Unamused Muse (Mt. Olympus Employment Agency: Muse Book 2)

by R. L. Naquin

  I sat, feeling a little weird, and swapped the package for the mug of coffee she had sitting out for me.

  Nemi brushed her platinum hair out of her face and squinted at one of the index cards pinned to the board. “Which do you think is scarier? A giant rat or a pack of angry clowns?”

  I shuddered. “Clowns. Definitely clowns.”

  She nodded. “That’s what I thought. Nyx and I have been arguing over it.” She unpinned a card with a blobby thing with fangs and a snaky tail and replaced it with another covered in stick-figure clowns. “So.” She took a sip of coffee and turned toward me. “How’s everything working out for you?”

  I cradled the cup between my hands. “Good, I guess. Kris had a boy sometime this morning.”

  She brightened. “Wonderful! I’ll have Roxy send over a gift basket.” She jotted something down on the back of the discarded rat card. “But I asked about you. Want to talk about the wedding on Saturday or no?” Her eyes twinkled with mirth.

  “Does everybody know that I took a dive in the chocolate fountain?” I covered my face with one hand. “How humiliating.”

  She patted my hand. “It’s not a very big community down here. And your circumstances are unusual with you being temporary. You’re something new and interesting for people to talk about.”

  “Fabulous.”

  “You can do better than Max, anyway.”

  “So I’ve been told.” I held my warm mug close. “I wasn’t really interested in the first place, but couldn’t think of a way out of it.”

  She gave me a side-eye stare. “Did you consider saying no? If you put enough conviction behind it, that usually works.”

  “Well, no. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. And I wasn’t doing anything anyway. He seemed nice.”

  She grunted. “You need to be more choosy. I mean….” She held her hand toward me. “Look at you.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Have you seen you? You’re gorgeous. You could have any guy you wanted. You look just like—” She stopped. “Well, you look beautiful.”

  I felt my cheeks warm. “Thanks. But honestly, I think I’ve been a little too choosy lately. I’m not very good at sticking with the same guy for very long.”

  “So you think that makes you too picky?”

  “Sure. I always lose interest after a month or two.” I stared at the cards on the wall. One showed a stick-figure giant stepping on a human and flattening him. Or maybe it was a human stepping on a leprechaun. Hard to tell.

  Nemi touched my hand. “That doesn’t make you picky, hon. And it doesn’t mean you give up too easily.”

  “No?” Good to hear from the goddess of retribution that she didn’t think I’d screwed over all those past boyfriends I’d dumped.

  She shook her head. “No. It means none of them were the right guy, and you aren’t willing to put up with less than your soul mate.”

  A smile tugged at my lips. “You think so? Do you think the right guy is still out there?”

  “Absolutely. And you’ll find him when the time is right. Don’t you worry.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “And that’s all the time we have. I have a meeting in a few minutes.”

  I took a last gulp of coffee and stood to go. “Thanks for the coffee…and the talk.”

  “My pleasure. If you see Parker and Kris in the next few days, give them my love. See you next week, Wynter.” She patted me on the shoulder and took off.

  As before, Roxy appeared and escorted me out to the reception area. “You know,” she said as she slithered back to her desk, “I have a cousin who would be perfect for you.”

  I swallowed hard. I was open-minded, but dating a guy who was half snake didn’t sound terribly appealing. I had no idea what to say, so I smiled and gave her a little wave. “See you next week, Roxy!”

  I bolted for my golf cart and drove away as fast as I could without hitting a satyr carrying a megaphone and a plastic bag of pistachios. He flicked his ears at me and trotted off on his goat feet after I barely missed clipping him coming around the corner.

  On the bright side, there were no mysterious flowers sitting in my passenger seat. So, either my stalker/admirer couldn’t find my cart in its new spot, or someone had left the original rose by mistake.

  Either way, it was one less thing on my mind as I drove back to the office.

  As nice as Hades had seemed, I still had to spend the rest of the week working one-on-one with the god of the Underworld.

  And for some reason, that prospect still made me twitchy as hell.

