Of course her friend had been acting strange. She’d seen me kill a man in the woods. It hadn’t been a clean kill either. Some targets just gave up their lives graciously, while others fought to the bitter end. This guy was not ready to die and I had to viciously take his life.
She’d seen me at my absolute worst.
I watched Rain walk away. She looked lovely in a lavender pantsuit that hugged her elegant curves. Her hair was unbraided and it was just as I imagined. Long, thick, inky black waves that swung when she walked.
This was not going to work. How could it? How could I keep my profession a secret from Rain, when her freaking roommate knew firsthand what I did? A bilious mass churned in the pit of my stomach.
Had she told anyone? Would she tell anyone? Would she tell Rain? This is what I got for thinking, for feeling. Showing fucking kindness. Luke was right. The Group was right. I couldn’t afford to be moral and be effective at my job.
The waiter swung by and I ordered calamari and spring rolls.
Then my drink came and I sipped it slowly, fighting the urge to slam it down and then order something harder. I hadn’t felt nervous in a very long time. The blonde could ruin my career and my chance at normalcy, at love.
I glanced in the direction of the bathroom. They were still inside. I hoped the blonde, Charlotte, didn’t say anything. Not only would it ruin my chances with Rain, but it could become an international incident. The Jamaican government didn’t know American operatives were on their soil completing missions. Of course, England had given The Group carte blanche in these matters. Still, a courtesy call to the Prime Minister was usually in order.
A few words overheard by a waiter or a tourist, and the next thing you know my mission would be Tweeted, Facebooked and then reported in the mainstream and alternative news. I couldn’t have that. The Group wouldn’t tolerate it either.
Company policy directed me to tie up all loose ends. I was supposed to have killed her, Rain’s roommate. Tossed her over a cliff, a hiking accident. Suffocated her with my hands and then tossed her in the pool, a drunken spill. I was not supposed to have let her go. And because I had, there could be trouble.
For now, I hoped she was too scared to speak. I’d know in a minute when Rain returned to the table. If she returned to the table. I’d be able to see it on her face.
I should’ve killed her.
Minutes passed. The appetizers arrived. I ordered a bottle of Pellegrino and nursed it. Finally, Rain returned with a tentative smile on her face. I exhaled. She didn’t know. She couldn’t know, not with the way her eyes lit up when she saw me.
Okay, maybe I didn’t have to kill her.
Rain sat down and reached for her drink. “I’m so sorry about that. Charlotte’s under a lot of stress.”
I leaned forward. “Did she say why?” And held my breath.
“A mixture of things. Her fiancé refuses to set a date for their wedding, and she’s sad about me moving to New York.” Frowning, Rain glanced toward the bathroom. “She absolutely refused to come back to the table. Most likely she’s embarrassed. Charlotte’s going back to our room to pack and then take some pain medicine and go to sleep.”
Of course she refused to return to the table. She was probably afraid I’d stab her with my steak knife.
“How’s her ankle?”
“She’s fine. She said she—” Rain sat back in her seat, an odd look on her face. “How did you know about her ankle? I don’t recall mentioning it.”
Shit. She’d fallen, getting away from me and the dead guy. Tripped over a root and twisted her ankle. That was before I’d threatened to kill her if she told a soul, not after.
I kept my face calm, genial smile in place. Breathe. Breathe. “She was limping wasn’t she? When she went to the bathroom.”
She nodded slowly. “Of course. Yes, she was. But just barely. You’re very observant.”
I drained my cup. “I notice pretty much everything. It’s part of my job.”
“Which is? You never said.”
Taking a deep breath, I cycled through my various covers. Which would be the best chance at giving our relationship a shot? I was an accountant with Zelie, a computer analyst with Heidi, an FBI agent with Rachel…there were too many covers.
“I work with international organizations, consulting on healthcare.” I gave her a bland look. “Boring stuff.”
“No, it sounds interesting. Tell me about your job.”
I hesitated before I answered her because when I did respond to her question it would be a lie. And there would be nothing but more lies to follow. Lying came easy to me, too easy in fact. But I didn’t want to this time, didn’t want to look this beautiful girl in her eyes and tell her an untruth.
Smiling, she leaned forward, propping her chin on her hands. “Well?”
The space around my heart ached and my throat went dry. But I took a deep breath and a quick gulp of my drink before speaking. “Nothing to tell really. Lots of traveling. I work with organizations like the UN and USAID to resolve global healthcare crises.” I shrugged humbly. “I’m not the ones vaccinating children or handing out bags of rice or anything. I’m usually on my laptop, analyzing trends and predicting when and where the next crisis will happen, so we can already have workers on the ground.”
“That sounds so cool.” Her eyes filled with admiration. “You’re saving the world in your own way.”
No, I’m actually killing bad guys, so the world will be a little bit safer. The problem though, is that bad guys are like roaches. You kill one and another pops up. It’s a Band-Aid for a gunshot, really. There are systemic issues, policies, organizations, structures in place that facilitate the rise of these guys. There are usually supposed good guys helping them. It’s only when they get too big for their britches that a hit is placed on them. And a guy like me is called in to put him down.
