Easy to Love You

by Megan Smith

  “Yeah,” I saw her putting the pieces together.

  “Jason was there. That’s why I showed up. I thought maybe he was coming after you or Jay, but he wasn’t.” Here comes the blow. “He was there with his daughter.”

  CC looked confused.

  “I didn’t know about her until we got back to the house and Mason and I went down—”

  “To the baseball field with Coop, Jackson and my dad.” CC finished for me.

  “Right, it turns out that his daughter is Brittany.”

  I waited, giving her time to process what I’d just told her. “Brittany? As in Brittany who tried to kill me? Brittany who swears Ryder is Dominic’s child? The same Brittany that Dominic cheated on me with?”

  She started shaking. I pulled her to me but she resisted and I didn’t want to push her. Then the tears started. “How could that be your sister? How come you didn’t tell me when I told you earlier that she was involved in the accident?”

  “Half-sister and she isn’t even that. She doesn’t exist to me, CC. I only have one sister and I always will.” I had to be sure that she knew that I would never consider Brittany family after what she’d put us through.

  She took a shuddering breath, “Is that what Jaylinn needed to tell you? Is that why she needed you to come home?”

  Tears were falling; I reached up and wiped them away. I thought she would have backed away from me by now but she hadn’t. “No. There’s more.”

  “Wait! Logan mentioned that Brittany moved in with her dad and his girlfriend.”

  I nodded; this is that part I knew was going to crush her even more than she already was. “Jay and Coop saw Brittany and Jason last night while they were out eating. Jason was there with his girlfriend, who happens to be Lynn.”

  CC’s face turned white as a ghost before she turned and threw up, just as I had. I rubbed my hand up and down her back as she sobbed, still heaving. After she’d settled a little bit, I got her a wash cloth and wiped her face for her. She was still crying and I held her until she stopped.

  CC looked up at me, eyes red and puffy. “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Anything,”

  “I need you to leave. I need time alone.” She was crushed, just like I knew she would be.

  “No, we need to talk about this. Please.”

  “You said anything. Get out Hunter.” She recoiled away from me.

  I sat there for a minute, unsure of what to do. I didn’t want to leave her but I knew she needed time to work through everything in her head.

  I walked over to her, she tried to push me away but I wouldn’t budge, “I love you, no matter what.” I kissed her forehead and let her push me away this time.

  I shut the bathroom door behind me and I heard her wail of a cry along with a lot of banging. Hailey emerged from Mason’s room. Approaching, she wrapped her arms around me, “I’ll take care of her.”

  “Thanks.”

  I walked out of the house and away from my life, my family.

  I was pissed. I was hurt. I was enraged. After Hunter shut the door behind him all I saw was red. I picked up the first thing within reach, which happened to be the toothbrush holder, and threw it at the mirror, shattering it, right along with my heart.

  Why? Why didn’t he tell me? Why did he wait?

  I backed up to the wall, slid down to the floor and curled into a ball. That’s where Hailey found me when she walked in. She was trying to talk to me but I was hysterical, unable to hear anything but my own sobs.

  “He’s supposed to love me! Why didn’t he tell me?” I wailed to Hailey.

  “Kenz,” she took a seat next to me and started running her hands through my hair. “I know you’re hurting right now, but he did it for you.”

  My stomach was twisted into knots, “No he didn’t, he should’ve told me.”

  She moved a little closer and lifted my head onto her outstretched legs, “I know, I told him that.”

  I cried and cried and cried. I heard Mom come in at one point. She tried to talk to me but I didn’t hear anything she said. I barely remember Mason coming into the bathroom to take me to my room where he tucked me into bed.

  I must’ve cried myself to sleep because when the nightmare hit, Hailey grabbed me in her arms to comfort me. I noticed it was starting to get light outside. I was shaking with cold sweats. I jumped out of bed and sprinted to my parents’ room where I assumed Ryder was sleeping. I needed to make sure he was there and fine. When I ran in Mom was sitting in the rocker cradling Ryder. I started crying again. I walked over and she offered him to me, knowing I needed him. I went back to my room, and after I settled Ryder in his bassinet, I tried to lie back down and sleep but it was useless. I was still reeling from the nightmare of a life that I couldn’t rid myself of.

