It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  “We ate forty-five minutes ago. Not two minutes ago.” She stood in front of him. “What are you working on?”

  “Oh shit. Work can consume me and I will lose track of time.”

  “I noticed.” He set his computer aside. “I’ll come down and eat.”

  “Bring your computer. You can tell me what you’re working on.”

  “It’s just an idea.”

  “I’d like to see it if you can share.”

  He looked at her. She was biting her bottom lip. Everything he was running from came back. “I’ll bring my computer down and show you,” he agreed.

  He brought his computer down at the dining room table and went into the kitchen to apologize to Kim. “I’m sorry I missed lunch. I grabbed my computer to work for a few minutes and three hours went by in a blink.” He gave her a wide smile.

  “It’s good you like what you do. We had sandwiches for lunch, nothing I spent hours preparing. I’m working on the turkey and the rest of supper.”

  “Let me know if I can help. Well, on second thought, it’s probably better if you don’t ask me.”

  She tried to teach him to cook, but he was a failure at every cooking task. “Still can’t cook? What are you eating?”

  “Take out. Mostly. I work late most nights, anyway. I grab a salad or something on the way home. Healthy these days. I gained a few pounds when I first moved out and ate crap all the time.”

  “Benjamin Woodley!”

  “What? Would you rather I burn my condo building down?”

  “I’ll feel better with Selene cooking for you.”

  “She’s not coming out to cook for me.”

  “Ben, I don’t know what to do with you.”

  “I’m doing fine. I’m eating well. Promise.”

  Kim gave him a Mom look. And he smiled. “I love you, Kim. Thank-you for taking care of me.”

  “Honey, you are one of the best things that came from marrying Dan. We needed you as much as you needed us.”

  “I don’t think so, but I love you for saying it.”

  “Promise you’ll take care of my girl, though.”

  “I care for her as well.” His spoke in a soft voice, the weight of Selene’s wellbeing felt a little heavier.

  “I know you do, Ben.” She patted his hand. “Go eat.”

  He returned to the dining room. Selene was at her laptop, which she set beside his. “Sorry, I lost track of time. If it happens at home, just poke me with a stick until I come out of it.”

  “If you’re busy at work, let me know you’re busy and I’ll leave you alone.”

  “It’s not usually important. I work late because I have no one around to stop me, but I enjoy the work.”

  “I’ll take care of you while you work hard. Make sure you eat, shower. The whole thing.”

  “I’m not bringing you out so you can assist me during your off time. Your job is in the office only.”

  “That’s my special job as your roommate. Speaking of which, how much is rent for my room? I never asked if I could afford it.”

  “Nothing.” He grabbed his sandwich. No way was he charging her rent.

  “Ben, I need to compensate you for invading your space. Your life.

  “You aren’t invading my space. I asked you. If you’re worried about the money, I already pay for the whole place and no one else lives there. You aren’t going to change my expenses so greatly and I don’t need the money.”

  “Fine, I’ll be in charge of cleaning.”

  “I have a housekeeper.” He turned his gaze to hers, holding her. He wanted to do this for her. “Kitten, you aren’t paying me a dime for food or rent. Do not argue with me. You won’t win.”

  She opened her mouth, but he glared at her. She closed it. “Show me what you are working on.”

  He typed in his password to unlock the computer and turned the screen toward her. He leaned back. “I had an idea. Stuffed animals are comforting, right? But it would embarrass older kids and teens to have one in their room.”

  “This looks like a box.”

  “Yeah, I had two ideas. For teens, a box to keep it in. A nice looking box, like one they could have letters in or other mementos, but a doll inside. The other idea is a blanket with a pocket it can hide in.”

  “Those are neat. So what are you doing?”

  “Drawing up the idea. There’s a lot to consider. Source the stuffed animals, or create our own.”

  “Hidden comforts. Nope. There’s got to be a play on words in this idea.”

  He frowned at her. “What?”

  “I was trying to think of a catchy name. Work on the copy for it. How the blog posts will go.”

  “Blog?”

  “Yeah, you’re getting a blog. I can’t believe you don’t have one. What is your marketing team doing?”

  “Running ads in parent magazines?” That was one of their many marketing targets. It wasn’t just that, it was a lot more complicated than he could go over in a few minutes. There were target audiences, market research, ad campaigns.

  “Blogging lets us reach customers more personally. We won’t only post your products. But things the target market is interested in. I’ll need to talk to marketing about demographics. Who is buying this stuff?”

  “I have some data. I’ll email it to you. How long have you been thinking about this?”

  “How long ago did I accept the job?”

  That warmed his heart. She was as excited about the business as he was. If all went as planned, she would own part of the company at some point. He couldn’t be with her, but he wanted to support her. He dreamed he could share this with her, but he had to make sure before he let her in. She needed to learn the business first, and he hoped fall in love with him. It, the business.

  “I’m glad you are excited. I know blogs and social media are the thing to do. I haven’t needed them until now.”

  “And you don’t really need them now, but it gives people a way to share us and lets us connect personally. I swear it will benefit you and Light Up.”

  He held up his hands. “What do you think of the hidden doll idea?”

