Even Sinners Have Souls TOO

by Joy, E. n.

  The warm water rolling down Kanesha's body felt so good she took a longer shower than usual. After getting dressed, primed and prepared for the night, Kanesha left the place she called home without uttering a word to Percy. If he noticed the slight, he said nothing and kept his attention on the bare behinds dancing on the television screen.

  Kanesha strolled the two blocks down Cleveland Street at a steady pace, looking forward to getting to work. She liked the fact that her second job was only a couple of blocks from her place. She didn't have to worry about missing the bus or asking Percy to drive her. Kanesha found out early that Percy was a lazy man but it didn't seem to bother her during those first couple of days together. That was the length of their honeymoon stage. On the second day, Percy moved his few possessions in with Kanesha and her four children.

  The only time Percy seemed to leave his spot on the couch was when Kanesha worked the bar. He had come to be a nuisance to Kanesha when he accompanied her to work. His evil attitude made for small tips from the men who would normally flirt with Kanesha whenever Percy wasn't around. There were two things Kanesha knew how to do well, one was make babies and the other was mix drinks.

  "Hey, girl, you feeling better tonight?" greeted Miss Yolanda.

  "Yea, I'm all right. Were you busy last night?" Kanesha inquired.

  "Nothing I couldn't handle. My sister helped me out behind the bar and my nieces ran things in the kitchen for me."

  Kanesha walked behind the bar and took inventory of the liquor and beer. She made a small list of empty bottles to be replaced and asked the bouncer to go get them for her. Wilson returned within five minutes and helped Miss Yolanda and Kanesha place everything in its proper place before going back to guard the door. Kanesha liked Wilson because he was a man of few words. Besides saying hello to her, he barely ever opened his mouth. Despite his huge frame and intimidating presence, he possessed a gentle soul.

  "Kanesha, what is he doing here?" asked Miss Yolanda as she pointed at Percy who was seated at the opposite end of the bar.

  "Probably to watch and make sure I don't replace his sorry tail with a newer, younger model. He was so wrapped up in the music videos I didn't think he was going to come in here tonight," replied Kanesha. "Don't worry; he won't be around for much longer. I just need him to pay me back before I kick him out."

  "I hope you not really expecting him to give you a dime. Like I told you the night you met him, Percy Watkins is now, and forever will be, a user of women. He'll stay with a woman long enough to make empty promises and drain her dry. All he knows how to do is take from people. The word 'give' is not in that man's vocabulary."

  Miss Yolanda and Percy attended the same high school and ran the same circles in their younger years. Percy had messed around with a couple of Miss Yolanda's acquaintance over the years and the movie was always the same. Percy's mode of operation was to meet a woman, sweet talk her, move into her home, spend every dime of her hard earned money and leave her pockets with nothing but lint.

  Kanesha liked Miss Yolanda because she never bit her tongue. She always let a person know where they stood with her. The night Kanesha took Percy home with her, Miss Yolanda warned her he wouldn't leave until a gun was put to his head forcing him to vacate.

  "Kanesha, I'm not trying to be in your business, but you already got four kids. Why would you want to raise another? Especially since he's already been raised?"

  "I hear you, Miss Yolanda, but please believe it when I say, that man is on his last leg and about to be sitting on the curb."

  "Just remember one thing." Miss Yolanda carefully chose her words. "Your children see everything you do. There is a fifty-fifty chance that your girls will grow up and get a man that treats her the way you have allowed men to treat you," Miss Yolanda paused briefly. "Jordan may grow up and treat women the way he sees you being treated."

  Kanesha never thought about how her children saw her. She just assumed that they were too young to understand the world she had created for them.

  "I'm no Bible toting, saved, Holy Ghost filled, sanctified woman by any means. I own a bar for pete's sake, but I do know about the virtuous woman spoke of in Proverbs 31. As long as you have breath in your lungs, it's never too late to repent and change your ways."

  "I promise, I'll think about what you've said. Thank you for caring," whispered Kanesha with her head hung low.