A guy like me.
“How about we order some dinner now? You’ve got to be starving.”
* * * * *
After dinner and a few more drinks, we moved to the outdoor dance floor. A reggae band played against the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore.
I led Rain to the dance floor, brought her close and we began moving to the music. The beat was slow, like a heart just about to give out. The woman singing had a deep, husky voice that unfurled around the dancers. The small dance floor was packed, the mood was sensuous with everyone coupled up, arms wrapped around tightly and barely swaying to the music.
Rain’s arms looped around my neck. My hands rested lightly on the small of her back. She felt so good, so soft against my body, and she smelled sweet and sexy, like violets and honey. I closed my eyes, never wanting the moment to end. We gently swayed to the rhythm without talking. No words were necessary.
Luke and The Group could go to hell. I could this make work, a relationship with her. I had excellent instincts about people honed from years of having to read people correctly the first time or die. She was the one for me. She could stop the darkness from completely taking me over. I just needed to be with her, to see her, to experience her honesty, her sweetness.
And in return, I couldn’t break her heart. I couldn’t hurt her. I couldn’t show her that other side of me. Because once she saw it, once she knew, she’d run screaming from me.
I just had to lie to her. Lie to her about my job, who I was and what I did for a living. Had to make sure the two never mixed. And then, there was my truth. The part of me that was darker and more dangerous than being a killer of bad men.
There would have to be so many lies, so many half-truths. Would it even be worth it? I inhaled the scent of her hair and closed my eyes. Yes, it was worth it. Even if I could only spend minutes or hours with her. That was minutes and hours out of the darkness. When I was with her, I was good.
I felt her pull back and look at me with he
r sweet golden eyes. She touched my cheek lightly, dragged her fingers in circles. “You’re so quiet. So intense. What are you thinking about?”
I could tell her nothing of my deepest thoughts. Exhaling, I focused on her eyes. “I was just wondering what you see when you look at me.”
Did she see the blackness? Death? Murder? Evil? Sometimes I could barely look at myself in the mirror. How could she bear to look at me?
She pulled back at arms-length and gazed at me for a long moment. “I see a good man. My instincts are usually spot on, especially when it comes to men.”
My heart melted, just a bit. Perhaps she could see the tiny part of me struggling to live. When I looked into her eyes, all I saw reflected there was sincerity. She believed what she was saying. I believed she could save me.
“What else does your intuition tell you about me?” I held my breath, waiting for her to reveal me for the evil, lying bastard I was.
She continued to stare at me, until a tender expression crossed her face. “I think that I could trust my heart with you.” She looked down, her cheeks coloring to a warm pink. “Such a silly thing to say to a man I’ve just met.”
A warm, protective feeling filled my chest. “It’s only silly if the man does not return your feelings. And I do.”
She pressed her face against my chest. “You’re too sweet.”
If you only knew.
I didn’t deserve her, after all the dirt I’d done. But I only held her tighter. Even when the music picked up tempo, we stayed in the same position, swaying to the beat.
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” she whispered to my chest.
I wondered if she could feel my heart pounding. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want to leave. Not yet. We’d only just met. I hadn’t even kissed her lips yet. Something crazy and irrational coiled inside of me.
I wanted to ask her if she believed in love at first sight. I wanted to know if she felt the same weird, crazy feeling inside that I did. But I didn’t. I’d just look stupid.
“I’m meant to go to Spain tomorrow, but I can spare a few days. Can you?”
She turned her head to me, her eyes shimmering in the moonlight. “Maybe. I don’t know. I mean, I’m supposed to go to New York. Registration begins soon. But I’d like to—” Laughter sputtered out of her. “Yes, I can stay. I can do what I want.”
My chest expanded in relief. “I’ll find us a place. Don’t worry, I’ll make all of the arrangements.”
She pulled away from me then. “I’m worried about Charlotte. I should check on her.”
I held her hand, reluctant to let go. “Of course. I’ll meet you in your lobby at 11 a.m.?”
She rose on her toes and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. Satiny flesh pressed against the stubble on my jawline. Bubbles of pleasure lifted in my stomach and sailed through my chest. It felt like nothing I’d ever felt before.
I stood where I was and watched her step onto the elevator. When I saw the elevator moving up, I moved toward the set of glass doors. And saw Luke.
He was sitting in a corner reading a magazine. He stood up, removed his red baseball cap and shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Aw, you two look so sweet. How was prom night? Did you win prom king? Didja kiss the prom queen?”
I pressed my hand against his chest and pushed him out of the lobby. “What are you doing here, Luke?”
His lips twisted. “What are you doing here?”
I looked around, made sure no one I knew could see me and with both hands shoved him as hard as I could with both hands. Laughing, he stumbled backwards but caught himself.
“Hey! I just wanted to thank you for the gift.”
“What gift?”
“The China doll. She’s staying with me tonight in case you were wondering.”
I wasn’t wondering, but still… “Don’t hurt her, Luke.”
