More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  The torment of something happening to my baby girl more than anything I could bear.

  Was it wrong it felt like a gift that he might feel some of that, too? That he promised to love her as if she were his own? That I trusted him to love her and keep her?

  Keep me?

  How was it possible? After all these years?

  How was it possible that the thought of losing him again felt like the cruelest sort of devastation?

  Was I nothin’ but a fool for allowing myself to take that chance?

  But not taking it was an impossibility.

  My love for him was so intense, so big and overwhelming, that it felt like a swelling mass growing inside me.

  Stunning and extreme.

  Another of those waves coming fast.

  It’d always been that way with him. My love had always been almost more than I could bear.

  Seeing that wound on his head only brought it out into the open.

  Because I could have lost him just as swiftly as I could have lost my daughter.

  It shivered through me, locking my throat in the tightest ball as I stared up at the man who edged across the space.

  Towering.

  His presence so vast.

  “Jace—” I started to mumble, to take us back to the moment back in that room where I needed to face what was really happening in my life.

  Begging with him to answer that question.

  What do you know? What happened to my husband?

  Jace pinned me to the wall. “Shh . . . just . . . give us one day, Faith. One day to live. To be. Just . . . please . . . give me one day with the two of you.”

  I choked over the despair that radiated from him.

  A new kind of trepidation taking over.

  Again, I could taste something vibrating in the air.

  An omen.

  A premonition.

  He set one of those big palms on my face.

  A plea on his.

  “Please.”

  Thirty-Seven

  Jace

  Heaven.

  I woke wrapped in it. Floating on some kind of goddamned cloud. Comfort and grace.

  Could only pray that it might be strong enough to hold us up, and it all wouldn’t come crashing down when I gave her everything.

  When I shattered her heart all over again.

  I was terrified of where those pieces might land.

  I released a heavy exhale into those soft locks of chocolate hair.

  Strands fluttered through the early morning light that streaked in through the window, her body so warm and right where it was tucked in the well of mine.

  Hadn’t let her go for a second last night.

  Coming to her again and again.

  Addicted to the feeling of that connection. Needing her skin against mine. A promise that she was fine, knowing all of this was coming to a head, her safety right there in the palm of my hand.

  Possession swelled. I would never let what happened yesterday happen again. We had to find these assholes.

  I felt her stir, could feel the beat of confusion that rippled down her spine when she remembered she was lying in bed with me. I felt the force of her smile as she shifted closer.

  Wrapped in the well of my arms.

  I loved that it was her first response.

  What came naturally.

  One of those smiles.

  Gently, I rolled her onto her back, the girl so fucking stunning with sleep still heavy in her eyes and the sting of my kisses still plumping her lips.

  Couldn’t help but reach out and touch. Relishing in that instant burn that raced through my being.

  “Morning,” I rumbled.

  Shyness peeked up at the corners of her mouth, redness on her cheeks, those eyes tracing my face the same way mine had been tracing hers. “Best morning ever.”

  She reached out, touch tentative as she traced her fingers across my lips. “It’s the first morning in my life that I’ve ever gotten to wake up lyin’ next to you.”

  A growl tore out of my chest.

  I couldn’t help it. The way her saying it made me feel. Like a goddammed king.

  Grin riding onto my face, I scrambled to crawl over her, attacking her with a bunch of kisses all over her face.

  Only thing I wanted to do was shower her with my love. With some reprieve. With some of the belief she’d always rained on me.

  Faith squealed in surprise. Laughter climbed into the air and bounced off the walls.

  Free.

  Exactly the way I was determined to make her.

  “Jace, what do you think you’re doin’?” she wheezed. Frantic giggles started to roll from her when I started tickling her sides.

  I couldn’t resist.

  Couldn’t resist from provoking that sound.

  Joy.

  “What do you think I’m doing?” I teased her, tickling her harder and smacking a bunch of kisses to her chin and chest as I did.

  She flailed and swatted at me, trying to catch her breath.

  “I think you’ve gone and lost your mind, that’s what I think you’re doing.”

  Pressing my mouth up under her jaw, I slowed my assault. “No, Faith. I’ve gone and lost my heart.”

  On an exhale, her fingers stroked into my hair. Softly. Coaxing me to look at her. “Funny . . . ’cause you found mine.”

  I slowed, staring down at her, brushing my knuckles down her cheek. “Lost mine a long time ago. Been searching ever since.”

  She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Awe swept through her expression. “I’m so glad you came back to find it.”

  I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. “Me, too. Me, too.”

  I pulled away before I let myself get distracted. Body hard, nudging at me to go that direction. “Come on before I keep you in this bed all day.”

  “Sounds like a fine idea to me.”

  I gripped her hand and gave a little tug. “As much as I like the sound of that, I’m pretty sure that girl of ours is going to be pounding on your door in a minute or two.”

  Yup. There I went. Making those claims.

  Ours.

  Surprise streaked through her eyes before the emotion shifted.

  Sheer adoration took its place.

