A Journey Deep

by Beth Reason

  Chapter 14

  I pushed myself hard. My legs were killing me. My lungs burned. It felt like I was trying to breathe in the very rocks I was trying to climb. I pushed harder. My foot hit a loose patch and I gave up using just my legs and leaned, like an animal, clawing my way up. I needed to be alone, and since there were no marshes near Alistair's cabin, I had to made do with the mountain.

  I pushed harder. My arms ached. They protested having to pull the rest of me up and up and up. I had no idea how long I had been climbing. I wondered if people were looking for me, searching the cabin. I didn't want to worry them, but I also didn't really care that much if you want to know the truth. I was angry and hurting and I needed to push myself until I was too physically exhausted to feel either.

  The day was my day. I needed it to be. I needed to have a day when I was off limits to everyone, where my thoughts and feelings weren't analyzed by a team, when I didn't have to jump through hoops or answer interviews or even listen to stories about people I'd never meet and would never care about. I needed a day to just be Jake, and to figure out just what that meant now that I had lost everything.

  I slipped on another rock, and paused for a minute to make sure I had my balance back. I glanced up the slope. I was almost to the top. I could see it. It wasn't the highest mountain in the area, not by far. But it was the highest I'd ever climbed without the aid of a trekman, and I couldn't help feeling a little proud of myself.

  After a hard push up the last steep cliff, I reached the top. I pulled myself more than climbed the last few dozen meters, and then lay at the wide, nearly flat top, trying to catch my breath. The star burned down on my face and my lungs grabbed for the cold air. I did it. I made it.

  I lay there until my heart slowed. I lay until my breathing was normal. I felt the star they call the Sun and let it fill me with it's calm. I don't know how long I just laid there. I stayed motionless until the sun began to feel a little too warm, however long that was. I drew another deep breath and sat up. To my left, there was a little ledge, and I scooted over and looked down.

  Okay, so it wasn't even close to the world's largest mountain. It didn't matter. I did it. I climbed the whole thing in spite of their god awful gravity. I swung my legs around and let them dangle over the boulder. Alistair's cabin was far below. I could just see the roof peeking through the trees. If I could have seen the people, they would have looked like caa' flies from my perch.

  I felt calmer after the climb and allowed myself to process all I had learned. Why? That was the number one question coursing through my head. Why? I knew what Ralph had said. I also knew all the information in the files I read through the rest of the night. It was clear that Mother and Dad didn't feel like they'd been tricked. Or duped. Or conned or...I don't know. It's clear they believed we as humans would do the same if the tables were turned.

  I tossed a pebble off the side of the cliff and listened for the ping far below. I used to do that in the trekman, then playback the recordings later to hear the sounds outside the enforced suit. It was very different to be able to hear it with my own ears in the moment. I threw another. And another. The third was bigger and started a chain reaction. Where it took the first bounce, it knocked another rock loose, that pulled smaller ones and sand with it down the slope. I tried to get that to happen again, but couldn't.

  I couldn't go back to Laak'sa. I suppose somewhere I always knew that. My mouth dried instantly with the thought and I tried to choke down another sip of water. I couldn't go back. They would close the fah'ti on the Qitani end. Morhal would have had to, if for no other reason than to save face. It was the only logical step. Two humans successfully came through this way, successfully duped the Primary. It no longer mattered if she thought humans were a legitimate threat or not. We made her look like a fool, and she would be bound to take steps to ensure that never happened again.

  I cursed myself for the millionth time. Ralph and I had sent up messages for Dad and Mother through the fah'ti. Just to let them know we were fine, of course. Did I damn my own parents? It would have been much better if they had never heard. That way perhaps Mother could have convinced Morhal we did not live. I wondered why Ralph sent the messages. He knew the whole story. Unlike me, he knew that we were, essentially, run aways. Why did he go along with it?

  I pinged another rock, harder this time. My anger was growing again. Because it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other, that's why. Mother and Dad made themselves enemies the moment they let me go. Whether I actually lived or died was irrelevant. Morhal could never trust any of the crew again, not publicly and most likely not privately, either.