  “I want one of the blankets. It’s brilliant. The box is a good idea as well. I think more so for teenage girls. Boys might need a different angle.”

  “You might be right.” He realized he’d eaten two bits of his sandwich. “Okay let me eat, and we can keep talking ideas.”

  She hugged his arm while he ate. “I can’t wait to work with you. I wish I could just come out now.”

  “It won’t be long. I’ll have my secretary book a ticket when I return.”

  She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “Not your assistant?”

  “Not my assistant,” he parroted back. “Not part of her job.” He tucked her hair behind her ear, smoothing it down to her shoulder. He kissed her temple. Stop kissing her, his inner voice admonished. He withdrew and busied himself with the laptop, tapping some buttons to make his design program do something. Embarrassment gripped him and he wanted to disappear.

  “Thank-you for showing me.” She rested her hands on her keyboard.

  “I’m glad I did. I can’t believe you have so many ideas.”

  “That’s just the start of them. I’m still brainstorming. I have to narrow down what’s a good idea and what isn’t before I share them with you.”

  “Sounds good.” He finished his sandwich and drank his milk.

  “Kent and I are going to watch the Grinch. Do you want to watch with us?”

  “Sure. But I’m bringing my laptop so I can work a little more.”

  “Me too,” she said.

  Selene was walking through water. Ben was leaving. She would be with him in two weeks, but it still sucked. Five days with him was like a tease. Thank goddess, she was moving there, otherwise this might crush her.

  Her despair was silly. She lived without him for four years. And she would be with him again in two weeks. And she would talk to him a hundred times betwe
en now and then.

  Everyone crowded in the entryway of the house to say goodbye to him while she wished they’d go away.

  She watched everyone else hug him and say their goodbyes while she wished she could drive him to the airport and squeeze in every free minute with him. But he had his rental car. She was ready to go with him.

  She was being childish. Last time she said goodbye to him, he disappeared for four years. That fear welled up and threatened her with tears.

  If she cried, he’d ask why and she’d tell him she loved him. The result would be a giant mess.

  She pushed the fears away, swallowed her tears, reminding herself, again, she would be with him in a couple of weeks.

  She moved forward to give him a hug and when she pulled away; she realized everyone else had left. A moment alone. She almost shivered from the joy. She’d be free to touch him. They cuddled up far too frequently when they were alone. They were almost caught a few times. They had an unspoken agreement to move apart if someone else entered the living room, maybe he followed her lead. Every time they touched her guilt spiked and drove her to keep it private. She knew it wasn’t innocent on her part. She craved his touch, his comfort, his closeness.

  “I’m glad you came home this year.” She grabbed his hand and swung them between their bodies.

  “Me too.” He lifted her digits to his mouth and brushed his mouth across her knuckles.

  His mouth on her skin left boneless, breathless, and restless. She wanted to pull away to regain her composure, but she also wanted to keep touching him. A tingle spread from her hand and spread through her body. “I will miss you.”

  “A few weeks from now you’ll be tired of me.”

  She could never tire of him. She loved talking with him no matter the topic. His business, her life, their plans. Anything, everything. She couldn’t wait to start working. She had already started writing the blog. The conversation ventured into a dangerous territory. Time to keep things light.

  “Give yourself some credit. It will take at least a month before we tire of each other.”

  He smiled at her and turned her hand over. He pressed a kiss to her palm. “I’ll call you when I have your ticket arranged.”

  “Call me before then. Call me when you are home.”

  He started to refuse, but she stuck out her bottom lip and dropped her eyes. “Okay, kitten. I’ll call you when I arrive home. And I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

  He dropped her hand. She launched herself at him and hugged him once more.

  She knew she was too close. She knew she should keep her distance, but this was Ben, she couldn’t keep it if she tried. He’d been her hero, her knight, her champion since she could remember.

  He hugged her back. “I had better go before I’m late for my flight.”

  “See you soon.”

  As he went out the door, she ran up to her room. She looked out as he opened the door to his rental car. He turned and looked up, as if he knew, and blew her a kiss.

  She waved at him, trying to swallow the damn tears. It was only a couple of weeks then she’d be with him.

  Two weeks to overcome her silly childish fantasies and prepare to work for him.

  Ben opened his condo door. He put his suitcase on his bed and opened it. He uncovered the gifts Selene gave him. A bottle of cologne, a cell-phone case with the Light Up logo on it, and a card with her signature on it.

  He set the bottle in his bathroom and the card and cell-phone case on his nightstand where he could see them. He had to ask where she got it, he wanted a sticker for his laptop, and his iPad. And hers as well when she got here.

  He sat on the bed while he waited for her to answer his call. “Hello Ben. You need a nickname.”

  “I do?” Her opener threw him off.

  “I have a nickname. You don’t. You need one.”

  “The curious little kitten.” That was the original nickname he gave her. When he first moved in, she asked him six questions a minute. Eventually it got shortened to kitten, and then everyone but him dropped calling her that. He hadn’t called her that much in years, but when he saw her again, it came back like second nature.

  “Exactly.”

  “Uncle Ben?” The label would remind him of his place in her life would keep him from any further carnal thoughts.

