More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  Just like I’d promised her.

  I leaned against the wall, watching her. Satisfaction buzzed through my being, another part of me itching because she was more than an arm’s length away.

  But, God, I loved seeing her this way. Removed from the sorrow and the grief and the trauma. Removed from the need to constantly watch over her shoulder.

  I was doing my best to focus on that and not on the way that she was moving.

  This sexy, slow rhythm as she danced. Hips jerking and swaying. The movement of her body casting some sort of spell.

  I wondered if the girl had any idea how captivating she was. How every asshole in the place was watching her, wondering if he had any chance of taking her home.

  Like I was any better.

  The only thing I could think about right then was edging up behind her and claiming her as my own.

  Wrapping my arms around that slender waist from behind, tucking her ass close, my nose at her neck as we moved.

  A hand clapped down on my shoulder. I jumped about ten feet in the air.

  Ian smirked, voice wry. “Jumpy.”

  My eyes narrowed. “Not like we haven’t been dealing with some scary shit.”

  That was right when Mack broke away from the group of detectives he was chatting with, their laughter loud, their mood rowdy.

  Grinning wide, the guy sauntered our way, nothing but muscles and tattoos.

  All night, he’d been throwing back shots like they were water.

  Celebrating hard.

  The same way he did everything.

  Ian lifted his glass as he approached. “To Mack, the biggest, burliest, oldest motherfucker I know. Happy birthday, man.”

  “Eat rocks, asshole. You mean the baddest motherfucker you know.” Mack lifted his thick arms out to the sides, his beer sloshing over the rim.

  “Ah, pretty sure he meant oldest, my friend,” I said, unable to stop the grin from riding my mouth. “But since it’s your birthday, I’ll let you go on believing that,” I continued with the raise of my glass. “You know, since you’re going senile and all.”

  “You just wish you could be me with all my wisdom.” His blue eyes gleamed, a chuckle on his lips. “And I thought we’d already established not to go knocking the years, considering you’re right behind me.”

  He was right. The years went by faster than we expected. On instinct, my gaze moved back to where Faith was dancing with her friends.

  Courtney grabbed Faith’s hand, moving with her, the two of them free and completely letting go.

  Swore I got lost in it, in the years separating us. Through all the experiences we’d each had. I had to wonder if even a single one of them mattered to me without her.

  I was jarred out of the trance by Ian’s hard chuckle. “You going soft on me now, brother?”

  My attention whipped back to him. “Never.”

  “You sure about that?”

  He took a pull of his whiskey, his attention trained on Faith, who tilted her head toward the ceiling and . . .

  Laughed.

  She fucking laughed.

  My heart twisted in my chest, beating wild at the sight.

  Ian pointed at her with the hand he had clutched around his glass. “She’s always made you that way.”

  “And what way is that?”

  “A believer.”

  “And why do you make it sound like that’s a bad thing?”

  “It is if it makes you do stupid things.”

  Everything clenched. She had. That belief making me both strong and weak. But Ian was wrong to think any of the choices I’d made had been Faith’s fault. The choices I’d made were on me. Were on Joseph.

  Mack sobered. “How’s she holding up?”

  “She’s the strongest person I know.”

  A sigh pilfered from his mouth. “I hate this, man. Having no leads. These assholes keep getting in and out without leaving a trace. Right under our fucking noses.”

  Mack gave a harsh shake of his head. “The call we got on that office downtown last weekend yielded nothing. The only thing I could take from it was they were looking for something specific and came up empty-handed, and that did not make them happy. Entire place was trashed. But that’s where the clues ended. This is no hack job. Whoever is behind this knows what they’re doing.”

  Unease rustled through my consciousness. “But we already knew that, didn’t we, that these assholes know what they’re doing? Joseph couldn’t have been involved in this for as long as he had without his dumb ass getting caught.”

  “We assumed it, yeah, but how the fuck can I prove it when every name we have runs dry? It’s driving me crazy.”

