It Was Always You

by Asrai Devin

  “You asked me if it was too hot in the kitchen.” Selene’s voice cracked in embarrassment.

  Mom laughed.

  “You’re an evil woman.” She rubbed Ben’s arm. “Yes, we’re together. It’s serious.”

  Ben glanced at her. She made a kissyface at him. He grinned.

  “Dad? You okay?” He hadn’t said anything.

  “I lost the bet with your mom. Other than that, whatever makes you happy. If you’re happy together, then I’m happy. Wait. I am a little mad. Ben swore to me at Christmas that nothing would happen with you. So maybe I should take him out back and force him to defend his honor.”

  “He tried really hard to resist. It was stronger than both of us.”

  “I tried to resist being with your mom when I first met her. I told Ben this story over Christmas. I liked her a ton, then I found out she had a kid. And I was already dealing with my shit childhood. I thought it would be too big of a complication.”

  “Me. I was the big complication.” Selene pointed at her chest.

  “You were. But I couldn’t stay away from Kim. She was far too appealing. But I persevered. I went to her place to break up with her, and you were there with your little pigtails and your big brown eyes.”

  “You planned to dump me that night? Selene was supposed to be at my parents, but they couldn’t. I planned for her to be in bed when you showed up. But you came early.” Mom’s eyes were wide.

  “I wanted to finish it quickly so I could get drunk.”

  “Selene asked you to come in and have a cookie she baked,” Mom said.

  “Those damn cookies. That’s how she got me first too,” Ben said.

  “Anytime I need to get my way, I’ll make a batch of cookies,” Selene said.

  “Your big brown eyes are the bigger selling point,” Ben said.

  Mom leaned into the front seat. “She got those from me.”

  “She did,” Dad said.

  Selene watched her parents kiss. “Get a room.”

  “You never get to say that to me again,” Mom said. “Ever.”

  She grinned as she looked out the window at the city flying by. “Fair enough.”

  Her mom stood in the lobby of their building and looked around. “You live here?”

  “Amazing isn’t it? I’m still not used to it.”

  She wanted to hug her mom, but she wasn’t willing to let go of Ben. She was happy almost all her family was here. She might even admit missing Kent a little.

  “I taught Ben how to make oatmeal and eggs.” Selene informed her mom of their progress as they rode the elevator up to their apartment.

  “That’s progress.”

  “Hey, I chop veggies all the time. I even have all my fingers. No emergency room trips.” Ben made a face at Selene.

  “He’s a great sous chef.”

  “I’m glad you are taking care of each other. I’m thrilled for both of you. At Christmas I told your dad it was coming. So I stayed out of it. Which this man did not do.” Kim poked her husband. “He told me to stay out of it while he warned Ben off.”

  “I wanted to make sure no one was hurt. Yes, I was wrong.” Dan threw up his hands.

  “What was that?” Kim nudged her husband.

  “I was wrong,” Dan repeated.

  Selene and Ben laughed. “This is why I just agree with you,” Ben said.

  “Agree with me? I took me two weeks and countless hours to convince you that you needed a blog.” Selene crossed her arms over her chest.

  “That’s work. I didn’t say you couldn’t have a blog. I said you had to prove to me why I needed one. You did. We learned something.”

  “I guess that covers ‘how’s work?” her mom said.

  “He’s a control freak. I have to prove everything to him before I do anything.” Selene shook her head and wrapped her arm back around her man. The exercise had taught her a lot.

  “I need to know any idea is worthwhile before I invest in it. And it forces you to do your due diligence. Trust me, I made many mistakes early on for not investigating deeply enough before I put my money and time into a venture.” Ben kissed the top of her head.

  “Sometime he has a point and I learn something.”

  “I worried for nothing,” her mom said.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.” Selene leaned her head on Ben.

  “As long as you promise you’ll come home for Christmas.” Kim smiled at them, as if conveying her blessing on them.

  “Every year,” Ben said. “We’ll never miss another one.”

  Later that night, after they dropped her parents at their hotel, she sat with her legs across his while they watched TV. His thumb rubbed circles on her palm. “You happy?”

  “Couldn’t be happier.”

  He kissed her hand.

  “You did that at Christmas a few times. I nearly swooned every time.”

  “Swooned huh?” He brushed his lips over her knuckles again.

  “Mmm. yes.”

  He sucked one finger into his mouth, his tongue circling the tip.

  She moaned, her eyes fluttering closed.

  He pulled her until she was sitting his lap and lifted her hand. He kissed his way up her inner arm to her shoulder then his teeth sank into her skin. She shivered and slid her fingers through the silk of his hair.

  “I’m not much of a sadist but when I hurt you a little, you shudder a little. It makes me think of when you come.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yep. But everything you do turns me on. When you bite on your pen while you are thinking. When you lean in close to the mirror to do your makeup. When you hum to yourself when you think you’re alone.” He pulled the strap of her tank top down her arm to expose her breast. He cupped it with his hand and teased the center with his thumb until it tightened.

  “That first morning when I walked into the kitchen and you were dressed in your suit, I almost fell to the floor.”