  It was two-thirty in the morning when Kanesha finally got a break from pouring drinks. The crowd was making their way out the door. By the time Kanesha looked up from counting her tips, the bar was empty except for the D.J., Wilson and Percy. The small crew had just finished closing up the bar when Miss Yolanda asked Kanesha to come into her office.

  "I ain't got all night, girl. You got five minutes and I'm gon' leave your wide tail to walk home alone," Percy grunted.

  "That's all right, Kanesha," interjected Wilson. "I'll make sure you get home safe and sound if this man won't." He took a seat next to Percy and folded his arms across his massive chest. Kanesha waited for Percy's response, but none came.

  "Thank you, Wilson, I appreciate that." Kanesha rolled her eyes at Percy, grabbed her tip jar and made her way into Miss Yolanda's office.

  One could tell by Percy's body language that the look in Wilson's eyes was making Percy very nervous. Percy remained seated long enough to hear the door to the office close before he stood to leave.

  "So what's up, man? You gon' unlock the door so I can bounce or what?" Percy's voice was shaky, but Wilson took no pleasure in it. In Wilson's opinion, weak men used and abused women in order to make themselves feel like a big man. The thought of Percy mistreating Kanesha made Wilson feel sick.

  "You tell me what's up, man? How did Kanesha get that black eye?" Wilson stood up and Percy almost emptied his bladder.

  "Ain't ya momma ever tell you that what goes on between a man and his woman is between that man and that woman? Why you all up in mine?" Percy was unable to look Wilson in his eyes, so he fixed his gaze on the wall behind him.

  "I learned a lot from my mother. Number one being to never put my hands on a woman in anger." Wilson was growing more impatient with Percy with each second that passed. "It seems to me that you're the one who missed a few life lessons. Women are meant to be treasured and treated like queens. Kanesha is my friend, and I'm very protective of all my friends. So, hear what I'm about to say to you." Wilson paused to heighten the fear he saw in Percy's eyes. "The next time you want to raise your hand in anger, come see me. Just keep in mind that I hit back."

  Percy wanted to run out the door, but Wilson was in no hurry to unlock it. With each word Wilson spoke, Percy thought the free drinks he swallowed might end up on the worn hardwood floor. Wilson outweighed him by at least one hundred pounds and stood a foot taller than him. Percy was not fool enough to get into a physical altercation with Wilson, especially not over some young tail with four kids.

  Wilson said all he needed to say and decided it was time to let Percy out of the virtual corner he had backed him into. The last thing Wilson needed was any type of legal problems, but he would take an assault charge any day, all day, if it meant protecting Kanesha.

  Dwayne Mason Wilson had spent seven years, seven months and seven days in an Ohio state prison after pleading guilty to a felonious assault and arson charge. After moving into his own apartment, Wilson's mother, May, decided it was time to start dating. While raising her son, she never married because she didn't want any man, other than his father, over him. It was her responsibility to raise her son to be a strong, independent man, and she felt strong enough to face that important task alone. A friend from church introduced May to a man she described as kind, gentle, and hard working.

  May Wilson and Nelson Tritt dated for five months before her beaten and battered body was found sprawled on her kitchen floor. There had been signs before that tragic day that Nelson was physically mistreating May, but she always denied it when her son would ask about various bruises on her body. It was Wilson who
found his mother beaten to death, and rage immediately took over. Wilson was unable to grieve until he made his mother's killer pay for his crime. Unfortunately for both men, Wilson tracked Nelson down before the Youngstown Police Department could, and altered their lives forever. Wilson did not beat Nelson to death, but he beat him into a three month coma and turned him into a paraplegic.

  Nelson was subsequently found guilty of second degree murder and sentenced to life plus twenty years by the state of Ohio. As a result of the beating Wilson put on him, Nelson would spend his remaining years in a wheelchair, adult diapers and a feeding tube. Due to the circumstances surrounding the crime, prosecutors offered Wilson a plea deal they felt was fair and he accepted.

  Wilson made good use of his time behind bars. He took advantage of the classes offered and learned a trade that would keep him fed on the outside. Wilson studied hard to become a certified mechanic. He also took small business courses and accounting classes. Having served every day of his sentence, minus earning credit for good behavior, Wilson was released from prison without the weight of parole being carried on his shoulders.

