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by Lynn Rider

  “Aus, the media may find out. That’s why I didn’t put it there to start with.”

  “I don’t give a shit. I’ll hold a press conference tomorrow. I’m a father.” Despite the authority in his voice, I hear the awe in the last. “I want to spend the day with you two tomorrow. Do you already have plans?”

  “I have to work.”

  He frowns. “Call in sick.”

  “I can’t. I have to save the few days I have in case Sophia gets sick.”

  I sense the cogs of his mind working through the silence he’s created. I push away, needing to protect myself from falling. I can’t allow him in. Despite how good this feels, he’s done this before, more than once, and he’s left me broken each time.

  “Am, where are you going?”

  “I need water,” I mumble, getting up.

  “Amber, don’t lie. I still know you well enough to know that’s not the truth.” He says as he follows me into the kitchen.

  “I’m scared, all right?” I say harshly, turning in his direction.

  “What of?” He steps closer, and with a hook of a finger under my chin, he lifts my chin. “What are you scared of?” he asks softly as he searches my eyes, looking for the truth.

  “Relying on you,” I whisper, watching the hurt wash over his features.

  “You don’t know how that pains me to hear, but I’m not that guy anymore and I’m up to the challenge of proving it to you.” His crooked grin that follows his promise brings a subtle smile to my face.

  His confidence is reminiscent of the old Austin. It’s refreshing, and a welcome sign that things will be different. I nod before he envelops me with his arms, pulling our bodies together.

  “You’ll see, babe.” He sighs. “Where does Sophia go when you’re at work?”

  “Normally daycare, but Emma’s watching her tomorrow because it’s Saturday.”

  “Let her know that I’ll watch her. What time do I have to be here?”

  A soft rap on the door sounds promptly at five in the morning. Grateful for his timeliness and restraint in the pressure of his knock, I open the door quickly, not wanting to wake Sophia.

  “Do your legs hurt?” he asks, leaning against the doorframe with a cocky grin. I don’t even need the punch line; I remember it well. It was the same cheesy pick-up line he used in tenth grade when he slid into the desk next to me during Mrs. Pimm’s chemistry class. Like that day, the line brings a smile to my face.

  “They should because they’ve been running through my dreams all night,” he says, finishing the line as he steps forward.

  “Very funny.” I smile as I take in his tall, muscular body. His shirt is stretched against his broad chest, fitting snuggly along his stomach and leading to the low rise, perfectly fitted, worn denim.

  In one hand, he’s holding a tray of coffee, and with the other he reaches for me, pulling our bodies closer. His face lowers, pressing his warm lips chastely against mine. “I missed you.”

  My heart melts at his simple words and I want to throw myself at him, telling him I missed him too. That I hardly slept for the need to have him here with me. But I don’t.

  “I brought you coffee. I fucking love Seattle. There are coffees shops open everywhere around here,” he says with a smile, walking to the small kitchen bar and setting down the tray. I take a deep breath, trying to regain the normal rhythm of my heart before attempting to speak.

  “What’s up? Cat got your tongue?” He grins as he pulls the cup from the cardboard tray, passing it to me.

  “I’m good. Just haven’t had my caffeine fix yet.” I lie with as much confidence as I can muster. He gives a slow, subtle nod. He sees right through me.

  He rubs his hands together. “Where’s my baby?” he says excitedly.

  I place my finger over my lips, signaling for him to be quiet. He claps his hand over his mouth, feigning an apology. “She’s still sleeping and probably will be until around seven or so. She got up last night which is unusual.” I pause to take a sip of the coffee. I give a satisfied smile with my eyes closed as I take in the deliciousness of the latte. When my eyes open, Austin’s green eyes are dark as he stares at me.

  “Don’t ever appreciate a cup of coffee like that in front of anyone other than me. And even then, not in public,” he says gruffly.

  I smile sweetly, knowing that he’s on the receiving end of the heat I was feeling just a few minutes before. “I gotta run or I’ll be late. Emma is just across the hall. Remember, she’s a nurse, so if anything goes wrong or if you need anything, call her. I put her number here.” I point to a list of instructions and contact numbers.