  Her laughter went straight to his groin. Or that wouldn’t work at all. Fuck. “No, you aren’t Uncle Ben. I’m an adult now.”

  “Turning into a grown-up doesn’t stop your uncles from being uncles in a normal family.”

  “We are anything but a normal family. Which is why we are better, by the way.”

  “Nothing is normal in our family.” He wished they were together. He missed the smile she had only for him, and holding her close, touching her soft skin. The last day they spent refining his idea for the hidden toys and working a name for it.

  He couldn’t wait for her to arrive and continue working together. “I’m home, anyway.”

  “What are you doing now?”

  “Grab a snack, catch up on email. Trying to decide if I should go to the office or work here.”

  “Work at home. It’s already late for you.”

  “Not that late.”

  “How much do you sleep on average?”

  “Enough to survive.” That was all he was saying. She’d know better when she arrived.

  She made a noncommittal sound. “I guess I’ll see for myself.”

  “I’ll have my secretary order your ticket tomorrow.”

  “Okay. I’m half packed. I need more boxes.”

  “You can’t be half packed already. I left you a few hours ago.” The thought of leaving her made his chest ache with want again.

  “I am. I don’t want to bring much to your place. Once I move to my own place, I’ll retrieve the rest or have Mom ship it.”

  A place of her own? He had to admit, he thought of her living with him forever. Of course, she’d want her own place. He hoped it wouldn’t be soon. It would be convenient to work late if she lived with him.

  Lies. No half-truth. He wanted her. Maybe she’d have annoying habits he’d hate to live with and he’d be glad when she moved out. Slim chance, but he could hope.

  “Okay, so you’re probably already working, so I wanted to run an idea by you.”

  He smiled. “I’m ready to hear it. But I haven’t even opened my computer case. So I’m not working. Yet.”

  “Okay, can I distract you by changing the subject to work? Look five days and you’ve already turned me into a workaholic.”

  He laughed. “That’s not good for you. But for me, it might be.”

  “How long does it take to get a product from idea to market?”

  “A couple years.”

  “Years? You had this idea and it could take years before it’s on sale?”

  “Yeah. Have to test the idea first, to make sure it’s a product that will sell. And we have to make prototypes. There’s also packaging and pricing and a ton of other things. A couple years.”

  “A couple years,” she agreed. “That’s a lot. I never thought about any of that. I have a lot to learn.”

  “You have no idea. I started with the ideas a year after I got here. I wanted to start it right out of school, but when I started researching, I learned it was far more complicated. So I went to university to learn business first.”

  “You’re why I studied marketing. Well, sort of. I fell into marketing.”

  “Well, it’s all coming together. We got distracted. What is your idea?”

  He laid back on the bed and grabbed her card while he listened.

  Chapter 7

  Selene cried when she hugged Mom and Dad dropped her at the airport. “I’ll miss you,” she told each of them.

  But not too much. She was way more thrilled to be going to Ben and a new job. He tried to pay her for the last two weeks because she spent her evenings on the phone with him going over ideas. She refused, claiming her plane ticket was payme
nt.

  She waved behind her as she entered the terminal and headed for her new life. Her heart beat faster as the plane took off. And several hours later when she landed again. Ben was somewhere inside the terminal waiting for her. She’d be alone with him. In his home, his scent surrounding her; his presence would the only familiar one available. She could use one of his hidden stuffed animals for the evening.

  She pulled out her cell phone and sent a text to her mom as she waited for her turn to remove her carry-on luggage out of the overhead compartment.

  She was more exhausted than she had ever been before. As excited as she was for this opportunity to work for Ben, traveling to her potential new city was an exhausting feat. But some of the exhaustion came from her imagining the many ways this new venture could go.

  She retrieved her carry-on bag and made her way off the plane. She waited by the baggage claim. As she reached for her bag, a hand reached around her and snagged it. She turned to give hell to the person trying to snatch her stuff. Only to find Ben standing there.

  “It’s you,” she breathed, wanting to lean against him, wanting to breathe him in. “You scared the daylights out of me.”

  “I said your name twice.”

  “It’s been a long day. I’m so tired, Ben. You’re only two time zones away, but it feels as if I’ve been traveling for weeks. Please take me to a soft horizontal surface.” She cringed a little. That wasn’t supposed to sound like an invitation to bed. “I need a nap.”

  “Sure. You can lean on me. Let’s go home, kitten.” He took her carry-on bag off her shoulder and put it over his.

  He was a sight to drool over in his suit. A simple blue tie around his neck. His face soft and smooth as if he’d shaved before coming here. He looked so much younger than thirty-three. He looked like the young man she remembered. Except professional and ready to take on the world.

  She wrapped her arm around him and leaned against him. “Thank-you.” The tang of his cologne was rather appealing. Was it what she bought him? Or did he prefer his own? It smelled like the scent she chose, but the body had a way of changing scents.

  It had only been three weeks since they last saw each other. But after his disappearance of four years, there was so much for her to absorb. She wanted to memorize the angles of his face, travel the length of his body with her hands, get drunk with lust on his taste again. She wanted to do so many things with him that weren’t allowed.