Beyond Believing

by D. D. Marx

  “Jesus, sweetie. What is it? Are you okay?” he questions, alarmed as he runs towards me.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” I cry. “This is the shit that only happens to me.”

  “What happened? Did he do something to you?”

  “No, no. Oh my God . . . no. Okay, you ready for it? Remember a couple of years ago when I had that one-night stand? The one with that hot Scottish instructor from my Second City class?”

  “Yeah, what about it?”

  “He’s Finn’s best fucking friend from home.”

  “Well, ain’t that a pisser.”

  “Don’t joke. It’s not funny. What am I going to do? I can’t start a relationship with him knowing I slept with his best friend. The one guy he considers his brother no less. Oh, and to top it off, he probably thinks I have explosive diarrhea because I excused myself from the table a couple of times to go to the bathroom to have a meltdown. And the kicker. His birthday? December sixteenth. Dan’s birthday. How is this happening?”

  “Why didn’t you text me?”

  “My phone was in my purse across the room. It would’ve been too obvious,” I squeal as I pace back and forth in the kitchen.

  “Sweetie, take a deep breath. It’s going to be fine.” “How?”

  “You said it was a few years ago, right?” he inquires. “Yeah. Finn mentioned Mac is married now.”

  “And you were both drunk, right?”

  “Well yes, I don’t remember any of it—going to the hotel, the sex, none of it.”

  “How did you leave it? Did you exchange numbers, last names?”

  “No, I woke up, freaked out and ran out as fast as I could. I never even went back to class.”

  “Okay, it’s fine. He’s a guy. A straight man. He doesn’t remember. Trust me.”

  “Great, now you’re making me feel like a slut,” I respond, deflated.

  “No. That’s not what I mean. He’s probably a player. Hooked up all the time. You were just another conquest. Forget about it. Seriously.”

  “I feel so much better. Not. Seriously, you don’t think I should tell Finn?”

  “Hell no. Take that to the grave. Never mention it again. Not to Red. Not to Jane. I mean it, no one.”

  I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling for the next several hours but dozed off because I awake to the chirp of my text message.

  Good morning, Sunshine. My hands are tan.

  Ha. Sorry about the spray tan but at least you’ll be thinking about me for the next few days.

  That’s a given.

  Aw, me, too.

  Can I see you again tonight?

  I thought you’d never ask.

  Great, I’ll be home around seven-thirty. Let yourself in. XO.

  Looking forward to it. XO.

  #

  I am heading out the door for my run when Garrett corners me.

  “Good morning?” he pauses. “Clearly it was dark when you got home last night because what the hell is up with that spray tan?”

  “I know. Mortifying. Finn texted me that his hands are tan.”

  “Oh, really? That means he touched you. Did you get any sleep?”

  “Barely.”

  “Don’t give it another thought. I told Tristan all about it and he agrees. Now give me the details I want to hear about. How was it?”

  “Turns out he’s not gay.”

  “Stop it. Really?” he smirks as his jaw drops.

  “He’s a widower.”

  “Even hotter. What’s it like?”

  “What’s what like?”

  “His manhood.”

  “That topic is completely off limits, forever. Plus, I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know? You didn’t rip his clothes off?”

  “Trust me, as hard as it was to contain myself, he wanted to wait a little longer, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the whole Mac thing, but I’m seeing him tonight.”

  “Honey, you’ve got to get all over that and try to tone down that orange tint,” he jokes.

  “I know. I look like an oompa loompa. The translation is lost on Finn, which is cute. I’m heading for a run then will clean up and head over to the store to help you. I’ll take an Uber. I left the car at the restaurant. We’ll pick it up later. I’m meeting Finn at his house for dinner then.”

  “Okay, by the way, do you ever plan to return any of the calls to your family or friends? My mom even put in a suspicious call. I’m sure they’re ready to send out the search party.”