  I couldn't ever go back. It's why Reginald wouldn't promise me that payment in his office. It's why Ralph wouldn't even discuss it. I couldn't go back and they knew. It was no longer my home and they all knew. I hurled another rock and watched as a satisfying cascade of rocks and sand followed it down the mountainside.

  I really hit me that I had no home. I looked at the roof of Alistair's cabin. While it was the most comfortable place I'd been to on Earth yet, it wasn't home. It wasn't my home. My estates? I laughed out loud at that idea. I hated being in the one in Washington. When I told Lynette that once, she pointed out that I had others, that I could visit them all. "You've got so many to chose from that there's got to be at least one you like." The thought of traveling to house after house was not appealing. Besides, it wasn't the house that didn't feel like home. It was the planet. Earth was not my homeworld. As much as I tried to fit in, it simply wasn't a fit.

  The thought brought a panic bubbling up inside me again. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the star, trying to force the panic back. What if I was stuck here? I couldn't go back to Laak'sa. I couldn't even go live with the Ehkin. What if Earth was now my only option? How could I ever feel at peace again with the people I couldn't relate to and the lands that never felt welcoming? What if my life would continue forever as it had been the last couple months? Parties and openings and garden teas that were anything but, and the people who gave me funny looks and the worse ones who only wanted things from me, and the questions...what if the questions never stopped? I bet that right that very minute, some reporter was hounding Alistair to find me for an interview. I laughed. At least they couldn't interview me again if I was on top of a mountain, though.

  Actually, maybe they probably could. They could fly a little bot around to find me and turn on the bright lights and have the bot voice ask me the stupid questions I'd gotten in a steady stream for these past months.

  "What's your favorite part about Earth life?"

  "How are you liking our social scene?"

  "What are your hopes for the future?"

  "Are there really aliens?"

  Yes. And they're liars.

  Another pang of guilt rolled through me. I picked up a large rock and gave it a good throw. I could understand the anger I felt. I could understand the sadness. By why did I feel guilty? Why did I still feel like I was betraying my people with my anger?

  I didn't care what her reasons were, Morhal let me in to their lives. She let me roam her castle. She let me sit by Ashnahta's side and learn their culture. She let me eat their food, even though it made Mother furious. I don't care if she took me for a moron. She still let me be part of their tribe.

  Did Ashnahta know?

  No. I swallowed a lump in my throat. No! I threw another rock at the traitorous thought. She didn't. She did not know. I was sure of it. She didn't think I was a moron. Weak, sure. Her subordinate, of course. She knew everyone but Morhal to be her subordinate. In spite of race and rank, I knew she was my friend, and I was hers. I was certainly more of a friend than those Qitani who clustered around her for status. I was more a friend to her than her sisters who pretended to want her success but would have killed her in the night if given the chance. I was far more of a friend than her secondary mother, Ta'al, who wanted her own primary daughter to take the throne. Even Morhal was never friendly with Ashnah
ta. The parental relationship on Laak'sa didn't allow for it, not when the stakes were so high.

  I was her friend, maybe the only one she'd ever really have. I knew that. And she was mine, she truly was. I felt it so deep inside that I couldn't make myself believe otherwise. I felt lost when I thought that there was a good chance I'd never have a friend like her again in my life. I'd met hundreds if not thousands of people on Earth, and not one of them called to me the way she did. The dread of a future without that connection was almost too much to bear.

  What if they had let me stay? I could have helped. If Mother and Dad had just trusted me, I could have stayed. I would have stayed. And they wouldn't have to face whatever wrath Morhal had waiting for them. Were they even still alive? Ralph said that they wanted "more" for me. Why didn't they even ask what I wanted? I wanted my life! The one I had, the one I loved. Why didn't they even ask? It was too late. I could have helped them for once if they had just let me. But I was stuck on Earth, where they wanted to be, and they were stuck on Laak'sa, where I wanted to be. It was all so frustrating, and there wasn't a thing I could do to change it.

  I couldn't go back. And I was trying, but I couldn't fit in on Earth. I didn't know who I could trust anymore, and there were still thousands of questions I wanted answered. I sat on the rock on the top of the world, or as close to the top as I'd been, and let the millions of thoughts play through my head. My arms ached. My face was feeling very hot, and my feet were throbbing. And I sat there and figured out how to accept it all.

