I snorted. “No one would buy that even at a yard sale. I’ll dump a bunch of shit before I go.”
“Uh, no. You don’t understand the rednecks who would love to present that bucket in their very own living rooms. Lying and pretending they collected those beer caps would be an honor.” Nicole nodded seriously. “I think we’re looking at a cool fifty right there.”
I nodded at the door. “Scram. I need to finish up.”
“Fine.” She pressed a quick kiss to my scruffy chin. “I love you, bro.”
I flashed a grim smile that fell away as soon as she was gone. It was hard not to feel hopeless even though, from an outsider’s perspective, I temporarily had everything going for me. Far more than some vets had once they returned from the service. Good health, supportive family, a job, a place to stay, and someone who loved me. Things weren’t perfect, but I was still lucky. It was just a damn shame that the clenching in my chest couldn’t be soothed by the reality of how much better I had it than most.
There were four heavy suitcases on the floor around me, along with a few boxes, and I needed to get on top of lugging them to the Bronco. I stared at them for several minutes, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If I loaded the car, it would all be too real.
I would wait until I saw Kai. I was heading out to see him before the move. I tried not to call it the last time.
“Garrett!”
Why was it so impossible for Nicole and my mother to leave me alone and let me agonize over all of this in peace?
“Garrett, get your ass down here!”
Biting back an angry shout, I stalked out the door and to the staircase. “What, Nicole?”
“There’s someone here to see you.”
I hoped it wasn’t Kevin. The last thing I needed was another depressing chat about how everyone in his life was dead or jobless. I debated not answering and locking myself in my room, but avoided the childishness by jogging down the stairs. “Who—”
Framed within the narrow front door was Kai with a small bag at his feet.
I froze, unable to believe what I was seeing. It was only Nicole’s gawking presence that prevented me from pinching myself. This wasn’t a hallucination—he was here. Windswept, pale, and peering at me with dark-circled eyes, but here.
“Kai,” I croaked. “How—”
“C-can I come in?” He wrapped his arms around himself. “Please?”
“Of course!” Nicole blurted at the same time as I stumbled down the rest of the stairs. “I was so surp—”
“It’s okay.” Kai’s voice was strained. “I’m okay.”
I pulled him to my chest just as Nicole scampered out of the room with an awkward mumble. I rested my chin on his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of doing this? I could have met you in Philly and come with you!”
“Because then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, dummy.”
There were so many things on the tip of my tongue. Scolding words that all formed the same implications—that he was a helpless person and needed me to take care of him. But that wasn’t true. Maybe my presence helped in some ways, but he’d made his way in this world long before I’d come along.
Swallowing all of those admonishments, I kissed his forehead before pressing a kiss to his lips. His heart was pounding, but he wasn’t trembling or sweating profusely. There was no sign of a panic attack on the horizon even though he was clearly out of his element.
“Do you want to come up to my room?”
“Yes.” Relief shone in his eyes. “Please.”
With our fingers tightly twined, I grabbed his bag and led him up the stairs.
* * *
Kai
I gripped Garrett’s hand as hard as I could, reminding myself that this was why I’d hired a driver to take me two hours across the state. Of course, I was doped up on Xanax as prescribed by my new doctor, which was a major help, but I still wanted to huddle under a blanket.
I didn’t even glance around Garrett’s house. There’d be time for that later. Right now, I needed to get myself under control and tell Garrett the news I hoped he’d be happy to hear.
He led me to his bedroom and pushed my shoulders until I sat on the bed. Once the door was shut and locked, he faced me.
“So, I’m here.”
“Yeah, and I’m happy to see you, but….” He glanced at the window and frowned. “How the hell did you get here?”
“I hired a driver.”
His eyes widened. “For real?”
“For real.”
“That must have cost a fortune.” There were a ton of questions in Garrett’s eyes, but he only asked, “Are you staying the night?”
“How long until you need to go back to Illinois?”
“I’d planned to come visit you for a day, then head out. So…two days I guess.”
“Then I’m staying two days.”
