remain attentive.

  Good nutrition leads to better physical and athletic performance. Greater stamina and strength, as well as a reduced incidence of injury, result from quality nutrient intake.

  Your adolescent’s appearance and eating hab
its are closely tied. People who have healthy diets tend to look healthier. The food we consume affects not only the size of our bodies (i.e., weight and shape) but also our skin, hair, nails, and overall physique.4

  Today’s adolescents are surrounded by food options. In 2012, the US Census Bureau listed 662,487 food-service establishments,5 and a recent report from the National Restaurant Association indicates the number now exceeds 990,000.6 In 1975, an average American grocery store stocked just over 8,900 items. Today’s supermarkets carry in excess of 43,000 items,7 and less-expensive, high-calorie, packaged foods account for a significant portion of the increase.

  Teenagers are not merely exposed to far more food options, they’re also subject to the constant suggestion that more equals better value. Portions offered by restaurants and fast-food chains usually outstrip the recommended USDA serving sizes, often registering double the amount of calories, fat, and sodium than considered healthy for single-meal intake.8

  Neurologically, there are two major problems with the current state of affairs. One, teenagers’ undeveloped self-restraint makes it more difficult for them to resist temptations, particularly when they’re overly tired, hungry, or emotional. A less-than-mature ability to control one’s desires combined with the ever-present ability to eat more than the body needs is certainly an issue. The other concern is that the kinds of foods that harm rather than help the brain are more readily available at the places teens eat when on their own: fast-food venues, the mall, even many schools.

  Fast Facts

  Total percentage of empty calories that make up a typical diet: 40 percent

  Daily intake of calories recommended (for an active teenager): 2,000

  Average number of calories Americans consume daily: 3,800

  All this to say, one of the most important things we as parents can teach our adolescents about eating involves good old self-control. Easier said than done for many adults who struggle with that very issue. Why should we exercise self-restraint when we’re eating? The reasons are manifold.

  Most people already know that poor eating can lead to a slew of health problems: obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular and digestive disorders, mental health issues, as well as increased risk of lung, esophageal, stomach, colorectal, and prostate cancers.9 Maybe you’ve heard that eating a healthy breakfast—something many sleepy-headed teens skip on a daily basis—improves cognitive function (especially memory), reduces absenteeism, and improves mood.10 Most of us know a few basic facts about nutrition, but a good number of parents feel paralyzed when it comes to developing their own healthy eating habits and helping their adolescents.

  What if we could take some of the stress out of healthy eating by reducing the fundamentals to a few simple principles?

  Psych 101

  Very few people are emotionally balanced when it comes to food. Think about how many people you know who eat or drink for emotional reasons (when they’re happy, they celebrate with food, and when they’re down, they drown their sorrows in Häagen-Dazs). Consider how many people are freaked out about what they eat, and when, and how. Then think how many people “couldn’t care less,” eating what they want, when they want, but also suffering the consequences.

  In order to avoid these extremes, we’d like to give you some guiding principles for healthy eating that aren’t about counting grams or calories, restricting everything, or giving yourself license. Once you’ve started to implement these things, you can help your adolescent do so too.

  Eat from the rainbow. Aside from applying the 80/20 (or, if you’re feeling great, the 90/10) rule, learning to eat from the rainbow has been the best advice we’ve received about healthy eating. If you’re consistently choosing foods with a variety of colors, you’ll get far more nutrients than you have been previously. Throw some red bell peppers on your sandwich, slather on the avocado, go for that juicy peach in the summer. Look for bright pink salmon, deep blueberries, and lean red meats. Having a Caesar salad is great, but branch out, adding some snap peas to a bed of mixed greens, chopping up some roasted broccoli, and topping it with grilled chicken and your favorite cheese. Think variety. Think color. Healthy choices will happen.

