It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  He didn’t notice the little tremble in her arms and legs as they walked to the parking lot and he asked about her flight.

  “It was fine, except you did what I said I didn’t want.”

  “What?”

  “First class? For little old me.”

  “I wanted your first plane ride to be in style.”

  “It was too much.”

  “The correct response is ‘thank-you’.” He gave her a hard look.

  “Thank-you, Benny.”

  “Benny?”

  “I used to call you that sometimes.”

  “You did.” He ushered her to a sleek black sports car. Pulling the keys from his jacket pocket, he clicked the remote to unlock the doors. He opened the passenger door and waited until she got inside before he went to put her bags in the trunk.

  She settled into the leather seat and leaned it back a little. She ran her finger over the logo on the dashboard: Jaguar.

  Wow. Was there that much money in toy design and manufacture? She’d done a lot of reading on his company and emailing back and forth with him about his products. His first big success was a night-light that wasn’t for little kids. They had designs for older kids and teens. After that he had some gender neutral toy lines. Dolls, tea party sets, and cars to name a few. He had licensing agreements, and product development. He was in discussions for making a video game for kids coping with the aftermath of an abusive situation. And his newest creation. She didn’t know what else he had in various stages of development either.

  He slid into the driver’s seat. He noticed where her fingers were. “I splurged last year after an amazing year. Probably spent too much, but it’s fun.”

  “Must have been quite the year,” she murmured.

  “Not as good as this year will be,” he replied. His low voice traveled down her spine, making her tremble and leaving her restless and wanting more. The same way she felt when he kissed her. Wanting more.

  She barely heard or felt the car move. “Do you want something to eat before we head home?”

  She shook her head. “I need an hour to lie down, then I’ll perk back up. We can eat before you show me around your office.”

  “You don’t need to work your first night here. We can ... relax.”

  She laughed as he stumbled over the word. “I doubt relax is in your vocabulary. I want to see where I’ll be spending my days and probably a few evenings.”

  “You’re the boss. At least for tonight. I’m eager to show you.” He had a boyish grin on his face as he glanced at her.

  “Mom made me promise to take lots of pictures. And to say they will be out in the spring. And to remind you to take care of me.”

  “She texted me all those things last week. And again today. She’s having a hard time with you moving here.”

  “They knew I wanted move out of their house, but they didn’t know she would move out of their time zone. I’ve never lived on my own.”

  He reached over and covered her hand with his own. “You aren’t alone,” he said. She turned her hand so their fingers could lace together.

  A voice in the back of her head told her to pull away. She wanted to accept his comfort, his presence. It was probably setting bad precedent for their living arrangement, but the lure of ease was too strong.

  “I missed you.”

  “It’s only been three weeks.”

  “I don’t mean since Christmas. I mean since you moved out here.”

  “I’m sorry I disappeared.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Let’s not be sorry. We are together now and that’s all that matters.”

  She watched him out the corner of her eye while they drove. He pointed out a few landmarks, but she only cared about him.

  The exhaustion from the trip made its way into her eyes. By the time they got to his condo her eyes were barely open, and she leaned heavily on him as they made their way up to his apartment. She barely even reacted to the tower. She packed away the amazement for later.

  He guided her through his space to her bedroom. She lay down on the blankets. The boxes she shipped earlier stacked beside her bed. She looked at Ben standing in the doorway like her guardian angel, always ready to chase away her monsters in the dark. “I’ll be up in an hour.”

  “Take as much time as you need.” He stayed in doorway. She wished he’d lie down with her. Too soon. He turned away, and she squeezed her eyes shut. It wouldn’t always hurt to see him walk away.

  Ben hesitated in the doorway of Selene’s room when he showed her the room. After he put the boxes she shipped into her bedroom, he stopped going into the space. It was her space now. And he needed strict boundaries and self-control. He couldn’t keep touching her the way he did over the holidays. Those memories must be enough to sustain him.

  He pulled the door closed and walked slowly to his, their living room. He threw himself on the sofa and rubbed his hands over his face. Maybe it was a mistake letting her live here. She was too close, her scent lingered in the room. He couldn’t stop looking at her. And he couldn’t stop wanting to touch her. He wanted, longed, needed to touch her.

  When he said goodbye to her at Christmas, he kissed her hand twice. The softness of her skin was etched in his memory. The joy in her eyes when he touched her. She shouldn’t be so happy to have his attention. He shouldn’t be so happy he made her happy.

  Selene was everything good and loving in the world. He could still see the smile on her face when he walked in her front door and into her world. He’d been afraid of Kim, but he was even more afraid of the wide-eyed girl pixie who danced through the rooms of the house, bringing it to life. The moment he walked into the house and she asked him to come play tea party with him, he was putty in her hands.

  She was a bundle of curious energy and affectionate as hell. He called her the curious kitten as a joke, but the name stuck. Everyone called her that for a while. He hadn’t called her that in years until Christmas. The name popped up naturally on his lips when he held her.

