Kelly's Rules

by Barbara Miller

  “No, damn it.”

  “Who drives around without their license?” Kelly asked.

  Brenda’s razor-like gaze could have turned a weaker person into salt or stone or something. Kelly looked down at her vehicle and could see that the sticker on her car was expired, enough of an excuse for the police to stop her. In fact Kelly was surprised Earl hadn’t noticed the outdated sticker on Brenda’s red sedan already. Strangers were rare in town and he could usually spot an expired sticker from fifty yards away. Maybe he wasn’t cruising around town today. Kelly got out her cell phone, hoping to intimidate Brenda.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m calling Quinn.”

  “Let me talk to him.” Brenda left the front porch and went around the house to confront Kelly in the yard again.

  Kelly came out the kitchen door and locked it behind her, then walked around to the deck. “Not on my phone with that perfume on you. I’d be sneezing ’til I disinfected it.”

  “Do you know what he did?” Brenda’s heels were now aerating Quinn’s lawn.

  “Lady, I just work here.”

  “He cancelled my credit cards. I get back from my cruise and discover I can’t even shop.”

  Kelly must have looked dumbfounded. What was so important about shopping? It did explain why Quinn always had to go to the bank for cash when the local merchants wouldn’t take a check. They must have had joint accounts. “Maybe there’s been a misunderstanding.”

  “Yes, and he made it. He’s not going to get rid of me this easy. If he won’t reconcile, I’ll ruin him.” She staggered as she swung her purse at an imaginary head.

  “He’s not picking up,” Kelly said but still held the phone in front of her like some kind of weapon.

  Suddenly Brenda looked intently at Kelly. “I recognize your voice now. You answered the phone last night. So you’re the bimbo who’s sleeping with him.”

  “Hey! I was here alone last night guarding the building materials. He can’t live here yet. The place is still under construction.”

  “You expect me to believe that.”

  Kelly flipped the phone shut and thrust it in her pocket, then took her drill out of her tool belt. It was shaped a lot more like a gun so should be more threatening. “I don’t expect you to do anything except leave. I have work to do.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. Quinn and I are going to reconcile.”

  “You just said you were going to ruin him. Make up your mind.” Kelly left Brenda trying to gets her heels unstuck, let herself in and locked the kitchen door behind her. Brenda had made the reconciliation sound like the only other choice was death. Kelly wasn’t sure which would be preferable.

  Then she called Earl. She had a feeling she was the only town resident who had his cell number, but she tried not to take advantage of that. Still the town coffers could use the fine money. “Hey, big guy, there’s a car with an outdated sticker sitting over here on Deeds Street.”

  “Parked?”

  “For the moment. If you feel like hanging around a little she may actually move it and you can do a breath test on her. Pretty sure she’s over the limit.”

  “Are we talking about Bea?”

  “Get serious. Even I wouldn’t turn in my own mother. This is Quinn’s soon-to-be ex-wife.”

  “Is he there?”

  “No, as luck would have it. If he gets here before you, we might even be able to add assault to the charges. That’s Brenda assaulting Quinn, not the reverse.”

  “Great cookies by the way. Things are a little slow. I’ll swing by just for the entertainment value.”

  “Thanks, Earl.”

  Brenda went back to her car to sulk. Quinn arrived in Kelly’s Jeep. Brenda didn’t recognize it, so he was out and into the house before she realized it was him.

  He leaned his back against the door and rolled his head sideways to peer out the window. “When did she show up?”

  “About half an hour ago. What took you so long?”

  “Your Jeep stalled. I picked up some new plugs and wires for you.”

  “Oh, sorry. How did she find your house?”

  “I don’t know. Jason would never have told her.”

  “Never fear. Earl is on the way.”

  “What can he do?”

  “You’d be surprised. Did you get the toilet parts? We’re burning time here.”

  “Yes, but I don’t know if I can work with Brenda steaming outside.”

  Kelly must have been staring raptly at him when they heard the tinkle of broken glass.

  They both rushed into the hallway and saw one spike-heeled shoe inside on the floor. They also saw Earl on the porch reading Brenda the riot act.

