AllTangledUp

by Crystal Jordan

  “No, I can handle it.” He met his cousin’s eyes, so the other man would know he was serious.

  The empathy in Dean’s gaze was almost more than he could deal with. Dean had had a rough time of it before he and Andi had finally gotten together. Jesse somehow doubted that kind of happy ending was in his future, and it still floored him that he even wanted such a thing. But Lola had knocked him on his ass from day one.

  “I’m here if you need me, brother. You know that.” Dean clapped him on the shoulder and walked out.

  Yeah, he did know that his family always had his back. It had gotten him through the rough times when his mother left and his father died. His cousin, aunt and uncle had been a bedrock of support. Always had been, always would be. He’d tried to make sure the family business flourished in return. He just needed to keep his focus on the garage until this thing with Lola got easier. He hoped it would, and soon.

  But he had his doubts.

  The door opened again and Lola stepped into the room. She froze when she saw him, her eyes going wide, and vulnerability flashed across her face before she hid it. He made himself really look at her for the first time that day. He’d been avoiding it. “You look like hell.”

  She did. Despite her flawless makeup, she couldn’t hide that her eyes were red-rimmed and had dark circles under them. She’d been crying and she hadn’t slept. The realization made his heart fist in his chest. She looked about as miserable as he felt, and that said a lot, didn’t it? It made him hope. Such a dangerous emotion, but he couldn’t stop it.

  “Thanks, Kasen.” She huffed out a laugh and came in to pour herself some coffee. But now it was her turn to avoid his gaze.

  “I’m not giving up on you, Lola. On us.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but he didn’t regret them. “You’re no happier than I am that we stuck to our weekend bargain, and eventually you’re going to get over whatever’s stopping you from being with me.”

  “And you know me so well after a couple of days of sexing it up.” Her tone had dropped into a subarctic chill, but he ignored that.

  “I know you. I know every curve of your body and what makes you scream, but it’s not just the sex. Hell, at this point I wish it were. I’ve seen how you love your sister, how you swing a wrench, how you do a little dance when you’re happy.” That got a laugh out of her, as he’d known it would. “I don’t know everything, not yet. But I’d like to, if you gave me a chance.” He reached out and stroked a thumb down her cheek. Her breath hitched and she quivered, her eyes sliding closed. “I’ll wait as long as you need me to. We’ve both tried fighting this for months, and it didn’t work. I’m betting you won’t be able to escape wanting more. I couldn’t.”

  “Why won’t you let this go?” Her voice shook when she spoke, a small note of pleading threading through the question.

  “Because I love you.” The words fell into dead silence, and he wasn’t sure whom he’d shocked more—himself or her. But it didn’t feel wrong to say it. It felt…exactly right. “I love you and I can’t pretend I don’t. I’m not going to push or force you, or turn into one of those assholes who acts like he owns you.” No, it had to be her choice. He couldn’t live like his father had all those years, holding on to a woman who had one foot out the door, just waiting for her to leave. “We both want this, I know that, but we have to want it enough to make it work. I’m in. You come to me when you’re ready. You know where to find me.”

  Letting that gauntlet fall, he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other and walk to his office. How long it might take her to give in, he didn’t know. Days, weeks, months. He just hoped her resistance didn’t last. In the meantime, he had to focus on something else, and work was as good as anything. Dean could deal with the show today. Jesse would handle the day-to-day paperwork that came with running a business. Settling into his chair, he threw himself into the distraction.

  * * * * *

  He loved her. It was a litany that repeated in her head all day. He loved her. Jesse Kasen, the man no woman had ever kept for more than a couple of months. He was a heartbreaker, as she’d been told within a few days of meeting him. She’d bet every penny she had that he’d never said those three little words to any woman outside his family before.

  He wouldn’t say them lightly. He wouldn’t say them unless he meant them. Those words were serious, and he didn’t do serious.