  She was still the same bundle of energy and affection. And now he had to contain it, direct it. She had fallen prey to the usual college mindset of self-censoring; she had to free her creative self. He intended to help her do all that. Working for him would give her a leg up anywhere she wished to work.

  He turned on his computer and loaded up his favorite Chinese restaurant and ordered some food. He didn’t know if she’d be hungry. The food would distract him. After they ate, he planned a trip to the office. It would be empty and he could keep her all to himself for the entire first day. It would be almost two days since his plans for the following day were out of the office.

  He planned a slow transition for her to working. He didn’t want to jump straight in like a slave driver. And he planned to make sure she wasn’t spending all her off-hours working. It was enough for him to be a workaholic who had no social life. No reason to force that on her.

  After he ordered the food, he checked his email. He pushed all his thoughts and feelings for Selena aside and turned it work. It was his freedom. Everything was easier when he was working.

  His phone rang interrupting his flow, and he pulled it out of his pocket. His manufacturing manager. Ben cursed himself for taking off early in the day. He hit the answer button. “What’s going on?”

  “I know you’re busy, I hate to bother you when you’re taking care of personal things.”

  “It’s fine Diego. Things will be much smoother once I have my assistant.”

  “Hopefully he can assist you to supply line. I got the new prototype, and it’s all wrong.”

  “My assistance is female. Never mind. Give me all the details. Let’s see what we can do to solve it.”

  He had things almost wrapped up, in that this couldn’t be fixed over the phone, when he heard Selene’s door open and her feet pad down the hallway. He stifled the urge to end the phone call and check on her.

  When she entered the room, he stayed facing the computer while he finished his co
nversation. She would create a distraction and he would lose his train of thought. “Schedule me to be there at two. I have something to take care of in the morning. Thank-you.” Her presence alone distracted him. He’d deal with this tomorrow when his head wasn’t so full of her.

  He ended the call and imagined she came up behind him and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Her arms wrapped around him and her soft breasts pressed into his back. His breath hissed through his teeth and he turned to her. She looked even more gorgeous than when she got off the plane. One hell of a nap.

  “Everything okay?”

  He set the phone down on the desk. “Yeah, problem with the local manufacturer. I was hoping for an easy transition for you, but we are straight into it tomorrow.”

  She took a seat on the sofa. “Oh. Yikes. I can handle it.”

  He sat beside her. “I don’t know if you’re hungry; I know it’s early for you, but I ordered Chinese food for us.”

  His heart pounded as he waited for her to lean into him. He relaxed when she leaned back beside him and gave him a smile that showed her tiredness. “What are we doing tomorrow morning?”

  He put his arm on the back of the sofa behind her head. “Something you deserve from me.”

  Her eyes widened. He considered the connotations that could be behind that. He knew what he’d like to do for her. Images of stripping her clothes away floated through his mind.

  She cleared her throat. “That’s evasive.” Her voice sounded strangled. Had she read his mind? Was she thinking the same thing? She met his eyes, but it was more a deer in the headlights look than anything.

  His front door buzzer sounded before either of them could react. “Saved by the bell.” He went to the door and paid for the food. She was in his kitchen when he returned with the bags of food. He wasn’t sure what she would like, so he ordered way too much. He didn’t know what he’d like for that matter. His insides were so stirred up, he didn’t know if he could eat at all.

  He laid the food boxes out on the counter beside where she filled two water glasses for them. “I remember you drinking nothing but soda.”

  The good old days when he was more active, and burned calories by existing. “You missed the fifteen pounds I gained the first year I was out here. I quit drinking it. I quit eating junk food.”

  “You don’t have anything else in your fridge either. Where do you eat? Work?”

  “I grab a salad or sandwich on the way home. If you want ingredients, let me know, I can have a grocery service bring some.”

  “Water is fine. I’ll let you know.”

  “I don’t have time to shop. When I need ingredients, I call a grocery service. Fill your plate.”

  “Were you inviting more people?” Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened.

  “I didn’t know what you’d like.”

  She filled her plate and went to the table. He filled his and joined her. She looked deep in thought, so he ate silently. He wished he’d grabbed his phone. He could at least put their afternoon meeting into his schedule so his secretary knew what was happening tomorrow. She probably wouldn’t check until she was in the office in the morning. Not everyone checked their email every ten minutes.

  Ben reminded himself he was a life experience away from her. She was barely starting in adult life. He was running his own company that made him enough money to buy a jaguar and a very expensive condo, a grocery service. Whatever he wanted he could acquire except what he wanted most. Was that why he wanted her? Was this all a case of wanting what you can’t have?

  He glanced at her. Her mouth twisted into a deep frown. “Food okay?” He didn’t want to pry, but if something wasn’t right he needed to know.

  Her mouth easily flipped into a grin. “Yeah, I was thinking.”

  About what? He went with the obvious answer which he knew was wrong. “Missing home already?”

