Star Wars - Episode I Adventures 012 - The Bongo Rally

by Ryder Windham

  On the planet Naboo, the Gungans’ annual Festival of Warriors was interrupted by an invasion of mysterious droids. Boss Nass, ruler of the underwater city of Otoh Gunga, refused to cancel any festival competitions, but he urged the entrants to proceed with caution. Boss Nass’s niece, Major Fassa, not only prevented a trio of droids from destroying festival arena but also went on to win the Big Nasty Free-For-All.

  The three droids were brought to an Otoh Gunga laboratory maintained by Lob Dizz, a Gungan scientist and engineer. Two droids confessed they belonged to an interstellar pirate named Captain Swagg, who intended to loot ancient artifacts from the temple at the Gungans’ sacred place.

  Boss Nass received additional bad news from Commander Wollod, who noted that the great Gungan historian Rep Been had already left for a scheduled inspection of the sacred place. Hearing this, Boss Nass feared that Rep Been had been captured by Captain Swagg. Boss Nass summoned the Gungan Grand Army from Lake Umberbool, then assembled a rescue team with Major Fassa, Captain Tarpals, Lob Dizz, Commander Wollod, and Jar Jar Binks. Traveling in Boss Nass’s heyblibber, they sped to the sacred place.

  Mere moments before Swagg’s ship lifted off, the daring Captain Tarpals boarded the vessel, eliminated the remaining droids, rescued Rep Been, and recovered the stolen artifacts. Unfortunately, Tarpals was not able to capture Captain Swagg, who used an escape pod to flee into space. Tarpals navigated the pirate ship and its contents back to the sacred place, where he was greeted by Boss Nass and the Gungan Grand Army.

  When Tarpals remembered he’d left Jar Jar in a trap, he raced through the forest save him. Tarpals believed Jar Jar was dying, especially when Jar Jar made a last request: he wanted front row seats to view the Bongo Rally, the most thrilling high-speed event in the Festival of Warriors. After the guilt-ridden Tarpals promised he would get the prized seats, he realized Jar Jar was all right, and he suspected that Jar Jar had deliberately tricked him.

  Tarpals was not amused.

  From the steps of the sacred place, Boss Nass and Major Fassa watched as the Grand Army troops unloaded the artifacts from the pirate starship. Boss Nass could not believe that the precious relics had nearly been lost forever, or that they had been so easily taken by the notorious Captain Swagg and his droids.

  Lob Dizz had analyzed Swagg’s log and had discovered that somehow Swagg had learned a great deal about Gungan culture and technology. The information had allowed him to plan the theft with calculated precision.

  The ruler of Otoh Gunga turned to Fassa and said, “Mesa posten guards alla round da sacred place. If dat Cap’n Swagg comen back, hesa ganna be pounded.”

  Major Fassa scanned the area for Captain Tarpals and Jar Jar Binks. She couldn’t spot either of them. Right after Tarpals had landed the pirate starship, he’d run off into the woods without any explanation. She was more concerned about Jar Jar, who she hadn’t seen since they’d left Boss Nass’s heyblibber back at the swamp. Fassa knew that Tarpals could take care of himself, but she wasn’t so sure about Jar Jar.

  Boss Nass sensed that something was on Major Fassa’s mind, so he asked, “Sumptin wrong, Fassa?”

  “Mesa worryin about Jar Jar Binks,” she admitted. Just then, she saw Tarpals push his way past some small trees and emerge from the dense forest. A moment later, Tarpals was followed by Jar Jar, who walked with a slight limp. “Dare hesa is!” Fassa exclaimed with excitement as she ran down the steps. “Hey, Jar Jar!”

  Boss Nass grimaced. He didn't want Fassa to be worried about Jar Jar. Actually, he didn’t want her to have any feelings for Jar Jar at all.

  Jar Jar was still on probation for having destroyed the habitat bubbles at the Otoh Gunga Zoo, and it would only take one more accident for Jar Jar to be banished to the swamps.

  Captain Tarpals approached Boss Nass, who said, “Yousa done a berry brave ting, Tarpals, when yousa go after da pirate ship all by yousaself. When wesa return to da Festival of Warriors, mesa ganna hold a parade in yousa honor.”

  Tarpals bowed and replied, “Tank yousa, Boss Nass, boot wit all respect, my requestin no such fanfare. Serven inda Grand Army is mesa reward. My just doen mesa job."

  “Surely, dare’s sumptin my can do to show mesa gratitude?” Boss Nass insisted.

  Tarpals thought of his promise to Jar Jar, and said, “Any chance yousa gettin my a ticket for da Bongo Rally?”