  God, I wanted to be worthy of that. Of the way she was looking at me like I was good and right. Like I was everything.

  Nerves spun, and I shoved them down.

  I’d face all that tomorrow. Today . . . today was about us. And I was finished wasting time.

  * * *

  “This way,” she whispered with her little, awed voice, her tiny hand wound up in mine.

  She tugged at me, quietly padding forward as she led me through the thicket of spindly trees that edged the back of the property.

  As if it were a secret. As if we were stepping into a different world.

  A magical one.

  Lush green grew up on all sides, the narrow trail hugged by shrubs and bushes and a variety of trees as we got closer and closer to the brook that trickled over the smoothed rocks beyond.

  The sound of it filled my ears. The memories fierce where they beat through my mind.

  That peace was compounded by the energy blasting into my back. A steady, burning pulse.

  Thrum. Thrum. Thrum.

  Every one of Faith’s footsteps behind us was like fuel that reminded me of my purpose.

  “You hear that?” Bailey rushed low, looking at me from over her shoulder.

  Swore to God, the child hitched my breath.

  Stole the air right out of my lungs.

  Dimples and chubby cheeks and chocolate eyes.

  Filled with wonder.

  Faith.

  “What is it?” I murmured back, just as quietly as we cut deeper into the copse of limbs and trunks and thick leaves.

  Sunlight speared through the dense canopy above, sending glittering rays through the crannies and cracks, as if straining to find their way to the damp ground floor.
/>
  Lighting in the heavy humidity clinging to the air.

  A kaleidoscope of iridescent colors scattered across the ground to merge with the scent of mud and grass and summer that wisped and churned in the slight breeze that blew through.

  “A dragon,” she whispered, faking the shudder that ran through her body. “Is a bad one.”

  The lightest laughter billowed from behind.

  Joy. Comfort. Light.

  “A dragon?” I whispered back, catching on to the child’s game. “I hope your unicorns are around.”

  “Don’t you see them? They ev’where.”

  A bird rustled through the branches above. My eyes grew wide. “Is that one?”

  “Yes. Did you see it? It got pink wings, Jacie. She fwies so high.” Excitement billowed through her voice.

  “I saw it,” I told her. “We better hurry and help her.”

  I swung Bailey into my arms, wondering if it wasn’t because I couldn’t stand the thought of not holding her any longer.

  She squealed when I hugged her to me and then she quieted like she’d just realized she’d slipped out of character.

  “Be super quiet.” Those brown eyes were wide with her play. Lost in her little world. “We got to sway the dragon.”

  Faith’s energy flowed. Quiet as our play and as fierce as Bailey’s belief.

  I would.

  I would slay all of them.

  * * *

  Faith wandered the edge of the rose garden.

  Silently.

  Lost in thought.

  Wearing this yellow sundress that made her shine. The girl was like a torch that burned in the pitch of night.

  I’d been on a blanket in the grass with Bailey under that big shade tree that grew up at the edge of the magnificent house.

  We’d played by the stream for more than an hour before Bailey had decided she was hungry. But it had to be a picnic, she’d insisted, the little girl seeming unwilling to let go of the day we’d spent out under the sun.

  Faith didn’t seem to mind all that much, either.

  It felt like we’d stepped into a reprieve. A time-out. A moment given to make sense of the direction we were stampeding toward.

  Like all of us could feel it.

  The rumble coming from underneath. Coming closer. Growing stronger.

  Bailey was humming under her breath, a few words coming out here and there as she played with her dolls and books, caught up in her own little make-believe world with the Beast propped up in the middle of it.

  I brushed my fingers through her hair, and she turned to grin up at me before she slipped right back into that sweet imagination that ruled her mind.

  Part of me was wondering if that was what I was doing.

  If I was lost in my own imaginary world. Pretending I could stay here. Be a part of something beautiful.

  I’d rarely had anything beautiful in my life.

  Every second that I had? It’d been wrapped up in one single woman. The woman who lightly brushed her fingertips across the satiny petals, her face cast up to the sky as she swayed.

  Sunlight pouring down.

  I got the distinct feeling she was gathering it. The girl taking on that energy.

  A reflection that glowed.

  Beauty.

  Drawn, I pushed to my feet and edged that way, couldn’t stay away a second longer.

  She felt me approaching

  She always had.

  A tremor of awareness slipped down her spine, need a force that blistered across her damp, soft skin.

  I pressed my nose to it, to the light sweat that had gathered on her nape.

  I inhaled.

  Tucked her down.

  Everything I was determined to keep.

  “You are a vision,” I whispered at her flesh.

  Chills skated. I kissed across them. Gathering them on my tongue.

  “Jace,” she whispered, barely turning to look at me from over her delicate shoulder that carried so much weight.

  That’s what she was.

  Delicate and strong.

  Fragile and compelling.

  Her attention traveled to where her daughter played quietly on the quilt she had set out for her.

  I followed her eyes, my heart doing that crazy thing again, my words rough where they hooked in the air. “She is the most incredible thing.”