  When it was turning to late afternoon and my stomach was growling, I supposed I'd spent enough time thinking. I was still angry and hurting, and I still didn't have any answers. But it felt damn good to be able to brood by myself for once. It was worth the sore muscles and blisters on my toes.

  "If you had asked I would have told you what kind of shoes to wear." Lynette snapped at me from the second she saw me right through the evening. "Did you at least get them checked out?"

  I sighed. I'd already told her a dozen times that I wasn't worried about the blisters. "I'm sorry," I said for the hundredth time. "I didn't mean to worry any of you."

  She rolled her eyes and picked at her dinner. Marlon shot me a sympathetic look, the first and only one I'd probably ever get from him. He alone seemed to realize that sometimes a person needed to simply be by themselves for awhile. Alistair was...I don't know if angry is the right word. Disappointed, maybe, which was worse.

  Ralph was the only one who openly chewed me out. He didn't hold back. I was irresponsible. I was selfish. I was thoughtless. I was only concerned with myself and didn't care about anyone or anything. I took it. After all, I should have let him know where I was. I knew it when I headed out early that morning. And he was totally right to yell at me. I didn't even bother to defend myself.

  "What were you thinking?" he asked over and over.

  Everything.

  My face hurt. Lynette called it a "sunburn you rightly deserve!" before smearing on some cold creamy junk. It helped for a minute, but the burn quickly flared back up. There was no way I was about to ask for more. I poked at my dinner, just wishing the time would pass faster and I could go to bed.

  "I got that code cracked, Mr. Willington," Marlon piped up a few minutes later. I wasn't the only one feeling the weight of the silent, angry people pretending to eat. I didn't know what surprised me more; the fact that Alistair had given Marlon a job to do, or Marlon showing respect to him.

  "Good. I'll have another if you're game."

  Marlon nodded. "Yes, sir."

  "What code?" I asked. Anything to get people talking. Lynette shot me a glare. I ignored it.

  "Oh, nothing much," said Marlon in a tone that told me he was about to brag big time. "Just a little code his team's been trying to crack for three years now." He sat back and puffed out his chest. "Took less than an afternoon."

  "It's a StarTech code, Mr. Donnely, and as a StarTech employee, you have access..."

  Ralph swore. "I can't do this." He pushed back from the table and stood, taking his plate. "I'm done babysitting ST brats who can't do what they're told. No offense, Alistair, but I've had my fill of renegades for the day."

  "None taken," the old man almost beamed. "I understand you're in a difficult position with my work."

  Ralph shook his head. "No. Don't say another word about it. The less I know the better. At least one person in this room knows not to bite the hand that feeds them!"

  Lynette nodded firmly and stood to leave, too. "Well said, Ralph!" They both stormed out. If I didn't know just how real their anger was, I'd have laughed.

  Alistair sighed heavily. "Now the riff raff's gone...what in the blazes were you thinking, boy?"

  I was expecting it. I opened myself for his prying. He looked at me for a minute, then shook his head. "Oh, Jacob."

  "What?" Marlon asked.

  You can't blame them for wanting more than a life of servitude for you, he inspoke to me.

  Isn't that what I have now? The chains have a different brand on them, but it's still the same.

  His eyes went wide and he sat back. He never thought of it like that.

  "I promised to do what they wanted without knowing the whole story," I said out loud for Marlon's benefit.

  "And now you have buyer's remorse, is that it?"

  I had to scoff. "I'm now working for people who have lied to me every step of the way. Yes I have buyer's remorse. Wouldn't you?"

  He shrugged. "Perhaps. Perhaps not. I can't pretend to understand how it feels."

  "Oh," said Marlon, butting in. "This is about all that fart junk, isn't it?" He was pleased he figured it out. "Yeah, I saw that. Pisser." He shoveled more food in his mouth.

  I tried to be offended that he'd read the communiques, but I just couldn't muster any more anger. "Yeah. Pisser." What an understatement.

  He pointed his fork at me. "You're not that different from Lynnie and I."

  "I'm not, eh?"

  "No. Your folks sold you up the river, too."

