by Annie Dyer
One of the benefits – and there weren’t that many – of having Callum as a slightly older brother, was that he could get us extras at the zoo. Callum was a vet, specialising in wild animals, although more recently he’d set up his own veterinary practice with his wife, Wren, and they’d pretty much treat anything. They both acted as consultants for London Zoo and other places like that, sometimes going abroad for a few weeks, or even months, to work on the wildlife reserves or carry out some project or other. Callum had been my wingman when we were both single. Now he was handing over passes like they were contraband, only these were for feeding time with the penguins rather than some exclusive nightclub.
How my life had changed.
How my life was better.
“Seph, can you see the elephant?” Rose had hold of my hand and was using her other to point to where the elephant enclosure was.
“I can. We’re going there next.” We’d spent breakfast pouring over the map of the zoo, planning our route, because without a plan we’d be walking about seventy miles from one end to the other while Miss Rose changed her mind about what to see next, and although I knew from how I was brought up you shouldn’t let a kid dictate what to do, it was damned hard to say no when someone was as enthusiastic and excited as Rose.
“Did you know that elephants are always eating?”
“I didn’t know that.” I was used to being bombarded with facts by now.
Georgia caught up with us after dropping some rubbish in the bin. “Sounds a bit like Shay.”
This was true. My cousin had managed to eat most of the contents of my fridge the other night, which had included two steaks and a salmon filet. Georgia had been on the other end of my rant about it, listening to my threats to throw him out and telling me just to order take out and eat it in front of him as revenge. It’d worked.
“Who’s Shay?” Rose looked up at me.
That was a good question. “He’s my cousin. So my mum’s brother’s son.”
“I don’t have any cousins.” She looked sad, as if she’d just realised she’d lost money she never realised she’d had.
“You might do one day. If Auntie Liv has children.” I turned around to see where Georgia was and spotted her walking behind us, just close enough to listen. She gave me a grin that told me I was on my own with this.
“Who else is in your family?”
“I have lots of sisters and brothers. Max, Jackson and Callum are my brothers. Claire, Payton and Ava are my sisters. My mum is called Marie and my dad is called Grant. And I have two nieces and a nephew. Claire, my sister, has two little girls, Eliza and Niamh. And my brother, Jackson, has a little boy called Teddy. My brother Max will have a baby in a few months too, and my twin sister is having a baby too. So I’ll be an uncle to five small people.” Christmas was going to get very expensive.
Her hand squeezed mine and when I glanced at her little face she looked sulky. “I don’t like Eliza and Niamh and Teddy.”
I turned round to Georgia and mouthed for help.
She looked like she was trying to stop a smile.
I glared.
“They’re all a bit younger than you. Eliza is nearly three, and the other two are just babies. But maybe when they’re older you could show them how to play or read.”
“No.” I’d seen this a couple of times before, usually when she was tired. Once it had ended in a full blown meltdown which included tears.
I looked at Georgia again.
“She’s jealous.” She mouthed the words.
“What?” I mouthed it back, wondering if parents were sent on a lip reading course before any baby was born.
“She’s jealous of your nieces. She thinks you’re hers.” Her mouthing of words was a bit over the top now. Maybe that course wasn’t that good.
Rose stopped walking, which meant I stopped too. Her bottom lip was up and her foot stomped.
Shit. I had no clue what to do with a public meltdown with a four-year-old, and I didn’t want my Rose to be jealous. There was no need.
I squatted down so I was her level, her little skinny arms going round my neck. “What’s the matter?”
She shook her head and I saw tears starting. My heart broke, probably more than Cassie had ever managed to do.
“Okay.” I scooped her up, her legs locking on to the sides of my chest, burying in the side of my neck. I hugged her to me and carried on walking to the elephants that were now just a few metres away. I felt Georgia’s hand on my back, giving me a slight rub. “Do you want to see the elephants?”
I felt Rose shake her head. Shit. I’d really thought that they would be enough to distract her.