Garrett seemed flustered by my evasiveness. “How are you getting back to Philly?”
“I’m not going back.”
For several seconds, Garrett just stared at me. “What do you mean?”
With my fingers gripping the edge of the mattress, I inhaled slowly. “I’m, uh, coming with you. To Illinois. If the invitation is still open.”
There was a pause, where neither of us moved. Then Garrett moved faster than I’d ever seen as he dropped to his knees in front of me. “Don’t mess with me, Kai.” He squeezed my shoulders. I could feel his damp palms through my shirt. “I swear to God. Don’t fuck around.”
His expression was so full of hope, my heart felt close to bursting. “I’m coming with you.”
Garrett’s hands tightened. “Please be sure. Please be fucking sure because if you change your mind, I don’t know if I can take it.”
I turned my head to brush his knuckles with my lips. “I’m sure. I’m scared to death, but I’m sure. I can’t do this. I can’t live with only seeing you in 2D now that I know what you feel like in the flesh.”
Garrett lunged at me, and I fell back on the bed. His lips fused to mine as he devoured my mouth and sealed the decision with our lips. The bed squeaked wildly when I wrapped my legs around him and began to grind. This bed was tiny, and my head was nearly hanging off the side, but I didn’t care. Not when Garrett’s hand was fumbling between us, pulling down the zipper of my jeans and thrusting his hand inside.
I broke away from the kiss and rested my forehead on his as we rutted together. “Don’t want it like this,” I panted. “I want you inside me.”
“Goddamnit, Kai.”
Garrett flipped me over onto my stomach and yanked down the back of my jeans. I craned my neck to see him rummaging in a drawer with shaking hands and pulling out a tube of lube. I let my head fall back onto the mattress as he slicked himself up before pushing inside me with a sharp thrust. There was no finesse to this fuck, which was just the way I liked it. Garrett and I didn’t do gentle.
“You know I love how loud you get but not in this house,” he breathed after I’d released an anguished moan. A hand slid over my mouth. “But Jesus Christ, I made it all this time not fucking anyone in my childhood bedroom, and you go and screw it up days before I finally move out.”
I laughed into his hand, which broke off into a moan as he changed angles and hit my prostate. I wrapped my hand around my cock. After a few tugs, I came with a shudder, and he wasn’t far behind.
As we lay on his bed in a crumple of damp clothes, it occurred to me that I shouldn’t have encouraged him to fuck me before meeting his mom.
I bit Garrett’s hand until he took it off my mouth. “I guess you’re happy?”
“I’m so fucking happy.”
“Yeah, me too. Except for being in the wet spot on your bed and not wanting your mom to see these sheets. Fuck, this is awkward.”
Garrett was still lying on my back when he began to shake with laughter. I had to become part owl to turn my head and shove him off me. He fell onto his back, still chuckling, with his pants around hi
s thighs and his shirt rucked up to his chest.
“I love you, Kai. Thank you for coming here.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me.”
* * *
Once we were both cleaned up—and Garrett had dealt with the sheets—we shuffled downstairs. His mom and sister were sitting at the kitchen table. Nicole wore a big smile, and his mom eyed me through a cloud of cigarette smoke. I gave a weak wave.
“Hi.”
Nicole took that as a cue to jump out of her chair and run toward me. She wrapped me in her arms, smelling like perfume and chocolate. I hugged her back even though Garrett was shaking his head in exasperation.
“I’m so happy to meet you. Garrett talks about you all the time, and he never talks about anyone.”
Garrett sighed loudly.
“Quit smothering him,” Garrett’s mom said, and Nicole backed away in a huff. Mrs. Reid patted the seat next to her at the table. “Come sit down. Visit before you have to go back to Philly.”
Beside me, Garrett cleared his throat. “Kai’s coming with me.”
Nicole’s eyes bugged out. “Really?”
“That’s why he’s here.” Garrett grabbed my hand. “He said he’s moving with me.”
Nicole’s gaze darted between us. “But—”
Garrett growled—an actual growl—and she stopped talking.