  Pointedly, he swung his gaze to me. “You tell her yet?”

  Dread clotted the blood sloshing through my veins. Cold ice sliding down my spine, freezing everything, because I knew what confessing everything would do. “Just can’t stand for her to go through any more,” I told him.

  And I knew this was going to gut her.

  “You can’t protect her from everything.”

  “Can’t I?” I tossed back out, my eyes narrowed as I watched her, those legs so damned long and that body so damned tempting.

  I wanted to cross the room and take her in my arms.

  Pull her against my chest.

  Put my hands and my mouth all over her body.

  Let every asshole in the room who was salivating over her know she was mine.

  Seemed it was me who she needed protection from. Knowing I was going to shatter that all over again was torture.

  And still, I couldn’t slough the determination I could feel like a steel lining beneath my skin.

  Mack released a low rumble of amusement. “For someone who was just coming here for a short time to make sure she was safe, make a little amends for the guilt you’ve been wearing, you sure seem to have your foot firmly planted in the door.”

  Soft, Ian mouthed again.

  I shot him a glare. “Such an asshole.”

  He quirked a brow. “You say that as if it might offend me.”

  He said it like a joke, but there was no missing the truth behind it.

  A low chuckle rumbled from him, and he leaned back against the wall where I was standing.

  “Seriously, Jace . . . you’re slipping. I can feel it,” Mack cut in, drawing attention back to the situation.

  “Nothing’s changed. I’m here for one reason, and one reason only,” I gritted, refusing the hope that threatened to climb into my spirit. The love that wanted to grow. God knew, that love was dangerous for us both.

  I needed to remain focused.

  Focused when I could feel myself losing sight.

  Falling deeper and deeper. Buried in the bliss of being with the two of them, refusing the torment of knowing I could never keep them.

  Ian’s laughter was dry. “One reason? You think I can’t see all kinds of reasons playing out in your eyes? Pretty sure most of those reasons include the two of you naked.”

  “Watch it, little brother.” There was a chuckle in my threat.

  He laughed. “Wasn’t it you who always said no bullshit between us? Not about to start now.”

  “Told you already, I’m here for one reason. That’s to be here, protect them, until this bullshit is behind them. I owe them that.”

  Ian scoffed. “You don’t owe anyone anything, Jace. No matter how much you try to convince yourself this was your fault, it wasn’t. Joseph did this. Not you.”

  “I owe them everything.” Didn’t mean for the bolt of fury to line the words.

  A smirk grew on his face. “Nah, man, this isn’t a question of owing. It’s a question of owning. Because that girl owns you. You need to be careful with that. When people like us love someone, we lose, remember? And I’m pretty sure what you experienced the first time around was a shut out.”

  Those were the words I’d drilled into Ian’s head over and over as a kid.

  “No one gives a shit about us. No one cares ab
out us or loves us. All of that is bullshit. It’s just us—me, you, and Joseph against the world. Don’t ever forget that, Ian. Never. We fight for what we want, for what we need to survive, any way we have to. As soon as we let our guard down, love someone? That’s when people like us lose. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

  “Maybe I was wrong,” I told him.

  Ian blinked at me like he didn’t recognize me. “I don’t get it, why you feel obligated. Why you’re willing to sacrifice everything for that girl. But what I do know is you never forgot her. You changed after you lost her, and the only thing I want is for you to get some of that joy back.”

  His brow pinched in emphasis. “But if you go after it? After her? Make sure you’re doing it for the right reason. Not because you fucking feel guilty or you’re trying to make amends for what Joseph did. You always taught me to look out for myself and no one else. But that girl right there? She’s the only one who ever made you think changing that belief might be worth it.”

  I watched Faith across the space. Her grace filling the air. So pure and goddamn sweet. I swallowed the lump in my throat and chased it with a gulp of scotch. “Not a question of might.”

