It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  “Can you feel your arms?”

  “I can’t feel anything. I exploded and there’s nothing of me left.”

  “I’ll carry you to our bed.” He picked up and carried her down the hall, like a new bride to her wedding night. He’d claim her, finally, make her his own. He hoped she knew it was forever because he would not let her go. He tried to remember why he ever thought this was wrong because it felt so fucking right.

  Selene was floating after the exquisite experience he pulled her through. Would she ever come down from the ecstasy? Would intercourse be more intense? Or less? Perhaps it would be a disappointment.

  From the anxiety of being restrained, to the thrill of his first touches and the embarrassment of confessing, finished by her body exploding.

  She wanted more of what he offered. He kissed her soft, sweet and chaste. If there was any doubt, the touch of his lips to hers sent her heart into a free fall. She wrapped her arms around his neck as lowered her to the bed.

  His breath puffed on her face. “Okay?”

  She nodded, wishing she had some reassuring words for him. His eyes searched hers, then he grabbed her head in his hands.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, before his mouth came down on hers. He used his weight to press her into the bed while he took possession of her mouth. His tongue ravaged her mouth, his teeth tugged at her lips.

  When he pulled away, she blinked at him. “Why are you sorry?” she said in a rough voice.

  “I have to let you go now.”

  “Why?”

  “So I can undress us.”

  He pushed her blouse off her shoulders and tugged it off her arms. He nipped at her neck while he pulled off the remains of her bra from her.

  She laughed. “I will never look at your ties the same way again.” Ben’s laughter joined hers. The lightness of the moment was quickly swept aside when he cupped her breasts and fanned her nipples with his thumbs.

  “Did you mind when I tied you up?”

  She bit her bottom lip, feeling exposed and sexy at the same time. She had to end the teasing, she wanted to touch him, to feel him. “No.” She put her legs around one of his and rubbed herself against him gently, trying to ease the ache.

  “Too much teasing? I want to savor every bit of you.” He bent his head and licked his way around her breast. “I’ve waited weeks now.”

  More like years. She shook her head. It wasn’t too much.

  He dragged his eyes over her naked body. She met his eyes with confidence. She didn’t feel exposed or self-conscious. She felt sexy. She was sexy.

  “I think you can wait a little more.” He cupped her face with his hands and brushed his thumbs over her cheeks. “I’m glad you want more. I need to be sure you are ready.”

  If she got anymore ready, she’d drown in it. She needed to feel him. “I want to touch you, Ben.” And taste.

  His mouth nibbled on her earlobe. His voice was right in her ear. “Where do you want to touch me, my curious kitten?”

  She recalled the times she’d seen him shirtless. His chest, arms, legs. Once she caught him in his underwear, a pair of briefs that gave her fantasies a little more depth.

  “Everywhere Ben.” She ran her hands up his arms, over his shoulders, his chest. He still wore his shirt. He shifted and rubbed his pelvis against her. His erection was heavy through his pants.

  She had stroked his cock with him. Together they brought each other to orgasm multiple times all week. But tonight was different, tonight they would be one.

  And nothing would change. She was his, even if they never had sex. Even if he never touched her again. She wondered if he knew that. Maybe. He stole her thoughts by stroking the inside of her mouth with his tongue.

  She continued to stroke his erection through his pants, marveling at the size. She’d read enough romance novels to know it would all fit together somehow. He would make sure she was ready.

  “Since you are down there, would you mind removing my belt?” She took a half step back to give herself room. She hoped he wouldn’t notice the slightly tremble of her hands while she manipulated the buckle and pulled it from its loops. His voice pulsed through her body as he guided her to undo his pants as well. He pulled them off but kept his underwear on, then he pulled her close and kissed her swiftly.