I understood her doubt. Hell, I doubted myself. But I didn’t doubt Garrett and I didn’t doubt our relationship. It was the first bit of realness I’d had in my life—one of those you’ll know it when you see it kind of things.
Garrett’s mom didn’t ask questions, only gestured for us talk while she got some food together for us. My stomach growled.
“How’d you do on the drive?” Garrett asked.
“It wasn’t too bad. I put in my headphones and listened to an audiobook about this big hacker scheme and before I knew it, the driver was pulling up to your house. The worst part was leaving the apartment, and I got really freaked out once I got to your door.”
I finally had a chance to glance around Garrett’s home. It was small, the linoleum was a little ragged and the walls were faded, but it was a home. There were pictures everywhere—a smiling Garrett in uniform, a cheerleader Nicole in mid-jump—and magazines on a side table. The table we sat at was scratched and scarred, but I was sure each mark had a story. Maybe a toddler Garrett dropped a fork or a teenage Nicole jabbed it with her butter knife.
This was a real home, and that was what I wanted with Garrett. If I had to travel to Illinois to get it, I was willing to do that. But I also wanted this for myself.
When Garrett’s mom returned to the table, she carried a tray with cheese, crackers, grapes and strawberries.
“What, you getting fancy showing off to Kai?” Nicole asked as she popped a grape in her mouth. “Because damn, I didn’t even knew we had fruit.”
“I buy fruit!” Garrett’s mom insisted.
I took a piece of cheese and a cracker and smiled. “Thanks, Mrs. Reid.”
“Pauline,” she said as she sank down into her chair. “You can call me Pauline.”
Garrett put his hand on my thigh instead of touching the food, and I smiled. I could tell he was brimming with excitement even though he was as stoic as always.
Nicole sighed dramatically. “God, you two are so cute. I can’t stand it.”
“Well try to stand it, you freak,” Garrett said, scowling. “You’re so embarrassing.”
“Don’t call her a freak,” Pauline barked. “We have company.”
While Garrett and Nicole bickered—and Pauline tried to discipline her adult children—I stuffed my face. I hadn’t known what coming here would do to me. All I’d known was Garrett was my destination, and I’d hoped everything else would sort itself out.
There was still the trip to Illinois. Getting used to a new house. A new city. A new everything, but so far…so good.
Eventually Garrett led me back to his bedroom so we could talk in peace.
“So,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his thighs, hands clasped between his knees. “Explain to me how this happened.”
I picked through the books on his bookshelf. “I told you. I hired a driver.”
“No, explain how this happened.”
“Well…I saw a doctor.”
Garrett’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”
“Yeah, and I went to a therapist too. I’m not…I have a lot of work to do. A lot. But I have a prescription for four milligrams of Xanax for big things, like, uh, moving and traveling. And I have a referral to a doctor in Peoria too. I can keep going to therapy and hopefully get on some other medication to help me long-term.”
While I spoke, Garrett had nodded slowly as concern continued to brim in his eyes. “You didn’t just do this for me, did you?”
My Garrett. Still worried. Still expecting a worst-case scenario. “I did it for me. And for us. I don’t think I’ll ever be great in crowds and in public. I’ll probably still be a part-time hermit in Illinois, but at least I’m able to get my ass there. To be with you. And to start living outside the walls of my apartment again.”
“I don’t expect you to become a fucking social butterfly or anything. Hell, I don’t want to talk to people either.”
I sank down onto the bed beside him and laid my head on his shoulder with my eyes closed. Opposite us was a dusty full-length mirror, and I watched our reflections as he laced his fingers through mine. “It’s not going to be easy. I want you to know that. There might be times you want to strangle me.”
“There’ll be plenty of times I’m sure you’ll fantasize about smothering me in my sleep,” he said.
I laughed. “Yeah, maybe. And I still have to work a lot. I’ll stream most nights.”
“That’s fine. Maybe we can do Saturdays with Garrett.” He nudged his shoulder against mine. “I’ll even stop threatening Garvy. What do you think?”