  Chapter 7

  I shouldn’t have been nervous about going back to the office. Hades barely spoke to me the rest of the day.

  “All done?” he asked when I popped my head into his office.

  “All done.” I gave him a weak smile.

  “I’ll let you take over the phones then. Close my door, please.” He resumed working on whatever it was gods did at their desks.

  I closed the door and settled in behind my own desk, prepared to spend the rest of the day fielding weird calls from dead people and minor gods.

  As it turned out, the rest of the day was fairly dull. I actually contemplated using a small manicure kit I found in the bottom drawer of my (Kris’s) desk, but I didn’t want to look like a cliché, filing my nails behind a desk. Besides, I was out of gum, and I figured I needed that to complete the picture.

  Around 3:30 PM, Hades stepped out of his office, grunted a short goodbye, and left for the day.

  Which is, of course, when the phone started ringing off the hook.

  Twice people called asking for movie times, which was bizarre. Wrong numbers, sure—but who calls for movie times? Didn’t they have an app or a website to look it up themselves? Weirdest of all, on both occasions, they asked me to repeat my name.

  “Wynter,” I said the first time. “I’m filling in for Kris. But I still don’t have the movie times.”

  The guy on the other end of the call drew in a sharp breath. “Really? Your name is Wynter?”

  I tossed the pen I was holding onto the desk. “Yes. Can I help you with something else?”

  There was a long pause. “No. I think I’m good…Wynter. Thanks.” He hung up.

  The second time it happened, I nearly bit the woman’s head off. “Yes, my name is Wynter. Do you need something else?” Did people down here have a problem with seasons? Would I have had the some trouble if I’d been named Spring or Summer?

  “No. No problem, Wynter. Thanks for your help, Wynter. And, hey, Wynter, you have a good day, now, Wynter.” She hung up.

  Freaks.

  Four people called asking if The Orpheus was really going to be torn down. I suspected all four were crazy Pheme using fake voices to throw me off. Either that or Pheme was finding some success in spreading the rumor.

  Maybe Parker didn’t know everything, and The Orpheus was going down.

  Or Pheme was nuts.

  The rest of the calls were messages for Hades and folks who wanted to know where to send cards and flowers for Kris, Parker, and the baby.

  The last call as I was packing up to go was on my own phone. And it was a text from the new mommy.

  Good news! In the middle of popping out a tiny human, we hooked you up with Scooter. He’ll meet you at 7 on Thursday at House of Nyx for drinks. It’s over by the dry cleaner’s. You’re welcome!

  I groaned. “No, no, no!” I’d really hoped they’d forgotten about that. It seemed reasonable to expect that childbirth would chase the idea of fixing me up with their friend right out of their minds.

  I sent her a quick text back, reluctantly confirming what I knew I couldn’t escape, then grabbed my stuff and headed home.

  Phyllis thought it was hilarious. “You did laundry, right? How’s your undies situation? There’s still time to do a quick load before Thursday.” Despite her having no facial features, I could feel her grinning at me.

  “My underwear is fine, especially for a first dat
e, thank you very much.”

  She made a harrumphing sound. “Maybe you should go shopping.”

  I made a face at her and tossed my purse and keys on the dresser. “Maybe you need less time under the grow light. You’re getting too big for your pot.”

  “Wynter!” Her branches stood up straight, and her voice took on a scandalized tone. “Did you just call me fat?”

  For a split second, I felt terrible. I’d only meant that she was overstepping her bounds, but it came out sounding mean, and I must’ve hurt her feelings. Then I noticed how her leaves quivered and brushed against each other in a soft shushing sound.

  “Are you laughing at me, Phyllis?”

  “Well, you are hilarious.”

  I smiled and checked her soil. “You need anything? Water? More light? Less? I’m heading out to the hospital to visit the new baby.”

  Phyllis sounded like she was stifling a yawn. “Maybe a touch of water. The artificial lights dry me out.”

  “We’ll get you some real light over the weekend. Do you want the lights off while I’m gone?”

  The only sound in the room was the soft snoring of my houseplant. I poured a little water into her soil, snapped off the light, and locked the door behind me.

