It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  “Please what kitten?”

  “Touch me.” She swallowed and buried her face in his shoulder.

  “It’s okay you don’t have to say it out loud. Knowing you feel the same is enough. Tell me what you like or don’t like as we go, okay. If you want me to stop.”

  “Never. Never stop.” All the air squeezed out of her lungs. She kissed where his neck and jaw came together, the soft spot behind his beard. She had been eyeing that spot for weeks.

  He rolled them so she was laying across his lap. His mouth dragged across her neck and shoulder. He put a hand on her bare knee and pushed her legs apart. His fingers skimmed up her inner thigh, straight up her skirt, no pretext, no warning. Her heart beat faster as he got closer to her center. She fought to stop herself from clamping her legs together.

  His fingers brushed over her panties causing her to squeeze her eyes closed. She imagined his hands in the world, holding hers. They didn’t seem that big before, now touching her intimately they seemed so much bigger. She knew how they would fit together, but the reality of his size made her whimper.

  His hand brushed her hair back from her face. “Selene. Do you want me to touch you?”

  “Yes. More than anything.” Her eyes fluttered open. He looked down at her.

  “You’re trembling.”

  “Anticipation. Okay, I’m a little scared. I don’t have much experience here.”

  He ran his fingers along her crotch, lightly. “Does this feel good?” he whispered the words against her mouth.

  “It’s like teasing.”

  “A little harder then.” He pressed harder, the fabric rubbing against her. She wrapped her arms around his neck to anchor herself so she didn’t get lost. “Maybe you’d like it better if there was nothing between us.”

  His finger slipped under the fabric, he tickled the damp curls. Then his finger touched her. She jumped as if zapped by an electric current.

  “Easy, kitten.” He kissed her as his finger spread her open. His tongue parted her lips as his finger found her clit. He held her while he stroked her. She relaxed as it the pleasure spread through her body. He pulled his mouth from hers and looked at her. The corners of his mouth turned up, clearly he liked what he saw.

  “I’m going to change how I’m touching you.” And with that brief warning his finger slipped inside her. She squeezed her eyes shut. Her body shuddered a few times. He stopped moving, his finger deep inside her.

  “Do you like that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  His forehead pressed to hers. “Kitten, are you, have you never?”

  She groaned. She didn’t want to tell him she was untouched. What would he think? She was a loser. “I’ve never let anyone touch me like this.”

  She held her breath while she waited for him to withdraw. He stayed still. “And you want me to touch you?”

  “I have been waiting four years for you.” Maybe her whole life. But the last four years she tried to date, and it never worked. “I never found anyone who makes me feel like you do.”

  “How do I make you feel?”

  “Excited, warm, relaxed, frustrated. Everything all at once. But mostly, loved.”

  He kissed her and she was sure she had the right answer. His finger moved inside her, stroking her slick walls. Would he strip away everything between them and claim her? It was the unanswered question.

  He stopped moving inside her and moved to rubbing her clit again. She wiggled her hips as the feeling of being zapped came back. Zapped with pleasure. She almost laughed at herself, but the electricity shot through her body, head to toe in waves. Her noises turned to moans.

  She kissed him as her first orgasm from him rushed through her. She wanted to inhale him, take him inside her, make them one. “Make love to me,” she whispered.

  He shook his head. “Not tonight, Selene. I’m not ready for that.” She nodded. She understood. She didn’t want to pressure him. This was his first serious relationship. She was almost giddy with glee as she realized this was the beginning of their relationship.

  He sucked his finger into his mouth. “What are you doing?”

  “Tasting you.”

  His cock jumped against her leg. “What does it taste like?”

  “A fantasy. Do you want a taste?”

  She pulled back. “I don’t know.”

  “You’ve never tasted yourself? That’s like missing the finest experience there is. But I’d have to touch you again and touching might start something we aren’t ready to finish.”

  “I can feel your arousal. Can I touch you? Or watch?”

  He shook his head again. “I wish I could. I need release. But the thought makes me feel like I’m running off a cliff.”

  She stroked his hair, cheek. “It’s okay, love. We don’t have to. I want to experience everything with you at once. I want to rush. I’ve wanted to rush since the day I arrived.”

  “Once you got here, I hoped I would find my self-control and stop touching you. I felt too guilty about the way we cuddled at Christmas.”

  “But you didn’t. I wouldn’t let you.”

  “I was grateful when you touched me. No, I was thrilled. I wasn’t alone. And I would do anything to please you. Almost anything.”

  Anything? A smile crept onto her face. “Will you let me sleep in your bed?”

  “Yes, I want you in my bed. I want your makeup cluttering my bathroom; your clothes taking up space in my closet.” His eyelashes fluttered against her cheek. “I am terrified. And my usual way of dealing with that is working.”

  “What are you terrified of? Maybe talking will help.”

  “Hurting you. Being hurt. What Dan will say.”

  “Did you promise him nothing would happen?”

  “I did. I underestimated how much we felt for each other. Or overestimated my self-control.”

  “Me too. I thought at first I could live here and nothing more would happen. I didn’t think I would spend every minute at work fantasizing about touching you.”