  Hailey was lying beside me when she rolled over and whispered, “You ok?”

  “Yeah, it’s just a bad dream.” I said hoarsely.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Hailey spoke softly, careful not to wake Ryder.

  “Not really.” I leaned up and gazed at Ryder sleeping silently next to me and the tears started again. He looked so much like Hunter. He still had his dad’s curly brown hair and his handsome little nose was shaped like Hunter’s too. Not to mention his pouty little mouth that you just wanted to kiss all the time.

  Hailey started rubbing my back and a little while later exhaustion took over again and I fell asleep.

  MacKenzie finally fell back asleep after she’d started crying again. I gently slipped out of bed to seek out Mason and see if he’d talked to Hunter. I reached the door and it creaked when I opened it. I peeked back at MacKenzie who was shaking her head back and forth in her sleep.

  I jumped in surprise when I spotted Hunter sitting across from MacKenzie’s door, “Damn it Hunter, you scared the hell out of me.”

  He gave me a pitiful smile, “How is she?”

  I could smell the alcohol and stale cigarettes lingering on him, “A mess. She cried herself to sleep and hasn’t slept peacefully since.”

  “Fuck!” He gripped his hair, “I fucked up Hailey.”

  I slid down the wall next to him, “That you did Bud.”

  He exhaled loudly, “How do I fix it? I can’t stand sitting here listening to her cry, knowing I caused it.”

  I played with a piece of string on the hem of my shorts, “You’re going to give her time. She’s scared, hurt and pissed off. You saw how she was when her dad finally told her about the FBI. She was pissed off and hurt then.” I ripped the piece of string off, “This is a lot for her to handle.”

  “What about Ryder? I have to see him; she can’t keep him from me.” His head fell back against the wall.

  “She wouldn’t do that to you. Yeah she’s pissed, but she’s not spiteful.” Mason’s door opened and he stepped out.

  Hunter attempted to stand but stumbled, practically landing on me. “How’d you get here?”

  “Drove.”

  “Son of a bitch, Hunter! Just because your world has gone to shit doesn’t mean you get to be reckless!” I raised my voice slightly.

  “It doesn’t matter Hailey, my girl doesn’t want me,” he said as he lay back on the carpet and threw his arm over his face.

  “What the fuck man? Come on, get up.” I helped Hunter to his feet and shoved him into the bathroom. “Take a shower.” I left the door open so I could run back to my room and grab a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt for him.

  Hunter looked like he was going to be sick; I turned the shower on and pushed the clothes to his chest. That seemed to have brought him out of his thoughts.

  “I’ll make you some coffee, come down when you’re done.” I told him.

  I shut the door and leaned against it; Hailey came over and wrapped her arms around me. “I don’t want you to ever keep anything from me, Mase. Nothing, I don’t care what it is, always talk to me.”

  I hugged her tightly to my chest, “I promise, Boo.”

  After I heard some mo
vement in the bathroom, Hailey and I went downstairs to make some coffee. Mom and Dad were already down there sitting at the kitchen table.

  “Good Morning.” Mom said.

  I grunted. There was nothing good about this morning.

  “Is that Hunter we heard upstairs?” Dad asked.

  “Yeah,” Hailey piped up.

  “He’s a fucking mess.” I stated.

  “Watch your mouth.” Dad demanded. I hadn’t even noticed I’d cursed.

  About a half hour later Hunter came downstairs. He noticed Mom and Dad, but instead of walking into the kitchen he went out to his truck.

  I jumped out of my seat and went after him, “Where are you going?”

  “Home,” Hunter tossed his clothes onto the passenger seat and started climbing in.

  “You can’t drive. Give me a minute. I’ll have Hailey follow me to your house.” I started walking back towards the house when Hunter started the truck and quickly backed out of the driveway.