  “Why?”

  “Why? You were so fucking hot. I stood there drooling. You didn’t notice?”

  “I was too busy staring at you. Was that the morning that you told me you look ‘fucking amazing’ in heels?”

  She laughed. “Yes, it was.”

  “You did. That morning I regretted letting you live here. I thought you might torture me forever, and I’d never touch you like this.” He slid a hand through the waistband of her pants and against her pussy.

  She closed her legs and rubbed against him. “If we kept fighting it, it would have prolonged our angst. You said this was inevitable.”

  “Sometimes I still feel as if I should be fighting my feelings, like I’ll corrupt you.”

  “And other times?”

  “I need you too badly to care.”

  “Whatever you need, whatever you want from me, I will give it to you.” She slid from his lap to her knees on the floor. “As long as you promise you won’t disappear, I don’t care.

  “I’m not going to disappear. And I will not break up with you. Don’t worry. I like you on your knees.”

  “At your mercy?”

  “Yes.” He grabbed her wrists. “What should I do with you?”

  She looked up at with him big eyes. Her heart hurt less when she looked at him now, but there was still the ache of deep emotion in her chest. When she was young, he was larger-than-life hero. Now he was her best friend, and her lover. “Whatever you want.”

  He let go of her and stood before her. She sat back on her heels and looked up at him. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down. His boxers followed suit, and it was clear he was as affected by her as she was by him.

  “I want to feel your mouth around me.”

  As if giving him pleasure wasn’t her favorite thing. She tucked her hair behind her ears and reached for him. He leaned back on the sofa, looking relaxed, his hand massaged her scalp. She stroked his erection while they watched each other.

  Her heart pounded as she licked her lips. She wrapped her mouth around hi
m. She pressed her tongue against the underside of his length as she bobbed up and down on it.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful down there with your lips wrapped around me. Cup your hand around my balls.”

  She lifted her upper body and slipped her hands under him. She wiggled her fingers against him to tickle him, but he moaned. So stroked the furry globes, his shaft still sliding into an out of her mouth.

  He yanked her back by her hair. “I don’t want to come in your mouth,” he groaned.

  She dropped her hands away. Part of her wanted that, but as she looked up at him, she realized she throbbed with arousal. His eyes scanned her soul.

  He tugged her hair. “Come here, kitten. I need you.”

  She floated up into his lap and their tongues intertwined. She wrapped herself around him. He got to his feet. “Hey, put me down.”

  “The bedroom isn’t far. I’ll put you down there.”

  He walked to the bedroom, slowly. He set her down on the bed and pulled her tanktop off. She helped him remove her pants. He knelt before her and nibbled up her thigh. His head pressed her legs open, his tongue opened her. And he lapped it up, teasing, pleasuring.

  He pulled back. “On your knees, on the bed.”

  She flipped over quickly. He slapped her ass. “I’d love to own this.”

  “Own my ass?”

  “Anal sex.” He pressed his dick against her pussy.

  “You mean… where you…”

  “Yes. Right up there. I promise it will feel good.”

  “I trust you.” She stared at the blanket. “Not tonight though?”

  “No, it requires a lot more work up. Definitely don’t have to. Ever if you don’t want to.”

  “I trust you,” she repeated.

  He thrust into her, her body squeezed around him.

  “You feel how tight you are. Your ass is even tighter.” He wound his hand around her and flicked it against her clit.

  She thrust back against him, urging him faster, harder. He gripped her hips to try to keep up to the pace he wanted.

  She threw her head back and a low moan escaped her throat.

  “Fuck you feel so good around me.” He cupped his hand on her throat and pounded into her harder.

  “Yes,” she moaned, right there with him. “A little more.” And the lightning struck her, right into her core, and her nerves went up in electric pleasure.

  The only thing keeping her body up was his support while he fucked her harder. She thrust back against him. He bit her shoulder when he came.

  He let her go, and she collapsed. “Selene, kitten. Talk to me.” He dropped beside her.

  “Fuck that was hot.” She wiped her mouth.

  He cupped her cheek. “It was damn hot. Smokin’.”

  “I meant to give you a rest, but you slid to the floor and I was gone.”

  “I love making love with you.”

  “That was not making love.”

  “We’re in love, therefore, we are making love. And I will fight anyone who tries to argue with me.”

  “Okay, you’re right. Vigorous lovemaking.”

  “Were you serious about anal?”

  “Maybe. Something to explore? I have a few things to prepare you for that type of love making.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Not if you do it right. That is one thing that should never hurt. If it does, I need to stop immediately.”

  “Okay.” She pushed herself up. “Gonna go wash up. The one downside to losing the condoms. Wet spot on the bed.”

  “The spot is not up where we sleep, anyway.”

  She went to the bathroom and wipe herself down. She returned, and he was still on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “More TV or go to bed?”

  “We didn’t watch any TV. We planned to, but there was too much talk.”

  “That’s true. So?”

  “I’m tired and we have sightseeing all day tomorrow. Right downtown.”

  He kissed the side of her head. “We only have to entertain them for a week.”

