Drunk With Blood
Page 23
23. The Massacre of the Aradites
Estimate: 3000
24. God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
Estimate: 100
25. A killing to end God’s killing
24,002
26. The Midianite Massacre: Have you saved all the women alive?
Many more than 6
Estimate: 200,000
27. God slowly killed the Israelite army
Estimate: 500,000
28. God the giant killer
Estimate: 5000
29. God hardens King Sihon’s heart so that all his people can be killed
Many more than 1
Estimate: 5000
30. Og and all the men, women, and children in 60 cities
More than 1
Estimate: 60,000
31. The Jericho massacre
Estimate: 1000
32. Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death
At least 1
Estimate: 5
33. The Ai massacre
12,000
34. God stops the sun so that Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight
Estimate: 5000
35. Five kings killed and hung on trees
Many more than 5
Estimate: 10,000
36. Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord God commanded
Many more than 7
Estimate: 7,000
37. The genocide of twenty Kingdoms
Many more than 2
Estimate: 20,000
38. The Anakim: Some more giant killing
Estimate: 5000
39. The Lord delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites
10,000
40. The Jerusalem massacre
Estimate: 1000
41. Five massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots
Estimate: 5,000
42. The Lord delivered Chushanrishathaim
1
Estimate: 1000
43. Ehud delivers a message from God
1
44. God delivers 10,000 lusty Moabites
10,000
45. Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad
600
46. Barak and God massacre the Canaanites
Estimate: 1000
47. Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man’s skull
1
48. The Lord set every man’s sword against his fellow
120,000
49. A city is massacred and 1000 people burn to death because of God’s evil spirit
More than 1001
Estimate: 2,000
50. The Ammonite massacre
Estimate: 20,000
51. Jephthah’s Daughter
1
52. 42,000 killed for failing the “shibboleth” test
42,000
53. The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he murdered thirty men for their clothes
30
54. The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass
1000
55. Samson killed 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack
3,000
56. A holy civil war (It had something to do with rotting concubine body part messages)
65,100
57. The End of Judges: Two genocides and 200 stolen virgins
Estimate: 4,000
58. God kills Eli’s sons and 34,000 Israelite soldiers
34,002
59. God smote them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts
Estimate: 3,000
60. 50,070 killed for looking into the ark of the Lord
50,070
61. The Lord thundered great thunder upon the Philistines
Estimate: 1000
62. Another Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired body part message)
Estimate: 1000
63. Jonathan’s very first slaughter (not counting the one before)
20
64. God forces the Philistines to kill each other
Estimate: 1000
65. The Amalekite genocide
Estimate: 10,000
66. Samuel hacks Agag to death before the Lord
1
67. In the Valley of Elah: Goliath
1
68. David buys a wife with 200 Philistines foreskins
200
69. The Lord said to David, Go and smite the Philistines
Estimate: 10,000
70. God killed Nabal (and David got his wife and other stuff)
1
71. David commits random acts of genocide (as a mercenary for the Philistines)
Estimate: 60,000
72. David spends the day killing Amalekites
Estimate: 1000
73. God killed Saul (and his sons and soldiers) for not killing all the Amalekites
More than 4
Estimate: 100
74. David killed the messenger
1
75. David killed Rechab and Baanah, cut off their hands and feet, and hung their bodies over the pool
2
76. God helps David smite the Philistines from the front and the rear
Estimate: 2,000
77. God killed Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling
1
78. David killed two thirds of the Moabite POWs and enslaved the rest
Estimate: 667
79. The Lord gave David victory wherever he went
More than 65,850
Estimate: 66,850
80. David killed every male in Edom
More than 15,000
Estimate: 65,000
81. Thus did David unto all the children of Ammon
Estimate: 1000
82. God slowly kills a baby
1
83. Famine and human sacrifice
Many more than 7
Estimate: 3,000
84. David’s mighty men and their amazing killings
More than 1403
Estimate: 3,400
85. God killed 70,000 because David had a census that God (or Satan) told him to do
More than 70,000
Estimate: 200,000
86. Solomon carried out the deathbed wish of David by having Joab and Shimei murdered
2
87. A tale of two prophets
1
88. Jeroboam’s son: God kills another child