  Shit! This was bad and he was being dangerous.

  After CC kicked me out I went to the closest bar I could find, needing something to fill the pit in my stomach. I knew it was the wrong decision the second I walked in and sat down.

  The bartender came over and took my order. He set it down in front of me, and I looked up waiting for him to tell me how much, but he nodded his head towards a blonde who had her head turned.

  I didn’t recognize her at first, that is until she turned and looked my way. Lily. Damn, of all the times to run into her, it had to be tonight. Haven’t I been dealt enough shit lately?

  She smiled, jumped off the stool and made her way over to me. She sat in the only other seat available at the bar which just happened to be right next to me.

  Lily had turned into the town slut after the party where she’d basically opened her legs to every Tom, Dick and Harry. It was my junior year in high school. Mason, Cooper and I were on the baseball team which meant we were just expected to show up at any party. The three of us got really wasted that night while playing flip cup and beer pong. Lily had been flirting with all of us, going from one lap to the next all night. Mason, Cooper and I were out back bullshitting with some of the guys from the team, when they started on the twins, asking if they’d ever had a threesome. Cooper and Mason wouldn’t come flat out and say no, but they didn’t really need to when Lily walked by and grabbed the twins by their collars and kissed them both. The other guys began whistling cat calls, hooting and hollering; that only fueled them on. Next thing we knew she was leading them away from the group. Lily called my name and said ‘let’s go’. All the guys started shoving me in their direction. What was I supposed to do? Not go? That wasn’t about to happen. So I went. And I can’t say I’m completely happy with myself after that night. I stood in the corner of the room while Lily had her way with Mason and Cooper. I was getting called every name in the book from Mason and Cooper, so I caved. Or at least that’s what they thought. Those two passed out and left me alone with Lily. How that girl was still functioning was beyond me. She tried her damnedest but it wasn’t happening. I told her she was better than that and walked out.

  At practice the next morning the twins bragged about it to all the guys on the team, and we were all pretty much legends at school after that. I never denied it and they never asked what happened, so I let them think what they wanted.

  So, when she jumped on the stool with her daisy duke shorts and barely-there shirt and said, “Hey handsome.” I cringed.

  I knew what she was up to the second she’d looked my way across the bar. I was her next conquest.

  I tipped my beer in her direction, “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” She scooted her stool closer. I rolled my eyes. “So what brought you here?”

  “Just needed a drink,” I wasn’t about to tell her my life story.

  “I take it things aren’t going good with Princess?” Lily asked all innocently.

  Lily had never liked CC. She was jealous of her and she had every right to be. CC was incredible compared to this trash next to me. “It’s none of your business.” I answered her.

  “Jim!” she yelled at the bartender. Nice, she knew the bartender. That says a lot about her. “Four shots of tequila.”

  “I’m not drinking that shit.” I stated. Tequila and I didn’t mix well.

  The bartender eyed me, “You need it buddy.” Just fucking great! I came here to forget about my problems and here these two were throwing it back in my face.

  “Whatever.” Maybe that’s what I needed. I just needed to forget everything for a little while.

  Jim the bartender placed four shot glasses in front of us, poured the tequila and said, “Cheers,” then walked away to wait on another customer.

  I shouldn’t have come here. I should just get up and leave while I’m ahead.

  Lily twisted a piece of her brown hair around her finger, “Well, come on.” She reached for her shot, picked it up and held it out waiting for me to do the same.

  I shook my head, picked up the shot and clinked her glass, “To fucked up relationships.”

  I put the shot to my lips, my stomach already burning, tipped my head back and emptied the glass. I slammed it on the bar and went for the next one. I saw Lily wipe her mouth from the corner of my eye as I slammed the second shot on the bar.

  “Damn, problems that bad?”

  I wanted to shut her the hell up. She looked at the second shot sitting in front of her, and then eyed me. She pushed it in my direction; she didn’t need to tell me twice. I sucked down the third shot and chased it with my beer.