  “I called Jane and filled her in a few days ago. She was supposed to run interference with my parents for a couple more days. I’m in constant contact with Red, so she knows what’s going on except for Finn. I don’t want to jinx it.”

  #

  The shipment is unloading just as I arrive at Garrett’s store. He can’t keep things in stock since the opening. His website went live the same day and orders are coming in by the dozens. I am so thrilled for him, but I can tell he’s overwhelmed.

  “What can I do?” I ask.

  “Start by saving all of the packing slips for inventory, then we’ll start on the little boxes and work our way up,” he says.

  “It’s like Christmas in here. I’m so excited to unwrap every single piece.”

  “Really? I can’t see past the mess,” he responds.

  “That’s just your OCD talking,” I quip, knowing the only thing my brain is capable of processing is mindless unwrapping and stacking of stuff in a robotic fashion. My mind is racing. All I can think about is Finn and his sexy physique. Those beautiful, piercing baby blue eyes that seem to look right into my soul. His smooth, tanned skin, tight ass, and don’t even get me started on those hands. Is there anything sexier than a man that can cook? Watching him cut, chop, and whip ingredients around is like an aphrodisiac. God, I just want to kiss those juicy plump lips and run my fingers through his hair. I’m obsessing over how it will feel to have him touch every inch of me. I can’t remember the last time I wanted any guy this much, and I certainly can’t remember the last time I was touched, quite literally, since it was a one-night stand in a black out.

  We finish unpacking. The store is bustling. Tristan oversees running the day-to-day business out front while I help Garrett organize.

  “I’m going to need to hire someone full-time here to manage the store. Tristan and I need to be able to float between the two stores.”

  “I can cover in the short term. It will give me time to figure some things out,” I cheerfully reply, knowing I’ll have another excuse to be close to Finn. Even though I barely know him, I already miss him. There is something about his presence that calms me. Of course, he makes me giddy and nervous, but I feel a deep connection to him.

  Okay Dan, truce. I’m so sorry. Of course, I love you, but I’m so scared. I will listen to Garrett, but I still have serious doubts about not fessing up. I can’t fathom the alternative. I can’t lose him. That is not an option. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but I think this might be him. Please, make it be him. I can’t stand any more heartache.

  #

  I arrive, prompt at seven-thirty with a bottle of wine in hand. I knock as I open the door to announce my entrance. I walk in and am greeted by the most adorable golden retriever. He has a shoe in his mouth. This is, of course, the official canine greeting.

  “Hi there, sweet boy. You’re not much of a guard dog, are you?” I say as I bend down and give him some love and snuggles. I see his name tag. His name is Frank. A hot man with a dog. It keeps getting better.

  “Where’s Daddy, buddy?” He gives me the tilted head look just as I spot a glass of wine sitting on the kitchen counter with a note. Make yourself at home. XO.

  Garrett would die. Very Frank Sinatra-esque, old school Palm Springs. The home has a grand, open concept layout with all floor-to-ceiling windows framing the pool. Music is playing. Van Morrison, Into the Mystic, nice choice.
I wander from room to room as I arrive at the master bedroom because I can see steam coming from the open bathroom door. As tempted as I am to strip down to join him, I don’t want to ruin this fabulous hair and makeup. Plus, I don’t want him to think I’m too anxious, so I make myself comfortable in the living room while I wait for him.

  He comes out to greet me with a kiss.

  “Sorry, I was running late from the restaurant and wanted to get cleaned up.”

  “I was going to join you in there but decided drowned rat isn’t the look I’m going for to kick off the night.”

  “That would have been fabulous.” He leans down and gives me a kiss that makes me weak in the knees.

  “Now I’m regretting my decision,” I say with a giant grin. We make our way into the kitchen.

  “I was thinking about seafood and mushroom risotto for dinner?” he asks.

  “That sounds perfect.”

  “Great, why don’t you put together the salad while I get started on the main course? I plan to have you for dessert.”