1
89. Jeroboam’s family
Estimate: 10
90. Baasha’s family and friends
Estimate: 20
91. Zimri burns to death
1
92. The Drought of Elijah
Estimate: 3,000
93. Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest
At least 450
Possibly 850 (450 was used as the estimate)
94. The first God assisted slaughter of the Syrians
Estimate: 10,000
95. God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a God of the hills
100,000
96. God killed 27,000 Syrians by making a wall fall on them
27,000
97. God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet
1
98. God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king
1
99. God burned 102 men to death for asking Elijah to come down from his hill
102
100. God killed king Ahaziah for asking the wrong God
1
101. God sent two bears to rip apart 42 boys for making fun of a prophet’s bald head
42
102. The Lord delivered the Moabites
Estimate: 5,000
103. A skeptic is trampled to death
1
104. God’s seven year famine
Estimate: 7,000
105. Jehoram of Israel
1
106. Jezebel
1
107. Ahab’s sons: Seventy heads in two heaps
70
108. Ahab’s hometown family, friends, and priests
Estimate: 20
109. Jehu killed Ahaziah’s family
42
110. Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab’s family
Estimate: 20
111. Jehu assembles the followers of Baal and then slaughters them all
Estimate: 1000
112. The priest of Baal and Queen Athaliah
2
113. God sent lions to eat those that didn’t fear him enough
Estimate: 10
114. An angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers
185,000
115. God caused King Sennacherib to be killed by his sons
1
116. Josiah killed all the priests of the high places
Estimate: 100
117. Just another holy war
Estimate: 50. 000
118. God killed a half million Israelite soldiers
500,000
119. Jeroboam
1
120. God killed a million Ethiopians
1,000,000
121. Friendly Fire: God forced “a great multitude” to kill each other
Estimate: 30,000
122. God made Jehoram’s bowels fall out
1
123. God killed Jehoram’s sons
Estimate: 3
124. Ahaziah (of Judah)
1
125. Joash, the princes, and army of Judah
Many more than 1
Estimate: 10,000
126. God destroyed Amaziah
More than 1
Estimate: 1000
127. God smote Ahaz with the king of Syria
Many more than 1
Estimate: 10,000
128. God killed 120,000 valiant men for forsaking him
120,000
129. The fall of Jerusalem
Estimate: 10,000
130. God and Satan kill Job’s children and slaves
More than 10
Estimate: 60
131. Hananiah
1
132. Ezekiel’s wife
1
133. Ananias and Sapphira
2
134. Herod Aggripa
1
135. Jesus
1
Totals:
Biblical Numbers Only: 2,476,636
Estimate: 24,634,205
Illustrations
Cover: Michelangelo Buonarroti
Introduction: Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld (Apocolypse)
1 Max Koch (Genesis 7.21-23)
2 Gustave Doré (Genesis 14.17)
3 Edward Armitage (Genesis 19.24)
7 Gustave Doré (Genesis 41.54-57)
9 Lawrence Alma-Tadema (Exodus 12.29-30)
10 Gustave Doré (Exodus 14.27-28)
12 Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld (Exodus 32.27-28)
14 James Tissot (Leviticus 10.1-2)
15 Gerard Hoet (Leviticus 24.23)
18 Gustave Doré (Numbers 14.36-37)
20 Gustave Doré (Numbers 16.31-33)
22 James Tissot (Numbers 16.49)
31 Gustave Doré (Joshua 6.21)
32 Gustave Doré (Joshua 7.24-26)
33 Gustave Doré (Joshua 8.21-29)
34 Gustave Doré (Joshua 10.10-12)
49 Gustave Doré (Judges 9.23-57)
51 unknown (Judges 11.39)
54 Gustave Doré (Judges 15.14-15)
55 Gustave Doré (Judges 16.27-30)
57 Gustave Doré (Judges 21.10-14)
66 unknown (1 Samuel 15.32-33)
67 Gustave Doré (1 Samuel 17.49-54)
73 Gustave Doré (1 Samuel 31.1-4)
81 Gustave Doré (2 Samuel 11.1, 1 Chronicles 20.1)
87 Gustave Doré (1 Kings 13.23-24)
93 Gustave Doré (1 Kings 18.40)
95 Gustave Doré (1 Kings 20.29)
99 Gustave Doré (2 Kings 1.10-12)
101 Gustave Doré (2 Kings 2.23-24)
106 Gustave Doré (2 Kings 9.33)
113 Gustave Doré (2 Kings 17.25-26)
114 Gustave Doré (2 Kings 19.35, Isaiah 37.36)
121 Gustave Doré (2 Chronicles 20.22-23)
135 Gustave Doré ( Romans 8.32, 1 Peter 1.18-20)
Acknowledgments
I’d like to thank those who commented at my blog, Dwindling in Unbelief, as I worked my way through God’s killings. The discussions there helped me decide which killings to include, how many deaths to count, and helped me correct countless mistakes in both form and fact. Special thanks to Abielle, Baconsbud, busterggi, Brendan, Brucker, Clint Burky, Daniel, Fragged mind, FrodoSaves, I Am, I am the wise fool, Ian G., joshua, Markus Arelius, matt311, Matthew Blanchette, Misty, psybermonkey, Robert, sconner, skanksta, teavee, twillight, uzza, and v_quixotic.
