Unamused Muse (Mt. Olympus Employment Agency: Muse Book 2)

by R. L. Naquin

  After a few minutes, wandering around the table so many times had worn me out, so I climbed back onto the bench to wait. The seat was so high, my feet didn’t touch the floor, so I crossed my ankles and swung my legs while I drank and finished a wedge of cheese I didn’t remember picking up.

  A light breeze blew through the gazebo, cooling my heated skin. The air smelled of some exotic flower I couldn’t figure out—roses, maybe? Did daisies have a smell?

  A bird landed on the ledge, tweeted hello at me, then fluttered off. It was an odd color—blue, perhaps. Or yellow. It tasted like it was both.

  A small man with a purple fedora approached the gazebo walking a goat named Stan.

  “Hi, Stan,” I said. I didn’t know how I knew his name was Stan, but it totally was. I felt it in my bones. I took another sip of my drink. “Who’s your friend?”

  The goat glanced up at the man in the hat and wrinkled his nose. “That’s Alejandro. He needs a minder, so I told his wife we’d hang together while she did the grocery shopping.”

  I nodded. It sounded perfectly reasonable to me. I squinted. “Is the mongoose with you, too?” Something small and bendy ran up the steps, grabbed a grape off the table, and darted away.

  Stan answered me. I could see his mouth move and his little goat beard bob up and down, but I couldn’t hear him. Or maybe he was chewing gum. The grass all around us started humming a song, and it was seriously loud.

  I closed my eyes and covered my ears. “Take it down a notch, guys. Sheesh.” After a few seconds, I pulled my hands away and opened my eyes.

  Stan and his little friend were gone, and the grass hummed softly. Two bushes giggled and whispered secrets to each other while a squirrel slow danced with a possum on the lawn.

  Everything was so peaceful there. I swung my legs up on the bench and lay back with my hands behind my head. The sky was filled with fish. They floated on the wind like brightly colored parasails.

  At some point, the fish dispersed, and it began to rain. Fat, silver drops of light fell to the ground, each landing with a different musical note. The heavier the rain became, the more beautiful and complex the song, until a magnificent symphony played all around me.

  I smiled and stroked the fur on the mongoose, who was now curled up on my belly. He said his name was Roger, and he was from Montana.

  I scratched Roger between the ears and sighed. “I’ve never been to Montana. I bet it’s nice.”

  Roger snuggled into a tight ball and snored.

  By the time I was aware of myself again, it was dark. My neck was sore and my hands were numb from lying in that position for so long. Roger was gone. I sat up and took in my surroundings.

  The food had been cleared from the table, and someone had lit lanterns around the edges of the gazebo and along the path. I followed the lights to my golf cart and climbed in, rubbing my face with the palms of my hands.

  “What the hell happened to me?”

  I checked my phone to see what time it was. Holy hell. It was 9:37 PM, and I had sixteen text messages from several people asking me where I was. Oddly, none of them were from Hades, who should have been the first to notice I hadn’t come back right away.

  And to top it all off, my golf cart was out of juice. I held my head in my hands, wanting to cry.

  Poor Scooter. While I was drugged out of my gourd in the Elysian Fields, he’d been left waiting for who knew how long for some flaky chick to show up.

  I’d stood up my date, and now I had to call the Underworld Auto Association for help.

  It seemed like somebody had it in for me. Again.

  Chapter 8

  Not only did I not see Hades all day Friday, he didn’t leave me a note or call to ask where I’d run off to yesterday and where his package was. The fact that Cronos never came back with that package made me wonder exactly what was going on.

  Was it a training exercise to teach me about the various regions of the Underworld? A hazing ritual? Maybe they got all the new kids wasted on magic food and drink. Would pictures of me cuddled up with a mongoose on a concrete slab end up on the Internet?

  Or was something else going on here—something I wasn’t putting together?

  Whatever it was, I didn’t much appreciate it. UAA had taken two hours to show up with a new battery for my cart.

