AllTangledUp

by Crystal Jordan

  And he wanted to be one of those people she cared about. He wanted it badly.

  The thought made his hands grow slick with sweat, and he clenched his fingers around the coffee cup. He hadn’t had a serious relationship in his entire life, never able to commit to someone, knowing he could end up as devastated and alone as his old man. It had been a pretty powerful deterrent. Until now. Until Lola.

  Which meant he had to do something about it.

  * * * * *

  Lola found him lounging on the porch, bathed in the rosy golden light of sunrise, his brows drawn together in thought. It made her chest tighten to look at him, he was so gorgeous. All she had on was his T-shirt, and she tugged on the bottom of it before she shrugged and stepped out to join him. They only had a few hours left, and she wasn’t going to worry about a random boater on the lake who might see her half-naked.

  “Mornin’, sugar.”

  “Hey.” He turned his head to look at her, a tender smile curving his lips and making her heart skip a beat. He held out his coffee mug. “Want some? There’s a fresh pot on the counter, but I’m willing to share.”

  Accepting the cup, she curled up in the chair next to his and took a sip, sighing as the liquid caffeine hit her system. He reached over and she gave him back the coffee. He grinned at her, set the mug on the floor between them, caught her hand and twined their fingers together. They sat together in silence for long moments, holding hands, and the sweetness of it was lovely. She wished there were a way to keep this feeling, to keep reality at bay forever.

  Jesse squeezed her fingers. “I was thinking…”

  “I knew I smelled something burning.” She rolled her head against the chair until she could see him.

  “Funny girl.” He shifted, looking uncomfortable for a moment. “No, I was thinking this weekend has been really good.”

  Something in his tone made her stiffen. “Yeah…”

  “What if we didn’t limit ourselves to just this weekend?” He turned to face her fully. “What if we wanted this to be a longer-term thing?”

  Emotion bloomed within her, hot and beautiful. The word yes formed on her lips, but she clamped them shut before she did something incredibly stupid. Reality returned with an ugly crash. If she wanted to be taken seriously with the network, she had to work twice as hard as any other producer. The last thing she needed was to demonstrate how unprofessional she was by getting caught screwing around with one of the men on her show.

  “And how would that work? Hiding it from our coworkers, sneaking around? My concerns about us haven’t changed. Nothing has changed.” Liar. Big, fat liar. Everything had changed…except their circumstances.

  He frowned, letting go of her hand. “Why would we have to sneak around? Would you be ashamed to be dating me? It’s one thing to hide that you’re just fucking someone, but I was thinking of this as more than a quick shag whenever we could grab it.”

  “You were?” She made her tone as dubious as possible.

  “Yes.”

  “And then what happens when we break things off? Then it becomes awkward for everyone to work with us.” She shook her head, folding her arms protectively over her breasts. “It’s not a good idea. We had our weekend and that probably wasn’t a good idea either, but it’s done. We can’t go back and change things now.”

  The blood had slowly drained out of his face as she spoke, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “I see.”

  “Don’t be upset, Jesse. This is what we agreed to.” She despised the pleading note that had entered her voice. Who was she trying to convince the most? Him or herself? Pain knifed through her, and she hated to reject what he was offering. They fit so well on so many levels, and if things were different—

  She cut off the thought. No. Things would never be different. Her decision had been made before she ever came to his little mountain Shangri-La—back when she was clear-headed and logical.

  “I know.” He swallowed, glanced away. “I just… Wow, we really weren’t on the same page. I wanted to move into something deeper, and you’re wishing you could go back and erase that we ever happened.” A short laugh huffed out of him. “I read that wrong, didn’t I?”

  “That’s not…Jesse…” She reached for him, couldn’t stop herself, but he recoiled.

  “I need to stow the boat before we leave today. I should probably take care of that now.” He stood abruptly, vaulted over the porch railing and walked away without a backward glance.

  She clamped a hand over her mouth and told herself she had no right to cry.