He laughed. “She wants me to hurt her. And I will certainly oblige our China doll. But I won’t cause any serious damage if that’s what you mean.”
“Just use a safe word.”
He snorted. “What about you, loverboy?”
“What about me?”
“Do you want the lovely Miss Rain to get hurt?”
“Of course not.” I felt my hands curl into tight fists. “Why? You threatening her?”
He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Calm down, Kael. That’s not what this is. I’m your friend. I’m helping you. Stop thinking with your heart and use your head. You can only bring that girl heartache. Leave her alone.”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“No, you don’t. This will end badly. For you, her or both of you. Stop this now, while everyone is still happy.”
I thought of Rain. Thought of how I felt with her. No. I would not leave her alone. I could do this. I could figure out a way to be with her without anyone getting hurt.
“I got this.”
Luke laughed at me. “Right.”
Chapter Four
He set my bags on the floor.
Kael rented a wood-and-stone bungalow on a secluded stretch of white beach. There was a full kitchen, two bedrooms, a bath with a Jacuzzi tub and a courtyard that ended in an infinity pool with an amazing view of both the ocean and the mountains.
“How did you find this place? It’s amazing.”
He shrugged. “I know a lot of good places.”
“You’ve been here with another…friend?”
He laughed. “No. Nothing like that. This is a first for me. I hope you like it.” He moved around the living room. “Your room is to the left and I will not enter your abode,” he made a silly face, “unless you invite me in.”
I stared at my sandaled feet, hoping he wouldn’t notice me blushing. “Thank you, I appreciate that.”
“Why don’t we change into our suits and hit the beach?”
“Sure.” I turned toward my room and then stopped. “How long did you rent this place for?”
“A week.”
A week. Alone with him for seven days.
* * * * *
She’d rubbed sunblock on my back and shoulders. And now I was returning the favor. Her skin was flawless, except for a smattering of freckles on her right shoulder blade.
I sat behind her. She was barely dressed in a cutout, black one-piece. Her neck was bowed while I admired the graceful lines of her body.
“Guess we both like to work out, huh?”
She giggled. “You noticed? Yeah. Running, Zumba, Pilates, yoga, barre class, weights. I do it all. Mix it up sometimes so I don’t get bored.”
And she works out? “Yeah, we’ll get along fine.”
“What kind of workout do you do?”
“A lot of running, CrossFit, MMA-training, qigong.” I closed the lotion bottle shut, and she turned to look at me. “How is it that some guy hasn’t snapped you up yet?”
She sighed and gazed at the ocean. “I’ve just been focused on school and my career. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated, met some really great guys but no one that made me want to change my focus.”
Until now. I could almost hear the words. Or at least I hoped that’s what she meant. “I don’t want to change your focus, just add some depth to your life.”
“And you? Do you have time for me in your life?”
She gazed at me intently, and there was just no way I could lie about this. “There’s a lot of stress with my job. Sometimes, relationships can complicate matters.”
She looked at me, her amber gaze lingering on my lips. “I don’t want to make things worse for you.” Her voice softened. “Maybe now is just the wrong time for us.”
I pressed my finger to her lips in a shush gesture. God, her lips were soft. “There may never be a right time for us. We have to take it where we can.”
I
wasn’t sure how I looked, but she responded to what she saw in my eyes and on my face. Her eyes widened. Lips parted to reveal pearly white teeth. Soft pink tongue. She was begging to be kissed.
I leaned forward, closed my eyes and kissed her. My tongue outlined her lips. I had to nibble on that succulent bottom lip for a moment and then I plunged inside her mouth, softly. I didn’t want to scare her, so I kissed her, with all the restraint I could muster.
I leaned back and opened my eyes. The things that man made me feel. I touched my lips. He was watching me, worried. I shook my head, still unable to speak. “Nothing is wrong,” I wanted to say. But I couldn’t form the words.
The nearness of him, the smell of him, the touch of him made my head swim, my heart pound and my entire body tingle. It might be bad timing for us, but my body was ready and willing to start something that maybe neither of us could finish.
“Sorry,” he began, his eyes still on my mouth. “I should’ve asked you,” he raised his gaze to my eyes, “if you even wanted me to kiss you.”
Wasn’t it obvious? I felt like doing a lot more than kissing, and that was not like me. But I only smiled at him. “No, it was sweet. You’re so gentle.”
He looked away from me and stared into the sea. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
What an odd thing to say. Of course he didn’t. But I felt the strange need to comfort him. I touched his thigh gently. “I know. I’m not worried.”
He looked at me, a strange look in his eyes. “Good.” He appeared to relax then. “Good.”
* * * * *
I picked up our towels and walked a step behind her. That kiss had been crazy. Magical. Fuck. I’d kissed hundreds of girls, and not once had it ever felt like that. The intensity of my reaction to her freaking scared me. And nothing scared me.
I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to make her mine, drown her in my dominance until she was gasping for air with one breath and asking for more with the next. I was afraid my kind of love would frighten her, and I had to figure how to do this properly.
Tell Me No Lies: The Black Orchid, Book 1 Page 4