Blue Sky Days

by Marie Landry

  I had the most awful nightmare where I woke up, looked down at Nicholas, and realized he wasn’t breathing. I shook him, saying his name over and over until my voice was a hoarse cry and doctors ran into the room to pronounce him dead. It was one of those nightmares that feel so real you’re not sure if you’re actually asleep at all. You struggle to wake up, maybe even dream that you do wake up, but you’re trapped in that dream world, smothered and drowning.

  I thought I heard someone say my name, and I finally awoke with a gasp. My eyes were level with Nicholas’s chest, and it took me a minute to grasp through the haze of the dream and the blurriness of my eyes that his chest was slowly rising and falling. Blinking my eyes in an attempt to clear the nightmare, I realized there was light pressure on the back of my head.

  When my gaze slid up to Nicholas’s face and met those true-blue eyes, I thought I was still dreaming. Only now, the dream had turned sweet and the nightmare was a quickly fading memory.

  “Nicholas?” I whispered, my voice sounding like a plea and a prayer.

  He pulled the oxygen mask from over his face, letting it rest around his neck. His lips curved into the barest hint of a smile and I knew for sure I wasn’t dreaming. Not even the best dream in the world could compare to my reality at that moment.

  “You didn’t think I’d give up the fight, did you?” His voice was a rough whisper, barely audible from little use in the last week, but it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.

  A nearly-hysterical laugh bubbled up in my throat and escaped through my mouth. I realized I was crying when he reached up and wiped my cheeks, his hand lingering on my face.

  I clutched his hand, pressing it to my face, unable to believe he was awake and looking at me with those beautiful eyes that I loved so much. He was alive. Just hours before, I was wondering how I would survive his death.

  He cleared his throat—a dry, scratchy sound that made me swallow hard in sympathy. When he motioned to the water pitcher beside his bed, I poured him a glass with trembling hands and held the straw to his lips while he took tentative little sips, then long pulls until the glass was empty. I refilled it and we repeated the process before he eased back on the pillows and looked up at me.

  “We thought…I thought you’d…” I couldn’t say the words. I didn’t know if he was aware how close he’d come to dying.

  “You should have known that a little life-threatening infection wouldn’t stop me,” he whispered, his tired eyes dancing with mirth. I laughed and smacked his arm without thinking, and he moaned in mock pain. “Hey, I almost just died, I think I deserve a kiss, not a slap.”

  “You deserve the slap for making us worry like that,” I said as I lowered my lips to his. It was a bare meeting of lips, but I never wanted to pull away. The night before, I had tried to remember my last kiss with Nicholas, worried it really would be our last.

  Nicholas struggled to take a breath, his brow creasing in pain. I asked if he was okay, and was just replacing the oxygen mask over his face when a gasp from the doorway had my head snapping up to see Daisy standing at the threshold.

  Her red-rimmed eyes were wide with shock and her hand covered her open mouth. “Sam! Roy!” she yelled, stepping back into the hallway. “He’s awake! Get in here!”

  The next few minutes were a confusing whirl as Nicholas was poked, prodded, and checked over thoroughly by Roy and a team of nurses. Sam and Daisy pulled me into a corner of the room where the three of us stood huddled together, arms wrapped tightly around each other, unable and unwilling to take our eyes off Nicholas.

  When the nurses finally cleared out, Roy ushered us forward to stand around Nicholas’s bed. “I know I’m supposed to be a man of science, all logic and reason, but it really is a miracle. Without that donation, we wouldn’t have gotten the medication on time, and without it…”

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear the words. It had been so close, it felt almost like jinxing it to say the words aloud: without it, Nicholas would be dead right now.

  Nicholas gripped my hand hard and my eyelids flew open. For the first time, I noticed they had replaced his oxygen mask with a tube that went across his face and into both nostrils. “I hear I have you to thank for making the call that saved my life.”

  “What?” I looked from Nicholas to Roy in confusion. I had made dozens of phone calls in the last couple of days, but none of them had gotten me very far. Nobody had been able to donate enough money for the drug.

