Her Mother's Daughter

by Lesley Crewe

  That’s when it hit her. That’s all he was doing. He wasn’t out there thinking about Tansy as she washed the dishes, wondering what she’d say or do about their situation. There was no situation. She was a girl he necked with and maybe got to second base with, but that was all. Just your typical summer romp in the grass that happens when night falls and beer flows.

  After Tansy finished the dishes, she put on her jacket and went outside to sit on the garden swing. It was a warm night for October. The pumpkins in the garden glowed under the light of the moon. Soon her mother would pick them to make pumpkin pie and pumpkin cookies and pumpkin preserves and pumpkin, pumpkin, stupid pumpkin stuff. Didn’t she get tired of constantly making something out of nothing? Didn’t she ever want to take a pumpkin and smash it to smithereens against a wall?

  Tansy had no idea how long she sat on the swing. She gave a start when she heard the back door open as Bobby thanked her parents again for a wonderful evening. They fell over themselves inviting him back whenever he wanted to come. Then he and Bay headed for his truck in the driveway. They obviously didn’t see her. That’s when her mother poked her head out the back door and asked if Bobby would like to take home some of the leftovers and the rest of the pie. He said he’d be delighted and Bay said she’d run in and get them.

  Bobby used the opportunity to take out a cigarette and light it, before he wandered over to the garden and saw her on the swing. He hesitated and then came forward.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself. Is it getting worse out there?”

  “Sorry?”

  “Never mind, you don’t remember.”

  “Remember what?”

  “The first day we met.”

  “Sure I do. It was at the quarry.”

  “No, the corner store, actually.”

  “Oh right, that nice old lady.”

  Tansy gestured with her thumb. “She lives right next door.”

  “Lucky you.”

  Tansy didn’t say anything else. Bobby walked over and sat beside her on the swing.

  “Look, I know this is a bit awkward. I didn’t know Bay was your sister.”

  “Well, she is.”

  “I’m sorry. I know we weren’t dating and we have nothing to hide, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t mention any of this to your sister. There’s no sense in upsetting her.”

  “Well, you obviously met her after you were with me, so how can she hold it against you? Is she going to have grudges against all your old conquests? I’m sure you have hundreds.”

  “Not quite. Still, there’s no point in bringing it up, is there?”

  Tansy pushed the swing with her feet, setting it in motion before she turned and faced him, tucking one leg under her. “Oh, I don’t know, Bobby. I guess if it meant nothing to you, then it doesn’t make sense to tell her. But since rolling around in the dirt with your tongue down my throat and your hand between my thighs is the highlight of my life, I’d find it difficult not to bring it up at some point.”

  Bobby stayed very still while he looked in her eyes. “Tansy, I have every faith that you love your sister very much and you’d never want to hurt her like that, so I know I won’t have to ask you again.”

  Bay ran out of the house with a grocery bag full of goodies from her mother. Bobby got up from the swing and went over to take it out of her hands. Bay waved at Tansy. “See ya later. We’re going to the drive-in.” They jumped in the truck and backed out into the street. Tansy watched the red tail lights disappear into the night.

  She stayed on the swing for quite a while before she got up and twisted a small pumpkin off its stalk. Then she walked next door and threw the pumpkin as hard as she could against Flo’s clapboard siding.

  Under the harvest moon, it looked like blood and guts all over the dirt driveway.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Bobby asked Bay’s parents for her hand in marriage a few days before Christmas. They were taken aback at first because it all seemed so soon, but Bobby said he couldn’t live another minute without her and they believed him. They knew their daughter was the happiest she’d ever been. When they gave their consent, Bobby gave them both a bear hug, startling Jack momentarily.

  Tansy had to watch Bobby give Bay her ring on Christmas morning. It was small, but you’d think it was the Hope diamond the way Bay went on about it. Gertie bawled when she heard the news.

  God. It was like no one had been married before.