  I sat at my desk, staring at the phone and wondering if Roger had been real at all. And whether he really was a mongoose.

  Strangely, I didn’t feel any ill effects from my outing. No dry mouth. No headache. Not even an upset tummy. And after all that food I’d eaten, at least my stomach should’ve been queasy. But then, I’d been drunk on ambrosia before at Club Maenad and hadn’t suffered from a hangover the next day. Apparently, supernatural drugs and alcohol didn’t come with regrets—at least not the physical kind.

  I did, however, catch some fallout for standing up my date.

  If Hades was unconcerned about my absence, Parker and Kris more than made up for it. They’d been worried sick. The number of texts and voice messages on my phone proved that. I’d made it back to my room so late, I hadn’t wanted to call and wake the new parents, so I’d texted to let them know I was okay and I’d call them in the morning.

  Once I was settled at the office, I called Parker so he could yell at me.

  “What the blazes happened to you? Scooter waited for an hour and a half. You know he got dumped by his girlfriend recently, right? He’s sensitive. I had to do loads of damage control last night. It took a lot to get him to agree to go out on a date so soon after the breakup in the first place.”

  I waited until he ran out of steam. “Are you done?”

  He was silent for a few beats. “Yes.”

  “Hades sent me to pick up a package from Cronos at the Elysian Fields.”

  He sighed. “Don’t tell me. You got lost.”

  “No, I didn’t get lost, smarty pants. I got…unintentionally stoned.”

  Parker snickered. “You what? Tell me you didn’t eat off the table under the gazebo.”

  My voice came out whiny and defensive. “Cronos told me to help myself. How was I supposed to know what would happen? Nobody tells me anything.”

  Parker must have moved away from his phone, because his voice came from far away and wasn’t directed at me. “Kris, Wynter ate from the Elysian Table.”

  Kris’s response was muffled, then they both broke out in laughter.

  “Thanks for your support, guys.” I waited for their giggles to taper off. “Please apologize to Scooter. I really do feel terrible.” I did feel bad, but I was also relieved, now that I knew he was a recent dump victim and hadn’t taken it well. Not the best way to sell me on the guy’s charms. Nobody wants to be the rebound girl.

  Parker cleared his throat. “I’ll call Scooter. I’m sure he’ll understand. Man. Everybody hears stories of people who get Field Lost, but I’ve never known anybody personally. Are you feeling okay? Did you meet Roger?”

  “I met Roger. He was very…nice. And I feel fine. Any idea why Hades sent me for a package that Cronos never gave me? Is something going on I should know about?”

  “Who can know the minds of gods and titans? It’s a mystery.”

  “You’re no help.”

  “No, I’m afraid I’m not. But I will be back Monday. Try not to eat or drink anything suspicious while I’m away.”

  I grimaced, though he couldn’t see it. “Thanks for the late warning.”

  “It’s the Underworld, Wynter. Never forget that.”

  Going forward, I certainly wouldn’t.

  ~*~

  At 5:00 PM, right on the nose, I closed up the office and headed for my room at a trot. Fortunately, the dorms were at the other end of the administrative building, so I didn’t have far to go.

  “Come on, come on,” Phyllis said when I rushed in. “You should’ve been packed by now. We don’t want to miss our ride.”

  I didn’t respond to the slight dig at my absence last night. I’d planned to have
a few drinks with Scooter then come back early to get all my stuff together for the trip home. Instead, I texted Parker, gave Phyllis a brief explanation, then fell into bed for the night.

  So, I wasn’t ready to go.

  I tuned out my lecturing houseplant while I changed into my own clothes, then power-packed only what I needed for the short trip home.

  Within five minutes I had my bag zipped and my plant under my arm.

  “I’m impressed,” Phyllis said. “I was sure you’d sit around for half an hour, then decide you wanted to take a shower or something.”

  “You have such a low opinion of me. Sheesh.” I flipped off the light and shut the door. “I did function before you came along, you know.”

  “Barely.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. So, are we meeting Hal at the elevator?”