  I started watching the highlights of the Giants game on the TV above the liquor shelf, waiting for the buzz to kick in.

  Lily jumped off the stool and made her way to the dance floor. She was out there dancing with some girls that I recognized from high school when the DJ started playing City Boy. This was one of CC’s favorite songs when she was feeling down and needed a pick me up. The bartender looked in my direction and I held up two of the shot glasses, he came over and filled them.

  After five shots and two beers I was finally feeling buzzed, my body was relaxing to the point where the events of today didn’t bother me as much as they should have.

  Come and Get It started playing. I felt someone nudge my shoulder. Glancing over at the guy next to me, he lifted his chin towards the dance floor. I turned around and Lily pointed to me, beckoning me over with her finger.

  “Damn dude. You better go get that.” The guy next to me was practically panting.

  “She’s all yours,” I told him. I got up and made my way toward the bathroom, and then I was getting the hell out of here.

  As I walked out of the bathroom I was pushed into a little nook off to the side. It took me a second for my foggy brain to catch up. Lily stood in front of me, her body pushed up against mine.

  She was biting her lip; damn I needed to get out of here. I was about to push her away when she leaned in. I turned my head just in time and her lips landed on my cheek.

  I pushed her off, “What the fuck are you doing?”

  She looked at me with a stunned look on her face. Pushing past her, I went to my truck and left.

  I knew I shouldn’t be driving in my condition, I was drunk. I drove to the closest place I knew, which just happened to be where my girl was at. The same girl that thought I was scum.

  I knew where the spare key was after needing to use it a few times trying to drag Mason and Cooper’s drunken asses home. I was crawling up the steps when I saw CC running past the stairs towards her parents’ room. She didn’t see me and I didn’t want her to. A few minutes later she came walking past the steps with Ryder in her arms, I heard her bedroom door click and I climbed the rest of the way up the stairs.

  I sat there and listened to her cry until, eventually, it grew quiet and I assumed she’d fallen asleep again. I wiped my eyes and when I did I felt tears I hadn’t known were there.

  It had been fourtee
n days since I threw Hunter out of the bathroom that we were in, fourteen days since I stepped foot in that room. Fourteen days since I felt like a whole person, fourteen days since my heart was crushed from his secrets.

  I hadn’t heard a peep from him except for the little lettered seashells that he had somehow managed to leave outside my bedroom door every morning when I woke up. I missed him something fierce but I was still too bitter, too hurt, to talk about it.

  Every day after lunch Mom would meet Hunter downstairs and hand over Ryder; he would bring him back around eight every night. It bothered me that he was spending so much time with him, I missed Ryder but I knew it was important for them. I heard Hunter tell my mom one afternoon that he was going back to work last week, so I let it go.

  I had just gotten out of the shower when Hailey came barging in my room. I stood there in a towel, “Hails? Are you ever going to learn how to knock?”

  She shrugged, “I’ve seen you at your worst Kenz, and does it really matter at this point?”

  She was right; she’d caught me having sex with Hunter countless times. My heart squeezed at the thought of him. “Not really I guess. Anyway how are classes?” I was looking forward to enrolling for spring semester with her.

  I made a deal with Hailey after three days of not speaking to anyone. I promised I would start talking only if Hunter wasn’t brought up. Every time someone mentioned his name I would start to cry and that wasn’t ok with me. I had to somewhat pull myself together so that I could take care of Ryder, he couldn’t, and shouldn’t, have to see me in such a mess.

  “It’s going. Look, before I forget why I came in here I need you to promise to have an open mind about something.”

  This is going to go well.

  “I’m not ready to talk to him, Hails.” I stated. Yeah I missed the ever-loving hell out of him but I’m just not ready.

  “I know. It has nothing to do with him, well it kind of does.”

  She quickly glanced at me while brushing her hair in the mirror. I waited, “We need a girls’ weekend. Jay thinks you hate her and Chloe is going crazy with Alex running around and getting into everything.”