  Ian cracked a grin. “Then I’d say it’s time to go after what you want. It’s what we do. We fight for what we want. You walked away once. Don’t make the mistake of doing it again.”

  Shock moved through me. “I thought you didn’t like her?”

  Ian gave a somber shake of his head. “I didn’t not like her, Jace. I was terrified of her. Of what she might mean to you. That I might lose you because of it. It made me make my own stupid choices. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. I’m not any good, Jace. You and I both know it. But the last thing I want to do is stand in the way of your happiness for any longer.”

  “You’re wrong, Ian. You are good.”

  His head shook and he choked out a laugh, clearly diverting the direction our conversation had gone. He pointed at Faith. “So, what are you waiting for, brother?”

  Mack huffed. “That’s a bad fucking idea, Ian, and you know it.” He shifted his attention to me. “Your judgment is clouded. You’re going to fuck everything up. All the progress we’ve made.”

  Wasn’t sure I’d call it progress when they had nothing. Knew it wasn’t Mack’s fault, but I was close to going out of my mind.

  “You’ve got to nail this fucker, Mack,” I suddenly said, words gravel. I drained my drink. “Or I will.”

  “Don’t be stupid, Jace. You’re only here as a lookout. Nothing else. You got me?”

  I cut him a glare. The only thing I got was I’d do anything for Faith. Anything for Bailey.

  Mack exhaled, a strained push of his lungs. “Fuck, man. You’re getting in too deep. It’s written all over you. It was clear that day when you dragged all our asses out there to work on her house. Not that I minded, but all of us know why you’re doing it. I never should have said a thing.”

  If I was too deep, then I’d gladly drown.

  “What do you say we drop this for now, yeah?” Ian said, taking a swill and looking around the room. “This is supposed to be a party. Don’t you think Joseph has ruined enough?”

  “Fine by me . . . so long as your brother here remembers his place.” Mack’s eyes glinted with the warning.

  Ian slung his arm around my shoulders. “Oh, Jace here totally knows his place . . . or at least where he wants to put it.”

  It was pure innuendo. The prick actually sent me a wink.

  He was lucky I loved him so much or I’d take him out back and teach him a lesson the way I used to.

  Ian locked his elbow around my neck, giving it a tug. “Come on, let’s celebrate. Mack only turns thirty once, and the night is wasting away. I’m done spending it in the corner.”

  Ian turned to face me as he started to back into the crowd. “I’m ready to find me a little fun.”

  I grunted.

  Knew exactly what his form of fun was. I’d wasted away in the same shit for the last ten years.

  He shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’ll just go dance with your girl. She is the hottest thing out there tonight.”

  That grunt turned into a growl.

  A grin filled up the punk’s face. “That’s what I thought.”

  He disappeared into the fray, and Mack cinched a hand down on my shoulder. “Not trying to be a dick, man. I just need your head clear.”

  I nodded, and he edged back, shaking his head like he didn’t believe a thing I said, which was about right because I didn’t believe it either.

  I headed to the bar and ordered a water, hoping it’d give me a little time to cool down.

  Time to sink back down to reality.

  To focus on my mission and not the chaos that whirled through me. A tornado ripping everything apart.

  Then I fucking panicked when I turned around and a shadow was moving in front of Faith.

  Her friends were having way too much fun to even notice this huge asshole was backing her away from them, deeper into the throbbing mass, crowding over her as he encroached.

  Rage beat a path through my veins, possession a life-beat inside me, drumming like a snare.

  I pushed through the crush on the dance floor, not giving a fuck about the glares and grumbles I was getting.

  I promised her I wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

  It sure as fuck wasn’t going to happen here.

  My jaw clenched as I finally made it to where he was leaning down, the fucker whispering something in her ear.

  There was no missing the anxiety that rippled from her in a wave. Her uneasiness mine. I swallowed it, let it feed the frenzy that lashed inside me.