  But he sure as hell seemed serious now. He wanted a relationship. With her. After a sleepless night and hours spent sobbing on the phone with her sister, she couldn’t dismiss it as easily as she had the day before. It was too big a risk. It was too complicated. If it ended, it would be too messy. She was too busy building her career, and there was no guarantee she’d always be in Reno for work. They were excuses, and flimsy ones. She could make it work, if she wanted to, if she was willing to do whatever it took. Just as he’d said.

  Giddiness and fear twisted together within her. She clenched her fists to keep her fingers from shaking.

  “You okay, Lola?” Her cameraman glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. The concern in his tone made her wince a bit. So much for acting normal and behaving like a professional.

  She let a breath ease out of her lungs. She’d been way off her game today, but luckily her crew had covered for her. She owed them one. “I’ll be okay, but thanks for asking.”

  How was she going to be okay? She was so tangled up inside, she didn’t even know which way was up. What should she do? Play it safe or take a gamble? She’d already fallen for him, and that was bad enough, but if she let herself rely on him…she’d be utterly devastated when she lost him.

  Just like she had been when—

  Her heart seized, her eyes closing as agony tore through her.

  Just like she had been when her parents died.

  Was that what was holding her back? She wasn’t afraid of working hard for something important to her. She’d done it when she’d helped Uncle Bud raise Casey. She did it every day with the show. The hours were long, but she welcomed the challenge. But she’d never relied on anything or anyone the way she’d relied on her parents. Since their death ripped a hole in her world, she’d only depended on herself. And that was what terrified her most about Jesse, wasn’t it? He wasn’t like the other men she’d dated. He was the kind of man who took care of those who mattered to him. She saw it every day in the way he acted with his employees and cousin. He was the kind of man she could depend on, and that meant if she got attached to him she could someday suffer that utter agony again, that horrifying, life-changing loss.

  She swallowed, blinking back a wave of tears. But…he loved her. Fierce joy whipped inside her. He loved her and she loved him. When was something that wonderful ever going to happen to her again? There’d never been another guy who’d respected her, given her room to be herself and lit her body on fire the way he did. Could she really run from that?

  No.

  It didn’t matter how terrified she was of losing something so vital to her again, because if she denied herself a shot at the kind of love her parents had shared, she wouldn’t really be living, would she? She’d just be running scared from the good in order to avoid the bad, and that wasn’t the kind of person she wanted to be.

  And she wanted Jesse. She wanted to see where this might go. It could be a disaster, but it could be everything she’d ever dreamed of.

  She’d take the risk.

  Her cameraman was speaking to her again, and she made herself refocus on him. “What was that?”

  “I think we’re ready to wrap for the day.” He took his equipment over to a big black case and began loading it. “The guys are closing up shop and heading home.”

  She blinked and looked around. The slant of sunlight in the garage told her it was almost evening. When had it gotten so late? She spied Dean putting away a few tools. “Do you know where Jesse is? He disappeared this morning.”

  She didn’t mention that she was the reason for
his disappearance, but she was guessing Dean knew.

  He slanted a quick, incisive glance at her. “He’s in the office.”

  “Thanks.” She turned to walk in that direction.

  “Lola?” Dean’s voice brought her up short.

  She looked back over her shoulder, impatient to get to Jesse. “Yes?”

  “Be sure what you want before you go in there.” His expression hardened, became unforgiving. “I’ve never seen my cousin like this, and I don’t want you jerking him around. He got enough of that from—”

  “From his mom? I know. And I know what I want.” She shrugged. “Him.”

  “Then go get him.” A small smile touched his lips, lit eyes that were as green as Jesse’s.

  She grinned back, butterflies taking flight in her belly as she approached the office. He’d said to come to him, that he wanted her. She clung to that knowledge, praying he wouldn’t change his mind. Ever.

  Sucking in a steadying breath, she raised her fist to knock and found her hand was shaking. She lowered her arm, and instead of knocking, she put her fingers on the knob and turned it. The door swung in, the hinges emitting a small creak.