  Alistair tsked. "Now Mr. Donnely, the way I see it no one was sold up any river. Jacob, I know you've learned something you wished you never knew. But we all do. All of us. Did you know that the only reason I'm in existence at all is because my father needed both a girl and a boy for a lifelong sociological research project? I saw the data myself and when I asked him about it, true to form, he didn't even try and deny it. I'm an experiment, just like you. Mr. Donnely, he had terrible folks that sold him and his sister to pay off drug debts."

  "Hey!"

  Alistair ignored Marlon's outburst and kept talking. "And let us take a look at where we all are today. First me. I'm here. And if my father hadn't been a cold hearted, scientifically calculating ass, I wouldn't be. I'm certainly glad I'm here! The Donnelys, they would have statistically ended up drug abusers and pushers themselves had their parents not made the right decision to give them over to a better life. And you, young man, would have no choices whatsoever in your life if your parents didn't get you away."

  "But that's my home!" I yelled. No one could understand. "If I stayed, if they just asked me first...I could have saved them."

  "It was your home that would have turned in to your prison!" He sighed and pushed his plate away. He began gesturing with his hands like Mother does when she's trying to explain something. "Let's look at the facts. You have spent your life floating around the universe. The longest you stayed anywhere before Laak'sa was on v-2445." He knew it all from my thoughts, my memories, the instant flood of myself I allowed him to view in his own mind. "Of course you feel that Laak'sa is your home. It's where you did the most growing. It does not have to change in your memory. No one is taking that."

  His insight was making me uncomfortable. He was pulling the deepest fears out in the open. Inspeaking them is one thing. But sharing them out loud... "Forget it."

  "I will not. Let us get right to the root."

  "I miss my folks," said Marlon out of the blue. "The
y were drugged up abusers. But I still miss them. Doesn't mean I should go back, but also doesn't mean part of me doesn't want to do just that. The little kid that had fun times before I realized what a god awful life we were living, he still wants his mama." He cleared his throat suddenly, as if he didn't realize he was speaking out loud. He put his red face back down and started eating again.

  "Mr. Donnely makes my point. You cannot go backwards, Jacob. Even if you could make the jump back through the fah'ti, it would not be the same. You're becoming a man, Jacob. You're not looking at the situation through the blind eyes of a child. That is not a bad thing." I snorted. "Fine," he said with a kind smile. "Some of it is bad. But things change as we get older for a reason. Now you know. Now, the next world you go to, you can look for them before they find you. You can travel with the knowledge of caution your parents never had. Laak'sa can your home, inside. In your loving memories. This does not change that. It only changes where you go from here.

  "You're an employee of StarTech. They have a finite task for you to complete. So do it. Do as they say. Learn. Take notes. And then take this journey, combine it with what you already know, and make a plan for yourself. All of this adds together to make the adult you will be. And just because you learn a different facet after the fact does not mean the experience and warm memories weren't real or didn't matter. Think about it."

  I did think about it. I sat there thinking over his words long after he and Marlon cleared out. I sat and stared blankly at my plate of uneaten, cold food until I felt the truth of his words. His words made a kind of peace inside me and I suddenly needed to set things right with Ralph, to let him know I understood, to forgive him and keep the one person I had left close.

  I jogged upstairs. I wanted a real talk, not a Q&A in the middle of the night from a panicked kid, or the shouting match dress-down when the scared kid acted like a jerk. I wanted to sit and talk to him. I wanted to apologize, first and foremost. And then I wanted explanations. Not accusations, just explanations and clarifications.

  I knocked on his door. He didn't answer. I cracked it open and stuck my head inside. He wasn't in there. I saw his holo on the desk and picked it up to write him a note of apology when I saw the heading of unread messages from Reginald blinking in the corner of the screen. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I clicked the messages open and read them.

  Communication 74556-c3 ST Command:

  RE: Reply reply Buttrick:

  And one more thing... for the record, Chris agrees, if that makes any difference. You know how much Chris thinks of Jake. Trust me. This is in his best interest.

  What? That didn't make any sense. I saw that it was some reply, so I clicked on the previous message.

  Communication 74556-c2 ST command:

  RE: Reply Buttrick:

  Damn it do you ever answer your holo?

  Please, PLEASE think this through. We don't even know if she's going to make it. You think he's crushed now? IF she can pull through, then we'll let him know. If she doesn't, then wouldn't it be worse for him?