  ~*~

  I hadn’t stayed long visiting Kris, Parker, and baby Rooney, but I was exhausted by the time I made it back to my room. To my surprise, someone had left a pink box tied with string in front of my door. I glanced around the hallway, but it was empty. Nadia’s room was two doors down and, despite the late hour, dance music beat through the walls. I peeked inside the box and found half a dozen cupcakes decorated with pink flowers.

  I knocked on Nadia’s door. It took two tries for her to hear me over the music.

  “Hey! What’s up?” She was barefoot and wearing nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. She didn’t seem to be bothered by that fact.

  I held up the box. “Did you see where these came from?”

  She tilted her head, bouncing a little to the music. “I noticed them there when I got home a few hours ago. Thought you ordered them or something. No?”

  I shook my head. “No.” I pulled one out and handed it to her. “I have no idea where they came from, but they look delicious.”

  She grinned and took it from me. “Thanks!”

  I paused, clearing my throat. “Uh, also, Mo is doing her best to get the chocolate out of your dress. I am so, so sorry about that.”

  She waved her hand in dismissal. “It doesn’t even fit me anymore. I was going to give it to you. I thought I told you that.”

  The tension in my shoulders relaxed. “No. That makes me feel so much better. Thank you.”

  She licked icing off her cupcake. “No worries. That’s what friends are for!” She waved and danced back into her room.

  That night, I dreamed of pink boxes of babies floating down a flaming river while a director kept yelling, “Cut!”

  I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed Friday night.

  Wednesday was much like Tuesday, minus the trip to Tartarus. In fact, I thought I’d be in the office all day until Hades showed up around 1:00 PM.

  “Here.” He placed a dry cleaning receipt on my desk. “I’ll cover the phones. You know what to do with this?”

  I nodded. “I did it last week.”

  He grunted. “So I heard. Don’t dawdle this time. Go and come back, yes?”

  I grabbed the golf cart key and the ticket. “On my way.”

  “Wait.”

  “Yes?”

  His voice was serious and his face stern. “Did you call your mother last night?”

  My stomach did a flip. “I went to visit Kris and Parker. I promise to call her tonight.”

  He raised one eyebrow and gave me a long stare on my way out.

  The entire way, I worried over what Hades had meant about not dawdling. Should I not have gone into his house last time? Should I not have talked to Otis and Lita? Was he just concerned about being short handed at the office, and I was reading too much into his grunt?

  Should I not have let them stuff me full of food from Hades’ kitchen?

  I parked the cart outside the dry cleaner’s and held my head in my hands. “He must hate me. I’m an idiot.”

  By the time I came out with the god of the Underworld’s clean clothes—and Nadia’s dress, now pristine again—I felt a little less like I’d made a hundred mistakes in judgment the previous week. I’d followed Parker’s instructions. I’d done what Otis and Lita had asked. I was the newbie. If I’d done something wrong, it was due to poor management.

  I paused in my nervous ruminations and scanned the rest of the town square. Exactly as Kris had said, a dark grey building stood in the corner of the square. Black lettering lined in white lights said House of Nyx.

  It looked a little ominous, but then, I supposed that was probably the draw. Theming was everything. I did not want to go in there the next day to meet a stranger for drinks. Especially a stranger with the questionable name of Scooter.

  It crossed my mind that I could go in and take a look at the place, maybe prepare myself for what to expect. Blind dates were always awkward. If I could check out where I was going before the date, I’d feel more secure. But I didn’t do it. I was already nervous that I’d done something wrong to upset Hades. Better to get on with my job and suck it up tomorrow like a big girl.

  On the way to Hades’ mansion, I reassessed what he’d said about not dawdling. Having decided any wrongdoing probably wasn’t my fault, I obsessed instead over what to do or say when Lita and Otis tried to drag me into the kitchen and feed me the way they had before. I didn’t want to be impolite, but I didn’t want to anger Hades, either.

  Still fretting, I swung the cart around the circular drive and parked by the front steps. The door swung open before I reached for the handle.