  Jesse sat bent over his desk, rifling through some papers. “Dean, do you have the invoice for—”

  He stopped when he glanced up, and she watched his muscles tighten. She held on to the doorknob like a lifeline and managed to squeak out, “Hi.”

  “Come on in.” He set the paperwork down and leaned back in his chair, his casual pose belying the tension that still hummed in the room. “Did you need to go over something for Revved Up?”

  “No. Nothing for the show.” She stepped into the room and shut the door behind her, then walked over to the desk that faced his. Dean’s desk. She perched on the edge of it, and subtly wiped her sweaty palms on her slacks. “I came to talk to you about what you said earlier.”

  If anything, his body grew tauter. “What about it?”

  She opened her mouth, but no words came out. How did she tell him what he needed to know, how scared she was that she’d end up broken and adrift again, why she’d run from his offer of more than sex when she’d wanted to agree so badly she could taste it?

  “Lola?” he prompted, one eyebrow arching.

  “I love you, too.” There. A good place to start. The most important place. “I didn’t mean to, and I didn’t want it, but I do. So much.”

  His other eyebrow rose to join its twin, a bit of humor sparking in his gaze. “That’s good. I think.”

  A laugh straggled out of her. “Yes, it is.”

  He leaned forward, but didn’t relax. “I hear a ‘but’ in there.”

  “But I’m scared. I’m not good with relationships, haven’t been since my parents died. If I depend on a man, he might leave or die on me, and then I’ll have to pick up the pieces of my life again.” She closed her eyes, swallowed. “I’m strong enough to do it. I survived once, but…it’s damn hard to look that kind of possibility in the face again.” Opening her eyes, she saw he’d risen to his feet, his expression softening with the sympathy that she’d rejected when she’d told him about her parents’ death. It gave her the courage to continue. “If I give in to this thing between us…”

  “You open yourself up to that possibility.” He came around his desk and sat on the front of it, so there were only a few feet of open floor separating them. “I understand.”

  “Do you?” God, she hoped so, because she wasn’t sure she understood it entirely herself.

  “I’ve never committed to a real relationship before, never even thought I’d want to. After what Mom put us through? Fuck, no.” He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it in furrows. “You think I’m not scared shitless?”

  That brought her off Dean’s desk, and she took a few steps toward Jesse’s side of the room. “You are?”

  “Yeah.” His gaze was more earnest than she’d ever seen it. “But this is too good to walk away from. I know not every woman is like my mother. My aunt isn’t. Andi’s not. I’ve just never let myself tangle up with one of the good ones before.” He snorted, his tone turning ironic. “Too wary of falling for the first one I messed with.”

  Which was exactly what had happened.

  “I know exactly what you mean.” If she were totally honest with herself, she’d admit that was probably how she’d ended up dating so many jerks. There was no way she’d commit to any of them for long, so her heart was safe. No risk. She’d thought Jesse was more of the same, just the way he thought she wasn’t the kind of woman he’d fall for. They’d both been wrong. “I don’t know what’s going to come of this. I don’t know if we’ll be together for forty years or four months. I just know I love you and I want to be with you.”

  “That’s what I want too.” He held out his hand to her, waiting for her to take it, waiting for her to be ready, just as he had that first day at the cabin. It was just what she needed. God, she loved him.

  Setting her hand in his, she let him draw her forward into his arms. The cessation of pain was so sharp it brought tears to her eyes. It felt good to be here with him. Right. Everything settled into place. “I want to make this work, Jesse. I don’t want to leave you.”

  “Thank God.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck and she stroked her fingers through his hair. They stood that way for long moments, giving her the chance to savor the way her body fit against his. He felt so good. “I love you, Lola.”