  “Then let’s hurry up and eat,” I flirt.

  Frank keeps moving around the space, following Finn and plopping down to stay as close to him as he can. He is the cutest.

  “How old is Frank?”

  “Almost two. After I left the hustle and bustle of Vegas, I figured I should at least have another living being in my house since it can get quiet out here. I love it, though. It’s peaceful. I can’t deal with crowds or traffic.”

  “He is the cutest companion you could have. I’ve always loved dogs. We never had them growing up. Not sure why. Ironically, I consider dogs to be a great people indicator.”

  “How’s that?”

  “I judge people based on their relationship with their dog. Like, if they let their dogs sleep with them or not.”

  “Ha. Really?”

  “Yeah, I mean, they are a family member, so you need to treat them like one.”

  “Frank does sleep with me, but not tonight,” he says, as he turns to give me a wink.

  God, please take me now. Please end this misery. I love to watch him work. He’s in his zone. Concentrating but making it look so effortless at the same time. I can tell this is what he was born to do. All I can focus on is his ass in those jeans. Ugh. His hair is a little tousled from being air dried, and he didn’t shave so he has the perfect amount of growth. I can’t wait to feel that sensation all over my body.

  As the room fills up with the simmering aroma of an almost completed five-star dinner, I walk up behind him, wrap my arms around his waist and whisper, “Can I have a taste?”

  “Well, hi,” he says as he turns to scoop me up in his arms.

  “I can’t get too distracted. Risotto requires constant stirring, and I don’t want to have to order in pizza. That would be embarrassing. I do, however, have time to give ye a taste.” As he gently touches my chin to pull me in for a kiss, his other hand finds its way to my ass.

  We eat and get the kitchen cleaned up when Finn excuses himself. He reappears wearing a bathrobe and has another one in his hand for me.

  “This is all ye’ll need for the rest of the night. Go put it on and meet me out in the hot tub.” As I head to the bedroom to follow my orders, I see him grab some strawberries, two glasses, and a bottle of champagne.

  I make my way outside. I am welcomed by soft music streaming through the speakers, a dim lit patio, and a romantic fireplace providing additional warmth to the cold desert air. Finn is already sitting comfortable in the hot bubbles as I approach. I stand there sheepish, plotting my entrance. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to slip into the hot tub without him seeing every inch of me. Cannonball, maybe? Should I yell Snake? Fire?

  He interrupts my internal, hateful thoughts.

  “Take it off. I want to drink in every beautiful inch of you. Besides, I’ve already seen it.”

  “What? When?”

  “The day I met you at Garrett’s for the first time. Remember, you were in the hot tub? I took my time making my way to the front door.” He grins.

  “You didn’t? I knew it.” I take a deep breath and drop the robe.

  My frantic thoughts switch to wondering how I’m going to daintily get in the hot tub with him at that angle. I haven’t had enough wine, and although the lights in the hot tub are dim and romantic to him, to me I feel like I’m standing on the runway at LaGuardia with floodlights exposing every unflattering feature. I get settled in, and he leans in for a sweet kiss while he hands me a glass of champagne. Just as we’re getting cozy, everything comes to a screeching halt as “Small Town” begins to pipe through his stereo speakers.

  “What is it?” he asks.

  “It’s this song . . . It’s nothing. Where were we?” I say to try to change the subject.

  “Tell me,” he asks eagerly.

  “But I don’t want to cry.”

  He puts his hands on my face and looks deep into my eyes.

  “Liv, ye can’t scare me. I was drawn to ye the minute I met ye, your smile, yer wit, yer spirit. Ye exude confidence which makes ye that much more beautiful. I want ye to be raw with me. Just be ye, not some altered version of ye, okay?” And with that, the first tear drops fall.