  My heart pounded in my chest. I couldn't stop my fingers from clicking the next in the line. Something in me already knew what they were talking about, but I just had to see the proof.

  Communication 3429 Buttrick:

  RE: Jake

  Jesus, Reggie. We have to tell him and tell him NOW. We can't let him find that out the same way. I'm not talking as his handler or a stupid ST employee. I don't give a rat's ass about your protocols. If you saw how it crushed him to find out about his folks, you'd be singing a different tune.

  "Jake."

  I turned around, unsure of what I just read. "I..I was leaving you a message...I stammered."

  He toweled his hair in the doorway. He was frowning at me. "Well, I'm here now," he said, looking at the holo in my hands.

  I warred with myself for a split second, a million possible questions forming and deleting in my brain before I somehow made an important decision. I shifted my thumb quickly on the holo keypad and backed out of the communique. He would tell me. Ralph would tell me. Whatever those messages were all about, he would tell me. He would pass the test. "I just wanted to tell you I was sorry. You know. For earlier."

  I sounded calm. He took the holo from my hand and glanced down. Seeing nothing amiss, he flashed me a smile. "I over reacted. Hell, I remember what it's like to be a teenager."

  Tell me, I begged in my head. Explain. Prove that you're still the Ralph I know and love.

  He chucked me on the shoulder. "Let's just let it go, huh?"

  "Sure." Come on. Tell me. Every fiber of my being wanted him to just tell me what it was all about. He looked at me for a minute with that smile.

  "Is there anything else?"

  My insides sank. He wasn't going to tell me. The knowledge sat like a stone in my gut. I shook my head and walked past him quickly, my mind starting to spin.

  "Jake," he called when I reached the door. I turned around, a ray of hope. He looked like he was going to say something. I waited. "Alistair...he's got this competition with StarTech. I don't really mind you kids helping him out. We all learn more that way."

  Fail, fail, fail. "I, uh...I figured as much I guess." I couldn't believe how calm I sounded outside, while inside screamed at him to tell me. Just tell me!

  "I just don't want to know about it, okay?" He smiled easily.

  "Um, sure. Anything else?" Did I sound too hopeful? His expression changed for just a second. "Anything at all?" His mouth opened, then closed again and he shook his head.

  I've been able to give it a lot of thought since then. Maybe it wasn't fair of me to think of him as a coward. Maybe he was just as caught as I was in a different way. What was it he said? He remembered who fed him.

  "I'm a life long Techer, kid. Before I left for the stars, during, and after." He said that to me once during the early conditioning on Utopia when I asked how he could stand to be poked and prodded and ordered around and caged. He was a life long Techer. Ah, but he warned me, and that was something I'd remember later. Those were thoughts for the hours and hours and hours spent alone and lonely with nothing but time to think about my wrongs and his. That night, there was no room.

  I reached my room and calmly closed the door. The building suddenly felt very small. I looked around. I took a step in, then stepped back. My mind was in such a racing panic that my body froze.

  "We don't even know if she's going to make it." That was exactly what the message said. I knew the moment I read the words who they were talking about. It could only be one person.

  "We don't even know if she's going to make it."

  On Utopia. It had to be. Had to. They wouldn't bring her here. I ran my shaking hands through my hair and took a calming breath. Plan. I needed a plan. I took a look around the room again. I had a terminal, though it was a limited one, and a holo. And that was about it. I needed help.

  I picked up my holo and quietly stepped out of my room. No one was in the hall, but I could hear Alistair talking to someone downstairs. It had to be Marlon still. I waited. They talked on and on. I was tempted to send a message to Alistair to quit yammering, but then I'd screw it all up. I had to keep that door shut until there was nothing he could do about it.

  After what felt like a year, I heard the scuff of a chair and Marlon's telling Alistair he'd see him later. I heard his heavy footsteps nearing then stairs. As soon as he was high enough to see me waiting for him in the hall, his eyes narrowed.

  "I hope you're not thinking we're all buddy buddy just because you heard me telling Mr. Willington..."

  "I need your help," I whispered, cutting him off.