  They set a date for the wedding in May, right before lobster season. Jack offered Bobby a job working on his boat and Bobby gladly took it. They got along like a house on fire anyway. Tansy overheard her mom on the phone to her cousin in Fredericton, saying that Bobby was the son Jack never had.

  Bobby’s uncle had a small rental property at the edge of town and said the young couple could rent one of the apartments and fix it up any way they liked. All that winter, they painted and hung wallpaper and sanded the old hardwood floors. Tansy went with Gertie a few times, on days she knew Bobby wouldn’t be there, to help Bay hang curtains or put up blinds. It was too suspicious to avoid going altogether.

  And she had to go shopping with her mother, Bay, and Gertie when they went to pick out the wedding and bridesmaid dresses, because sisters always went along on that sort of thing. Tansy was even happy for Bay when she walked out in the dress she eventually chose, because it was obviously meant for her and the look on her face was one of pure joy. It was only when Tansy went home and shut the bedroom door that the mask she’d worn all day crumbled.

  Tansy cried every night alone in her room and every morning she’d get up and put the mask back on. She didn’t realize what a toll it was taking on her until she went back for a fitting of her bridesmaid’s dress and it had to be taken in by several inches.

  Her mother took Tansy’s face in her hands. She gently rubbed the translucent dark circles under Tansy’s eyes. “Are you feeling okay, honey?”

  “I’m all right.”

  “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

  “No.”

  “I’m always here if you do.”

  “Don’t worry about me. Worry about the bride. She’s about to overdose on happiness.”

  Her mother smiled at her. “Never fear, my love. One day it will be your turn.”

  So while her sister basked in Bobby’s love, every day Tansy felt her heart get smaller and smaller. She knew it wouldn’t be long before it disappeared altogether and the surprising thing was she almost looked forward to it. Because once it was gone, it wouldn’t hurt.

  The only thing that kept her from going out of her mind was to spend as much time as she could in the company of boys. They kept her from thinking. Not that she felt anything when they held her in their arms, but it passed the time. Unfortunately for the boys, it was an exercise in frustration, because although they could do most things to her, they couldn’t do everything.

  Never that. Ever.

  Unfortunately, one night her coping mechanism blew up in her face. She had too much to drink and was parked in the local lovers’ lane with a guy from high school. There were lots of other cars and people there, so it wasn’t like they were totally alone, but in the end that was the problem. While she and this jock were in the back seat practicing their night moves, two of his friends watched the spectacle through the open car windows. They drank their beer and hooted with delight whenever lover boy tried something fancy, and they didn’t notice the truck pull up behind them until the last minute.

  Tansy didn’t know it was her father who pulled her out of the backseat of the car until she stood on the ground with her blouse open and her jeans unzipped. The two spectators were long gone, but the jock wasn’t so lucky. He was pulled out of the car next and received a sharp right hook that connected with his jaw. Down he went. Then Tansy’s dad grabbed her by the upper arm and marched her over to the truck. He pushed her into the front seat and got behind the wheel and drove off. He didn’t say a word to her all the way home.
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br />   When he got out of the truck, he went around to the passenger side, opened the door, and took Tansy by the arm and escorted her into the house. Bay and her mother were at the kitchen table. Her mom jumped up.

  “Where on earth have you been? It’s almost four in the morning! We were worried sick.”

  “I’ll tell you where she’s been,” her father shouted. “Up on lovers’ lane in the back seat of a car, with one guy pawin’ at her and an audience watchin’ the show.”

  Her mother looked at her in horror. “What is wrong with you? Is this what your life has turned into? Do you want to be known as the town pump?”

  Bay tried to intervene. “Mom, that’s not fair.”

  “Well, that’s what will happen if she doesn’t stop behaving like a tramp. Your father and I raised you girls better than that and I can’t tell you how disappointed I am with your behaviour, Tansy.”