About the author
Steve Wells is the creator of The Skeptic’s Annotated Bible Quran Book of Mormon (http://skepticsannotatedbible.com ) and is the author of the blog, Dwindling in Unbelief (http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com). He has spent way too much time (the last 20 years) analyzing the three worst books ever written.
Giordano Bruno (1548-1600) was an Italian Dominican friar, philosopher, mathematician and astronomer, who is best known as a proponent of the infinity of the universe. His cosmological theories went beyond the Copernican model in identifying the sun as just one of an infinite number of independently moving heavenly bodies, with stars being similar in nature to the sun. He was burned at the stake February 17, 1600 after the Roman Inquisition found him guilty of heresy, and is, therefore, rightfully regarded as a martyr for science and free thought.
Table of Contents
Introduction
How many did God kill?
Who has killed more, Satan or God?
Estimated totals: Satan and God
How many more will God kill?
1. The Flood of Noah: All flesh died that moved upon the earth
2. Abraham’s war to rescue Lot
3. Sodom and Gomorrah: Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do?
4. Remember Lot’s wife (Forget Jesus)
5. Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord (so the Lord slew him)
6. Onan spilled it on the ground(so the Lord killed him too)
7. God’s seven year, world-wide famine
8. The seventh plague of Egypt:Hail shall come down upon them and they shall die
9. The Lord smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt
10. The Lord took off their chariot wheels
11. The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation
12. Who is on the Lord’s side:Forcing friends and family to kill each other
13. The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made
14. God burns Aaron’s sons to death for offering “strange fire”
15. A blasphemer is stoned to death
16. When the people complained, God burned them to death
17. While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague
18. Ten scouts are killed for their honest report
19. A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day
20. The opposing party is buried alive(along with their families)
21. God burns 250 people to death for burning incense
22. God killed 14,700 for complaining about God’s killings
23. The massacre of the Aradites
24. God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
25. Phinehas’ double murder:A killing to end God’s killing
26. The Midianite massacre: Have you saved all the women alive?
27. God slowly killed the Israelite army
28. God the giant killer
29. God hardens King Sihon’s heart so that all his people can be killed
/> 30. All the men, women, and children in 60 cities
31. The Jericho massacre
32. Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death
33. The Ai massacre
34. God stops the sun so that Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight
35. Five kings killed and hung on trees
36. Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord God commanded
37. The genocide of twenty kingdoms
38. The Anakim: Some more giant killing
39. The Lord delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites
40. The Jerusalem massacre
41. Five massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots
42. The Lord delivered Chushanrishathaim
43. Ehud delivers a message from God
44. God delivers 10,000 lusty Moabites
45. Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad
46. Barak and God massacre the Canaanites
47. Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man’s skull
48. Gideon’s story: The Lord set every man’s sword against his fellow
49. A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God’s evil spirit
50. The Ammonite massacre
51. Jephthah’s daughter
52. 42,000 killed for failing the “shibboleth” test
53. The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he murdered thirty men for their clothes
54. The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass
55. Samson killed 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack
56. A holy civil war (It had something to do with rotting, concubine body-part messages)
57. The end of Judges: Two genocides and 200 stolen virgins
58. God kills Eli’s sons and 34,000 Israelite soldiers