  Working at the bar was only Wilson's side hustle. During the day he worked for the city of Youngstown as a mechanic at WRTA bus garage. There was nothing behind steel bars that Wilson missed, but he wasn't able to stand by and pretend not to see the obvious signs of physical abuse on a woman.

  Behind brick walls, Wilson attended church services and Bible study classes faithfully. He returned to the McGuffey Road Church of Christ when he was released, where he was baptized and added to the body of Christ. Wilson was on a walk with the Lord and didn't feel ready to commit to a relationship. Wilson fell in love with Kanesha the first time he saw her but he knew he wasn't able to offer her anything, at least, not just yet.

  "Sit down, Kanesha. We need to talk," said Miss Yolanda.

  "Sure," replied Kanesha nervously. Miss Yolanda's voice was stern and commanding which made Kanesha nervous because whenever she heard that voice, it meant something was wrong.

  "Did my drawer come up short or something?" She sat down waiting for the answer. Miss Yolanda sounded too serious and Kanesha wondered if she was being let go for some reason.

  "No, your drawer was fine. Our problem is the tab Percy ran up."

  "What? I assumed that since he was ordering from you he was paying for all those drinks."

  "No, baby, he didn't. I know that's your man and everything, but Miss Yolanda can't allow anyone to run me out of business, especially not the likes of Percy Watkins. Anyway, you know I don't pay for any man, including my own. He can't just relax, toss back an endless supply of drinks and leave me to flip the bill."

  "I'm sorry about that, Miss Yolanda. Did you give him his bill?"

  "Yes, I did. He said you were taking care of it."

  Kanesha was at a loss for words. "Why would he do that?" Percy had stayed out all night and Kanesha figured he had at least been out grinding, making money. "How much does he owe?" Kanesha pulled the money from her tip jar and began counting it.

  "Fifty-five dollars, sweetie, fifty-five dollars. Do you want me to take it out of your pay? Maybe half from your paycheck and the other from your tips? I trust you and I'll work with you on taking care of this."

  "If I don't take care of this now, I'll be busting my behind for nothing," said Kanesha.

  She counted out her tips and came up ten dollars short. As she handed the money over to Miss Yolanda, Kanesha stood up to leave. Her head hung lower than it had the night before.

  "Goodnight, Miss Yolanda. I'll see you Friday. I'm sorry about this. It won't happen again."

  "Kanesha, don't worry about the ten dollars, just please remember what I said earlier."

  "Yes, ma'am, I will."

  Kanesha opened the office door and peeked out. Wilson was sitting on the same bar stool, but Percy was gone. Kanesha wondered to herself why she expected anything different. She remembered something she read by Maya Angelo. 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them.' As a tear fell down her cheek, Kanesha questioned how she had gotten to the point where it was okay to be used and abused by a man.

  Unwilling to openly show her emotions, Kanesha wiped the single tear from her cheek and lowered her head. Wilson sat silent, giving Kanesha a moment to get herself together before volunteering to see her home safely.

  "Kanesha, I can give you a ride to the crib," said Wilson in a comforting tone.

  Kanesha raised her head and gave Wilson a forced smile to say, "Thank you."

  Once outside, Wilson opened the passenger car door for Kanesha, making sure she was seated comfortably before closing it for her. The small gentlemanly gesture made Kanesha feel special, and even a little worthy.

  Wilson drove slowly up the street wondering why Kanesha had allowed a man like Percy into her life. The question had been on his mind for the past month. Wilson saw how Percy was pushing Kanesha down to his level instead of her pulling him up to hers. He thought of Kanesha as a good friend, and wanted nothing but the best for her. Wilson knew that Percy was bad news. Although he was dying to ask the question, Wilson decided not to pry into Kanesha's private life. He reasoned that if she wanted to talk to him, she would open up to him when she was ready. All he could do was be a good friend and let her know he was there for her if she needed anything.

  "Thank you for the ride, Wilson, I really appreciate it," Kanesha said sadly.