  “I’m all yours.” He pulled her to the bed and laid himself down, his hands stacked behind his head. She sat on the bed next to him and ran her fingers over his stomach. He laughed as it tickled and gave her a fierce look.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be kitten.” He caught her hand and kissed her fingertips. The hair on his chest was dark but surprisingly soft. She traced it down his torso as it got more fine until it disappeared into his briefs. She imagined tracing the path with her tongue, but she hadn’t found the courage yet.

  Coiled inside her was intense need to experience everything. To hurry and have it over. But she also wanted this to last forever. She brushed his nipples, squeezing them between her fingers. “Does that feel as good as when you do it to me?”

  “Probably not, but it does feel nice. I prefer a gentle touch.”

  Their eyes met, and she touched his cheek, unable to find the words to reply. Before she could blink, he wrapped her in his arms and flipped her over.

  “My turn,” he said, looking into her wide eyes. She lifted her head and rubbed her lips over his.

  “Wasn’t out there your turn to be in charge?”

  “In case you missed it, I like being in control.” He shifted, so he was straddling her, then he captured her wrists and pulled them over her head. “I can tie you up again if you need a reminder.”

  “I can’t touch you if I’m tied up.” She raised her eyebrows.

  “I wouldn’t want to deprive you. Or myself. I will tie you up another night.”

  She would do whatever made him happiest. He kissed her lips, collarbone, then traced his tongue along the swell of her breast. He flicked his tongue over her nipples until she was squirming with need, she pressed her legs together and lifted her hips, trying to rub against him. She was vulnerable, exposed, and needy. How could she express what she wanted when she didn’t understand what she wanted?

  “Ben,” she panted. She closed her eyes, hoping he would understand. He let go of her hands and kissed down her stomach. He stopped at the waist of her skirt.

  “Push it up,” Selene suggested.

  He wasn’t touching her, but the urgency between her legs continued to grow. He found the zipper and pulled it down, gently pulling the soft fabric down her legs and tossing it aside.

  “If you recalled how much money you paid for that skirt, you’d regret tossing it on the floor.”

  “I don’t care.” He looked up at her and she realized he slipped down between her legs. He kissed the soft satin of her panties that covered her intimately. The glint in his eye told her what he had planned. Her limbs trembled.

  “Ben, I can’t, please.”

  “That’s why I’m in control. I know you can.”

  She wasn’t sure she was ready for that intimacy. She wanted the sensation of him inside her. “Kitten, I need to taste you. I want to pleasure you this way.” Pleasure her, she couldn’t resist, didn’t want to resist.

  His fingers met her moisture. “At least I’m doing an okay job turning you on.”

  “How do you know?”

  “You’re so wet.” He lifted his fingers to her lips. “Taste yourself.”

  Her tongue darted out, hesitantly. He waited with patient eyes. Pinned under his gaze, she lapped at his finger a few more times. She couldn’t describe the taste. Sexy was all she could formulate, especially served from his finger. She wondered how she managed that much thought given the duress she was under.

  “Lay back, enjoy yourself, and remember to breathe.” She leaned back on her elbows as he kissed his way up her inner thighs. By the time his tongue flicked against her clit, she was so tense and turned on from anticipation she thought she
might come. He lifted his head to remind her. “Breathe, kitten. Relax your legs.”

  She looked at the ceiling and slowed her breathing. Her legs wouldn’t stop trembling as he flicked his tongue against her again and again. Her chest tightened until she feared she would fall inward.

  “Red,” she whispered. He pulled away from her. In a flash, he was laying beside her, stroking her hair, holding her close.

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t enjoy it.”

  “Did you like it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  She buried her face in his shoulder, embarrassed by the fear. It was Ben. He’d never hurt her.

  “We’ll try another time. If you would like. I’m glad you stopped me.”

  “You are?”

  “Yes. I want to know what are enjoying, what you aren’t. I want to make you feel good.”

  “Will you kiss me again?”