  Boss Nass nodded and said, “Consider it done deal. Also, my inviten yousa to a party at mesa mansion tomorrow, followen da race. Un no refusen. My insist.”

  “Tanks, Boss.” Tarpals saluted Boss Nass, then walked toward the pirate ship so he could help unload the ancient relics.

  Boss Nass was wondering why Jar Jar Binks couldn’t have turned out more like Tarpals. Then his thoughts were interrupted by Rep Been, who shouted, “Careful wit dat!” to four Gungan soldiers as they hefted a statue out of the pirate ship. Rep Been trotted over to Boss Nass and reported, “Da unloaden is comen along okeyday, Boss.”

  “Humph,” Boss Nass grunted.

  “Sumptin wrong, Boss?” Rep Been asked.

  Rep Been was an old friend as well as an advisor, so Boss Nass decided to tell him the truth. “My gotta problem, Been. In case yousa no know, my niece Fassa declared a life debt to Jar Jar Binks.”

  “Binks?” Rep Been said with surprise. “No, mesa no know dat. Dat’s terrible! Major Fassa isa good soldier, un Binks is sucha klutzee.”

  Boss Nass nodded in agreement, then added, “Metinks Binks is unworthy. No only hisen un bungler, boot hisen lazy. Gotta longo history of axadentes, dat fella. His antics alritty got him on probation.”

  “Probation, yousa say?” Rep Been noted with interest. “Hmmm. Now, did Major Fassa make da pledge before or after Binks was place-ed on probation?”

  Boss Nass thought back to the moment that Fassa and Jar Jar first met, and tried to remember the exact moment when he’d placed Jar Jar on probation. “Was after dat, she made da pledge,” Boss Nass recalled. “Why yousa asken?”

  “Accordin to da ancient laws,” Rep Been explained, “no Gungan can pledge life debt to a Gungan who’s on probation. Is almost as bad as maken a pledge to a criminal, so it is just no allowed. On da otter hand, if Fassa make da pledge before Jar Jar on probation, den she either gotta take back da pledge or go on probation, too.”

  “Wait a bombad minute!” Boss Nass said with some excitement. “Yous sayen dat since Fassa make da pledge to Jar Jar after mesa place him on probation...”

  “Da life debt isa null un void,” Rep Been stated. “Dare is no debt.” Suddenly, he was lifted off the ground by Boss Nass, who held him in a tight hug.

  “Tanks, Rep Been!” said a truly grateful Boss Nass as he released Been and gave him a friendly swat on the back. “Dat’s da best news mesa heard in mesa life.”

  Just then, Boss Nass and Rep Been turned to see Fassa and Jar Jar approach. Jar Jar had one arm slung over Fassa’s shoulders, and one of her arms was wrapped around his waist.

  “Get yousa mitts offa my niece!” Boss Nass sputtered.

  Jar Jar tried to pull away from Fassa, but she tightened her hold around his waist as she faced Boss Nass and said, “No be ridiculous, uncle! Jar Jar was wounded by a spring left by da mackineeks. Lookit his ankle! All swollen, it tis.”

  Boss Nass glanced at Jar Jar’s ankle and noted that it was indeed a bit swollen.

  “Captain Tarpals got my outta da trap,” Jar Jar said as he stared at the ground, unable to meet Boss Nass’s piercing gaze. Jar Jar was still a bit dizzy from having hung upside down for so long.

  “Yousa hair dat, Rep Been?” Boss Nass asked as h
e nudged the Rep. “Captain Tarpals rescued Jar Jar from a trap.” Boss Nass looked back at Jar Jar and asked, “So, dat meanen yousa pledged a life debt to Captain Tarpals?”

  Boss Nass’s question made Jar Jar’s head spin even more. A life debt was a very serious matter. Jar Jar was already overwhelmed by the fact that Major Fassa had pledged a life debt to him, so the possibility that he might owe a life debt to Tarpals made his situation even more complicated. His imagination kicked in. If Fassa owed a life debt to Jar Jar, and Jar Jar owed a life debt to Tarpals, would Fassa’s pledge extend to Tarpals? And what would happen if Fassa ever saved Tarpals’s life? Would the three Gungans have life debts to each other, or would all life debts be cancelled?

  Jar Jar decided to offer Boss Nass the opportunity to answer his own question. Jar Jar asked, “Yousa tinken mesa owen Cap’n Tarpals a life debt?”

  Boss Nass grinned and shook his broad head. “No, Jar Jar. Mesa no tinken Captain Tarpals deserves dat kinda burden.”