  “It’s true,” Roy said, smiling at me and looking over my shoulder. I turned to follow his gaze and saw my dad standing in the doorway, pulling on a visitor’s gown. “We all have your father to thank for paying for the experimental drug that saved Nicholas’s life.”

  My dad crossed the room and put his arms around me, pulling me close. “When I got home and your mother told me what was going on, I got right back in my car and drove here. Dr. Bernard told me there was still time, and I knew I could donate the money, so there was no question. The drug had arrived by the time I made the transaction and signed the papers.”

  I was speechless. My dad had donated the money without any qualms, whereas my mother had balked when I’d all but begged for her help.

  “Mr. Ward,” Nicholas said, struggling to sit up and reaching for my father’s hand. “I don’t know how I can ever thank you for what you did.”

  My dad shook his head and I almost smiled despite myself when I noticed his ears turning pink. “There’s no need to thank me, son,” he said, releasing his hold on me to cover Nicholas’s hand with both of his. “You love my daughter. That’s enough for me.”

  Nicholas’s gaze moved to me, and the love there was so intense it made my heart constrict in my chest. “I do love your daughter. More than anything.”

  “Which proves a theory of mine,” Roy said, stepping forward and slinging an arm across my shoulders. “It’s against all medical odds that the drug worked this fast. I think I was right all along—your love and the love of Nicholas’s friends and family is what got him through this. The drugs may have worked on the infection, but it was your love that’s kept him alive.”

  He gave my shoulders a little squeeze before turning to address everyone else. “Of course, he’s not out of the woods yet. The cancer’s not gone, and there are still traces of the infection, which the drugs should kill completely. But…I think my original prediction will come true: barring further complications, Nicholas should be in remission and back home by Christmas.”

  A cheer rippled through the room, and as my dad, Daisy, and Sam converged on Roy to shake his hand and express their gratitude, I slipped past them and sat on the edge of Nicholas’s bed, taking his hands in mine. I watched our family for a minute, smiling and laughing for the first time in days, the hope we’d all felt prior to Nicholas’s infection returning to their faces and shining in their eyes.

  And when I looked down at Nicholas to find him watching me, his tired eyes searching my face hungrily, I had a bright, vivid flash of our future together. If we could get through this, we could get through anything life threw at us. I was sure of that, just as I was sure Nicholas would get better and be home for Christmas, like Roy predicted.

  “Why don’t we leave these two alone?” Sam said, making a sweeping gesture as if to clear the room. He met my eyes and winked at me, the way Nicholas always did.

  Roy left first, followed by my dad who blew me a kiss over his shoulder. Daisy and Sam paused at the bed to hug and kiss Nicholas and me, then as Daisy passed Sam, smiling at him for holding the door, I saw him take her hand and disappear behind the closing door.

  “I guess we’re not the only ones in love,” Nicholas said, moving to the edge of his narrow bed and pulling back the covers. I hesitated for a minute, so afraid to hurt him, but when he raised his eyebrows at me, I crawled carefully into bed beside him and moved my body as close to his as I possibly could.

  “I’m so happy for them,” I said. “So glad they found each other again and decide
d love was worth any risk. They need each other.” I tilted my face up, and Nicholas’s face was so close to mine, his lips were only a breath away. “Just like I need you,” I whispered. “And as happy as I am for them, I’m going to be selfish and say I’m even happier for us. We get a second chance, too.”

  Nicholas nodded silently, his eyes glistening with tears. He gazed at me as he had a few minutes ago with that same almost-hungry look, as if he were memorizing my face. His lips curved into a small smile, dimples flashing in his thin cheeks, and for a second, I pictured him as he was that first day we met in the park—the day that changed my life forever.

  I knew he would get back to that point—I knew he would gain weight, his hair would grow back, his cheeks wouldn’t be hollow and gray much longer—but I also knew he would never be the same again. Neither of us would.