  Impossible in her perfection.

  “I’m doin’ my best . . . to give her the life she deserves.”

  I felt the intensity of Faith’s stare where it landed on the side of my face. I looked back at her. “She’s incredible because of you. Because she is filled with you. With your belief and your love and your strength.”

  Her throat bobbed when she swallowed, her voice pensive. “She’s not going to remember him. Soon, she’ll forget. He’ll be nothing but a vague memory in a picture book.”

  Part of that felt like a slap to the face. The other totally got it. Her worry. Her devotion to her daughter bigger than either of us.

  Needing the connection, I reached out and trailed my fingers down her bare arm. “I’m so sorry. That you both lost him.”

  I didn’t know how to relate to that.

  The idea of Joseph being here.

  Not when these two were the only things I wanted.

  I also didn’t want to be the dick who discounted what he’d been.

  Her face pinched, and her tone turned wistful, as light as the gentle breeze that whispered through the blooms of purple roses.

  “After it happened, I’d felt this consuming need to keep his memory alive. To constantly talk about him to her and show her pictures.”

  Pain etched her gorgeous face when she let her attention travel back to me. “And I can feel all that slippin’ away, Jace. His memory. Who he was. And now, I’m left wondering if I even knew him at all.”

  I cupped her cheeks in my hands. “Everyone has their secrets. We all have good in us, and we all have evil in us. We are all going to make the world better in some small way, and we’re all going to do some damage. You’re the one who taught me that. That we’re not all good, and we’re not all bad. That we each deal with the circumstances we’re placed in differently. It makes us who we are. Joseph included.”

  Why was I talking that bastard up?

  But it was true.

  He’d been who he was because of his circumstances. Because he’d done it the best way that he knew how.

  I was the one who’d taught him that we had to do anything we had to in order to survive.

  And he’d been her husband.

  Bailey’s father.

  I couldn’t erase that truth. Couldn’t blot out the importance of it. No matter how badly I wanted to.

  Problem with Joseph? I was pretty sure the bad had spoiled the good. That every part of him was rotted.

  Moisture filled that knowing gaze, and she tucked one side of her bottom lip between her teeth. Her head swung to the side to look at the hedge of roses.

  I reached out for one, for the tiny bud of pink that was all curled up, waiting to blossom, to grow into something beautiful.

  My fingertip trailed down the stem, and I let it catch on a thorn, let it prick my flesh.

  “Remember how this garden had been left for dead? Dried up and wilting?”

  I swore that both of us could still hear it, her encouragement that had flooded my ears at that time. The girl filling me with her belief.

  I tried to give the same to her, my words nothing more than a breathy whisper. “You are going to come out stronger on the other side. Because I know how great you are. Look at all the amazing things you’ve achieved, and there are so many more waiting for you in the future. I know it, Faith. You just have to believe it’s going to get better.”

  “I always believed in us,” she murmured.

  I palmed the side of her head, dipped in to kiss her softly.

  Slowly.

  With the promise that I would make this right.

  Whatever
it took.

  I suddenly felt the tiny presence at my side. Faith and I peeled our mouths apart, though we were still clinging to the other.

  There stood Bailey at our feet, grinning up at us. “Bailey and Mommy and Jacie forever. Like magic.”

  She threw her hands in the air. Casting a spell into the garden surrounding us. The little girl an enchantment all on her own.

  I dipped down and swooped her up. Relished the weight of her in my arms. So tiny and perfect and real.

  No thorns to be found.

  “Like magic,” I rumbled at her head.

  She wrapped those little arms around my neck. Squeezed tight. “I wuv you, Jacie.”

  My heart stuttered in my chest. Then took off racing like a wild beat inside me.

  I’d done a lot of fucked-up shit in my life. Deserved the pain I’d received. Had done absolutely nothing to deserve the love these two were showering on me.

  Worst part was knowing I’d done nothing but stolen it.

  And I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that I was no fucking better than Joseph.

  Thirty-Eight

  Jace

  Twenty-Six Years Old

  Jace tried not to crawl right over the massive desk to the piece of shit who sat on the other side from him.

  Sniveling the way he always had. Just like when they were kids, Jace could smell the pathetic, self-pity oozing from his pores. “Jace, I’m telling you, man, I need your help. Just this once.”

  Just this once?

  Yeah, right.

  Jace was still shocked every time Joseph came crawling to him. Like he should owe him any sort of loyalty when he’d offered none to him.

  When he’d stolen everything.

  Framed him and then went in for the kill.

  The first time Joseph had come to him for help Jace had nearly lost his mind.

  Went over the edge.

  Did something that he couldn’t take back and destroyed his own future because he’d thirsted so viciously to destroy Joseph’s.

  And like a pathetic loser, Jace had given in.

  Helped the bastard out. Maybe it had been because in the end, Jace knew it’d be helping Faith.

  Faith who remained his weakness. It didn’t matter how many years passed, he couldn’t shuck the memory of her from his skin.