I was already envisioning us curled up in front of the computer on Saturdays, happy and sated with post-sex hair as we wreaked havoc on FWO. “I think that sounds perfect.”
He was quiet for a while, and when I opened my eyes, his gaze was on our hands. “I can’t believe I’m sitting here with the punk who griefed me in the catacombs.”
“Can’t believe I just let that inexperienced archer fuck me.”
The flare of Garrett’s gamer ego returned. “There will be a rematch.”
“Bring it. There’s plenty of time for you to practice trying to win.”
“Yeah,” Garrett said, smiling despite my taunts. “There is.”
EPILOGUE
Kai
The Irish pub was loud but we’d been seated in a secluded booth in the corner, so I didn’t have to see anyone but Garrett’s coworkers. Plus, he was beside me, the heat of his body warming my side and easing my nerves. I was determined to do this.
The restaurant seemed to have its regulars who ignored the newcomers in the corner. Well, I was a newcomer. Garrett and his coworkers came here sometimes after work. Despite Garrett’s claims that he hated people, he’d managed to form a small group of friends at his new job. Hilariously, he had more in common with middle-aged dads than twenty-something military guys his own age. When I’d pointed that out to him, he’d rolled his eyes and muttered something about “annoying motherfuckers” and “Costigan” so I’d dropped it with a smirk.
Claudia, his coworker, was staring at me. I shifted in my chair, and she seemed to get the hint.
“Sorry,” she said, her gaze darting to Garrett, then back to me. “I’ve just been excited to meet you. Part of me wondered if Garrett had an imaginary boyfriend.”
I looked at Garrett pointedly. His fierce protectiveness was the reason I’d been some mythical creature to his co-workers for months. He was constantly reassuring me that he respected my boundaries, and that he had no interest in forcing me into social situations on a regular basis.
Garrett sneered at her. “Well now
you know. He’s real.”
“Good for you. I’m glad you weren’t hallucinating.” Claudia grinned at me. “And he’s so nice and cute. Who woulda thought you’d land him?”
He scoffed. “I’m a total catch.”
The whole table erupted into laughter, but Garrett looked serious. He scowled at us harder, and I laughed along with everyone else.
Once the laughter died down, I settled in to drink my water and listen as Garrett’s coworkers talked shop. Occasionally Garrett would drop into the conversation, but he seemed more interested in eating his steak, drinking his beer, and exchanging glances with me.
“Deadline’s coming up,” said Daniel, an older man with a gray beard who Garrett seemed to respect, therefore I did. “We’ll get it done if the new hires pull their weight.” He nodded at Garrett. “Not talking about you, son. You do a fine job.”
Garrett flushed. “Thanks.”
“Meh,” said Sawyer, an older man whose cheeks were covered in freckles. “They’ll get the hang of it. I’m not worried.”
That set off a flurry of discussion on how work ethic varied among generations until Claudia put her hands over her ears and demanded a subject change. She hated talking about work when they weren’t even at the plant. Apparently it happened regularly.
Garrett wasn’t the most social person and often grumbled about his coworkers asking him to go out for drinks, but I always encouraged him to go. Knowing people, and getting along with them, seemed to make him happy, and I was glad we were both finally settled.
The move hadn’t been easy. We’d driven, which had been all right, because it was just Garrett and me in a car. But once we’d arrived in Peoria, I’d gone into shut down mode and hadn’t left the bed for days.
It was overwhelming to get used to a new place and a new city. A new life. But I’d found a therapist I liked, and after some trial and error, a good mix of anxiety medications had evened me out. I wasn’t cured, of course. There was no magic pill. But I was better. That had been enough to get the ball rolling on creating a home for both of us.
By the time our plates were cleared, I was anxious to leave. I’d enjoyed meeting his coworkers but I was drained by the conversation and maintaining my composure for a solid couple of hours. I tapped my foot to ignore the sensation of coming out of my skin, caught Garrett’s eye and tugged my ear.
Strong Signal (Cyberlove #1) Page 22