  “Yep. And we’re ten minutes early.” I headed down the hall, my stride carefree and light.

  Donna popped her head out her door as I passed. “Leaving already? I thought you were here for six weeks.”

  I grinned and swung my bag over my shoulder. “Apparently, I get to go home every other weekend.”

  Donna blinked at me and frowned. “Of course you do.” Her smile seemed forced. “Well, enjoy your visit.” She closed the door a little louder than I’d expected.

  I drew Phyllis tighter against me. “What do you think that was all about?”

  Her branches lifted in something resembling a shrug. “No idea.”

  “People are so weird here. I can’t wait to get home.”

  It wasn’t that the Underworld was a horrible place, but I didn’t belong there. And while I could walk out of Mt. Olympus and climb into my car whenever I liked, it was impossible to leave the Underworld without an escort with a key card to make the elevator move in the right direction.

  I tended to get a little panicky when the latch didn’t disengage right away in a public bathroom stall. Being stuck in the Underworld made me want to run up and down the halls banging on people’s doors with a soup ladle, screaming for freedom.

  But I’d squelched that feeling for most of the two weeks I’d been there. Now, with my release at hand, I was impatient to get out of there and back to my real life—even if it was only for the weekend.

  Hal showed up, right on time, with a big grin and a bear hug. “How’s my girl? You ready to go?”

  I grinned back. “Ready!”

  We stepped into the elevator, and Hal used his card in the slot to send us to the Mt. Olympus lobby.

  “You got plans for Sunday evening?”

  I shook my head. “I’ve got to call Mom and go see her tomorrow, but other than that, I haven’t made any plans.”

  He gave a quick nod. “Good. You’re coming to my house for dinner. Jilly and Elmore are coming, too. Carol wants to meet all of you.”

  I still had trouble getting my head around the idea that Hal had a wife. “Do you have kids, too?”

  He made a face. “We have Pomeranians. And that’s enough for anybody.”

  The elevator dinged and the doors opened, revealing the lobby of the Mt. Olympus Employment Agency. I never thought I’d be happy to see it, but my heart lightened when I stepped out into the fading sun coming through the domed skylight high above us.

  It was after hours, but only by thirty minutes, so a few late stragglers milled around or left through either the door to my world or the door to the Mt. Olympus districts.

  Patrice, the gorgon receptionist, still sat at her desk. She glanced up at me, her headsnakes undulating in peaceful waves. We nodded a greeting at each other and looked away. She was gruff and projected a grouchy facade, but she’d helped me out with a problem, once. I knew she was kinder than she let on.

  A couple of fawns reclined in waiting room chairs, their goat beards bobbing up and down while they conversed.

  It made me remember Stan from the night before, and I wondered if maybe he had been a fawn, rather than a goat, and the food and drink had made me hallucinate.

  For that matter, he might not have been there at all.

  Hal touched my sleeve. “You okay?”

  “Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Just really glad to be back.”

  ~*~

  My car had been safe and sound, right where I’d left it. Apparently, the fake homeless dude who kept an eye on things was doing his job. Despite having parked in what looked to be the worst part of Topeka, I wasn’t even missing a hubcap.

  When I pulled into my regular parking spot outside my small apartment building, everything looked the same. I had to stop myself from running to my door. I hadn’t realized how attached I was to my apartment until I had to be away from it for two weeks.

  At the door, I fumbled with my keys, and finally had to set down my bag and Phyllis. The sun had gone down behind the buildings, but the automatic lights hadn’t come on yet, leaving me squinting for the keyhole.

  A hand on my shoulder made me jump.

  “Hey, you’re home!”

  I turned and found the grinning face of my neighbor. “Mark!”

  He frowned at the duffel bag at my feet. “Is that all you’ve got? Do you want some help getting the rest out of your car?”

  I made an exaggerated sad face. “I’m only home for the weekend. That’s all I brought.”

  His sad face didn’t look so exaggerated. “Oh. Well. Still, let me help you.” He took the keys from my hand and unlocked the door, then grabbed my duffel and held the door open for me.

