Frankie Fish and the Sonic Suitcase

by Peter Helliar

Even Clarissa gave a little yelp of excitement and discreetly punched a little air with her closed fist.

  Wow, those eels were really going after Freido.

  ‘Two more,’ said Frankie and Grandad together.

  The crowd was in a frenzy. ‘Private parts! Private parts! Private parts!’ chanted everyone in unison. The magic show was quickly turning into a WWE fight.

  All of a sudden, Freido raised an arm towards the roof. He had gotten one hand free from the handcuffs. Surely the second one would be off very, very soon.

  ‘Oh no,’ said Frankie in a voice much louder than a whisper. ‘He’ll be out any second now. Did we get enough?’

  Grandad’s face fell, and he shook his head. ‘It will take five charges minimum to get enough electricity into the computer,’ he muttered. ‘There have only been three.’

  The crowd booed as the Amazing Freido triumphantly raised both hands and whipped off the blindfold. Some audience members were clearly hoping to see the very first death in the Water Tank of Death, but Freido had escaped – and was now gesturing grandly for his ladder out of the tank as more lightning and thunder effects filled the room. For some reason, the eels had decided to let him off easy now.

  Frankie was frantic. Not caring if he was seen, he dived from the side of the stage and lifted the skirt of the tank to check the Sonic Suitcase. Maybe Grandad’s wrong, he thought wildly. Maybe we do have enough charge now …

  But no. The suitcase only had thirteen per cent battery life, four short of what they needed.

  Frankie looked back at Grandad, who was covering his face with his hands. Then he stared at the suitcase, forcing his brain to work harder than it ever had before.

  Then he had an idea.

  Bingo! Or rather… BRUNO.

  The Amazing Freido had said the biggest eel, Bruno, was too angry to take part in today’s performance. And Frankie knew that an angry electric eel was a powerful electric eel – and power was what they needed right now. Frankie looked over at the small tank that Clarissa had placed behind the Water Tank of Death and noticed it was rocking from side to side. Something very large and extremely furious was desperately trying to get out.

  Frankie caught Clarissa’s eye, then nodded towards the tank that held Bruno. Clarissa somehow understood and gave him a wink. Frankie decided right there and then he would marry her if this mission went awry.

  Frankie sneaked over to the mini tank, cautiously opened the lid and was met with the biggest, angriest eel ever. Bruno’s mouth opened wide like he was attempting to eat Frankie for lunch. Frankie fell back on his bum in fright as he saw electric charges shoot through the dark, swirling waters.

  ‘Quick!’ Grandad yelled as the Amazing Freido started climbing out of the Water Tank of Death. Frankie gritted his teeth. He picked up the mini tank and, with Bruno trying to take out a chunk of his arm, he threw the entire thing up towards Freido and into the Water Tank of Death.

  ‘Nice Bruno,’ the Amazing Freido whispered meekly.

  The tank water instantly lit up like a wet Christmas tree. Frankie dived under the tank, getting a nice little shock himself in the process.

  The Amazing Freido’s hair went bolt upright, his pencil-thin moustache shot out at ninety degrees, and he went momentarily cross-eyed. The crowd gave him a standing ovation.

  ‘Bruno!!!!’ the Amazing Freido screamed as Clarissa giggled guiltily nearby.

  Frankie looked up to see a spark of electricity flow from the Tank of Death into the now Suitcase of Life … and the battery ticked over from fourteen per cent to eighteen.

  They’d done it!

  Frankie turned triumphantly to Grandad and gave him a quick thumbs-up – aware that despite having a time machine, they still did not have much time at all.

  As the Amazing Freido furiously – but gingerly – scrambled out of the Water Tank of Electricity, to the cheers of the delighted audience, Frankie snatched up the Sonic Suitcase and ran over to his grandad.

  ‘Come on, Grandad. Let’s go home!’

  Have you ever been stuck in a cramped, smelly toilet with your grandad? I do not recommend it, even in extraordinary circumstances such as these. Unfortunately, there was no other place at the George Theatre where Frankie and his grandad could activate the Sonic Suitcase without the danger of being seen.

  Frankie swung the suitcase onto the cistern and Grandad immediately started typing in the co-ordinates. The little screen blinked and a message appeared. Activate travel sequence?

  ‘OK, it’s ready,’ said Frankie, excitedly. ‘Let’s go, Grandad.’

  But Grandad had a strange expression on his face. ‘I think I might stay here,’ he mumbled, to Frankie’s horror.

  ‘What? Why? We need to get back!’ insisted Frankie.

  Someone began pounding on the toilet door. ‘Open up in there! I know it was you!’ the Agitated Freido yelled. ‘You could’ve killed me – in my own Water Tank of Death!’

  ‘I like it here in the past,’ Grandad said, ignoring the commotion. ‘If I stay, I’ll be able to see Mavis every day, and I can live among my memories.’

  ‘But you don’t belong here, Grandad. You need to come now!’ pleaded Frankie, knowing it wouldn’t take long for the battery’s charge to slip below seventeen per cent again.

  ‘But I’m scared,’ whispered Grandad.

  ‘Well, that makes two of us,’ replied Frankie with a nervous smile.