“Are you upset because I talked about my nieces and nephew?” No point beating around the bush.
There was a nod. Her head shifted onto my chest so she could see the animals. I considered that progress.
I wanted to tell her that she was different to them, because she was, and it was only now I was realising just how much. And how fast this was going.
“I think you’d like them more if you met them.”
She squished closer to me. This was clingy Rose. I looked to the skies, apologised and understood my mother for one of the first times.
“But you know you’re my favourite, don’t you?”
The squishing stopped getting any harder. I kissed the top of her head. “And you’re definitely the best reader.”
She snuggled in now. “Elephants are the biggest land animal in the world.”
I looked down, seeing her eyes open, still a bit teary, but looking at the elephants. I rejigged her in my arms, figuring I’d be carrying her round for a bit longer.
Thank god we’d mapped a sensible route that wasn’t seventy miles long.
Chapter Twenty
Georgia
I checked my phone for the third time, seeing no other text messages than the one Seph’d sent about an hour ago, that had included a photo of him and Rose, curled up in front of the TV, watching Cinderella and him wearing a crown. It was a selfie with both of them making duck lips, only my daughter looked like she was desperate to laugh. I suspected there were a few more selfies on his phone that had her giggling her head off, because Seph would’ve been silly as they’d taken the photo. Just to make her laugh.
It was three months since I’d told her that Seph was my boyfriend, three months since her almost-meltdown at the zoo. Three months since she’d stomped her foot when Seph told her about his nieces.
This was the fourth or fifth time Seph had looked after her while I had a night out. Olivia was currently in Tokyo, completely fed up of travelling and hotels and threatening to quit, which I suspected she might. Every so often, she’d have a rant about desks and stock markets and men wearing suits, and how she’d like to retrain as a florist or something. Given that she was allergic to anything floral, I didn’t pay much attention to that.
“Seph is the best babysitter.” Claire beamed at me from behind a glass of wine. She’d just stop breastfeeding Niamh and was making the most of being able to have more than one glass of wine. Tonight looked like it’d be a couple of bottles and Killian would be on parenting duty for most of tomorrow, even though Claire still thought she possessed the talent to avoid a hangover. “Rose seems to like him.”
“Rose adores him.” This was true. She preferred him to stay over than not, and if he wasn’t there she’d ask when he was next coming round, or when we’d next see him. It worried me a little; I didn’t want Seph to feel put on, like I expected him to listen to her read or help her with a jigsaw or something. I didn’t want her to bother him. I was also worried about how attached she was. There was no guarantee on any relationship – I was neither a cynic nor a romantic, but if we split up, it wouldn’t just be me that Seph wouldn’t see. It would be Rose too.
Claire sipped her wine. It was her second glass and she’d been spellbound when it’d been poured, as if she was being presented with liquid gold or the secret of eternal youth.
/> “He adores her too. He spent twenty minutes yesterday telling me how she’d gone up a level in her reading books. I have to admit, I stopped listening after the first five minutes or so.” She beamed again. “How long’s it been now?”
“Six months. Still the honeymoon period.” I nibbled at the olives that had been popped on the table. The waiter was probably hoping they’d slow the flow of alcohol; I doubted they’d have an affect other than for Claire to decide she wanted a martini to go with them.
Payton shook her head. She was due any time, as in her actual due date had passed, but there was no sign of baby yet. Rose had been obsessed with Payton’s baby bump whenever she’d seen her, asking a million and one questions and continually touching it. Thankfully, the patience that Payton didn’t have at work, she did have with small people, so she’d humoured Rose and put up with her prodding and trying to find ways to make the baby kick. There had been one afternoon when we’d met up when Rose had read each of her three reading books four times to the baby. After the fourth, we’d had to make up that the baby needed to sleep to spare the rest of us from hearing the same stories again.