  She kissed him again, sucking on his bottom lip when he remained quiet.

  She stopped and found his eyes. “I think we are safe from hurt. We won’t lose each other. We’ve been together for twenty years. In all that time, we’ve never given up on each other.”

  “You are the only person who has ever loved me unconditionally. You are the only person I trust.”

  “Then trust me when I say we are good. As long as I know we are moving forward together, I can wait. I can wait for what you need as long as you need. As long as you don’t shut me out again.”

  “Never.” His teeth scraped against her neck. “Never.”

  “Should we watch television?”

  “If we watch television and go to bed, it will mark the first time we had an evening where we didn’t work.”

  His eyes widened.

  “Should I grab your phone so you can check your email?”

  He smirked at her and she melted. “You should change into something comfortable. And I won’t check my email. Work hasn’t crossed my mind since I left the office the first time. I am full with you. And I don’t want anything else in my head.”

  “You say you aren’t romantic, but you say the most romantic things.”

  “I’m in love. What can I say?”

  “You’re in love?”

  “Great girl, she’s amazing. I think you’ll like her. She’s made my life so much better since she arrived. She makes me a better person. And she is the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.”

  “Second to you, darling.” He was so fucking beautiful. He had no idea. “You don’t know how good looking you are do you? You don’t know how women react to you.”

  “I’m just me, kitten.”

  “You are just you and that’s dazzling. You command attention. But you are warm and sweet.”

  “I see myself as the awkward teenager I was when I showed up in your life. I was shy as hell, insecure. My skin was bad because I had no place t
o wash up regularly.”

  “I don’t recall any of that. I thought you were the coolest person alive.”

  “You were five.” He kissed her nose. “I wasn’t.”

  “Well, the way you run your business means you are an amazing people person. You may not think so, but you know every person who works for you. And they admire you.”

  “Even the cute girl?”

  “Which cute girl?” Her eyes narrowed at his grin.

  “She shares my office. And now my bed.”

  Selene smacked his shoulder, but she was laughing as he pulled her against him and messed up her hair. She pulled her blanket over her legs. He turned on the TV and turned to their recorded shows.

  An hour later, she was snuggled in his bed. Her bed, their bed. She needed time to become accustomed to that.

  Her body throbbed with need, but he wasn’t ready yet. A reminder of his past. It made her grieve. But she’d wait for to move past it. The fear wouldn’t last forever.

  Chapter 16

  Ben held Selene every night for the rest of the week. He kissed her; he made her come, but he couldn’t bring himself to claim her.

  She said nothing but he could tell she was impatient for intercourse. The tension rolled off her after he brought her to orgasm. It was so fucking heavy in his mind. There was too much cultural bullshit expectation. And her own expectations. What if he couldn’t live up to them?

  “You look far too morose for a Friday afternoon,” she said, from her desk.

  “That’s because you are over there and not sitting on my lap.”

  “Should I be?”

  “Always. Come here, kitten. Let me pet you.”

  “It’s not even closing time. Lynn will be in any minute to say good night.”

  He hit the button on his phone to contact Lynn. “Have a good weekend, Lynn. I’m going to kiss my girlfriend now and she’s afraid you might see her.”

  “Benjamin!” Selene shouted. “Lynn I’m sorry.”

  His secretary laughed. “Have a good weekend you two.”

  He ended the call. “There, Now will you sit in my lap?”

  She shook her head, but she was amused. And a moment later, she perched herself on his lap and kissed him square on the mouth.

  “You are mean.”

  She shivered when he kissed the soft skin of her neck. She said the hair on his face tickled and scratched. He offered to shave it off, but she refused that request.

  “You smell so good. It’s driving me to distraction,” he murmured against her neck.

  “Should I stop showering?”

  He teased her ear and quickly loosed three button from their holes. She had her eyes closed, so she was too distracted to notice him undressing her. He slid his hand inside her shirt and cupped her breast, teasing her nipple through her bra.

  She smacked his hand. “Ben, the door isn’t locked.”

  “It’s not, but no one will come in.”

  “At least three people an afternoon come through this office.”

  “We should go home then.” He tugged the cup of her bra down to free her breast. She leaned back, giving him permission. He grabbed her mouth with his and teased her nipple until it was diamond hard. He slid his hand up her bare thigh, under her skirt. “I could make you come first.”

  “Home.” He restored her clothing and carried her back to her chair. He would have her. He couldn’t wait any longer. It was making them incoherent. The tension was making it difficult to work together. He would take her home and keep her naked the entire weekend.

  He kissed her head. “Pack what you need for the weekend.”

  His dick twitched, reminding him he needed to keep this promise or there would be an uprising. He snickered on his way back to his desk.

  He quickly packed papers he had no intention of at looking at this weekend and went to the door. She was there a second later, and he grabbed her and kissed her, putting all his promise for the weekend into it. When he let her go, she was panting.

  He swiped her bottom lip with his thumb. “I want you Selene.”

  “I know.” Her gaze dropped to his chest.

  “I know I’ve been teasing you too long kitten. I want to make it up to you.”

  Her eyes flicked up to his. “Yeah?”

