Captured Love

by Juliana Haygert

  Jason patted Luna’s head and shrugged. “This town isn’t that big. You two can’t avoid each other for the next two and half months.”

  A knot pressed down on my eyebrows. “Two and half months?”

  “Yeah, she’s staying for the entire summer.” Jason stared at him. “Why, did you think she was moving back?”

  I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what I thought.

  My life hadn’t been easy these past four years, but things had gotten a whole lot more complicated.

  “I think she has a boyfriend up there,” Jason said. A bucket of ice water poured over my head. That was how that sentence hit me. I was shocked. Not that Jessica wouldn’t have a boyfriend. She was too pretty to be single, but by the jealousy and anger that rose within me. “She got flowers and a heart-shaped card today.”

  “Good for her,” I said through gritted teeth.

  Jason pointed to the clock on the dashboard. “What about your curfew?”

  “I drove by Mike’s house. His car was in the driveway and all the lights were off. I guess I won’t be caught tonight.”

  Jason shook his head. “You’re playing with the law, man. Don’t do that.” Jason got out of the car and leaned over the door. “Just go home before he decides it’s time to check on you.”

  “I’m tired of this shit,” I muttered, gripping the wheel with too much force.

  “I know, man, I know. But it’s only four more months. Only four. That’s nothing compared to what you went through already.”

  I had been through hell and back, and even though Jason, Luke, and Ethan knew all about it, they hadn’t lived it. They would never understand.

  “You’re right,” I said, just so the conversation would end. I was tired of arguing. I glanced at the house behind us. “I hope she doesn’t give you shit for meeting me here.”

  “Oh, don’t worry.” Jason smiled, but it wasn’t his truest grin. “She was giving me the silent treatment until a few minutes ago. A little shit here and there won’t make a difference.”

  “That sounds like her.” This time, I smiled as a few fond memories flooded my mind. She had irritated me senseless, but she had also been the best thing that ever happened to me. And I blew it.

  “Ryan, hm.” Jason ran a hand over Luna’s shiny coat. “I know you don’t want to hear this now, but be careful. I know I keep saying this town is too small, but if you can, stay away from her. She is my sister and I love her, but look how she affects you.” He gestured to me. “Look at the mess you got yourself into because of her. You don’t want that to happen again.”

  I nodded, taking in the weight of his words. He was right. I had to stay far away from her for my sake. “I know.” I sighed. “Goodnight.”

  Jason frowned and retreated from the car, pulling Luna with him. “Night,” he said, closing the door.

  Without waiting for my friend to run back to his house, I sped off and away from that cursed house.

  Chapter Eight

  Jessica

  In my house’s driveway, Sophie leaned against Rachel’s Mazda and pressed her hands together. “Please, Jess, come with us.”

  I fought a smile at her begging figure and shook my head. “No, and you shouldn’t be asking. You know why I won’t go.”

  Rachel peeked out the window. “If you’re worried about a certain someone being there, don’t worry. He won’t be there.”

  I frowned. They were talking about a bike event. Jason, Luke, and Ethan would be there even if they had to cross the ocean with their bikes. How did they know Ryan wouldn’t be there?

  I leaned against the porch. “Why not?”

  Rachel and Sophie exchanged a weird look. “He just won’t be, okay?” Sophie said. “We guarantee.”

  “Please come,” Rachel insisted.

  Even if he weren’t there, the memories would be too strong. Many, many things happened around those tracks.

  Back then, on Saturday and Sunday, Ryan, Jason, Luke, and Ethan spent their afternoons at the tracks. Ryan and Luke were serious about it, wanting to follow what they said was their calling. Jason and Ethan loved it, but they knew they weren’t good enough to be successful in the racing world. That didn’t stop them from practicing and racing every now and then.

  During the month Ryan and I were together, the girls and I had been at the tracks every minute the guys were there, and when Jason was busy, I sneaked behind the bleachers with Ryan.

  Since we had started seeing each other, I knew he hadn’t dated any other girl. How could he when he spent every night with me? I wondered, though, how long he would wait for me, until I was ready to have sex with him. A month? Two months? I was sure that if I waited too long, he would dump me.

  Another one of my worries was Jason—my brother and his best friend.

  “The girls know about us,” I told him one afternoon. We were behind the bleachers while Jason and Luke had their practice run. He had me pinned against a wall, but when I spoke, he retreated a step.

  “And?”

  “They think it’s great since we’re all friends now and hang out together anyway.”

  His posture visibly relaxed, and he reached for me again. “I think it’s great too,” he whispered, lowering his lips to mine.

  “What about Jason?” I blurted out. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who pressured the guy to meet the family, but the thing was, he already knew my family, and since we were all going out together now, it was getting harder and harder to sneak around with him.

  Ryan’s body stilled. “What about him?”

  Somehow, Jason found out about our first kiss and had punched Ryan, warning him to stay away from me. But he didn’t, and we had been more careful after that. Nevertheless, I didn’t know how long we would be able to keep this up behind Jason’s back.

  “When are you going to tell him?”

  Letting out a long breath, he ran a hand through his hair. “Things are great the way they are, don’t you think?”