  * * * * *

  He’d been a fool. Anger at himself and at her roiled through him as he strode toward the cabin, made him want to put his fist through the nearest wall. Even then, the rage couldn’t mask the ache that spread within him like a bruise. For the first time in his life, he’d wanted more than a couple of days to burn up the sheets with a woman, and she didn’t want him for anything else.

  But that was the problem. He’d seen the split second of utter longing on her face when he’d first mentioned the idea of a real relationship. She’d covered it quickly, buried it under justifications, but he knew what he’d seen. Deep down, she wanted this as much as he did, but she was too damn scared of it ending badly to even try.

  The irony there was a bitter pill to swallow. Before now, hadn’t that always been his role? Anything that got too heavy made him bolt. And he knew nothing he said was going to change her mind, just as no words had ever changed his mind before now. She either wanted it enough to try, or she didn’t.

  She’d already been clear on her decision, but that didn’t stop the agony that pounded through him. It shouldn’t hurt this bad for something that had lasted so short a time, but if it hadn’t been powerful, he would never have wanted to keep it. He shook his head, shoved a hand through his hair.

  Mounting the porch steps, he pushed through the back door and drew up short when he found her in the kitchen, still wearing only his shirt. She rinsed out their coffee cup in the sink, hunching her shoulder as if she couldn’t bear to look at him. That just pissed him off even more, and he was across the room in two seconds.

  He wrapped an arm around her waist, crowding her forward into the kitchen counter. She sucked in a breath. “What are you—”

  Not bothering with a verbal response, he slid a palm down her stomach and between her thighs, delving into her cunt. Her hand clamped over his wrist, her nails digging into his flesh, but he ignored her, flicking his fingers over her clit, which hardened for him. He could smell her desire, feel the way her pussy grew slick. The way her hips began to undulate, pushing into his touch, made a fierce smile stretch his lips. He used his free hand to grab the hem of her shirt and jerk it over her head, leaving her naked as he threw it to the ground. Her body stiffened, but he thrust two fingers into her channel, and a high scream pierced the silence.

  “Bend forward. Grab the sides of the sink.” The command was guttural, his voice a mere growl. “I’m going to fuck you hard.”

  It would be an act of pure possession. He knew it, and so did she. That she didn’t even protest told him a lot, probably more than she would have liked. She gripped the edges of the sink and leaned forward, a quiver running through her.

  Ripping open his fly, he shoved his jeans down and kicked them out of the way. He slapped her ass, and she gasped but didn’t move. Nice. He dropped to his knees behind her, taking in the view of her pussy, so slick with juices for him she was dripping.

  A breath shuddered out of her. “I…I…”

  Lola, speechless. There was a first. He snorted and nipped at the lower curve of her buttock, making her jolt.

  Bracketing her hips, he held her in place while his flicked his tongue over her clit. The muscles in her thighs jumped, and she squirmed a little, so he tightened his grip. He closed his mouth around her hardened nub and suckled hard. Lola’s cry echoed in the room, moisture gushing from her cunt, and he smiled against her flesh. He ran his tongue up and down her slit, lapping
up her cream.

  The taste of her was feminine and musky, coating his lips. And he’d never have a moment like this again. Pain speared through him, but he shoved it away. Time enough for that later. He moved his fingers inward and teased the tiny rosette of her anus. She shuddered and moaned, and he drove his tongue into her pussy, fucking her with his mouth. He sank one digit into her ass, thrusting slowly. Then he added another. Her inner muscles contracted against his lips, her moans growing louder and more desperate.

  Slipping upward, he replaced his hand with his mouth, pressing his tongue into the pucker of her anus.

  “Oh my God!” She screamed then, and he felt orgasm thrumming through her body.

  Now. He had to take her now. Had to leave an indelible mark on her that she’d never forget.

  He reached for his discarded jeans, fumbling for his wallet and the condom inside. His hands were actually shaking when he slid the rubber on. He jerked to his feet, more than ready.

  “Please, Jesse.” Lola’s hips rocked backward, her body bent in total submission. “Please, please, please.”