  “What’s that going to cost?” Quinn asked.

  “Let’s see. Vandalism and public nuisance. She’ll probably get off with a district court appearance and a warning. Three hundred dollars.”

  “Ha ha. No, I mean my window.”

  “Oh, don’t sweat it. It’s one of the twelve-paned ones. I can find a replacement.”

  When Brenda left the porch carrying a ticket, Earl knocked politely and they came out of hiding and let him in.

  He pushed his trooper-style hat back on his head and looked at the broken glass. “Well, hell hath no fury, huh? Everything okay here?”

  “Thanks, Earl,” Kelly said. “Is she leaving?”

  “I sure hope so. She was tempted to tear up the summons until I told her the penalties for that. I have heard some nasty mouths on women, but she is crude even allowing for the alcohol. Once she stops crying I hope she starts up that car.”

  “Why?” Quinn asked.

  “Another ticket,” Kelly said. “I’m pretty sure she’s drunk.”

  “Wow, remind me never to get you mad at me,” Quinn said. He was talking to Kelly, not Earl and that made the old man smile.

  Earl flipped open his phone and speed dialed a number. “Sammie, start pursuing the red sedan coming out of Deeds Street. Give her a warning about her expired inspection, but when she stops, see if she’s legally drunk. With any luck, she’ll try to outrun you. If she makes it to the highway call for state police backup.”

  “You won’t get the collar then,” Kelly said.

  “Sometimes, Kelly, a little escalation can be a good thing.” He glanced out the window. “I’d better be going. Glad somebody bought this old place and I hope your son is okay.”

  “Jason’s fine. Thanks.”

  After they closed and locked the door behind Earl, Kelly turned to Quinn. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

  “No, why would I be?”

  “No lingering sentimentality over Brenda?” Kelly raised her eyebrows.

  He picked up the stiletto and tossed it into the garbage. “That pretty much died years ago. Bet that was half a three-hundred-dollar pair of shoes.”

  Kelly took the new parts from him and led the way to the bathroom. “She said you canceled her credit cards.”

  “We’ve had separate cards for years and she usually runs to Daddy when hers gets out of control. But this time she forged my signature on two new applications. Fortunately I got the first set of bills and reamed out the credit card companies.”

  “Could hurt your rating even if they remove the charges from your name.” She glanced at him to see what effect this would have on him.

  “I know that. I’m an accountant. Remember. I used my savings to buy the house, so I didn’t need to apply for a mortgage, though I may need a car loan. I just have to survive ’til I get my first paycheck at the college. So far the repairs, except for your hours, have cost almost nothing.”

  “And a good thing too.” Kelly closed the shut-off valve, flushed and lifted the back off the toilet tank. “Also a good thing this is summer. You are going to have to save your nickels for a new gas furnace.”

  “But I have plenty of time before winter.”

  “If you want insurance, we have to do something about heat before winter.”

 
; “Oh well, it couldn’t all be good news.”

  Quinn drove them back to Kelly’s house for dinner and everyone was there watching a game on TV, including Bea. It was a comfortable group to be with and took the edge off Brenda’s nasty appearance. It would never have occurred to Quinn that he didn’t have to let Brenda into his house. Lucky Kelly had been there.

  “Bea and I found zucchini and tomatoes in your garden,” Sue said. “Also some herbs. So we made ratatouille. It’s still warm on the stove.”

  “Gee, thanks, Sue and Mom, I mean Bea.”

  Quinn and Kelly got plates of the aromatic dish, topped it with shredded cheese, and melted that under the broiler. Then they carried their food into the living room. It was like the big extended family he’d never had, with Bea as some kind of irascible twice-removed aunt. Quinn enjoyed the exchanges with Bea and Sue and her kids, no matter how temporary that arrangement was. He’d hoped for a big family and was disappointed when Brenda decided two children were one too many.

  “Did you hear the sirens awhile ago?” Bea asked.

  “We were busy,” Quinn said. He sent Kelly a questioning look.