  He stood at the top of the stairs and crossed his arms over his chest, looking like he was going to go on some snarky rant. There must have been something in my face...desperation, probably. He gave a little nod toward the door of the room he was using and walked past me. I followed and as soon as the door was closed, he asked what was going on.
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  "I need three things from you." I didn't know I already had a plan in my head. Maybe it was my escape plan. Maybe it formulated in the back of my head at the first moments of panic on Earth. Or maybe I was just getting better at thinking on the spot.

  "Oh, you do, huh?" He looked evilly amused. He sat on his bed and spread his arms wide. "This should be good! Go on. Tell me what you 'need' from me so I can laugh and tell you to go to hell."

  "I need you to get in Bradley's files and run them through a codex so I can understand them."

  In spite of himself his eyes widened with interest. "Bradley? As in, Justin Bradley? As in only the most secure file set imaginable in the ST system, that Bradley?"

  "Yes."

  He just stared for a second and I knew I had him. "So we're on some mission impossible, eh?"

  "The second thing I need is for you to help me arrange transport to Utopia."

  "Hold on, now..."

  "I need it quiet. So quiet that they don't know about it until it's way too late."

  He threw his hands up and gave a little laugh. "Why not? I mean, you already have me hacking into the most secure system in the entire damn galaxy. What's a little transport heist?" He was being sarcastic. I decided I didn't have time for that.

  "Good. Glad you agree."

  "Hey wait a sec..."

  "The third thing I need you to do..."

  He jumped up. "I said hold on!" He shook his head at me. "You don't even know what you're asking here."

  "Then tell me and we'll make a new plan."

  His mouth was open and he was lost for words. It was a good moment, the only time I flummoxed Marlon. He shook his head to clear the fog and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, I'm going to explain things to you very simply. First, I'll get caught if I get into Bradley's files."

  "Can you do it?"

  "Of course I can!" came his instant reply. Then a swear. Then he flopped down heavily on the bed. "You're not kidding, are you?"

  "No."

  He swore again. "Okay," he said after a moment of thought. "Let's take it that you're serious. Could I get in? Maybe, and don't you ever hold it against me for admitting I might not be able to or so help me..."

  "I won't."

  "Good. Because we're talking uber expert level stuff here. I...if I had your access pass..."

  "You can." I don't think he understood how serious I was. I was fully prepared to give him whatever it took.

  "But we're going to get caught. They will know. It's like...it's like..." He swore again, then laughed. "This is so insane and I have no idea how to get it across to your space rotted brain that it's suicide. On every single level."

  "They will not kill you for this."

  "Easy for you to say, money bags! I've got to have a way to make a living. I'm about to be released from my contract and no way they'll let me sign back on if I do this. Hell, I'll probably be put in prison. It's a felony, don't you get it?"

  "You're a kid. They can't punish you too bad."

  "Even if they don't, I'll never, ever get a job. They'll smear my name so far and wide that..."

  "Work for Alistair. He'd take you."

  He made a little grunt noise.

  "Besides, you don't want to work for StarTech anyway."

  "What about Lynnie, huh?"

  I sighed. "They'll take care of her. They like her." I didn't have to point out the obvious. "They'll probably just be glad to see you gone. No more putting up with your whining."

  He laughed then for real. "Not exactly the way you butter someone up, kid."

  "Do you think I want to be asking for your help?"

  He looked at me for a long moment. "Why are you?"

  "I think they have a friend of mine. On Utopia."

  "You don't have..." his voice trailed off. "Are you...are you saying what I think you're saying?" I nodded. "On Utopia?" I nodded again. "Holy...are you sure?"

  "No. That's why I need in on Bradley's files, to be sure."

  Marlon jumped up and began pacing. "That's not going to work."

  "But..."

  He turned to me. "Jake. Listen to me. Say I get into those files. Just say these miracle hands can surprise even me. I get in, I get the proof. They'll know instantaneously." He snapped his fingers.

  "So?"

  "So? So, he asks!" He threw his hands up. "Think about it. They'll know what you're going to do. You don't have to be a genius to figure out that if she's up there, if she really is there, then you won't be on this rock to see tomorrow. Why else would they keep it a secret? Hell, they probably already know you found out. Wait. How did you find out?"

  "I saw a message on Ralph's holo I wasn't supposed to."

  He smiled at me and thumped my back. "Hacking old school style. I like it!"