  He liked hearing her beg, far too much. He slipped his fingers between her thighs, gathering the hot cream there and trailing it up to lubricate her ass. He used one palm to swat the fleshy part of her upper thigh, making her squeal. With the other hand, he began to work his fingers into her anus, widening her passage for him. She froze, then slid her legs further apart for him.

  “Jesse,” she breathed.

  The soft pleading in her voice was a heady aphrodisiac for him. He loved this. Every second of it. Grasping his cock, he rubbed the head between the cheeks of her ass, easing the first inch into her rear channel. She quivered, arching her back to give him as much access as he could want. He pressed forward and retreated, sliding deeper into her with each thrust. It took everything he had to keep from pounding into her hard and fast the way his body urged him to, but he wanted to hold on to these last precious minutes, wanted to hear her scream his name before he was done with her.

  He hilted his cock in her ass and paused to let her adjust to the invasion.

  “Don’t stop,” she gasped. “Make me come.”

  Holding on to his control with a death grip, he slowly withdrew and sank back inside her. It was a tight fit, and that all by itself was a turn-on. Molten lava flowed through his veins, and each time he entered her, he burned hotter. He picked up speed and force, the slap of his stomach meeting her backside echoing loudly in the kitchen. Their heavy breathing and low groans added to the carnal symphony. The way she arched and writhed each time he penetrated her anus told him exactly how close she was to climax. He fucked her ass harder, wanting to push them both over that edge. Reaching beneath her, he flicked his fingers over the hard little nub of her clitoris.

  “Jesse!” She cried out, and the walls of her ass closed tightly around his thrusting cock. Low, animalistic moans spilled from her and he knew she’d reached orgasm.

  Letting go of his control, he thrust deep into her anus, rolling his pelvis against the curve of her backside. Heat roared through him. His balls drew up and come spurted from his cock. He emptied into her and the sounds of her pleasure only drove his climax onward. It went on forever and ended far sooner than he’d have liked. The best sex of his life, and it had only gotten better each time they fucked. And now it was over, and the realization crashed his high.

  Her legs buckled and he caught her against his chest, savoring the feel of her for one final moment. Then he forced himself to let her go. Unlike his father, who had never really let go of his mother, even after she left. But Jesse couldn’t do that to himself. As much as he wanted to hold on, if that wasn’t what Lola wanted—if he wasn’t what she wanted—then there really was no point, was there?

  It could have been amazing between them. It might have been. And the not knowing was what would haunt him the most.

  Chapter Six

  After she’d showered and washed away the evidence of sex—except for the occasional ache from her spanked backside—Lola felt like she could face Jesse and say their last goodbyes before they went back to the real world.

  She didn’t want to. God, she didn’t. It took everything in her to pack her things and carry them out to her car. Jesse was already outside, doing a final check on the repair she’d done on his ride. Of course. She would have done the same. A giggle escaped her, but it sounded more like a sob.

  His big body stiffened when she came near, but he didn’t look at her, just continued to inspect his engine. She walked slowly to the back of her car and put her bag in the trunk. Then there was no putting it off anymore. It was time to get the awkward, awful ending over with.

  Pain throbbed inside her and she wanted to kick herself. Why had she thought she could have a simple affair with this man and walk away unscathed? Too many hormones interfering with her good judgment. It was a mistake she’d have to live with until the end of the show season. She didn’t know if she could make herself stay on after that, not if this horrible, crushing weight on her chest didn’t ease up. She shook her head. That was a problem for another time.

  She pulled in a deep breath and forced a smile to her face, one bright enough to make her Southern Belle mama proud. “So.”

  “So,” he grunted. Straightening, he closed the hood of his car and wiped his hands off on a rag. When he finally looked at her, his expression was carefully blank.

  She wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or not. Would she rather he show her his pain, or his anger because she’d insisted they stick to their bargain? Maybe. At least it would have been real rather than this false blankness he had on his handsome face.