  Sue nodded. “We were coming back from the gas station and saw it all. Someone from Pittsburgh got cuffed by the state police for drunk driving. She was loud and belligerent.”

  “She tried to outrun them?” Kelly blurted out, then looked stricken.

  “How’d you know it was a she?” Bea demanded.

  Quinn chuckled. Bea might act physically impaired but there was nothing wrong with her mind.

  “Well I-I guess you could say I snitched on her.”

  “You set someone up?” Bea demanded. “Way to go, Kelly.”

  “Jason, brace yourself. Your mother’s been arrested,” Quinn said.

  Jason’s eyes widened, then he started to laugh. Quinn breathed a sigh of relief and went back to eating.

  “Not your typical reaction,” Kelly said.

  Quinn set his plate down and picked up his glass of tea. “I hope you wouldn’t think it was this funny if I was clapped in jail.”

  “Dad, you would never do anything wrong. But Mom drives drunk all the time and thinks she’ll never get caught. The only thing is she may expect you to bail her out.”

  “My phone has not rung yet, but I’m holding my breath.” That was true enough. If it did ring, would he have the courage not to answer it?

  “Naw, now that I think about it, she’ll call Paul. She has too much pride to call you.”

  “I’m not surprised Kelly had a hand in this,” Bea said. “She almost had me arrested once.”

  Kelly swallowed too large a bite too quickly. “I was trying to get you help. I didn’t know they’d cite you for child neglect.”

  “That’s why I moved to Irwin when I finally could. Living in this town is like being under a microscope.”

  “People care about other people in a small town,” Sue said. “I’d never even have a house if it wasn’t for Kelly.”

  “They talk about people,” Bea complained.

  Jason’s attention had already gone back to the game.

  Quinn jumped as if he’d been bitten by a rattlesnake, pulled out his phone and looked at it. “Damn. I have it on vibrate. I better answer this. It’s Paul.”

  He went into the hall and listened as Paul ranted for five minutes about small town police and complained about having to drive from Pittsburgh to get his mom out of jail. Quinn let him run on. If he said the slightest thing about Brenda being drunk, Paul would conclude he had something to do with the arrest. Finally the touch came.

  “You can get her out, can’t you, Dad?”

  “I don’t think she’d want me to. Besides I have no money until I start my new job. Maybe you should call your grandfather.”

  “Mom asked me not to.”

  “I can’t help.”

  “This is very bad timing on your part, Dad, splitting while Mom was on vacation.”

  “The school year starts in a few weeks along with my new job. And your mom is always on vacation. She knew I was leaving. I told her so.”

  “She needs support right now,” Paul said.

  “I’m so glad she has you, Paul. I have to go. Bye.”

  He’d pay for that brush-off but he was not going to discuss his marriage with the son who helped destroy it. What would be the point? He leaned against the wall and breathed a few times before joining the others. “Any popcorn left?” he asked when he went back to the living room.

  Kelly swung the bowl toward him. “No emergency run to the police station?”

  “That was my other son, Paul, berating me for the divorce. I’m sure when he gets here, Brenda will manage to blame me for her getting drunk. Perhaps I made her overwrought. He’s coming, but I’m not a decent father if I don’t supply bail money. I said no.”

  “Way to go, Dad. Paul is such a whiner, just like Mom. What did he say, Dad?”

  “He called me a few choice names. Then he said he was coming to settle with me as soon as he bails Brenda out.”

  Jason nodded. “Just like Mom. How do they even know where the new house is?”

  “I’m not sure. As soon as I got the job I opened a PO box here and changed my address. Of course the college had sent me some mail so Brenda knew the town.”

  Kelly set her plate on the coffee table. “Maybe the same way you found me, word of mouth. Probably everyone in town knows you bought the old Barkley place. Any merchant would be able to give her directions.”

  Bea looked up from the game. “My point exactly about small towns. Everybody knows your business and they talk about it.”

  Quinn looked at Kelly and she nodded. That was the first time he had witnessed her and Bea agree on anything.

  “If that matters to you,” Sue said. “Actually it’s their way of caring.”