  I sighed. We were getting nowhere. He'd help me. I was sure of it. And that knowledge made me itchy to go. "Even if they know what's going on...so what?"

  "So they'll shut down every space port on the globe, that's what."

  "They can't..."

  "Of course they can you idiot! They run it all, Jake. All of it."

  But that wasn't exactly true. We came in on a Cosworth transport, not a StarTech one. I thought it the same time he did.

  "The prototype," we said at the same time.

  I saw the excitement in his eyes for a split second, before he held up a hand. "Wait a second. Before we go one step further, what's in it for me?"

  "How many credits do you want?"

  He scoffed. "You think it's about money?"

  "Isn't it?"

  "Some," he admitted, "but I already figured a ridiculously large sum of money was a given. No, I'm talking about Lynnie. I have to stay on Utopia until she sees her contract through."

  "Okay, so we'll make it seem like I did this by myself." He snorted. "Then I'll vouch for you." He snorted again. I sighed. "Then what?"

  "Take me to Utopia." I shook my head, but he held his hand up again. "No, hear me out. I'll probably be put under arrest, but for indentured ones like me that's just a ward up there, not an Earthside prison. I'll have a trial, but you're right, I'm a kid. They'll keep me until my current contract runs out and then I'll be sent back here. That's a few months after Lynnie's birthday."

  "I don't want you going to jail."

  "I don't particularly want to either. But you're going to make my pay day well worth it."

  I grinned. "Yes, I believe I am."

  "So you're taking me?"

  "Yes."

  "What about Lynnie?"

  "Keep her here out of trouble."

  "Good. She's already screwing up left and right down here. They'll probably pack her up and send her back there anyway. She's...well down here, there's all the stuff that Mom got into and..." he swore. "She does great up there. Better than anyone ever thought either of us would do and I've been going nuts seeing her do..." He broke off. "Don't even tell her. She'd throw herself into this plan without thinking about it, okay?"

  "Deal." I hadn't planned on telling Lynette anyway.

  He sighed. "Hell." After a minute he smacked his lap and stood. "Let's get to it." He grabbed the backpack he usually carried and opened his door.

  "Where are we going?"

  "Out. I don't want to be on Mr. Willington's lines when I do this."

  He was rushing down the stairs. Once he decided something, he went all the way. "We're going for a walk, Mr. Willington!"

  "That's fine. Be back before dark and don't go near the woods," Alistair called from the living room.

  As soon as we were outside, Marlon slipped off his backpack and took something out from inside. It was some kind of meter and he turned it on as we walked. He watched a little digital reading until the numbers went flat. We weren't that far from the house and he gave a little laugh. "He's good. Got the dampers on tight." He looked at me. "That's good."

  We walked only a few more steps and then the numbers began flashing again. "Do you like Mr. Willington's neighbors?" he
asked. I shrugged. "Well let's hope they're idiots and deserve the heat I'm about to bring their way." He sat down and took out his holo and another machine. He held his hand out. "Code key?" I unclipped it from my belt and sat next to him. He tapped for a minute, slid it through the other machine he had connected to his holo, then handed it back. "Well lookie here! My nice brand new employer gave me five thousand credits as a signing bonus!" He grinned at me.

  "Nice guy," I said with a smile.

  His face fell. "Crap. I should have taken more."

  "So do you have a plan past bleeding me dry, or..."

  "Yeah, yeah," he said. He looked down at his holo and tapped. I picked a blade of grass and twisted it around my finger. I was trying to keep calm, and found it wasn't as hard as it was just five minutes before. I had a plan. And I had help. I was itchy to go, but I would go. Just knowing that made me feel like a weight was lifted.

  Marlon released a low whistle.

  "What?" I asked, sitting up and looking over his shoulder.

  "I'm in the outer shell on Bradley's server, and that's as far as I'm going. She's there."

  My heart leaped. "Where? Show me."

  He held the holo out for me to look at. It was a request for a patient in the sub-level hospital. "It doesn't say anything about the patient?"

  He thunked my head. "Look at what he's requesting."

  I scanned the directive until I got to a part about special breathing apparatus and "other essential equipment outlined in the standard contact protocol". I almost couldn't breathe.

  "Enough proof for you?" I nodded numbly.