  Get back to the farm. The healthiest diet our country ever had revolved around what could be grown or gathered on the family farm. Fresh lean meats, natural dairy products and eggs, and veggies and fruits galore are the best staples of a healthy diet. Whenever possible, choose fresh, not packaged or processed. I like how the authors of The Daniel Plan put it: “If it was grown on a plant, eat it. If it was made in a plant, leave it on the shelf.”11

  Boost your brain. Everyone benefits from eating brain-smart foods, and adolescents are no exception. Indeed, because of the radical changes occurring in their brains, choosing brain-friendly foods over other options is a great place to make small adjustments. (See the endnotes for a handy list from the Amen Clinics.12) Some of these brain-friendly foods you’ll find you already love. Great! Add more of those things. If you think you “hate vegetables,” you’ve probably never had them prepared well. Grilling almost any veggie adds fantastic flavor. Our girls actually started to ask for more zucchini and onions once we started grilling them with olive oil, garlic, and sesame seeds. You can also slow roast veggies with garlic, olive oil, herbs or spices (we like Himalayan pink salt), and lemon. For unfamiliar items, try finding a recipe that sounds palatable or a restaurant that specializes in preparing tasty dishes and give them a try. What do you have to lose?

  Love the food you’re eating. Both you and your adolescent will eat healthier if the healthy food you prepare tastes great. If you’re trying to force a boiled, sauceless chicken breast with a side of wilted broccoli and a wafer-thin slice of sprouted grain toast down your teenager’s throat, you won’t get anywhere. For most teens, making the conversation about “right” and “wrong” ways to eat or “healthy” vs. “unhealthy” choices leads to teenage tune-out. But if you make the issue enjoying food and enjoying what a healthy body, nourished by good food, can do and look like, you’ll have a better shot at adolescent buy-in.

  Faith 101

  Some people mistakenly believe that God doesn’t really care about the body and that what we eat doesn’t impact our spiritual life. To be perfectly blunt, these are lies. The Bible talks frequently about eating, both the process of it and the ways in which food and eating impact our relationships with others, him, and ourselves.

  Both you and your adolescent will benefit from keeping two essential spiritual principles in mind:

  Eating and drinking is a matter of glorifying God. In 1 Corinthians 10:31 we encounter the clear command: “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (NLT). What you choose to do with your body and the food choices you make either bring glory to God or they don’t. Making poor choices—including the bad decision to simply not care—wasting the potential of the body and energy he’s given, or subjecting ourselves to disease does not glorify God. On the other hand, he receives great glory when you wisely enjoy the good gifts he’s given (see Ps. 145:16; 1 Tim. 6:17).

  The stomach makes a very poor god. The book of Philippians speaks candidly about those for whom “their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things” (3:19). Both extremely healthy and extremely unhealthy eaters can make food the focus of their lives. Their minds are set on earthly things (whether Snickers bars or smoothies). The true and living God, who created food and our bodies, is the only one worthy of our service. When our focus is on him, eating healthy becomes a natural outgrowth of a vibrant relationship. If you listen for the voice of God, you’ll find that eating wisely becomes not only possible but also desirable for you and your teen.

  Try It Today

  Involve your adolescent in the process of preparing foods, especially making his or her own favorites but also trying new recipes and talking about what that day or week’s menu might be. We agree with celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson, who claims, “I
cannot stress a greater importance than to teach the young generation about the risks of unhealthy eating. A great way to pique their interest in nutrition is to involve them more in the cooking process. They not only will learn to cook for themselves, but also develop a lifetime of healthy habits.”13

  Including your son or daughter in the process of meal planning, preparing, and enjoying will benefit them in a number of ways, including but not limited to helping them develop healthy eating habits. At a time in life when making conversation may be difficult, having a shared project (cooking a tasty meal) can be a great way to spend time together. Your fifteen-year-old son might not be talking in more than single syllables, but he probably does like to eat! It also prepares teens for the “adult world,” and perhaps even marriage and family, where their food choices will impact others as well.

  22

  What’s Wrong with Me?

  Parents of adolescent girls consistently use one word to describe their daughters’ lives: drama.

  When our oldest daughter turned twelve and our youngest was ten, Jerusha realized that an unexpected apprehension about the adolescent years had descended on her. She began to joke with other parents about “getting ready for the battle” of the teenage years, particularly considering we had two girls who soon would experience the hormonal highs and lows of being a woman. One quiet morning, God reminded Jerusha, “Fear is not my plan for you. Look for the joys, not the troubles, and greet trials as they come. My strength and peace are enough for you and for them.”

  As our girls have grown into their teenage years, this has been something Jerusha has clung to, and it’s something we pass on to you today. God is well acquainted with both the beauty and the drama of femininity. We hope this chapter will equip and empower you in his complete sufficiency.