  “She drinks too damn much,” her father yelled before he pointed at Tansy. “I’m telling you, missy, you’re grounded for a month. Do you hear me? I want to see you in this house every night after supper and by God, you’d better be here. Now get upstairs. I don’t want to see your face until morning.”

  Tansy walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into her room. Her father shouted about what on earth they were going to do with her and her mother sounded like she was on the verge of tears, while Bay told them to calm down, that it wasn’t the end of the world.

  Eventually they came upstairs and went to bed. Soon all was quiet. Tansy lay on the bed with her clothes on and stared at the ceiling. She didn’t hear the quiet knock on her bedroom door until Bay came in and shut it behind her. Her sister walked over and sat next to her.

  “You okay?”

  Tansy shrugged.

  “You don’t look well, Tansy. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

  Tansy shook her head.

  “You can talk to me if there’s something you don’t want Mom or Dad to know.”

  “I know that.”

  “They’ll calm down. They forget what it’s like to be young.”

  “You never put on a show in the back seat of someone’s car.”

  “Doesn’t mean I didn’t want to.”

  The sisters smiled at each other.

  “I’d be too afraid to do something like that, like the police would show up and put me in jail.”

  “You’re a nut.”

  “Besides,” Bay said, “I never had the opportunity. The boys only looked at you.”

  “You only need the right boy to look at you. All the rest don’t matter.”

  “True.”

  They sat in silence for a while.

  “What’s it like, Bay?”

  “What’s what like?”

  “Knowing that Bobby loves you.”

  Bay looked away for a moment. “It’s like when you’re freezing cold on a winter morning, so cold you can’t bear it, and then you step on the grate in the hallway and a hot blast of air comes up from below and envelopes your whole body and soon you’re toasty and warm and happy again. It’s kind of like that.”

  “You’re lucky.”

  “I know I am. One day you’ll be lucky too.”

  Tansy turned her face to the wall.

  “While you’re incarcerated, Gertie and I can teach you how to play cribbage. How does that sound?”

  “Painful.”

  Bay patted her hand. “Get some sleep. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  It was a week before the wedding. The whole family was in a heightened sense of panic. Not frantic panic, but the sort of busyness that makes people put their hands up to their foreheads and say, “What was I doing?” or “Where did I put that list?”

  The uproar on this particular day was over the bridal shower Liz was hosting for Bay at the house. She was about to have kittens because the house had to be spotless and she had ten kinds of squares in the oven and was in the middle of making six different types of finger sandwiches.

  Tansy was put to work vacuuming and dusting while Gertie had the horrible job of making sure the bathroom was pristine.

  “That’s all I need,” Liz huffed as she passed Gertie the bucket and scrub brush, “Lois Axworthy snooping around the loo. Everyone knows she opens medicine cabinets and looks under the sink, so make sure you get rid of anything that looks scandalous.”

  “Such as?” Gertie asked.

  “I don’t know…suppositories and vaginal cream…that sort of thing.”

  Gertie wrinkled her nose. “Oh goody.”

  “I think you should stick a vibrator in the toothpaste drawer,” Tansy told Gertie as she trudged upstairs.

  “As I live and breathe, Tansy Gillis,” her mother shouted from the kitchen. “No wonder I have grey hair.”

  Gertie was back in the kitchen before Tansy finished vacuuming the entire downstairs. She was sweating bullets, and when she walked into the kitchen was greeted with a wall of heat. “It’s like the coke ovens in here,” she complained. “Have you finished baking yet?”

  “Not quite. Gertie, don’t ice those coconut squares. They need to cool down.”

  “Okay.”

  “Mom, where’s Bay? Shouldn’t she be here helping us? It’s her shower.”

  “She ran over to the apartment to finish painting the inside of the kitchen cupboards because she won’t get a chance before the wedding.”

  Tansy was about to sit down and take the weight off her feet when her mother remembered something. “Honey, take the car and run over and ask Bay to give you that plastic bag filled with serving trays. I’m running out of places to put this food.”

  “No wonder. You’re feeding the five thousand,” Tansy grumped.