  I did, but it bothered me a little how he was dismissive of letting others know about our relationship.

  Once again, I realized that if I had noticed the signs, I could have stopped my heart from falling in love with Ryan. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him, my father and I would be okay, and I wouldn’t have run away. Right now, I would be studying architecture at Clemson or Charlotte. I would come home for every holiday and summer vacation. Rachel, Sophie, and I would still be close, and I would still love pictures and sketching people.

  I sighed. “Sorry, I can’t.”

  Sophie walked up to me, her eyes kind. “You know, I may be mistaken, but you need some closure. To put the past totally behind you.”

  “There’s nothing to close,” I whispered. Unwanted tears burned my eyes. “There was never anything to close.”

  She embraced me. “Oh, there was, and you know it.”

  Rachel appeared by our side. “I agree. You need to find a way to say goodbye to the past. Maybe going to the tracks will be it. Maybe riding a bike with Luke or Jason.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure what would do the trick. I think only you will know, but I think you need closure.”

  Jesus, what was with these girls? They wanted to kill me. Closure meant thinking about the past, reliving it, and I so wasn’t ready for it. In fact, I knew I would never be. Despite the few memories pushing their way to my mind here and there, I just wanted to forget the past.

  “I’ll think about it,” I lied.

  “Good.” Sophie embraced me again.

  Then it was Rachel’s turn. “Call if you need to talk.”

  “I will,” I lied again. I hated lying to them. Even though I still loved them, we had grown apart. Things would never be the same. “Have fun,” I called as they dashed to the car.

  I waved as the car drove away, then turned on my heels and stormed into the house in search of some honey. I needed a sweets overdose.

  ***

  Ryan

  Every two weeks, I had to work at the H
abitat for Humanity on Saturdays. I had many, many hours to put in, and if I didn’t work a couple of Saturdays here and there, I would have to keep at this for many more months.

  I sighed, examining the alignment of the doorframe I was installing.

  Why did I care so much about finishing my hours with Habitat for Humanity when I had no idea what I would do next? Who would hire me? With my fucked-up past, no one. Though, until I finished my hours, I wouldn’t be free. Not of my father at least. He would still pay for my rent, my bills, my food, and I would have to report to him every weekend, to show him I wasn’t getting out of line.

  I had to finish this.

  But then what?

  I reached for the door, leaning against a wall.

  There was a time when I wasn’t so sure about my future, but someone was.

  On a weeknight, Jessica had sneaked out of her house to go riding with me, as she often did. That day, though, I wasn’t feeling so great. I had had a big argument with my father.

  “You’re nineteen,” my father started. “When are you going to grow up? Playing around with bikes isn’t going to pay your bills.”

  I had heard that speech many, many times before. And I wasn’t the only one. I knew Jason also heard that same speech from his father.

  As much as I fought it, my anger always built up, and instead of being quiet and just ignoring him, I engaged him. I retorted, I yelled, I kicked the air. That day though, he went as far as saying I was a big disappointment.

  “Don’t worry,” I barked. “You still have Brianna and Tommy to keep you happy.”

  I raced out of the house, slamming the door in the process, and went after Jess. For some reason, when I thought of her, my anger subsided a little.

  So, instead of riding around aimlessly, that night I parked the bike alongside a field just out of town, took Jess’s hand, and after a hundred steps or so, plopped down on the grass.

  With a wary smile, she lay down beside me, her shoulder and arm touching mine.

  In silence, we watched the stars. Here, they were shinier than in town, prettier. Incredible how something so little could actually be so big, and be so many miles away. Incredible how big the universe was. Incredible how insignificant I was.

  A flutter ran up my stomach. I tilted my head to the side and found Jessica turned to me, her elbow on the grass and her head propped on her hand. Her other hand drew circles on my stomach.

  “Want to talk about it?” she asked, her voice low.

  How the hell did she know something was wrong?

  “Not really.”

  She scooted closer and laid her head on my shoulder. “I’m here. When you want to talk.”

  I slid an arm under her and pulled her body flush with mine. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, loving her wild rose scent. Her fingers shifted to my chest, making me shiver.

  A beautiful night, with a beautiful girl. What else did I need in life?

  I sighed. “Sometimes I wonder what I’ll do with my life.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t race forever.”

  She tilted her head up and looked me in the eyes. “Why not?”

  “Because …” I didn’t have a good answer.

  “I don’t see why not. I mean, you’re really good at racing, and even if you don’t make it to the top, you can still work with bikes, can’t you? You love bikes. And you can fix them like no one else in this town.”

  I let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Right. Because my father would love to see his son working in a bike shop, covered in grease all day.”

  She shrugged, her shoulder digging into mine. “I understand wanting to please your parents—believe me, I know—but sometimes you have to follow your heart. Fixing bikes would be honest work, one that would put food on your table, clothes in your closet, and a roof over your head. Maybe a simple roof, but still a roof, which is more than a lot of people in this country have. Or would you rather be a fancy lawyer or doctor, driving a Ferrari, living in an empty mansion, and completely miserable?”