“Seph’s never had a honeymoon period before. He went out with a few girls in school, sometimes two at once and they knew about each other – fools – but nothing lasted. Him and Cassie split up about five times in the first four months.” She rolled her eyes.
Claire frowned. “That much?”
Payton nodded. “I’d get a text every time they finished and she’d pretty much beg me to tell him to get back with her. Could’ve done without that. She seemed to think I was her best friend and that if I thought they should be together, then Seph would be more serious with her.” She shrugged. “Thank god he’s with you and not her.” She smiled at me and rested her hand on her bump. “Someone tell me this baby’s going to come soon.”
We all looked at her bump.
“When’ve they said you’ll be induced?”
“Two days if I don’t go into labour by then. All I want to do is eat soft cheese and drink red wine. And sushi. Fuck, I miss sushi.” She looked as if she was having a minor orgasm just at the thought. “How do I get this baby out?”
Claire grinned evilly. “Sex. A good hard shag.”
Payton looked slightly nauseous. “He’s never coming near me again. I’ve already told him that if I see his dick I’m going to cut it off and feed it to him.”
“Give it a couple of months after you’ve had the baby and you’ll be singing a different tune.” Claire looked at me. “Isn’t that right?”
I shrugged. “Took me four years so I’ve no idea. When Rose was two months old, I was more interested in sleep and not having dripping boobs.”
“Urgh.” Payton looked even worse. “You’re not selling this.”
“Too late for that now, I’m afraid.” I looked at her belly, swollen and full of baked baby. I would be in her position tomorrow, even with what I knew about sleepless nights and teething. It didn’t matter when I was pregnant that I was going to be a single mum, that I was doing it on my own, I loved it, knowing that I was looking after Rose. Payton, I knew, hadn’t especially enjoyed being pregnant – some women didn’t – but she was desperate to hold her baby. I knew the last week or so, once she’d passed her due date, had been tough on her. “That baby’s coming out soon.”
She winced.
I looked up at Claire and saw the same expression that I knew I was wearing.
“Payts, what’s up?” Claire’s tone was bossy. Knowing.
Payton shook her head. “Just a twinge. Been getting a few today.”
I smiled and topped up my wine glass. “Maybe that’s the baby on its way.”
Payton shook her head. “No. This child’s going to be as stubborn as its father. I’ll end up being induced. I’d put money on it.”
“How much?” Claire leaned forward, almost knocking over her glass. “Fifty?”
“Fifty.” Payton offered her hand to shake on it. “The bean is doing something in there today.”
“Labour. He’s getting ready to come out.” Claire looked smug. “I reckon you’re in labour.”
“Bullshit. Anyway, here’s Ava. Someone who talks some sense.”
I’d somehow ended up going for drinks and dinner with Seph’s sisters. Vanessa and Victoria had been asked too, but Teddy had a cold and Vic was also heavily pregnant and unlike Payton, wasn’t wanting to go far from home.
“Hello, pregnant lady.” Ava bent down and kissed her sister’s cheek. “Hello no longer breastfeeding lady, and hello non-pregnant and not no longer breast-feeding lady. I’m going to kiss you too so you’re not left out.” She did, bending down and pressing a peck against my cheek.
Ava was fun. She liked to laugh and joke, and she was always finding something to be happy about. Seph and I had ended up spending a lot of time with her and Eli, going round to their gorgeous home and them coming to mine. They’d babysat Rose a couple of times so Seph and I could go out together and once because we’d both needed to work late when a mediation went on until nearly midnight.
I hugged her back. “We think Payton’s in labour.”
Ava glanced at Payton who was still rubbing her belly. “Well, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it? She’s about seven months overdue. I think I’ve seen pregnant elephants that were smaller.”
“I love you too, Sis. Just wait till you’re up the duff with Eli’s spawn.” Payton managed a glare.
Ava sat down and took the spare glass, emptying the rest of the wine into it and taking a big mouthful. “Just proving I’m not joining the pregnancy club. Yet.”