  “I will never withhold a kiss from you again.” His fingers traced over her jaw. “You are the most beautiful, sexiest, smartest woman in the world.” Before she could reply, his mouth came down on hers. Her heart burst from his tender words, and the sweetness of his kiss. As their kiss turned from tender to sexy to ardent, his fingers traveled down her body, sliding between her legs. She welcomed them as he stroked her hotter than she’d known possible. She tugged at the waistband of his briefs.

  “I want to touch you, Ben.”

  “I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself and come in your hand.”

  “You’ve imagined my hands on you? You said it earlier.”

  “Every night. I couldn’t stop myself. From the moment you smiled at me in the morning until we said good night, I’ve wanted you.” He pushed the underwear down, exposing himself to her. He snuggled back into her, his erection laid massive on her leg. Her hand trembled as she reached for him.

  She slid her hands along the length of him. He was hard and big. She closed her eyes to avoid his gaze as she considered his size. She had given her high school boyfriend one blowjob. He lasted three minutes before coming in her mouth without warning. Since Ben would never be that ungentlemanly, she didn’t fear that part, but she wasn’t sure she would be any good at it.

  “Selene?” he prompted.

  “Sorry, I was thinking…” her face heated, “nothing.”

  “You can tell me anything, as I am touching you the most intimate way possible.” His finger was circling her clit.

  “I want to take you in my mouth. Suck you off.” His breath came out in slow, shaky puffs.

  “I wasn’t expecting that. I’d like that. A lot.” His cock jumped in her hand demanding her attention, and she rubbed her palm over the head. He gasped in a breath and she snatched her hand away.

  “I hurt you.”

  “Not in the way you think. It was so good it hurt.”

  He pressed a finger inside her, testing her. Her internal muscles squeezed around the intrusion, but she spread her legs. “More,” she panted. He thrust his finger inside her a few more times, stroking her desire hotter. When he pulled away, she was disappointed. And even more after he moved away completely. She started to sit up, to question him, when the sound of his side table drawer opened. The condom package crinkled in his hand.

  At least someone was top of things. The idea never crossed her mind. She watched, with what she hoped were not wide eyes.

  She found herself pinned under him, the victim of his devastating kisses. Every time he kissed her in the last two weeks, she thought she might melt. Today she gave in to that desire. She wrapped her arms around him, kissed him back with everything inside her heart, and let him take the lead.

  He held her lips as he pushed against her a little. “Tell me if I hurt you,” he whispered. She had no hymen, as an active person that was gone, but she feared it would hurt. Despite his attention to her desire. It didn’t hurt, stretched, slight discomfort. She gripped his arms, nonetheless, her fingernails bit into his skin. He rubbed her back, asking her if she was okay, while he slid inside her.

  “I’m okay. Nervous,” she whispered, as he erased the last of the barriers between them. She was his, truly, fully.

  He didn’t question her comfort as he moved inside her. He grabbed her ass and pulled her hips up, going deeper with his thrusts. The new sensations continued layer on layer, the tightness of another orgasm built inside her. Slower this time, less intense. She clung to him like her rock in the storm of newness.

  His hand slipped between them; his fingers swirled her clit until she couldn’t take the heat any more and she shattered into delirium. She was spent while he moved inside her for only a few more moments. His legs tremored against hers, as he pushed one last time inside her, his name on her lips.

  His weight lowered over her, their chests heaving together from the exertion. When her breathing slowed, an ache built in her chest. They were together at last. No more wondering, no more hoping, no more late-night fantasies. She would be living those fantasies.

  He rolled away and she squeezed her eyes shut hide her tears. When Ben pulled her closer, her heart overflowed. Tears streamed down her face. She tried to twist away to hide them. He kissed her face.

  “Was it that bad?” he asked.

  “It was too good. I’m older and it shouldn’t matter, but it does.”

  “It was a milestone for me as well.” He kissed her again as if he couldn’t stop. “Since Christmas, I could not keep my hands off you. I should have realized how inevitable this was.”

  “I was so afraid I was pushing affection on you. That I was in your space. You were a loner before I arrived.”