  He speaks to my soul. How does he do that? He cuts through layers and layers of bullshit and goes straight to my core. You know, to the bits I’m afraid to show too soon because I don’t want to ruin it. I know at that moment that any man that can speak to my heart will earn my trust forever and be worthy of my love. I take a deep breath.

  “This song reminds me of my best friend, Dan. He died in a car accident four years ago.”

  “Oh, Liv. . .”

  “He was unbelievable. Truly the best. The only way to describe him is to say he was happiness. He had a smile that could melt any heart, the most contagious laugh you’ve ever heard and a giant heart of gold. It was a freak accident. We’re not sure what happened but when I got that call,” I pause, “my life changed forever.” Tears begin to stream.

  “Oh Liv, I am so, so sorry,” he says as he holds me close to comfort me, and I realize I’m burning with desire for his touch. I don’t want him to comfort me with words. I want him to kiss every inch of my broken body and heal my wounds with his love. I stand up to face him and kiss him as if my life depends on it. I reach down and cup his manhood to let him know exactly what I want.

  “Let’s go inside.”

  “No, I want you right here.” He hoists me out to the edge of the hot tub. The frigid desert air, combined with the steam from the hot tub, makes every touch that much more sensual and remarkable. I embrace his exploration and let him go wherever he wants. His fingertips, lips, and tongue all working their magic.

  “Wow, you are delicious,” he says, as I gasp for each breath. “You are amazing, but we’re just getting started.”

  We make love for hours and hours. We see the sun come up before finally dozing off, entangled in each other’s arms. I sleep soundly because I never hear him leave for work. I wake up around ten with a sweet golden retriever staring me in the face and a note on the pillow.

  Liv,

  Last night was fantastic.

  XOXO,

  Finn

  P.S. Check the fridge. I made you breakfast.

  At that moment, I am exceptionally grateful that dogs cannot speak. I can’t imagine what Frank witnessed last night. I can barely look him in the eye. As I turn over to get some more shuteye, I say to Dan, “This better be the real deal because I’m falling fast and if he hurts me, I’ll never, ever recover. I will never trust myself again.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  (Finn)

  “I guess I got my answer. Thank you, love,” I say to Christine. I still have days where I can’t believe she’s gone. The grief comes in a giant wave when I least expect it. I haven’t been with another woman since she passed nor have I been interested. Our marriage was beautiful, and I’m so grateful for every
moment we shared. She made me swear I wouldn’t get bitter and close myself off. She wanted me to find someone new. Liv is a surprise. A very pleasant one. I’ve never experienced this with anyone. I can’t concentrate on anything. She is all consuming. Last night is on constant repeat in my head. Her skin, her kiss, her touch so sweet and delicate, and all I want is more. I can’t take it anymore and let Tex know I’m taking the rest of the day off. I text Liv.

  Morning, gorgeous. Where are you?

  I’m still snuggled up in your bed with Frank. I don’t ever want to get up.

  I know the feeling. It was everything I could do to peel myself off you this morning. Incredible.

  Yes, heaven.

  Hurry up and get in the shower. I’m coming to get you.

  Where are we going?

  Not sure yet, just grab a few things, and I’ll be there within the hour to get you.

  Hopping in the shower now.

  In that case, I’ll be there in five.

  I’ll be all lathered up for you.

  #

  “How about we head down to the coast and we’ll pull off somewhere and get a hotel for the night? We’ll wing it.”

  “I’ll go wherever you want to take me,” Liv says, putting her hand on my leg. I love how spontaneous she is. She seems to be up for anything.

  “Have you always been this fun to be with?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Ye don’t ever hesitate. Yer very decisive. Ye say yes and go with the flow, which I love by the way,” I compliment, leaning over for another sweet kiss. I can’t keep my hands off her.

  “I’ve planned and calculated all of my professional life, and that isn’t working for me. I decided when I got on that plane to come out here, I was going to say yes to everything and figure it out later. That’s a quote from Tina Fey who is one of my idols. So now I’m a yes girl, but in the right way.”