  “I missed them, but it’s going to be exhausting keeping them entertained, having them in our space.”

  “I don’t know how that feels.”

  “Are you saying I was exhausting?”

  He looked away. “No.”

  “And intrusive.”

  “That was only because I wasn’t supposed to be touching you.”

  “I sort of miss those days.”

  “You miss it?”

  “Something about it being wrong made it feel sweeter, hotter, more satisfying.”

  He pushed her to her back and kissed her long and sweet. “Better than that?”

  “Well not as good as that. But holding your hand every morning. Having your arms around me when we watched TV.” She sighed.

  “I guess the illicit dimension made it more thrilling. But having you in my bed is so much better.”

  “You’re right.” She laid down and snuggled into his side. “This is great. Best thing ever.”

  “Yes, it is. Sweet dreams.”

  She kissed his neck, rubbing her cheek against his stubble. “Sweet dreams, my love.”

  Ben, her love, her lover. It was still astonishing to her.

  Chapter 19

  Selene stared out window overlooking the city, covered in snow. It was like being in a movie. Little old her, born from a single mom, attending a fancy banquet in a gown that looked like it was custom made for her.

  She was living in a dream. She had a great job, a great boss, and she was madly in love. A year ago this was a dream, now she was here. In a few days they would fly to her parents’ house, no longer home for her. Home was here. Her place was here.

  Ben came out fastening his cuff links. She looked him over in his suit and her knees went weak. “Damn Benji, you clean up nice.” He kept the scruffy beard, her fingers itched to scratch it.

  “I almost want to keep you here to myself, soak up all your beauty. At least everyone will be jealous of me.”

  She held out her necklace to him. “Can you fasten this up?”

  He took the necklace and looked at it. “You are wearing your kitten necklace to the banquet?”

  “Always. I never wear anything else.”

  He wrapped it around her neck and fastened the latch. His fingers brushed the back of her neck. Then his lips. “There you go.”

  “Thank-you.”

  He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her neck. “I should buy you diamonds to wear.”

  “I like this necklace. I don’t need diamonds. I have something worth much more.”

  “Maybe I’ll take this back.” He pulled a box from his pocket.

  She bit her bottom lip and glanced at his fingers. He held a small box. That wasn’t a necklace or bracelet. It was a ring box. Her heart picked up. She was expecting it over Christmas to be honest. She reached for it, her throat unable to force words out.

  He pulled it out of reach. “You have to wait for the right moment.”

  “Ben.”

  He winked at her and dropped to one knee. “Selene Julia Murphy. You have been the love of my life for half my life, and your entire life. Will you be my wife?”

  She snorted. “You rhymed.”

  He rolled his eyes. Of course she would say that. “You looking to be punished?”

  “Show me the ring. Did Heidi help you?” She grinned.

  “No, I did this on my own. Which wasn’t easy getting away from you.”

  “No one reigned you in.” Whatever was in that box was going to scare her to wear in public.

  “I reigned me in.” He opened the box and turned it to her. It was a diamond, a big one, not as big as she expected, actually. It was too much, Ben was always too much. It was his appeal.

  “Of course, I’ll marry you. You didn’t have to ask or buy me a diamond. I need a kiss.”

  He got to his feet and kissed her mouth. “I didn’t have to. I wanted to. And this is reigned in, since tradition is t
hree to six month’s worth of salary, you don’t want to know what that looks like. This isn’t even a month’s worth of mortgage. Or my car even.”

  “That’s jewelry store advertising campaigns, not relationship rhetoric.”

  “Put on the ring kitten. No wait, let me put it on you.” He pulled it from its velvet surrounding and took her head. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

  “I love you. I thought you’d do this on Christmas Day.”

  “I know, that’s why I did it tonight. I didn’t want an audience either.” He kissed her knuckles.

  “It’s been a hell of a year.”

  “It has. Not quite a year.”

  “Not quite a year since I invited you in, thinking I’d keep you at arm’s length.”

  “We were never at arm’s length. From the moment you walked in the front door there was more to us.”

  “There was.”

  “You know I’m going to ask for a house next.”

  “I know. And you know that I’ll give you whatever you want.”

  “I will miss here, but I don’t wait to raise our children here.”

  “I have on more thing.”

  “One more? Are you pregnant?”

  “How can I be pregnant?” He shook his head. “The paperwork isn’t ready yet, but I’m making you a full partner in Light Up.”

  He was what? She blinked at him while the words sunk in. His lips worried his lower lip while he waited for her to understand. “Ben! No.” She shouted at him.

  He caught her hands as they swung at him. “Selene, yes. We are equal partners.”

  “Ben, I’m serious, the only thing we should be seeing your lawyer about is one of those pre-wedding agreements so I can’t take your business from you.”

  “What’s mine is yours. Or at least half yours.”

  “Ben.” She tugged at the confines of his grip.

  “Are you going for a record on how many times you can say my name in a minute?”

  “I’m serious.”

  “You said that too. Selene, do you love me?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Then let me take care of you. And our babies.” He slid a hand over her belly.

  “No babies in there. Stop distracting me.”