  ‘What happens if things have changed at home?’ asked a suddenly frail-looking Alfie Fish.

  ‘Well, to be honest I hope one thing has changed,’ said Frankie.

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Grandad.

  Frankie squirmed, suddenly feeling bashful. ‘I hope we’re friends in the future, like the way we are in the past,’ he said.

  KNOCK. KNOCK. BANG. BANG.

  The Angry Freido had now turned his hand into a fist and was banging on the door. The toilet’s walls were shuddering.

  But Grandad paid no attention. He seemed to be thinking about what Frankie had just said. And then he gave Frankie a nod.

  ‘There’s only one way to find out,’ Grandad said.

  Frankie had not been so relieved since the time his mum told him she’d decided against baking him a Teletubbies-themed cake for his birthday.

  BANG. THUMP. THUMP.

  ‘What are you two scoundrels up to in there?’ The Amazingly Agitated Freido seemed to be attempting to break the door down with his shoulder.

  ‘Let’s go, Grandad,’ said Frankie, and put one hand on the old man’s shoulder.

  Then they both grabbed the handle as Grandad muttered, ‘Good luck everybody. Happy travels!’

  Frankie pressed ENTER.

  At that exact moment, the toilet door fell off its hinges, and in fell a really, really Angry Freido. ‘Now there is going to be trouble!’ he said, as he picked himself up from the stinky toilet floor.

  But as the Astonished Freido looked up, he couldn’t believe his eyes – because the scoundrels had vanished. Disappeared in a way he could only dream of doing.

  ‘What in the name of …?’ he said, completely exasperated.

  Clarissa joined him at the doorway. ‘Maybe if you learnt that trick,’ she said, ‘they would book you in New York.’

  Dust, wood shavings and pollen. Those were the things Frankie could smell when he woke in his grandad’s shed. Frankie turned to see Grandad, who was sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

  They looked at each other wordlessly, and then got up and headed out of the shed. Straight away Frankie noticed that Nanna Fish’s forget-me-nots and rose bushes were back where they should be. That was a good sign, but Frankie knew it didn’t definitely mean that Nanna was back. Maybe his grandad had ended up marrying someone else, who also happened to like flowers. There was only one way to know for sure.

  Heart pounding, Frankie walked with his grandad up to the back door of the Fish house.

  Grandad put his hand on the doorknob and paused. ‘Whatever happens, Frankie, may I s
ay – I have enjoyed spending time with you,’ he said quietly. ‘Even if we did risk the future of human civilisation.’

  ‘Me too,’ Frankie said, with a small, nervous smile.

  They both took a big breath as Grandad opened the back door.

  Blueberry pancakes and freshly shampooed carpets. That was what Frankie could smell as he stepped inside. A smile crept across his face as he and Grandad walked into the kitchen where they were met with the best sight either of them had ever seen in their entire lives: Nanna Fish, née Nurse Mavis Hopley, standing at the kitchen sink, dunking a teabag into a cup of hot water.

  ‘Honey, you’re home!’ exclaimed Grandad.

  Nanna Fish turned, and with a puzzled smile said, ‘Of course I am, you old fool – where else would I be?’

  Grandad gave her a big toothy grin followed by a big smooch right on the lips. Frankie was so relieved he didn’t even gag. He raced through the house, checking that the bed in his grandparents’ room was actually a double bed, that there were flowers in vases in every room, and no dirt on the floor. Even the brown drapes had gone back to Nanna’s pretty polka-dotted curtains.

  He stood in the lounge looking around as Family Feud played on the TV. ‘Name something that cannot be changed,’ the host was saying, unaware of how ironic that question was in this particular house.

  Everything was exactly the same, Frankie realised, relief rushing through him. Then in the living room, he saw one thing that was different.

  On the wall above the couch, the painting of dogs playing poker was gone. A new painting hung in its place. It was a portrait of a young Alfie Fish, moments before the Big Race. Alfie was depicted leaning against his number 42 racing car, talking to an old man and a boy.

  ‘Well, I’ll be damned,’ said Alfie in amazement, wandering into the room with his arm around Nanna Fish’s shoulder.

  ‘It’s a wonderful painting, isn’t it?’ said Nanna. ‘I still get goosebumps when I look at it. I’ve often wondered who that man and young boy are – but I guess we’ll never know.’

  Frankie and Grandad exchanged a grin.

  ‘Who painted it, Nanna?’ asked Frankie.

  ‘Why, your great-uncle Roddy, of course!’ said Nanna. ‘He always says that the day of the Big Race was when he decided to become a professional artist.’ She glanced at the clock. ‘Speaking of Roddy, he should be here in an hour or so.’

  ‘Roddy’s coming here?’ asked Grandad, jaw dropping wide.

  ‘Of course, you silly fool! You know he always comes here when he’s visiting from Paris,’ said Nanna, swatting him fondly. ‘And I daresay the two of you will sit around all day, talking about the old days in Glasgow, like you usually do.’

  Frankie suddenly felt very warm, and the final little knot of tension in his belly melted away.

  The doorbell rang. ‘Roddy’s plane must have landed early,’ Nanna exclaimed, as she bustled off to answer it.