  It was the most natural thing in the world when their lips met, the soft sweetness soon burning into a sharper need. It was always like this with them. She hoped it always would be. Their tongues twined, the kiss deepening. Tingles rippled down her skin, and his hands cupped her hips, pulling her tight to his body. Some of her muscles loosened and others went taut, readying her for sex. His erection prodded her belly, making her cunt contract. Their ragged breathing echoed in her ears. She craved him so much. Cream flooded her sex, she pressed herself closer to him and moaned against his lips. They’d drowned themselves in sensuality over the weekend, so going an entire day without touching him, tasting him, had been intolerable. She was addicted.

  His hand coasted up her side, curving inward to cup her breast. Her nipples tightened with anticipation, rasping against her lace bra. Excitement sped her heartbeat, heat shimmering through her. He closed his hand over her breast, his fingers zeroing in on the beaded crest, pinching and twisting. Her breath caught and she arched into the contact, craving more, craving that connection she’d only ever found with him.

  “More,” she gasped.

  A low groan was his only answer as he began tugging at her clothes. She did the same with his, pulling his shirt from his pants to unbutton it. Skimming her hands up the plains of his chest was a tactile pleasure. The crisp hair there tickled her palms, and she flicked her nails over his flat nipples. His swiftly indrawn breath made her smile, as did the way he attacked the button on her trousers. She tugged her top over her head and let it drop to the floor. A squeak erupted from her throat when he latched onto her breast, sucking her through her bra. The hot wetness of his mouth, the nip of his teeth, had her up on tiptoes, her fingers digging into his arms to hold herself steady.

  “Jesse, Jesse, Jesse,” she chanted.

  He turned them to pin her against his desk, his leg wedging between hers. She arched into him, riding her pussy on the hardness of his thigh. His palms curved over her ass, squeezing, pulling her sex into fuller contact with his leg. Her clit burned with sensation as she ground herself down and he flexed the muscles in his thigh. It was too much. She couldn’t take it. Flames licked at her core and juices wept from her pussy. She wanted him inside her.

  Shoving his shirt off his broad shoulders, she tilted her hips to help him push her pants down. Her panties went with the slacks, she stepped out of her heels and she was bare except for her bra. Yes. Her hands went to his fly, but he beat her there, wrenching open his jeans and shoving them halfway down his thighs.

  “Good enough,”
he rasped.

  He cleared off the desk with a rough sweep of his arm and then lifted her onto the battered surface. She gasped as the cold metal met her overheated flesh, the contrast intensifying both feelings. It took only a moment for him to slide on a condom, then he stepped between her thighs.

  She rocked her hips upward. “Inside me. Inside me, please.”

  “Hell, yes.” He hooked her knees over his arms, holding her legs high and wide. The blunt probing of his cock made her whimper with need. He filled her slowly, easing into her tight sheath. Her sex throbbed around his cock, the muscles clenching as if to draw him deeper. A shudder racked his body. He groaned, the sound harsh and loud in the room. Then he stopped.

  Embedded in her cunt, stretching her exquisitely, he remained still and let the anticipation and tension build. His gaze gleamed as he watched her, knowing it was driving her crazy. She wanted him to move.

  “Jesse!” She writhed against the hard plane of his desk. “Don’t make me wait. I need you.”

  White teeth flashed in a wicked smile and he nudged his pelvis into her, the rough hair between his thighs stimulating her clit. She mewled in delight, her pussy fisting once in response. He choked on a breath and finally, finally gave in. Bracing his palms on the desk, he leaned over her and forced her legs wider. He withdrew in the same unhurried motion as he’d entered her, then he thrust into her cunt. Hard. Their skin slapped together and she moaned.

  It didn’t take long for him to pick up speed, and each penetration pushed her toward the blissful oblivion she craved. Her hands scrabbled against the desk, looking for something to hold onto. She gripped the sides of the metal surface, using it for leverage to press herself into his thrusts. Letting her eyes drift closed, she focused on the pure sensation that rocketed through her body.