Hell And Back

by Natasha Madison

  “So the sixteen-year-old Lori? You were right. Turns out she was dating an eighteen-year-old Evan Franks. The same Evan Franks who was dating Sarah Nickles. The same Sarah Nickles who disappeared six months ago.”

  “Fuck. I knew that guy was bad news the minute we showed up at his house. Came outside pretending to be all worried. Did you check his last address? Has he moved?”

  “Last address is unknown. He was living with his mother then got evicted. From there we’ve got nothing. I put word out on the street to a couple of informants to keep me posted.” Mick breathes out. “This smells fucking bad, Jackson. Smells like raw fucking sewage.”

  I reach up, pinching my nose. My head is already starting to pound with the headache I know is coming. “Nothing we can do tonight. Go home, get some sleep. Tomorrow we hit the streets. See if anyone is willing to sing.”

  “All right, later then.”

  I turn to look outside, trying to get my thoughts together.

  Looking at the house across from mine, I haven’t seen them at all today. I’m just about to turn around when I see both of them walking across the street leaving from my house.

  What the fuck was she doing? Did she come here? My mind is running with questions. I watch her make her way to the front door. She turns and looks up. The light in the room is not on, so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t see me.

  The look on her face answers my question. She sees me, but she’s not giving me anything else. She steps through the door, closing it immediately behind her in a clear signal, letting me know she’s keeping me outside with everyone else.

  I make my way downstairs just as Kendall places a plate of cookies on my counter in the kitchen.

  “Your neighbor and her daughter just dropped off cookies for you.” She turns around, heading right to me.

  On her tippy toes, she wraps her arms around my neck and leans up to place a kiss on my lips.

  “I really missed you today.” She trails kisses along my jaw and down my neck.

  She must feel I haven’t wrapped my arms around her.

  “Are you okay? Was it a bad phone call?” That’s the Kendall I know. The one who thinks about me before herself. She’s perfect; she just isn’t perfect for me.

  “Yeah, sorry, my head isn’t really here tonight. I didn’t know you were coming over. You usually send me a message first.”

  She doesn’t have a chance to say anything before the doorbell rings again.

  “I’ll get it. Probably the Chinese I ordered. Get the plates, yeah?”

  I move to the front door, paying for the food and sneaking a look over at that house whose occupants keep calling to me.

  It’s pitch-black. No lights coming from it. Nothing.

  Turning back inside, I see Kendall has set the table for the two of us.

  Sitting at the table, we open the containers, filling our plates up. My head isn’t here. I don’t know if I’m thinking about the girls who have disappeared or if my head is across the street in the house that’s now pitch-black.

  The silence goes on for practically the whole meal. Kendall has asked some questions but since I only give her grunts in reply, it’s not a surprise when she stops asking.

  “Will we ever be anything more?” She looks down at her plate and then up at me.

  “Kendall, I nev—”

  “I know, Jackson. Trust me, I know. You’ve never promised me. You’ve never given me anything. You’ve never even tried. Why, Jackson?”

  “Kendall, don’t pretend you have been waiting for me this whole time. Don’t sit there making this more than it is. Do I love you? Yes. I do, but I’m not in love with you. We have fun. It’s easy.” I’m trying really hard not to be an asshole.

  “We have fun? Do you know how hard it is to do this with you? Do you think I haven’t tried to move on? But I can’t because I am in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. It’s been seven years, Jackson. It’s time to move on. It’s time to let it go.” She tries to reach out to touch me, but I pull back.

  “Kendall, it’s never going to be more than this for me. It wasn’t before, and it isn’t now. This went on for far longer than it should have. You need to meet someone who will sweep you off your feet. Someone who wants to hang the moon for you. Someone who will put you before anything and anyone. Someone who will cherish you. I’m not that person.”

  “I think I’m going to go.” She gets up from the table, leaving her plate there.

  I push up from the table at the same time. “Kendall, at least finish your dinner.”

  She grabs her purse on her way to the front door. I follow her, not sure what else there is to say.

  Once the front door opens, she turns around and reaches up to kiss my cheek before turning to walk to her car. I watch her drive away.

  I exhale long and hard, rubbing my face, pulling my hair. “FUCK!”

  I close the door as I walk back inside. I move to the table to clear it, and I wind up throwing everything out.

  The plate of cookies catches my eye, but more importantly, I see the white folded note with my name scrolled across it on top of the plate.

  I grab the paper, unfolding it.

  Thank you for cutting the grass and buying the pizza. Lilah says it’s her favorite thing ever.

  Thank you for making her smile. Perhaps one day we can grab pizza together?

  Bella

  Her name, I finally have a name. It’s a name I call out later that night as my hand fists my cock in the shower. It’s also the name I’m yelling in my dreams as I chase after a disappearing woman and child. Bella…

  Chapter Eight

  Bella

  I sit on the couch, looking outside at the street, wondering things I have no business wondering.