  She was in a bad mood when she grabbed the car keys and drove over to the apartment; she hated going over to her sister’s little love nest. If she never saw it again she’d be quite happy. When she drove up, she cursed. Bobby’s truck was there. Maybe she’d honk and get Bay to run out with the trays, but then Bobby would know why she was doing it and that made her cringe.

  Tansy got out of the car and walked around the back. Their apartment was on the ground floor. She reached the door, and was about to go inside when she saw them through the kitchen window. They were definitely not painting.

  She wanted to look away but she couldn’t. He had Bay up against the counter. Her head was back, her eyes were closed, and her mouth was open as she banged against the cupboard door. Tansy couldn’t hear them, which made it worse, because she knew the kind of sounds they were making. They were in their own private world, giving and receiving the pleasure she’d never have. She’d always be on the outside looking in at them and their perfect, perfect love.

  To make matters worse, her mother hollered at her when she came home without the trays.

  She thought the shower would never end. Tansy vowed that she would never attend another bridal shower for as long as she lived. A room full of cackling hens would be less irritating. Keeping busy was the only way to live through it.

  Gertie stayed by Bay’s side, oohing and aahing over the gifts, taking photos of Bay with a paper plate festooned with gift bows on her head. To the untrained eye, Liz looked like she was having a good time, but Tansy knew her mother’s mind was fast at work, calculating how many teabags she’d need for the urn and whether it was time to take the trifle out of the fridge.

  Her well-meaning friends hovered around and asked her if there was anything that needed doing, but Liz good-naturedly shooed them out of the kitchen, saying she had plenty of help. Meaning Tansy.

  At some point during even the most hectic of showers, there’s a general lull in proceedings when appetites and thirsts have been sated and the weary hostess gets to sit down and enjoy her guests. It was during such a period, while Tansy was alone at the sink, that her father came into the kitchen.

  “Hello, my little darlin’,” he sang as he took off his jacket. “Any of those tiny sandwiches left? I could eat
me boots.”

  “You’ve been drinking, mister,” Tansy smiled.

  “Who’s a clever girl,” Jack laughed as he put his arm around his daughter’s shoulder.

  “Mom’s gonna kill you.”

  “Never. Your ma loves me.”

  “I’m not sure why.”

  “Always with the saucy talk. I wonder who you take after.”

  “I’m Jack Junior, remember.”

  “Oh yeah, so you are.”

  Liz came into the kitchen and put her hands on her hips. “Wonderful. I thought the stag party would be going on a lot longer than this. How am I supposed to get you upstairs without every gossip in town seeing the state of you?”

  “Give us a kiss.” Jack puckered up.

  “Bobby’s stag party was tonight?” Tansy asked.

  Jack nodded a little more than was necessary. “Too right it was, and a grand time was had by all. The man himself is a little worse for wear, but I left him down in the boat. He’ll be fine.”

  “You left him on the boat?”

  “Jack…are you sure he’ll be all right? Why didn’t you take him home?”

  “Look, my love, we ended up drinking down on the boat and none of us was in any shape to drive, and he wasn’t in any shape to walk, so I left him there. He’s not goin’ anywhere. I’ll go down and check on him in the morning.”

  “If you’re sure.” Liz didn’t sound too convinced.

  “I want some food, woman!”

  Liz shushed him and turned to Tansy. “For God’s sake, gather up a plate of sandwiches and sweets and take your father upstairs as quick as you can, before Lois Axworthy sees him.”

  Tansy did what she was told. Before she left the kitchen, with one hand on her father and the other on a plate of goodies, she said, “Do you need me anymore tonight, Mom? I’m tired. Think I’ll have an early night.”

  Her mother emptied a teapot into the sink. “No, honey. You’ve been a great help, and I appreciate it. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She whispered in her father’s ear. “As quickly and as quietly as possible, we’re going to rush down the hall and tiptoe upstairs. Have you got that?”