  “I’ve got her number.” He pulls his phone from his pocket. I look at him quizzically. “Remember when you were a resident of London?”

  Shame rushes over me and I feel the wilt of my frame as I take in his words and the deceit I dealt. “I-I need to go. I wrote down everything you need to know. Call me if you need anything, even if it seems stupid.”

  “Hey.” He calls out with a pleading tone. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I know why you did it. Really, I do, but like I said last night, I’m up to the challenge.”

  His hands snake through my hair and rest gently on my neck. With a soft caress of his thumb along my jawline, he lowers his mouth while tilting my face toward his. His soft lips press gently on mine before his mouth begins to work, prompting me to open to his advance. The gentle slide of his tongue against mine sends heat coursing through my body. Our bodies are close and I feel his jeans harden against my waist. With a gentle swipe of his tongue and a few chaste kisses to my lips, his touch is gone. He takes a deep breath and I glance down. What I see brings a smile to my face.

  He catches me looking and smiles sheepishly. “A woman will never understand the war between a man’s dick and his jeans,” he says with a frown.

  I close the distance once more, kissing him chastely on the cheek. As I turn, I softly graze the bulge with my hip before stepping away.

  “That was a low blow, and eventually you’ll pay for it.”

  “Call me if you need me,” I say flippantly over my shoulder before walking out the door.

  “Are you okay?” my manager asks, stepping up to the counter next to me.

  “Hi, Katherine. Yes, sorry, I’m just tired,” I lie, straightening my posture. I’m a nervous wreck, unable to focus on anything other than Austin and Sophia.

  “Did you know Austin Harris of that group Silver Knight is a guest here?” she asks.

  “You listen to Silver Knight?” I ask skeptically.

  “I didn’t say that. I just saw him on the reservation list the other day. Thought you may have seen him. We need to make an effort to personally welcome him. You know he’s single. Maybe you should be the one to make that call?” She smiles.

  I inwardly laugh, knowing that’s really not necessary seeing as how I left him in my apartment with a hard-on this morning.

  “Do you want to explain what your grin means?” she asks as she looks down, silencing her ringing phone.

  “No grin.” I straighten my expression.

  “Listen, I want to ask a favor. It’s kind of personal.”

  My heart begins to pound, wondering what she may know. I look up from the computer screen I’m standing in front of with my best wide-eyed innocent look.

  She glances around. “My daughter is getting married. Not my idea and we’re not happy about it,” she discloses, disapproval lacing her words. “She seems to think she can’t wait to finish med school to be married to her college sweetheart. They’re running off to Vegas this weekend to get married and have invited us to go. Do you think you could hold down the fort for me? We can work next week’s schedule so that you’ll have five days off.”

  My mind immediately recalls Austin’s proposal of going home with him. I look up to see Katherine’s eager expression. “Sounds great. Let me make some calls to make arrangements for Sophia.”

  Austin…

  “I don’t give
a shit, Jim. I gave you the specifics of her birth. Make it happen,” I demand with growing agitation.

  “Austin, this isn’t my area of expertise. You and your brother keep putting me in the middle of these domestic issues that I have no training in.”

  “Jim, you’re a contract lawyer. Consider her birth certificate a contract. I want on it. Make it happen,” I demand.

  “Austin, as your attorney I feel I have an obligation to advise you to have a paternity test—”

  “I don’t need a fucking paternity test! I knew it the moment I saw her.” I shout, cutting off his bullshit advice and garnering Dave’s attention from the other side of the room. My eyes flick to Sophia happily bouncing in her pink spaceship looking thing, and I take a deep breath. “I don’t need a paternity test. Amber wouldn’t lie, and if you saw my daughter you’d know she couldn’t if she wanted to,” I say calmly.

  “I’ll see what I can do, Austin.” Jim sighs.

  “Thank you,” I say before disconnecting.

  “Is he playing the ‘this isn’t my area of expertise’ card?” Dave asks.