  He teased her earlobe between his thumb and forefinger. “You’ve been patient with me. I won’t say I’m not scared.”

  “We can wait.”

  “I don’t want to wait. I want you in every sense of the word. As long as you’ll be there with me.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. Sex or not. It’s not what defines us, love.”

  He brushed his lips over hers. “Loving you is the most terrifying thing.”

  She grabbed his hand. “I thought I was a kitten. How can that scare you?”

  “What if I break you?”

  “I don’t break that easily. Come on. Let’s go home. Let me love you.”

  She held his hand the whole way home, while he was amazed the sweetest, loveliest, most beautiful woman in existent loved him. Inside their apartment, he kissed her again, a sweet, tender touch of his lips. “How did I get so lucky?”

  “I was thinking the same thing.”

  “I have to confess something.” He shrugged out of his winter jacket, then his suit jacket and hung them up. He pushed his shoes off as he watched her remove her outwear.

  “That you love me?”

  “That I tend to be commanding when it comes to sex.”

  She grinned. “You thought that would surprise me? You’re dominant everywhere else. I didn’t think the bedroom would be any different.”

  He came behind her and nuzzled her neck “Good. Then you won’t mind.” He tugged his tie off and pulled her arms behind her.

  “Oh.” Her bottom lip disappeared.

  “Do you trust me?” She nodded and leaned her head on his shoulder, waiting silently for him. He wrapped her wrists with his tie and secured her arms. There was no plan in his mind, he went on instinct. He turned her to face him. He traced a finger around her neckline, across her cleavage and over the swell of her breasts.

  “Remember when I first kissed you, four years ago. I feel the same way I did then. I need you.”

  She closed her eyes. “Ben.” It was a plea.

  “Do you want me to release you?”

  She was quiet for a long moment. She looked up at him. Met his eyes. “No. Never.”

  He picked up and took her to the sofa. “Not the bedroom?” she asked.

  “I won’t take you straight to bed. I want to tease you first.”

  He tipped her head back and kissed him back. She pulled at her restraints but realized he wasn’t letting her go.

  Did she like it? Did she enjoy giving him control? More control.

  He dug one hand into her hair to pull her back. “Say red if you want me to stop. Yellow to slow down. Green means go.”

  Giving her safe words, made him feel better. He didn’t know if he should tease her the way she teased him in their first days together. He unbuttoned her shirt, only to be confronted with her bra. She grinned.

  He went to his desk. Her eyes widened when he returned holding scissors. “Are you scared? Should I stop?”

  “No. Shocked. Stunned. You can’t cut my bra.” Selene tugged on her restraints.

  “I’ll buy you another. I’ll buy you ten more” He cut into the bra until it fell off her body. He brushed his thumb over her nipple. It tightened instantly. He rolled it between his thumb and finger. “Do you like that?”

  Selene’s hips rocked back and forth. “Yes.”

  She was so innocent, so easy to tease a response from. He tugged on his pants as he moved to give her other nipple the same attention. He pinched and pulled them until she was moaning and writhing.

  “I thought about that kiss a lot over the years. I felt guilty for a long time. Until I began fantasizing about doing it again.” He knelt before her. “I wished that I had at least brought you t
o orgasm that day.”

  He sucked one nipple into his mouth. Her reaction was so visceral, she jerked up, stretching her restraints. He held tight, he swirled his tongue over her tight skin. He pulled back when she writhed under him.

  “Did you ever fantasize about me?”

  Her face flushed deep pink. She tried to turn away. He held her.

  “How often did you think of me?”

  She shrugged. “Sometimes.”

  He sank his teeth into her breast, hard enough to make her yelp. She groaned. “All the time. Okay?”

  Ben smiled. He rewarded her with another tongue bath. “Did you touch yourself?”

  Her cheeks were red this time. But she couldn’t move as he flicked his tongue against her. When she remained silent, he pressed his teeth in.

  “Every time,” she shouted. “I need to come. Please.”

  “You thought of me every time you came over the last four years?” He was an evil bastard, teasing her to get answers from her. She was delicious. Every emotion, every piece of pleasure or pain, showed on her face. He knew how she felt before she did. He put a hand on her thigh and slipped it under her skirt.

  “Every time. I came.” She pressed her legs apart and thrust her hips up.

  He brushed her clit, wanting to tease her more, but she was too far gone. He might delay her by commanding her to use her will power, but he had to work up to that type of control.

  Her head rolled backward as her arousal overwhelmed her. He pushed a finger inside. She was so fucking tight. He was ready to go off in his pants, no extra stimulation needed.

  “I can’t,” she said, but her flesh swelled even more under his fingers. “One more for me, kitten. You’re so beautiful when you come. If you can’t stand it, use your safe word. I’ll stop.” She didn’t nod, but she didn’t use her safe word. He used his thumb on her clit while he thrust into her. Her hips moved slowly until she was fucking his finger. Her body racked with shudders so hard, she nearly fell off the sofa. He caught her.

  “Red,” she whispered.

  “A little late for that.”

  He held her while she shook with aftershocks. When she stopped trembling, he untied her arms. He shook them and rubbed them between his hands.