  “I wouldn’t be completely miserable driving a Ferrari,” I joked. She poked her finger in my ribs. “Ouch!”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do.” I grabbed her waist and pulled her up so she was leaning over me. “When did you get so wise?”

  She smiled, a naughty thing that twisted my insides. “Well, I’ve always been wise; you’re the one who never paid any attention to me.”

  “I was a jerk,” I said, running my hands down her back. “But believe me, I’m paying attention now.”

  I rolled us around so I was hovering over her, and stared down at her flushed face shining with the moonlight, her long hair fanned on the grass, her tight body under mine. She was so beautiful, so perfect.

  I lowered my body and pressed against her as my mouth melded to hers.

  “Hey,” Jason said, appearing from behind the door I had just installed and bringing me back to the present.

  “Shit.” I took a step back, willing my heart to slow down.

  “I scared you?” he asked, hiding a laugh. I groaned and picked up my jacket from the toolbox. “So, are you done here?”

  I glanced at the clock on my phone. It was past seven in the evening. “Not sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

  “That’s why I’m here.”

  I grabbed my bandana from my jacket’s pocket and wiped my forehead with it. “What?”

  “Luke, Ethan, and I are going to a race, and we want you to go with us.”

  Shit. “You know my answer. When are you going to give up?”

  He flashed me one of his big smiles. “Never.”

  I walked past him. “You’re a prick.”

  Jason shrugged. “No, I’m your friend.” He followed me out of the house, and we walked together to the parking lot. “Are you going to tell me what it’s going to take for you to at least go watch the race with us?”

  As if I knew. Instead of answering him, I turned the interrogation around on him. “How are your classes?”

  He nodded. “The usual tactic. Changing subjects. Unlike you, I’ll answer the question. Classes just started, but like any summer semester, they are harder.”

  “And … how is your father?” I couldn’t care less about Paul, but I knew Jessica had come back because of him. Besides, Jason was my best friend. I didn’t wish for him to lose his father.

  “The same. Sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, complain, sleep, sleep, sleep.”

  We entered the parking lot and I turned to my car.

  Jason followed me. “Seriously, man, you should come with us. It’ll be good for you.”

  If he pushed this matter, I would end up punching him square on the nose. I opened my mouth to tell him to go to hell or something when his phone dinged.

  He fished his phone from the pocket in his leather jacket. “It’s Luke. John arranged another race for him.”

  Jealousy crawled through my insides. “That’s great,” I said through gritted teeth. I opened my car door. “Have a good time.” I slipped inside and closed the door before Jason could even say bye.

  I peeled from the site and onto the road as jealousy and frustration ate me alive.

  Chapter Nine

  Jessica

  After a quiet dinner with Mama, she retreated to her bedroom, with excuses of being too tired, but I knew she was also concerned. She had stopped by the hospital earlier to see Papa, and the nurse told her his day hadn’t been that good.

  I cleaned the kitchen, and then joined Luna on the swing on the back porch.

  It was still early, but I knew the bike show should be almost over, being replaced by a party, which could be right on the tracks or at a bar or club around town. My brother, my cousin, and my friends would be there. And I knew Ryan would be there too. Party was his last name. It had always been, even when I refused to see it.

  Jesus. My mind kept coming back to him.

  Perhaps the girls were right and I did
need some closure, though I was sure we had meant nothing to him, which meant there was nothing to close. Still, I felt like I was tied to the past, too many ropes around me. I had to find a way to get free of them, one at a time. And I could start right now.

  I dashed inside, picked up the truck keys, and peeked my head inside Mama’s bedroom. “I’m going out.”

  “Good,” she said without looking up from the book she was reading, seated on her bed. “You should go out with your friends.”

  I didn’t bother correcting her. “Yeah.”

  “Have fun.” She smiled, sneaking a glance at me. “And be careful.”

  “I will.” I closed her bedroom door, and went into mine.

  I put on my flats, picked up a jacket and my purse, and halted before the mirror. My hair was a mess, and I wasn’t in the mood to apply any makeup. Not that it would matter since I wouldn’t be meeting anyone.

  Luna trailed after me as I ran to the front door, but I didn’t let her leave. I needed to do this alone. Luna whined, but I didn’t fall for her trick. I locked the door and dashed to the car.

  I drove to Lexington Square, the main park downtown, and the place where Ryan and I kissed for the first time. And many more times. This was the place where the magic had started, and where it ended. This is the place I last saw him before leaving town. This was the place everyone last saw me before I left.

  I cut the engine of the truck in a parking space around the park.

  The sun was setting. Its orange and reddish rays licked the graying sky, only a few clouds spoiling the beauty. It was a gorgeous view, which made me wonder, where was everyone? Oh yeah, at the bike show, silly me. Bike shows were always the main attraction whenever there was one.

  I walked to the northern most point of the park, where a small circular plaza overlooked a fountain. I hid under the shadow of a tree around the circle and sat on the pavement, pulling my legs close.

  I inhaled deeply, letting the air carry the memories to me. I needed to feel them, to see them, to swallow past them. But they hurt more than I remembered. They scorched their way into me, into my heart, and I gasped, fighting the tears.