  “Yeah. Out of fairness to him, it’s really not. He specializes in contracts for record deals and royalties and shit. Not baby drama.” I slump down on the chair next to Sophia. She waves her arms and extends her legs, propelling her little body in the air several times with a squeal.

  “What do you say, little one? I don’t need some damn paternity test to know you’re mine. Look at you.” I pull her little body from the cloth seat of her little contraption.

  “You aren’t shitting. Hopefully she’s Amber in personality though,” Dave heckles from the chair. I glance over Sophia’s shoulder to see his amused grin.

  “She can act just like her mommy, but she looks like her daddy.” I rub my nose into her little tummy and get a giggle in return.

  “It’s official. You’re a pussy,” Dave says with a deep laugh.

  I shrug, not caring what this little person has turned me into. She’s precious, and everything and everyone will come second to her for the rest of my life.

  “I’m gonna head out. There was a hot little cocktail waitress working at the hotel last night wanting me to give her the candy eye.” He lifts his tall frame from the chair. “You good here?”

  “I need you to explain the candy eye. Is that like the stink eye?” I ask, teasing him.

  “Oh, you know what the candy eye is. You just haven’t been on the giving end of it in a long time. And based on what you got going on here, you won’t ever be again.” He jokes, circling his finger between Sophia and I before walking out the door.

  “I really don’t know what he’s talking about, Soph. Candy Eye?” I humph in her direction and she smiles. “You really are the best baby ever. Your mommy has done such a good job with you,” I coo, lifting her up and down over my head.

  “You better be careful. She’s not beyond spitting up.” Amber’s soft voice breaks my next upward lift of Sophia’s little body.

  “I didn’t’ hear you come in. Is it already five?” I ask, surprised to see her.

  “I came in when Dave was walking out. It’s actually after six. I’m sorry I didn’t call. Oddly enough, I realized when I got to work that I didn’t have your phone number,” she says, placing a kiss on Sophia’s head before sliding onto the couch next to me. “I didn’t want to bother Em at work for it.”

  “Emma’s at work? I thought she was going to watch Sophia today. How would she have done both?”

  “She’s working three to eleven today. Reeder doesn’t have a set until nine, so he would have watched her until I got home.”

  “I don’t like that, Amber. I don’t want another man watching my daughter.” When I see her face morph into disgust, I realize my words sounded sterner than I wanted.

  “Austin, you really don’t get a choice in this. I’m doing the best I can. Emma and Reeder are my best friends, and they both love Sophia.”

  I nod. I can’t push her too hard too soon. I see her slide her feet from her shoes and lean back on the couch. I can tell by her defeated stature she’s exhausted.

  “Why don’t you go take a nap, Am? I can watch Sophia. We’ve had fun today. Do you know she giggles like crazy with that airplane in her room?” I smile.

  “Yeah, the day I bought it was the first time I ever heard her giggle. I couldn’t get enough of that sound. I used her for my own entertainment for days,” she confesses sheepishly.

  “I did too. I must have pressed that wing thirty times today. I even got Dave to smile.” I laugh. Her head rolls to the side and her eyes open. God, she’s beautiful.

  “I’m sure that’s not something that happens every day.”

  I’m so caught up in her beauty that I can’t place her response to anything that may have been said before it. I’ve completely lost my train of thought.

  “When are you leaving?”

  Her question squeezes my heart. I don’t want to leave. Ever. “Are you wanting to get rid of me?”

  “Katherine gave me five days off in exchange for working tomorrow and the next day.”

  “You need me to watch Sophia?” I ask, excited to be able to step in.

  “No, Emma and Reeder will. She’s off for the next four days.”

  My heart squeezes tighter, this time causing physical pain. I should expect this. She’s been doing this without me. I don’t fit, but I’m not giving in.

  “Do you want to watch Sophia?” she asks pointedly.

  “Hell yes, I want to watch her. She’s mine,” I say without hesitation.

  Her soft smile tells me she’s pleased with my answer. “So back to my original question—when are you leaving?” she asks again as I put Sophia in her pink walker.