  Hearing this, Jar Jar didn’t know whether to feel relieved or insulted. Before he could say anything, Boss Nass continued: “Un speaken of life debts, Rep Been just brought sumptin to mesa attention. Isa against da ancient rules to pledge life debt to anybody on probation.”

  “What?” Fassa said with genuine surprise. “But Jar Jar saved my!”

  “No matter,” Rep Been said with a shrug. “According tada laws, yousa pledge to Binks is invalid.”

  Jar Jar felt dizzy. Ever since Fassa had made her pledge to him, he’d been uncomfortable with all her attention, and had even tried to avoid her. It wasn’t just that he felt unworthy or that he feared Boss Nass’s wrath. He desperately wanted Fassa to like him for who he was, and not because she felt that she owed him anything. Now he was afraid she would have no interest in him at all.

  As Fassa continued to support Jar Jar’s weight, she declared, “My respict da ancient rules, un my taken back mesa pledge to Jar Jar.”

  At Fassa’s words, Jar Jar felt even more ill, and Boss Nass made an effort not to smile too much. Rep Been nodded and said, “Is good dat yousa repict da ancient rules, Major.”

  Without warning, Fassa turned her head quickly and placed a kiss on Jar Jar’s right cheek. “Mesa still tink yousa berry berry brave, Jar Jar. Let mesa hep yousa back to da heyblibber.”

  A cascade of happiness fell over Jar Jar Binks. As Fassa helped him walk away from the temple, he realized he hadn’t noticed how Boss Nass and Rep Been had reacted when Fassa kissed him. Jar Jar craned his neck to look back at the two Gungans. Both wore expressions of pure astonishment. Jar Jar was tempted to stick his tongue out at them, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned to Fassa and said, “Tanks, Fassa.”

  “No mention it,” Fassa replied as she helped him along. He was already walking better, but Fassa kept her arm around his waist as they made their way back to the swamp and the waiting heyblibber. “Bet yousa ganna be heppy ta be back in Otoh Gunga,” Fassa said.

  “Oh, no,” Jar Jar moaned. “Mesa just remimber. My gotta go back to Lake Umberbool immediately! If mesa late for mesa job at Brass Marshoo’s restaurant, Marshoo ganna clobber my!”

  Seated within his escape pod, Captain Swagg was furious over the loss of his starship, not to mention the Gungan treasures. The blue-skinned pirate stared through the pod’s viewport at the moons of Naboo. Since the pod was not equipped with a hyperdrive engine, the journey back to Swagg’s remote hideout would take about fifteen days.

  On past adventures, Swagg had successfully spied on alien cultures, looted their treasures, and left their worlds before they knew anything was missing. Despite all his planning, his mission to Naboo had ended in disaster. He would never admit that using the droids as decoys in Lake Umberbool had been a grave error. Instead, he blamed the droids for failing to keep the Gungans away while he robbed the ancient statues.

  He’d managed to escape, but doubted he would ever be able to recover his ship. And if he couldn’t have his ship, he was determined to have something else.

  Revenge.

  Even though Swagg blamed his droids for his misfortune, he hoped that some of them had escaped destruction by the Gungans. He would need their help if he wanted to steal his starship back from the amphibious warriors. Since all of his droids were equipped with homing devices and remote transmitters, it was a simple matter to track them, even from Naboo’s orbit. The pirate faced the pod’s voice-activated computer console and said, “Conduct a wide scan for operational droids, and transmit a contact signal.”

  Seconds later, the computer responded, “Scans have located droids 3-S and 5-S. They are not responding to the signal.”

  Swagg had assigned droids 3-S, 4-S, and 5-S to the submarine that had failed to destroy the festival arena. He assumed 4-S was destroyed and that 3-S and 5-S had been captured and deactivated.

  “What’s their location?” he asked. After the computer gave him the coordinates, Swagg noted that 3-S and 5-S were in an Otoh Gunga habitat bubble. To reactivate them, he would have to return to Naboo and break them out.

  Swagg considered his options. He dreaded the thought of spending fifteen days in the cramped pod. Furthermore, the journey back to his hideout required him to travel through at least nine systems where he was wanted by the authorities. Without a hyperdrive, he doubted he could elude any patrols.

  “Revenge it is,” Swagg muttered with a sinister smile. He steered the escape pod back toward Naboo, and zoomed down through the planet’s atmosphere. Although the pod lacked a hyperdrive, Swagg had modified it to operate underwater. As the pod neared Lake Paonga, its repulsors fired and cut the small vessel’s velocity. He steered the pod low over the lake, then plunged through the water’s surface and into the deep.