  "No need to thank me. I'm just looking out for you the way a real man does," said Wilson before exiting the car to walk around and open the door for Kanesha. She grabbed a hold of his extended hand and lifted herself out of the car. Kanesha stood up on the curb and gave Wilson a hug before turning on her heels and walking toward her small porch. Before she got the key into the lock, Wilson called out to her.

  "Kanesha, I'm here for you if you ever need anything. Cool?" quizzed Wilson.

  "Cool," replied Kanesha.

  Once inside, just as expected, Percy was nowhere to be found. He probably knew if he had been there, he would have had to have heard Kanesha's mouth about running up that tab and sticking her with the bill.

  Kanesha dropped her purse on the couch and flopped down in her arm chair. She laid her head back and sat in the dark for over twenty minutes as one tear after another fell from her eyes. Kanesha had never felt more alone than she did at that very moment. There was no mistaking the fact that her life had taken a turn down the wrong path and with each tear, Kanesha won- dered if there was a way to turn things around. Despite the fact that she held down two jobs while raising four children on her own, Kanesha didn't feel very good about herself. Something inside her made it acceptable for Kanesha to settle for less. Kanesha wondered if that was why she was always on the prowl for a man to love her. She tried to get a better understanding of why she always looked for reassurance in the arms of men who meant her no good. For hours Kanesha cried her heart out and called out to God for the answers she was searching for.

  At four in the morning, Kanesha's tears dried up and her thinking became clearer with each passing moment. Kanesha used the clarity to try and figure out why she was hearing her mother's teaching in her head as if the words were just spoken to her. She thought back on her teenage years when she began allowing her grades to drop and trying to smoke weed to deal with the grief of losing her father. Kanesha gave her mother reasons to worry about her and even more reasons to throw her hands up high and give up, but her mother never did. Cynthia stood firm in her teachings and kept her daughter in prayer. Kanesha remembered overhearing her mother crying out to God for strength and guidance in search for the right way to reach her troubled child. She wondered if God could be punishing her for being a sinner. Wednesday night Bible study classes she attended assured Kanesha that she served a forgiving God; all she had to do was confess her sins and repent of those sins. Kanesha felt bad for the way she had treated her mother and she wondered if it were too late to make it up to her.

  Kanesha felt as if the weight of the
world were resting on her shoulders. She felt weak, lost and alone. It was the exact same feeling she had when her father died. The thought of her father was always so sad because instead of remembering his life, Kanesha dwelled on his death. For the first time in over twelve years, Kanesha had a heartwarming memory of her father.

  Dale Brooks was a strong, intelligent, God-fearing man who loved his family and treasured the life they had together. Kanesha was a daddy's girl, and she could always be found tagging along right beside him. To Kanesha, the sun rose and set on her daddy. One of her favorite things to do with him was have tea parties. Dale would look so uncomfortable in the tiny chair, but he would sit for hours with Kanesha and her stuffed animals and dolls if that was what she wanted. The memory made Kanesha smile inside for the first time in a very long time. Kanesha closed her eyes trying to picture her father's face and recall his smell. Slowly, his face came into view and Kanesha got a sudden, tight, warm feeling in her chest. The feeling startled her. She didn't know how to put it into words, but her heart fluttered as she said a little prayer.

  Dear Lord, I have not called out to you in a very long time, and for that I'm sorry. I'm coming to you now asking for a favor. I'm in a very difficult place right now and I need to have just one more talk with my daddy. Lord, I miss him so much. You know that his death left an emptiness inside that is indescribable. Please, tell him that I miss him, that I need him in my life right now. I know I've made some mistakes, but I'll try to do better, Lord. I promise. I just need to have a little talk with my daddy. Amen.

  After praying and drying her eyes, Kanesha went to bed and slept better than she had in a very long time.

  Chapter Four

  R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

  Kanesha often tried to sleep late on Sunday mornings, but her body was on a schedule of its own, not allowing her to get extra rest. Working two part-time jobs and taking care of four small children during the week left Kanesha feeling worn. After the good cry and prayer she said the night before, she felt renewed.