  A gasp of relief wrenched free when I slid my arm around her waist. I wasn’t sure if it was hers or mine.

  “Hey, baby,” I murmured loud enough for the asshole to hear. I jutted my chin out at him, uttered a cold, “What’s up? I’m Jace . . . and you are?”

  That’s right.

  Leaving.

  A shot of air burst from his nose, like he didn’t want to give up his play, the piece of shit leering at her in a way that had me close to coming unchained.

  Chinks coming loose.

  Rational mind completely lost.

  “Back the fuck up,” I gritted.

  His dark gaze moved to me, anger in his stance. “What the fuck did you say to me?”

  The guy was instantly in my face, reeking of booze, too much confidence for his own good.

  He leered at Faith. “Seems to me she can make the decision for herself.”

  This from the dickhead who didn’t even notice her cowering. Didn’t notice her shake when he tried to move around me and get another step closer.

  Panic surged through my body.

  Hot and intense.

  I flew in front of him and pushed him back. “Stay the fuck away from her.”

  He swung an arm, and I ducked back, barely missing his meaty fist. “Come on, asshole,” he taunted. “You want a fight?”

  I guessed I did.

  Because rage spiraled through me.

  A blackout.

  Everything boiling.

  Rising to the surface.

  Everything too much.

  I threw a fist. It cracked against his nose.

  A few people scattered back, and I was going to go for him, ready to take the asshole down, beat all my aggression out on him, when someone was there, hauling me back.

  Mack.

  “He’s not worth it, man. Not worth it. You’re going to land your ass in jail if you throw another punch.”

  I looked up, catching Felix and some of the other guys watching, ready to jump in.

  I blew out some of the frustration, shoulders sagging as I released some of the hostility.

  The asshole I’d hit wiped the blood dripping from his nose with the back of his hand, clearly wanting to come back for some more, giving it up when he saw everyone surrounding me.

  He shrugged it off,
spat, “Pussy.”

  Like I wasn’t the one who’d just busted his nose.

  I had half a mind to go after him.

  Teach him a little respect.

  The other half of me wasn’t letting Faith get farther than a foot away from me again.

  The second he disappeared, Mack released me. “Cool it,” he warned low.

  His badge had never been so distinct between us.

  I was having a hard time acknowledging it.

  He stood there for a few seconds, guarding me like I was the one who was looking for trouble, before he cut me a glance and sauntered away, shooting me another look of warning over his shoulder as he went.

  Faith pressed against my side, relief sagging her shoulders as she leaned her sweet body into mine.

  Fuck.

  I wanted to hold on forever.

  Never let go.

  “Are you okay? What did that asshole say to you?” I whispered at her ear, though my voice was elevated so she could hear me over the music.

  She shook herself off. “I’m fine . . . it’s fine. He just . . . asked me to dance. It was nothing. I freaked out for no reason at all. You didn’t need to go punchin’ him.”

  I turned her toward me. “Yeah, I did. Things aren’t going to end well for anyone who gets near you.”

  “I think you might be taking it a step too far.”

  “I’m not taking it far enough.”

  That asshole was still out there. Unknown. Lurking.

  I fisted my hand that still stung from the crack. Hell, that asshole could have just as easily been him as anyone else.

  “I don’t want you gettin’ into trouble because of me. Gettin’ hurt because of me.”

  “You don’t get it yet, Faith, that I’ll do anything to protect you.”

  She looked at me like she still didn’t get it.

  I leaned in closer to her. “Get used to it.”

  A shiver rushed through her, and her eyes darkened, her voice going deep. “Well, I guess I do have to thank you for savin’ me. You seem to be doing a lot of that lately.”

  Fuck.

  She was killing me.

  Looking this way. So fucking sexy. So fucking good.

  We got stuck there. Both of us entranced by the other.

  In sudden discomfort, she took a fumbled step back to put some space between us. “I need to use the restroom.”