  Frankie was feeling so good that at first, he hadn’t even noticed who’d entered the living room.

  It was only when he felt a hand ruffling his hair that he looked around to see his mum beaming at him.

  Behind her was Frankie’s dad and Saint Lou, looking thrilled to see him.

  ‘Francis, mate,’ said his dad. ‘You’ve grown!’

  Grandad smiled and Frankie felt his grin grow wider and wider.

  He gave his mum, his dad and even Saint Lou (yes, that’s how happy he was to be back) the biggest hugs of their lives.

  Tina Fish took her son’s face in her hands and examined every inch of it. Her smile dipped just a little. ‘Your face …’ she remarked.

  Frankie felt the knot quickly reappear. ‘What about my face?’ he asked, voice quivering slightly.

  ‘You look older somehow,’ she said. Then she smiled and gave her son a big squeeze. ‘Maybe a little more responsible, too.’

  ‘Well, I guess we all change eventually … given enough time,’ Frankie said, with a wink at his grandad. And Grandad winked back.

  A week and a half later, Frankie did something he’d never thought possible.

  He turned up to school a whole ten minutes early, because he was desperate to see his best mate Drew Bird.

  He ran across the courtyard, through the quadrangle (where some pre-season games of downball were in motion), past the Hedgehog and Miss Merryweather (who were walking hand-in-hand), down to the basketball courts, and onto the oval where the Mosley triplets were already in trouble for throwing dirt at a bird’s nest.

  Professional teacher’s pet Lisa Chadwick and her ponytail flounced by, because of course Lisa Chadwick had to be early on the first day of school.

  ‘Hey Lisa,’ Frankie called. ‘Have you seen Drew Bird?’

  ‘Fish Guts, do I look like I’ve seen Drew Bird?’ she shot back, before walking off briskly like she was on her way to have tea with the Queen.

  Frankie rolled his eyes, but then felt a creeping tension all over his body. His parents had stuck to the punishment of not allowing Frankie to see or even speak to Drew during the holidays. For all he knew, the Bird family had moved away. He might never see his best mate again!

  But then …

  ‘FRANKIE FISH!!!!!’ a voice bellowed out from the adventure playground.

  Frankie turned to see a beaming Drew Bird on the swings.

  ‘FRANKIE FISH! FRANKIE FISH!’

  In a nanosecond, Frankie was at the swings as Drew Bird executed an impressive dismount.

  ‘So apparently we’re not allowed to hang out,’ said Drew Bird with a big grin. ‘Apparently you’re a bad influence, Frankie Fish!’

  Frankie grinned back and said, ‘So are you, Drew Bird! But don’t worry, I think I’ve found a way for us to hang out in secret. What are you like with history?’

  THE END

  (FOR NOW)

  Peter Helliar is an Australian comedian, TV presenter and children’s author. He lives in Melbourne with his wife and three kids, and currently co-hosts the award-winning news and current-affairs program The Project on Network Ten. Helliar plans on being the first human to travel back in time, and expects this to have happened by the time you’ve read this book.

  To my management team at Token Artists, particularly Kevin Whyte, Dioni Andis, Helen Townshend (who helped me get those early drafts in better shape) and Kathleen McCarthy.

  To my Project family, especially Craig Campbell, Carrie Bickmore, Waleed Aly and the entire cast and crew who provide such a fun environment to go to work each day.

  To the amazing team at Hardie Grant Egmont, who have been a dream to work with, in particular my brilliant editor Marisa Pintado whose guidance and encouragement has made this a much better book. Thanks to you all for the care you’ve taken with Frankie Fish.

  To Lesley Vamos, for bringing the characters in my head to life with her incredible illustrations, and designer Kristy Lund-White for a cover I can’t stop looking at, and lots of bits and bobs inside too.

  To my parents Bill and Helen, whom I choose to call Mum and Dad. Your unwavering support and encouragement over the years has been instrumental in everything I do. To my siblings Mark, Karen and Rachel: growing up in a family that cherishes laughter above almost all else has helped me get to this place right here.

  To my brilliant, funny, kind, generous kids, Liam, Aidan and Oscar. This book is for you guys. I am super proud to be your dad.

  Finally, to my amazing wife, Brij. Thank you for helping me chase these crazy dreams. Without your patience, understanding, encouragement and love I would get nothing done. Thank you.

  Frankie Fish and the Sonic Suitcase

  published in 2017 by

  Hardie Grant Egmont

  Ground Floor, Building 1, 658 Church Street

  Richmond, Victoria 3121, Australia

  www.hardiegrantegmont.com.au

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, pho
tocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publishers and copyright holders.

  A CiP record for this title is available from the National Library of Australia.

  eISBN 9781743584828

  Text copyright © 2017 Peter Helliar

  Illustration and design copyright © 2017 Hardie Grant Egmont

  Illustration by Lesley Vamos

  Design by Kristy Lund-White

  We welcome feedback from our readers. All our ebooks are edited and proofread vigorously, but we know that mistakes sometimes get through. If you spot any errors, please email info@hardiegrantegmont.com.au so that we can fix them for your fellow ebook readers.