  "Good," he said, giving me a little push backwards. "Then let daddy work and we'll have us a family vacation." He tapped madly at his holo, muttering to himself now and then, and I sat back and felt a relief like I'd never known. They had her. "The X3 is in Denver," Marlon said.

  "X3?"

  "Yeah. Your ship."

  "I didn't know the name of it. Why 3?"

  "The first two...pfft." They crashed. "It's in Denver."

  "Where's that?"

  "Colorado. About a half hour on a sonic, two on a bullet, and a half day on standard. We can catch the bullet right here in town if you want to leave in the morning."

  "Anything tonight?"

  I don't think he was expecting to leave so soon. "Uh, yeah. I mean..." he tapped the holo for a second. "A sonic at midnight, or bullets at ten and four."

  "Which should we take?"

  "It's going to take about six hours to get the X3 ready for flight."

  I laughed. "Why? It's my ship."

  "Yeah, but you need to submit coordinates with the IOC and have them approved, along with your load, passengers, classification weigh ins... It just takes time, Jake."

  "Then start the process."

  He scratched his head. "Now that's a little tricky. As soon as the IOC sees the transport request, they'll know what's going on."

  "Order it in Reginald's name."

  Marlon quirked an eyebrow. "In for a penny, in for a pound, eh?"

  "What does that mean?"

  "Old expression." He let out a long breath. "Okay. But why Reginald's? Christophe travels more. It might be best to put his name..."

  "No. They like Reginald. They won't even question it."

  "Gotcha." He took something from his bag and set it up, pulling out some sort of antenna and tweaking a nob until it made three beeps. "A little extra scrambly juice." He didn't explain and frankly I didn't need him to. He then got to work. He muttered to himself, once in awhile saying things out loud.

  "Okay, Reggie's submitted his request. Now, to get the fueling going..."

  "It's going to cost a ton. You sure?"

  "Holy crap! The price of crystaline catalyst is through the fricken roof! Are you absolutely sure?"

  Mostly he did what I needed him to do and I lay in the grass and tried to reach up. Not out. I didn't want Alistair to catch a whiff of what was going on. Up. I stared into the early evening sky and imagined her. Can you hear me? Just like the long, empty months since I left, there was no reply. Are you there? But unlike the last, lonely months, the silence didn't fill me with empty dread. Because I knew. I knew that it would have an end.

  "You were right," Marlon broke into my thoughts. "The IOC already approved the flight plan."

  "Good."

  "We've got to be there between two and four a.m. If we miss that launch window, we'll have to wait twenty four hours till it comes back around."

  "Then get us there."

  "On it." He stopped after a few seconds and looked at me grinning. "God I love spending all this money!"

  I had to laugh. He looked like a little kid. He went back to it. It was almost full dark before he started scooping things back into his bag.

  "We've got tickets on the ten p.m. bullet, but I also booked on the midnight sonic just in case. It cost more, but..." I sighed. "Anyway, once we get there, we'll have to pay the pilot fees and gas tax."

  "Gas tax?"

  "Yeah. The tax on the sleeping gas."

  I had forgotten that part of it. "I don't want sleeping gas."

  Marlon laughed and started for the house.

  "I mean it."

  He stopped. "You have to have the gas." He was smiling, but the smile slowly faded. "Oh my g...You're serious."

  "I can't use the gas. I'll be out for a good twelve hours after."

  "You are insane."

  "Marlon, if I'm knocked out..."

  "No," he cut in. "I mean it. You're legitimately, clinically insane. The space air really has fried your brain!"

  "I jumped without gas through the fah'ti."

  "But..."

  "And we ran out of the gas years and years ago on the Condor."

  "But that's different. That rat trap didn't travel at these speeds."

  He had a point. "If I land and can't walk or talk or think for myself..."

  He swore and kicked a rock. "You're crazy! It won't work. I don't even know if it's possible. Safety protocol my make it impossible for us to launch without it."

  I had to concede that point. "Fine. When we get there we'll see if it's possible. I have to at least try, Marlon."

  "I can't help you kill yourself."

  "She needs me, Marlon."

  He looked at me for a minute before squeezing his eyes shut. He swore again, sighed, and shook his head. "Come on. We've got a long night ahead."