  She smiled wider and shook her head. “No. I was sorry to leave my friends.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll keep in touch. Everyone understood. We can make new friends together here.”

  For her, he’d suffer it. He’d do anything if it made her smile. “Yeah sounds good.”

  “You’re already giving me too much, Ben.” She searched his face. “Free housing. This job opportunity.”

  She jumped to her feet. “More water.” She coughed and refilled her glass.

  He wondered if it was too much. If he asked too much, too fast. “I feel like I’m asking too much of you. Moving almost across the country to work thankless hours with no hope for a social life.”

  “Is that how you feel about your life?”

  She was too perceptive. He stabbed as his food to avoid her gaze. “Sometimes. I haven’t dated in eight months. How do you have a relationship when you don’t know if you’ll be done at six or midnight?”

  “The right person would understand.” She looked closely at him.

  He leaned back in his chair. Would she understand? Would he work less if she was an option? “I have yet to find that person. Probably because I don’t have time to look for her.”

  “As your assistant, I’ll make it my mission to find her.”

  He didn’t need a partner. Didn’t want one. All he needed was his work. “I told Dan I’m married to Light Up. Work is far more demanding than any woman, but far more satisfying.”

  But the question of either of them dating lay between them. What if either of them wanted to bring someone home?

  “I haven’t dated in eight months, I’m unlikely to bring someone home this week. Or month. You don’t have to worry you might overhear me. It’s been awhile since I dated and I can’t see it happening soon.” He could only speak for himself. Why did he say that? Maybe he should have asked if she wanted to date? These were topics he hadn’t thought about before asking her to move in.

  She wrinkled her nose. “I’ll make myself scarce. If the right woman comes along.” She shoved a forkful of rice in her mouth.

  He looked down at his plate and moved his food around. Okay, new topic, new topic. He grappled for a neutral topic. Work! The office.

  “We should eat and clean up so we can see the office before midnight,” he said.

  There that goal would keep them from any further conversational landmines.

  A half hour later, they were at the office. A little faster because traffic was lighter in the evening. He couldn’t stop grinning as they rode the elevator up to the floors Light Up occupied. He couldn’t wait for her to see what he’d built. Given her excitement with the business he was certain she would be eager to have a tour.

  Dan and Kim toured when they visited a couple years ago when he first moved in. But they weren’t that interested in his business. Not like Selene.

  “I thought we’d put your desk in my office. It’s a big office and I need you close.” That was now a mistake he realized, but he couldn’t have her down the hall. Maybe once they had a good flow going when he no longer needed to look over her shoulder.

  “Okay.” She was busy looking at her surroundings. It was empty, and the quiet was eerie. He missed the buzz of his employees hard at work. He picked every one of his office employees. They were all committed to his vision. He’d have to give up control of that as they expanded.

  “I considered putting you in my secretary’s space. But I don’t want to encroach on her. And some conversations I’d rather keep private.”

  “If you have a secretary why do you need me?”

  “She can’t follow me around to meetings. She takes dictation and answers the phone.”

  “Right, I will be your shadow. I guess down the hallway won’t work either.”

  “Exactly. Besides, I want to look over your shoulder with the social media stuff.”

  “We might have to pick a focus to start with. We can expand later. Don’t forgot my secretary will be at your disposal if you need your notes typed or copies made.”

  “You may have to remind me. Let’s see y
our office. Do you have a desk picked out for me?”

  “They were setting it up when I left to pick you up. I’ll show you where the supply room is and you can grab what you’ll need.”

  “After our morning appointments I assume.”

  He met her eyes and matched her smile. “Yes, after that. No, after our factory meeting.”

  “You won’t tell me where we are going tomorrow are you?”

  “Don’t worry your pretty head about it, Selene.”

  When he said her name, it was like a caress. They stared at each other until he coughed. “Come on, my office awaits.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the hallway.

  Once inside, she kept her hold on him. It was so easy to be with her. Even when they were discussing his sex life, he felt at ease.

  She would be a great assistant and an asset to the company. She emailed him multiple times a day with ideas. He’d figure out how to make her owner of the company, eventually. To share everything with her.

  He got the feeling he would let go of more control than he imagined. But he trusted Selene.

  He pointed to the desk with a phone and her first present. “There is yours. I got them to wire in a phone and computer line. I have an iPad for you there. Your laptop is on its way.”

  “iPad and laptop?”

  “I’m on the move a lot. This will let you work from home if need be.” He cleared his throat. “I sound like a slave driver. I’m a workaholic. I don’t expect you to be.” In fact, he planned to make sure she wasn’t.

  “I doubt we’ll avoid working at home if we are both there. I knew it would a lot of hours.”

  “For crappy pay.”

  “It’s not that crappy consider it’s my first job out of college.”

  “You had a job. I feel like I stole you away.”

  “Fine, second job out of college. You’re paying me very well. Maybe, I’ll work on your ability to relax.”