“You mean you have plans to?”
Ava nodded. “We talked about it last night, actually. I’d like to leave it a couple more years – I took on that big renovation last week and it’s going to be an epic pain in the arse – but Eli doesn’t want to look like the baby’s granddad.”
I laughed. Eli had no chance of looking like the baby’s granddad. “I think you could leave it another couple of years if you wanted.”
Ava shook her head. “He’s broody. And, to be honest, when I think about him with a baby, my ovaries explode. Other than that, I could wait, but he keeps getting all gooey eyed with Teddy, and Rose.” She looked at me. “As is Seph.”
I just about managed not to spit my wine out. “I don’t think Seph’s interested. He’s seen how hard work it is with Rose.”
I wasn’t sure if that was true or not. He’d never once even pulled his face about having her around, or when she was in a mood or refusing to go to bed when she was told or demanding that he had his face painted with my make up – that was when I pulled my face. I just couldn’t let myself think about any more than what we already had. I knew better than anyone what early days actually meant.
Ava laughed. “Georgie, Seph doesn’t think Rose is hard work. He’s said a couple of times how tiring it is, but he says it more after he’s babysat Teddy or the girls.” She picked up an olive.
“Seph would be an amazing dad.” Payton was still rubbing her stomach. “Do you want more kids, Georgie?”
“I’d love more. Yes.” No point lying. “I loved being pregnant, and what they say is true, you don’t remember the birth. The first few months were really tough, and leaving her to go back to work was horrible, but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.”
“You and Seph should have babies. They’d be so beautiful.” This was Ava. “And Rose would be an amazing big sister.”
I saw Claire staring at me curiously and expected her to say something, given that she usually spat out what was on her mind, but she didn’t. She said nothing, which made me slightly nervous.
“Rose would,” Payton nodded. “She loves Niamh.”
This was true. Rose had gone from being insanely jealous that Seph had other little people in his life and she had to share, to adoring Claire’s baby. Seph had taken us along to his parents’ London home for Jackson’s birthday, promising Rose that he’d stay with h
er all afternoon if she wanted him to. It had taken two point three minutes for Rose to find the baby and Eliza and then Max, who she followed like a mini-stalker all day, which pissed off Seph and caused a minor row when Seph accused him of brainwashing her.
This had entertained everyone no end, especially when Victoria let it slip that they were expecting a girl. They hadn’t meant to tell anyone before, so there’d been a lot of gloating and winding Max up. The whole boarding school in the middle of the moors had become a tad more thought out at that point too.
“She does. Payts, are you okay?” I’d noticed that she was wincing.
Payton nodded. “I think so. You know, when your waters break, how wet does it feel?”
It was at that point we called in reinforcements. This baby wasn’t waiting to be induced.
The Callaghan clan had a new boy that weekend after a sixteen-hour labour and forceps delivery. Tomas David Anders was born weighing eight pounds two, and around two hundred decibels, after he’d screamed down the entire maternity ward. Seph had another nephew and the whole office felt a sense of elation. Tomas was beautiful and perfect, and the moment I saw Seph hold him, something inside me broke wide open and screamed.
Then I screamed again, for an entirely different reason. We were a few months in. I had no grounds for considering a future, only I had done, because for Rose, Seph was part of her family.
My sister called one evening after Rose was in bed. I had no idea what time it was in Tokyo, and neither, I suspected, did she. She was completely immersed in work and I was worried how she’d come out the other side this time. Exhaustion was almost inevitable, but Liv was almost hyper in what she was doing, wearing herself out, but making enough so that she could retire in another couple of years and do whatever creative thing she really wanted to.
“How’s the baby?”
I’d forwarded the photos of baby Tomas onto her, along with the pictures of Rose holding him, which were too cute for me to explain or think too much about.
“He’s amazing. Payton’s worrying about everything and hates handing him to anyone that isn’t her or Owen, but she’ll learn.”