  “Amber, I want you and Sophia to come to New York with me. Will you do that for me?”

  Truth is, I don’t know if I can bring myself to leave without her. I need her to need me. To depend on me. To want me. God knows I need her. But her eyes hold fear and I’m not sure why. “What’s the matter?”

  I watch as her eyes get glassy before she shakes her head. “I don’t know if I’m ready to face your brother and Kelly. I’ve been trying to find the words to reach out to her. To tell her I’m sorry.” Her voice is thick with emotion.

  “Come here, babe.” I draw her in closer. “Kelly misses you and is going to be fucking ecstatic your home. I’m going to be her favorite fucking person ever.” I say confidently.

  She silently nods against my chest, but her silence tells me she’s not convinced. “Austin?” she says after several long minutes.

  “Yeah?”

  “What are we doing?”

  “I’m holding you.”

  “I mean what do you see happening between us?”

  She pulls from my arms. This is the part I don’t want to hear. The part where she says she sees nothing happening between us. This is where I demand—no, beg—to be part of her life.

  “We’ve kissed…” Her soft voice trails off.

  I’m about to have an anxiety attack. Fucking pussy. I take a few shallow breaths, careful not to let on to my personal hell. “Can we just enjoy one another’s company while we’re together, Am?” My words surprise me.

  As fast as I think I see a hint of pain wash over her warm brown eyes, it’s gone. She nods then stands and goes into the kitchen, leaving me wondering what I just saw.

  “I’m going to call it a night, Amber. This little one wears me out,” I say playfully as I scoop Sophia back in my arms.

  She smiles sweetly and gladly accepts Sophia when I close the distance between us.

  “Goodnight, girls.”

  I kiss the each chastely on the head before grabbing my coat and keys and leaving. Standing in the hall, I breathe a sigh of relief that she didn’t break my heart…

  Yet.

  My thumb hovers over the glass screen of my cell phone while I stare at his name in my contact list. I feel small. Like I’m twelve years old again, having to tell him ho
w I bust out Mrs. Williams’s dining room window with a baseball.

  Funny how he can make me feel that way.

  My entire life I’ve looked up to him and wanted to please him. Even in my darkest years when using, that desire never wavered. I just wasn’t strong enough to resist the high. Those brief moments of bliss lured me to the next and then the next, crippling me with an inability to break the cycle.

  But two days with Sophia and all that seems so long ago—another lifetime even. The idea of missing one minute of her life for any amount of high seems insane. I’ve been clean for well over a year, but after meeting her I feel cleansed of the poison that still lingered in my veins. I’m stronger because of her. I’m seeing things with a new vision and damn me if it doesn’t look clearer and more beautiful.

  I promised them I would stay away from Amber, so only Kyle knows I’m here. A subtle smile widens my face as I recall his words. “Go get your girl, man!” His words of encouragement mean a lot to me. He knows what true love is and has watched me nurse my broken heart for years.

  “You gonna make that call or just stare at his name all night?” Dave’s gruff voice teases as he walks through our suite.

  I rest the phone on my lap before looking at him. “He’s going to flip the fuck out.”

  “What’s done is done. She’s here and there’s no changing that. I’ll wait for you downstairs. Make the call.” He walks to the door but pauses. “Austin, you and Amber have been doing this thing for years. You owe it to yourself to see it through this time. She’s within your grasp. Don’t let her slip away.” Giving the door a pull, he steps into the hall leaving me alone.

  I take a deep breath, unlock my screen and press his name.

  “What’s up?” he answers groggily after the third ring.

  My gaze lifts to the clock. Shit, I didn’t consider the time zone difference. “Hey.” I sound small and I inwardly groan.

  “Aus, you okay?” he asks, sounding more alert.

  “Yeah, Ashton, better than okay.”

  “What is that supposed to mean? Where are you?”

  “I need to tell you something. Are you sitting down?”

  “Austin spit it the fuck out. It’s three o’clock in the morning. I was sleeping. Where are you?”