  Making a production out of fishing her keys from her purse, she let them jangle musically in her hand. “So, I’ll see you at the garage tomorrow. I think the Shelby Cobra roadster you’re doing next is going to shape into a great project. The before and after will be dramatic.”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “Yeah, I think so too.”

  He tossed the dirty rag onto the toolbox at his feet, then stowed it in his trunk. Striding past her, he went up to the cabin and locked the door. Then he walked around the building, checking the windows to make sure everything was secure.

  Should she wait until he was done or was he hoping she’d leave now? She wavered, uncertain, unable to leave yet. She didn’t want to walk away without saying goodbye. It seemed rude. The excuse was empty, but she clung to it. Of course she’d stay and be polite.

  A flash of surprise sparked in his brilliant green eyes when he came back around the house. Ah. He had expected her to leave. Awkward. She swallowed hard and lifted her chin.

  “Everything locked up tight?” She smiled again, but doubted it reached her eyes. She slid her sunglasses on for a little bit of protection. Her chest felt so constricted, she wasn’t sure how she was managing to breathe through it.

  “Yeah, the cabin is closed.” He didn’t offer her a smile in return, barely glanced at her. “Nothing more to do here. This visit is officially over.”

  A pang went through her. Over. It was over. Why did that hurt so much? “Okay. Bye then.”

  “I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Goodbye, Lola.” He nodded, turned, climbed into his car and drove away.

  She stood there for a long time, watching his taillights disappear. Then she slid into the driver’s seat of her Mustang, gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles hurt.

  Her cell phone blared and she jolted. It took her a moment to react, to dig out the phone and answer the call. She had to clear her throat twice before she could squeeze words out. She kept her tone as light as she could. “Hey, baby sister.”

  “What’s wrong?” The question was sharp, and Lola sighed. She should have known better than to try to fool her family. They knew her too well.

  She swallowed, pressed trembling lips together. “Man trouble.”

  Her sister hummed sympathetically. “Were you stupid, was he, or a little of both? So I know if you need nice mommy or mean
mommy.”

  “It was all me.” That weight in her chest, the huge iceberg, seemed to crack, breaking open her heart. “Oh, Casey, I fucked up big this time. I fell in love with him.” And then she laid her forehead against the wheel and sobbed.

  * * * * *

  Jesus, he felt like a zombie in one of those bad horror movies. Dragging through the motions, half-dead. Jesse stood in the break room of Kasen’s Kustom Automotive and sucked down his fourth cup of coffee for the day. It wasn’t even noon yet. His eyes felt gritty and he’d slept like shit the night before. His bed had felt empty without Lola in it. Funny how quickly he’d gotten used to her soft curves pressed against his side at night.

  Pathetic. Just like his dad had been after his mom bailed. But Dad had managed to survive and so would Jesse.

  “You all right?” Dean came in the room, shutting the door behind him. Concern shone in his gaze.

  Jesse didn’t even have the fortitude left to lie. His cousin would have seen through it anyway. “No.”

  Nodding, Dean poured himself a cup of coffee. His voice was far too casual when he spoke again. “Lola looks worse than you do.”

  “And why would I care about that?” Jesse snapped, then winced. Way to play it cool, Kasen. He clenched his jaw. “Look, this time it’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything to hurt her.”

  No, it was Jesse who’d been hurt, and he suddenly had a lot more sympathy for the women he’d walked away from over the years.

  His cousin didn’t ask for details of what had happened, and Jesse was grateful. Dean set his mug down on the counter. “You going to be all right working with her? We can talk to the network if it’s going to be a problem.”

  Jesse thought about it, he really did. But he couldn’t do it. He knew Lola had worked hard to be the producer of Revved Up, and she was more than qualified for the position. It would hurt her, when she hadn’t done anything other than keep up her end of their deal. It wouldn’t be right or fair. While the knee-jerk reaction for him was to shove her out of his life, or hurt her the way he was hurting, he just…couldn’t. That was the bottom line—he’d rather slit his own throat than cause her pain.