  He was on course for Otoh Gunga.

  It was the day after Captain Tarpals had defeated Captain Swagg and recovered the stolen Gungan artifacts, and everyone in the festival arena was talking about the accident that had occurred earlier that morning in Lake Umberbool. Although the Bongo Rally was still a few hours away, two of the entrants — Spleed Nukkels and Neb Neb Goodrow — had collided during a prerace practice run. Both racers were unharmed, but their bongos had been totaled. When Captain Tarpals heard the news, he wondered if Jar Jar Binks might have somehow been involved in the accident. However, Jar Jar had an alibi: He was already at work.

  Tarpals rode his faithful kaadu through the crowded corridors of the arena. He was on his way to a diner bubble at the south side of the arena, where he planned on wrapping up some unofficial business. The Gungan pedestrians heard Tarpals’s approach and cleared a path. He dug his heels gently into the kaadu’s sides and urged it to gallop faster through the transparent transport tube.

  When Tarpals arrived at his destination, he dismounted his kaadu and tethered the reins to a metal hitching ring that was set into the outer frame of the bubble’s arched doorway. Tarpals noticed that the crowd flowed quickly past the entrance, and that no one was entering or leaving the diner. They were all headed to the rally.

  As soon as Tarpals entered the diner, his nose detected the smell of gasser-fried eels, and he heard a familiar voice say, “Heydoe!”

  In the center of the bubble’s circular chamber, Jar Jar stood behind a countertop in the exposed kitchen. The diner was fully automated, and merely required someone to monitor the equipment.

  A dozen eels were laid out on a gasser rack beside Jar Jar. Tarpals approached the open kitchen with caution. He thought Boss Nass was crazy for letting Jar Jar work in a restaurant, since there were so many ways Jar Jar could get into trouble. As Tarpals neared, Jar Jar smiled broadly and asked, “Want some eely munches?”

  Tarpals looked at the fried eels and shook his head. “No, tanks,” he answered. He liked eels, but only when they were steamed.

  Jar Jar used a green stick to poke the eels and asked, “Yousa hair about Spleed Nukkels and Neb Neb Goodrow?”

  Tarpals nodded.

  “Mesa have nutten to do wit dat axadente,”
Jar Jar proclaimed defensively.

  “Mesa know,” Tarpals answered. “My alritty checked.”

  “Oh,” said Jar Jar. “So, why yousa hair?”

  “Mesa hair to fulfill yousa last riquest,” Tarpals replied.

  “Last riquest?” Jar Jar echoed, and then he remembered. “Yousa rilly got tickets for da Bongo Rally?”

  Tarpals reached into his pocket and extracted a thin piece of green plasticel that was shaped like a broad-finned manta. It was a ticket, a gift from Boss Nass himself. He handed the plasticel to Jar Jar and said, “Box seats.”

  “Wowza!” Jar Jar shouted as he held and examined the prized ticket. Inside the plasticel, strands of plantlife formed letters and numerals that indicated the ticket was indeed for an entire spectator box at the festival arena. “Dis is da bestest!” Jar Jar exclaimed with unbridled joy. “Mesa getten off work in una hour. Den yousa un mesa can go watch da big race!”

  Tarpals shook his head and answered, “Mesa only given yousa da ticket like mesa promised. Dat ends me obligations to yousa. Enjoy da race.”

  Jar Jar couldn’t believe his ears. “Mesa no understand. Yousa no wanten to see da Bongo Rally together?”

  Tarpals sighed. Jar Jar really didn’t understand. “Yousa no shoulda tricked my yesterday, Jar Jar.”

  Jar Jar was baffled. “Yesterday? Tricked yousa?”

  “Dat’s right,” Tarpals said. “Yousa pretended dat yousa was ganna die just so yousa could make a last riquest.”

  “Boot mesa no pretended nutten!” Jar Jar protested. “Mesa rilly taut mesa was ganna die!”

  “Rilly?” Tarpals inquired, although his tone betrayed that he couldn’t care less.

  “Isa da truth,” Jar Jar insisted. “Yesterday, my afraid dem mackineeks was ganna paste mesa. Boot hangin upside down musta gone to me noggin ina bad way, becausen my barely remimber yousa free-en my from da trap. When my make dat last riquest, my just talken wit a dizzy head.”

  Tarpals had heard many of Jar Jar’s excuses over the years, and found it difficult to believe he might be telling the truth. “No make mesa laugh,” Tarpals said. “Yousa dizzy alla da time.”