  The team made a great play and attention was turned toward the set. Kelly smiled at Quinn and he thought it might be a smile of approval. It was about time he stood his ground. It did put Paul firmly in the opposite camp, but Paul wouldn’t hate him and Jason less because they had no sympathy for Brenda. No wonder Quinn didn’t think of Kelly’s life as a soap opera. His was so much worse. He could see by the contented smile on Bea’s face she had stored all this away for later repetition.

  Chapter Seven

  “Rule 7: Women nest, men den. Women should not clean men’s dens, but they shouldn’t let men get away with messing in the nest.” — SMFA

  “What’s on the agenda for today?” Quinn asked Kelly as she drove the Beast to the house with Jason in the backseat. The Beast was starting every time since Quinn had installed the new plugs and wires. She might have to rename it.

  “Wiring.” She reminded herself to go over safety practices with them and not give them anything dangerous to do.

  “You going to wave a magic wand and make everything work?” Jason asked.

  “I’m not an electrician, but the three of us can evaluate potential problems and make a list. Rob will be by later to confirm our assessment.”

  “The estate kept the power on,” Quinn said. “I just had the account transferred to me.”

  “Fortunately it was not turned off. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem. Since the house sat empty for a year, we should test all the outlets and fixtures to make sure the squirrels or mice haven’t eaten some of the wiring.”

  “Could explain why the light switch in the den doesn’t work,” Quinn said.

  “The things you think of,” Jason said. “Why would a critter eat something indigestible?”

  “I don’t know.” Kelly had never wondered why before. “Nesting material, I guess.”

  “That would be the girl squirrels, then?” Jason asked.

  “I’m not even going to address that.” Quinn grinned at his son.

  They unloaded the tools and the lunch cooler in the kitchen. With Kelly in the cellar flipping circuit breakers, Quinn using the tester on outlets, and Jason stationed at the top of the s
tairs to relay messages, by noon they had tested the main part of the house. Everything worked but the water heaters for their own secret reasons.

  “So this is good, right?” Quinn asked as they picnicked on meatloaf sandwiches in the living room with a cardboard box for a table.

  Kelly took a bite. Not bad for something she’d pulled out of the freezer last night. She remembered making it but not when. “Very good. From what I see in the attic and basement, we can assume that all the original wiring is armored cable and is safe from even the sharpest rodent incisors.”

  “I feel like I’m saving money.”

  “I suspect the water heater on the second floor has a bad element, which was why you were getting no hot water. The one in the basement is old and dead, but you could replace it with a gas water heater since it would be easy to install down there.”

  “Right away?” Quinn asked. “I’m not ready to deal with the gas company yet. Maybe when I need the new furnace and heat.”

  “Right, you only need hot water for showers. You can cook at my house.”

  “We can eat off paper plates,” Jason said. “No dish duty for awhile.”

  Kelly smiled at him. “The den and main floor bathroom addition have coax, not in conduit, which is against the code in this town. We have to abandon that wiring and put in all new stuff in those rooms.”

  “Are you sure it’s bad?” Quinn asked.

  Kelly had been waiting for this moment. She whipped out a piece of badly chewed coax cable.

  “Jeez,” Jason said as he reached for it.

  “Should you be touching that with the hands you’re eating with?” Quinn asked.

  Jason stuffed the last bite of sandwich into his mouth and grabbed the wire. “I’ll wash.”

  “Squirrels, not rats,” Kelly said.

  Quinn stared at her. “Such a comfort. How do you know and are they any cleaner?”

  “I found their nests in the attic and no. This piece of wire was what connects the addition to the fuse box in the basement.”

  Quinn looked stunned. “So the house could have burned down any time if this had come in contact with something flammable.”

  Kelly nodded and took a chug of tea. “And we have to assume what’s in the walls is also chewed. But we can install some nice channel wiring without pulling wire through the walls. It will be quick, safe and most of all cheap. We don’t even have to do it for awhile. But I would like to get the element out of the upstairs water heater today so we can hunt for a replacement.”