  The smile on Nicholas’s face grew, and I realized I was looking at him and memorizing his face the same way he had done with mine a moment before. He shifted and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me slowly but thoroughly, and I could hear his laughing voice in my head saying something like, “We have to make up for lost time.”

  His smile grew even broader when our lips parted. For the first time in weeks, I saw the same impossibly, piercingly blue eyes I had fallen in love with, shining from Nicholas’s pale, shadowed face. And I knew in that moment that everything was going to be all right.

  CHAPTER 20

  That Christmas season was the best of my life. Roy’s forecast had been right—the lung infection had cleared, Nicholas had gone back on chemotherapy, and within a few weeks he was in remission. Nicholas returned home exactly two weeks before Christmas, just in time for the grand opening of Blue Sky Days Gallery.

  Nicholas had encouraged me to put together a book of photographs to sell, entitled Blue Sky Days. Until then, Daisy and I had been struggling to come up with a name for the gallery, but Nicholas’s suggestion for the book made us wonder why we hadn’t thought of the name ourselves.

  The book contained pictures of Riverview, several personal pictures, along with stories and anecdotes written by myself, Nicholas, Daisy, Sam, Roy, Vince, Maggie, and a dozen or so townspeople expressing why we loved Riverview, and detailing Nicholas’s battle with—and recovery from—cancer.

  Jimmy O’Hanlon offered to have copies professionally printed, and everyone had pronounced it a work of art worthy of our new gallery. For the first three months, all proceeds from the book sales would be split between Maltonville Hospital and the Canadian Cancer Society.

  Somehow, amid Nicholas’s final weeks of recovery, bringing him home from the hospital, and opening the gallery, Daisy and I managed to make the house look like Christmas Central. It reminded me of something you’d see in a big department store window—garlands and lights everywhere; beautiful glittering ornaments and decorations Daisy had made or collected over the years; and a huge tree that Sam bought, which we all decorated one night while singing and dancing to Christmas music that blasted from the stereo.

  The day before Christmas, Nicholas and I went back to visit Maltonville hospital. I had been right at Thanksgiving when I envisioned the nurses wearing elf hats and reindeer antlers, with a Christmas tree adorning every corner. We brought presents for all the patients who would be in the hospital over the holidays, and a big basket of goodies for the nurses and doctors who had been so kind and accommodating during Nicholas’s—and my—long stay.

  We had so many reasons to celebrate that year. Nicholas was well again, and Daisy and Sam had announced their long-overdue engagement the week before Christmas.

  “You realize this is going to make us step-cousins or something,” Nicholas had whispered to me with a devilish look in his eyes after they made their announcement.

  I had nudged him in the ribs, whispering, “Let’s just gloss over that bizarre and slightly disturbing fact and never speak of it again,” to which he had nodded his head and put his finger to his lips in a promise to be quiet.

  Daisy and Sam were finally getting married after all those years of hiding their feelings for each other, and we were all together—Nicholas and me, Daisy and Sam, Vince and Maggie, even my dad and Doctor Roy.

  Vince and Maggie had been able to keep the money they’d saved for their trip to New York when my dad’s donation for Nicholas’s drug covered the entire amount. Maggie had mentioned one night that she wanted Nicholas and me to join them on their trip when they went. “We’ve decided to go next spring,” she told me excitedly. “It would be a great way for you and Nicholas to celebrate your first anniversary.”

  Her grin, along with her animated description of their plans, had me thinking seriously about it. I’d never done any traveling after all, and what could be better than a long road trip with three of the people I loved most?

  As for my dad, he had been spending a lot of time in Riverview over the past few weeks. He’d been livid at my mother for refusing to help Nicholas, and I think he was finally starting to see her for who she really was. It made me sad, but he seemed to be dealing with it remarkably well.

  “I’m thinking of buying a house up here in Riverview,” he told me when he arrived a few days before Christmas. This was moments after revealing to me that he had moved into a long-term hotel while he and my mother worked out a separation agreement.