  Lita stood in the doorway, smiling. “Wynter! How wonderful. Why don’t you give those to me?” She held her hand out.

  “Um, hi.” I handed over the hanging clothing in its plastic bag.

  I thought she would move aside and ask me in—she’d kept me there as long as she could the week before. Instead, she stepped out, kissed my cheek, and went back inside, closing the door without another word.

  The Underworld was the weirdest place I’d ever been. And I’d been to a nightclub in the Mt. Olympus Euphoria District.

  I climbed into my golf cart and headed for the office, hoping the rest of the week would go quickly so I could go home.

  ~*~

  Thursday was rough. Hades was already waiting when I came in at 9:00 AM.

  “I need you to drive out to the Elysian Fields and pick up a package.”

  I wasn’t sure what was worse—being cooped up in the office with a god in the next room, or having him send me on errands every day in a bizarre land where I kept getting lost. Because I knew I would get lost. Nobody in the entire Underworld could give decent directions, as far as I was concerned, and I didn’t expect the CEO of the place to be any different.

  I tried to put on a brave face. “I haven’t been there before.”

  He nodded. “It’s not hard to find. I’ll show you.”

  And he did. He gave me a map, drew my route with a yellow highlighter, circled where we were and where I was going. It was all pretty clear on paper. But I didn’t believe for a second it would work.

  Until I arrived, safe and sound, without having taken a single wrong turn. It was a miracle.

  I parked the cart where Hades had told me to, hopped out, and walked down a shady path in the middle of a park until I found the god-sized gazebo.

  All around me, smiling people reclined in the grass, sat in the shade of a tree, or tossed a ball in the air. They all wore a sort of glassy expression, as if they’d been guzzling poppy juice or something.

  Inside the gazebo sat an enormous man wearing a toga. He was the first person I’d seen so far who wore one, other than when I’d been in the Mt. Olympus nightclub dist
rict. People wore all sorts of weird things up there.

  I double checked the directions Hades had written for me and climbed the steps. Clearing my throat, I stared up at the man. He had to be at least eight feet tall and nearly as big around. He wore a wreath of golden leaves around his lavender hair and silver sandals so large I could have stood inside one.

  He was perched on a bench, head back and eyes closed, listening to music through headphones the size of pancakes.

  “Excuse me?” I touched his elbow to get his attention.

  His reaction was slow, but he opened his eyes and looked at me, eyebrows raised in a question. “Oh, hello.” He removed his headphones. “What can Cronos do for you, little one?”

  I supposed when someone as old and powerful as a Titan spoke, he was entitled to refer to himself in the third person. Didn’t make it any less weird. Since I still didn’t know how to go about addressing the gods I kept running into, addressing a Titan was even more difficult to figure out.

  So, as usual, I didn’t try.

  “My name is Wynter. I’ve come from the head office to pick up a package for Hades.”

  He tipped his head to the side and took a long look at me. “Ah. And did he tell you what was in the package?”

  I shook my head. “No, sir. Just that I needed to pick it up.”

  The Titan eased his enormous body from the bench. “Wait right here while Cronos gets it. Help yourself to some refreshments, little one. Cronos may be a few minutes retrieving it.” He waved at a table near his bench, then ambled off into the trees.

  With nothing else to do, I hopped up on the enormous bench and eyeballed the food on the table. Several bowls of fruit—apples, oranges, peaches, plums—were placed in the center. Smaller bowls were scattered over the clean, white cloth that covered the table. They held olives, nuts, berries, or bite-sized chunks of chocolate. Several carafes of various liquids chilled in buckets of ice, and glasses sat ready to be filled next to them.

  I was a little thirsty.

  Something golden and bubbly caught my attention, and I poured myself a glass. It tasted a little like nectarines, though not too sweet. I drained the glass and poured myself another.

  As I perused the rest of the table—tiny cakes, bread and olive oil, vegetables and dip—I nibbled on chocolate and sipped my drink. Occasionally I paused to pop a cherry into my mouth, lick cake icing off my fingers, or refill my glass.