  It was nice to be home, but it was even nicer to come home to someone who was glad to have me there, even if he was just a friend.

  I took the keys back and dropped them on the kitchen counter. “Thanks. You can set that down anywhere.” I placed Phyllis in her customary spot on the windowsill so she could people watch. “Tell me some gossip. How’s work? Did I miss anything?”

  He chuckled. “I have gossip. But it’ll cost you. Do you have plans tonight?”

  I shrugged. “Nope. My entire plan was to get home and sleep in my own bed.”

  “Awesome. You get settled. I’ll be back in a few with pizza and beer.”

  I blinked. “Mark, I think you’re my favorite person in the entire world right now.”

  He grinned and headed across the courtyard to his apartment.

  “That boy really likes you, Wynter.” Phyllis’s voice was stern, as if giving me a dire warning.

  “We’re just friends. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” I grabbed my bag and headed down the hall.

  Phyllis raised her voice to shout after me. “He’s a nice boy, sweetheart. I’m only saying that you shouldn’t write him off.”

  I stomped back into the kitchen. “Why is everyone so worried about my love life lately?”

  She shifted her leaves in an approximation of a shrug. “Beats me. I’m the only one with a vested interest in your happiness.”

  A tentative tapping on the door stopped me from responding.

  Mark stuck his head inside. “Are you talking to your plant again?”

  I froze for a second, then pulled it together to give him a sheepish smile. “You caught me.”

  He crossed the kitchen and tucked a case of beer in my fridge, then removed two bottles. “Well, if it starts talking back, let me know.” He winked, twisted the top off a bottle and handed it to me. “I ordered pizza. It’ll be here in a bit.”

  The beer was ice cold, and very welcome. I hooked my arm through his and led him into the living room. I dropped onto my couch and sighed. “So good to be back.”

  He settled into the chair next to me. “So, I thought you weren’t coming back for six weeks.”

  I kicked off my shoes and curled my legs under me. “Me too. But I got a weekend pass. I’ll be back for another one in two weeks.”

  His eyebrows twitched a little, as if he were trying to keep them from forming a frown. “You still can’t even give me a hint about what you do?”

  I shook my head, my eyes wide and solemn.
“If I told you, you’d have to go into witness protection.” I grabbed my bottle off the table. “Then who would bring me beer?” I took a sip and winked.

  “You know, I make up stories about what you do when you’re not around.”

  “I hope your stories are more exciting than my real life.” I glanced around the room and sighed. Boring or not, home seemed pretty awesome.

  He brushed his dark chestnut hair out of his eyes in an unselfconscious motion that made me smile to myself. He was adorable. But no. Blind dates were bad enough. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend right now. I had to fix Wynter before that could happen. One-off disaster dates in the Underworld were one thing. Mucking up a good friendship when I was still trying to find my way would end in disaster and heartbreak.

  “My stories usually have you on a jet ski while chasing after bad guys, repelling down a mountain to rescue a foreign diplomat, or zip lining across skyscrapers to take out a sniper.” He beamed at me, as if proud of his insights.

  I snorted. “You clearly have an exaggerated idea of my physical prowess. I can hardly do a single sit up to get out of bed, and I get winded driving to the gym.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “Now who’s exaggerating?”

  I snuggled into my couch, cradling my bottle. “You started it.”

  Someone knocked on the door, and Mark held his hand out for me to stay where I was. “I got it.”

  I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of home. I heard Mark in my kitchen, paying for the pizza, then fumbling in my cupboards. When I opened my eyes, he was back, setting the pizza box, some paper towels, and a couple of plates on the coffee table.

  The smells of sauce and cheese and spicy pepperoni filled my nostrils, and I inhaled deeply. “Oh, I missed this. Thank you.”

  “No pizza where you’ve been?” He handed me a plate filled with gooey, cheesy goodness.

  “If there is, I haven’t seen it.” I took a bite and tried not to moan in appreciation.