  Apparently my mother had always been a difficult person, but when they got married my dad hoped she would mellow. She’d gone the opposite direction though, and had only become more uptight and controlling over time.

  “You leaving home really opened up my eyes, Em. I finally allowed myself to see how trapped I’d been feeling. Like you, I guess I didn’t know who I was, and I figured if you could take the leap to make such a change, so could I. Turns out you’re never too old to find yourself.”

  It had been a year full of revelations and changes for everyone. It amazed me how my seemingly simple decision to move to Riverview had set a chain of events into motion. Christmas felt like the culmination of those events, an opportunity to celebrate family and life.

  When Christmas day finally arrived, the house was buzzing with excitement. Sam, Nicholas, and my dad had slept over Christmas Eve, and in the morning we all sat around the tree opening gifts. I couldn’t help but shed a few happy tears thinking about how lucky we were to be together and how much this felt like a real family.

  Vince and Maggie showed up after we were all dressed, and Roy was close behind, carrying a sack that looked like Santa’s, full of gifts for everyone.

  Just before lunch, while Daisy and Sam were busy in the kitchen and my dad, Roy, Vince, and Maggie were having a lively discussion about the annual winter carnival coming to town in a few weeks, Nicholas grabbed my hand and we slipped outside unnoticed.

  “Isn’t this great?” he asked, wrapping my coat around me before putting on his own. He gave me a look of indulgent affection as I zipped his jacket, pulling the collar up around his neck. I found his toque in a pocket and slipped it over his head, brushing my fingers over the fine layer of baby-soft hair that had begun to grow back.

  There was still part of me that was terrified Nicholas would get sick again, and I knew he felt the same way, even though he hadn’t said anything. It was likely that for the rest of our lives there would always be that worry in the back of our minds, but we weren’t going to live in fear or let it control us.

  “It’s better than I ever could have imagined,” I said. “I feel like I’m in a movie, you know? Beautiful house, surrounded by the people I love, a roaring fire, snow falling lightly outside.” I looked around at the yard covered in a blanket of snow that sparkled in the weak winter sunlight.

  Nicholas smiled at me, his eyes full of love as he pulled me close by the collar of my jacket. “Do you remember the promise you made me the night you found out I was sick?” he asked.

  I blinked, completely taken aback by his sudden question. “Of course,” I said. “And like I said that night, I didn’t have anything to worry
about because I knew you would make it and I was right. You’re well again, just like I said you would be.”

  He nodded his head and looked up at the winter sky as if silently thanking the powers that be for his full recovery. “And do you remember the promise I made you?”

  I thought for a minute, then a little thrill shivered up my spine as I remembered what he had told me that night. It felt like a million years ago. I had purposely forgotten about it because I didn’t want him to have to keep a promise he made in a moment filled with fear and uncertainty. I nodded my head, too afraid to speak.

  “I didn’t forget either,” he said, pulling a blue velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to me.

  I laughed nervously as I turned it around in my fingers before finally opening it. It was empty. I looked at him in confusion, but he just smiled and held a sprig of mistletoe over my head. “You told me once that you’d never seen mistletoe, let alone been kissed under it. Let me tell you though, Christmas isn’t complete without mistletoe.”

  I was about to lean in for a kiss when I noticed something glittering among the small leaves. I grabbed Nicholas’s arm and pulled it down so the mistletoe was only inches from my face and the pale sun reflected off a sparkling diamond ring.

  “Nicholas,” I breathed as the diamond winked at me, beckoning me to free it. I reached up and gave it a little shake, letting the ring drop into the palm of my hand.

  Nicholas took it gently from me and said, “This was my mother’s ring. When I told my dad I was going to ask you to marry me, he gave it to me. He said it would be perfect for you and there was no one else he’d rather have as a daughter-in-law. And he knew my mom would feel the same way.”

  His voice was hoarse and his eyelashes were glistening with tears. I was shocked speechless when he got down on one knee and held the ring out to me.