  “I was a loner, and I was lonely. If it was anyone but you, I wouldn’t let them close to me.”

  “Why me?” Her heart thumped.

  “You were the first person who loved me for being me.”

  That made her heart lurch. Damn it, that was sweet.

  “Last week I planned on discussing everything with you. I had a plan to convince you. I planned a whole speech to give you after work. That was the night Heidi and I went out.”

  She saw him go back to that day in his mind. “Oh. Shit. That’s why you were so pissed.”

  “Yeah. I had a plan, then Heidi told me you asked her to set me up on a blind date. And I was so confused. Then you kissed me and sent me a on date. I couldn’t understand what you wanted from me.”

  “I thought I was protecting you, turns out I was an asshole like all the rest.”

  “It was a noble, if misguided gesture.”

  “I love you.” He kissed her nose.

  “I love you too. I should have told you three weeks.”

  “I’m older, I should have admitted it four years ago. I have excuses, but no reasons. But you said before this way is better. We couldn’t have been together then.”

  “So long as you know you are stuck with me. Forever.”

  “Forever?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “I’ll take you one day at a time for as long as you’ll have me.”

  “We should eat something. What are we doing tonight?” She rolled out of bed and grabbed her clothes.

  He followed and tugged her shirt from her hands. “No clothes this weekend. I want you naked and in my bed all weekend.”

  “All weekend?” Her eyes were wide. “Don’t we have work to do?”

  “Not this weekend, kitten. This weekend you are my sex kitten, my Goddess. I want to make you feel how I do. I want to tease you until you come apart until you beg for me.”

  Her pussy clenched. He could pull her apart without the teasing. She trembled from his eyes on her. She bit her bottom lip as he pinned her with his eyes.

  “I want you turned on beyond reason. I want you shaking. I want to show you how good I feel when I’m with you.” He pulled her back into bed. She went willingly, rolling to lay beside him. On him was too intimate as they were still naked.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Every time we
are together, I’m already turned on beyond reason. Every time you look at me I shake from it.”

  “Yeah? I want you soaking through your panties in the office. I want you unable to wait.”

  “Every day.” She kissed him, parting her lips, her tongue seeking the warmth of his mouth. “I can never wait to come home, so we can cuddle up on the sofa. Some nights you can’t seem to keep your hands off me.”

  “It wasn’t by choice, it was a force of will. It hurt so much to touch you and never have you. But I couldn’t stop. At Christmas, it seemed more innocent. And I swore once you were here we’d stop. That I would stop touching you. But you didn’t know my plan, so you continued. And I can’t say no to you.”

  “You probably should say no sometimes. I’m spoiled, I can get away with anything I want.”

  “You can with me.” He pulled her over him. She spread her legs, so she straddled his. He was half hard between her legs. She could feel him against her thigh. She feared looking down at him, her shyness might take over. “Whatever you want from me, ask and it’s yours.”

  “If I’d known that I would have done this a lot sooner.” She lowered herself to rub against him. “Maybe not this. I would have kissed you a lot more.”

  “Me too.” Her eyes searched his. His hips lifted to rub against her. “Are you too sore?”

  Too sore? Oh. She shook her head with eyes wide. He wanted to make love to her again. His hand slipped against her still sticky thighs. His fingers probed her entrance. He pushed one finger inside her, curling against her inner walls. She threw her head back, a low moan escaping her throat. Definitely not too sore.

  She eased down for a kiss. “I’ll never have enough of you,” she whispered.

  “Me neither,” he replied. His tongue rubbed against hers, making little thrusts that matched the rhythm of his fingers.

  His erection grew against her inner thigh. She wrapped her fingers around him, lightly, stroking up and down. He jumped in her hand and she almost pulled away. He wrapped his other hand around hers and helped her touch him.

  His fingers slipped between her legs and swirled in her desire. With his eyes on hers, he sucked his finger into his mouth. She tried to roll away, but he grabbed her hips and held her still. “You ride me,” he said.