  It’s been two hours since we came home. Two hours since I dropped off the cookies to his wife or girlfriend.

  After bath and stories, it took Lilah ten seconds to fall asleep. I tossed and turned. I was so restless, I thought I’d make some warm milk with vanilla and a touch of cinnamon just like Nan used to make, to settle myself.

  An hour later, I’m still restless. My thoughts go back to how I got here.

  People will wonder why I didn’t leave earlier. It happened gradually. Adam was so good at hiding things. Till I found the plastic little packet of cocaine. “It’s just this one time. It’s a pick-me-up.” God, I was such a fool.

  Next were the needles. Those fucking needles were everywhere. Not to mention the bent, burnt spoons, the lighters, and the rubber bands. It was a junkie’s house in the end.

  The first time he hit me, he was sorry, so sorry he didn’t get high for a week. To him that was seven years.

  After the first time, he didn’t hit me again for a long time. He would push me, he’d yell and scream, his cutting, cruel words berating me. I would endure that as I waited for him to leave to go on a bender. He’d be gone, the fighting and yelling would stop, but unfortunately, we would have no money and sometimes little food. I should have left then. I know it now, but how could I call Nan and show her how far I had fallen?

  I couldn’t get a job because of Lilah. Daycare just wasn’t an option. I was stuck.

  Then it started getting worse. He was high more often than he wasn’t, and he became angrier and more aggressive. The hitting started and quickly escalated to almost a daily occurrence. That’s when he stopped leaving for his benders, and instead his ‘friends’ would come over, taking over the tiny, one-bedroom apartment we had, to go on their bender there. I was never let out of his sight, so leaving him was almost impossible at that point, since he was always there.

  Then that night happened... He had two friends over. They had been getting high for a good twenty-four hours. Almost out of drugs they went around the apartment, turning everything over, trying to find anything to keep the high going.

  I tried to stay out of his way, out of sight, out of mind, but Lilah had to go to the bathroom. I tried to pass them, till one of his friends gr
abbed us and pulled us into his lap.

  Lilah started crying. I looked over at Adam with fear in my eyes, silently begging him to help me. His hands had started on my thighs and traveled up to my breasts.

  “Adam, HELP!”

  “We can get some good money for this bitch right here,” his friend said with a leering smile, showing me his rotten, yellowed, decayed teeth.

  Adam turned to us finally and said, “How much do you think?”

  I fought to get away from him, pushing Lilah to the floor. He must have mistook my squirming to get away from him as me playing hard to get because I felt his dick get hard under me.

  I finally managed to break free from him and crawl away, hoping they’d forget about me. But Adam grabbed my arm and roughly yanked me up from the floor, twisting it and causing me to cry out in pain.

  “Shut up, Bella. You are going to do what I say, understand? Or else...” The threat hung in the air, but he turned to look at Lilah crying on the floor by my feet.

  “Adam, she’s scared, let me take her back into the room, and we won’t bother you.” The need to get her away from him was what was keeping me from losing my shit right then.

  “You go shut that kid up and be ready for me when I come and get you.” The pupils in his bloodshot eyes were big and dilated. I turned my head away from him, the bile rising in my throat.

  A car door breaks me from my memories. She pulls out of the driveway, Jackson watching it drive away. He watches until she disappears and then he looks right over at my house. The shades are open, but the house is dark, so I know he can’t see in. But I can feel him looking into the house.

  I wonder why she left and who she is to him. I don’t know who he is or what he does, but I somehow knew after he followed Lilah and me into the house, almost shielding and protecting us, I could trust him.

  It could be that Nan trusted him. It could be that Brenda said he was the most loyal person she has ever known.

  I get up to put my cup in the sink and rinse it with water. Walking back to the living room window, I pull down the shades. Jackson isn’t there anymore, but I do see his shadow in his house.

  I make the rounds, checking to make sure all the doors and windows are locked. Thankfully, Nan had upgraded the furnace and added an air conditioner in here so I didn’t have to sleep with the windows open.

  Making my way back to my bed, I cuddle up to my baby girl, who is stretched out in her sleep like a starfish, right in the middle of the bed. My mind is exhausted, my body is exhausted. This time, it takes me just a few moments to fall into a slumber.

  ***

  I’m washing the breakfast plates the next day when there is a knock at the door. Lilah and I both stop moving, not saying a word.

  I put my hand to my lips to tell her to be quiet, while I tiptoe to the door, looking to see who it is. I let out a breath of relief when I notice it’s just Brenda.

  Unlocking the door, I smile at her. My smile goes away when I see her talking to Jackson, who is across the street. His dress attire is the same as the last couple of days.

  Nice, but faded blue jeans, hugging him in all the right places. His blond hair is wet like he just got out of the shower. Today his T-shirt is a navy blue, and it also fits him like a glove, tight across his wide chest. The sleeves wrap around the tops of his tatted biceps. The blue of his shirt makes his Caribbean Sea blue eyes stand out.

  I look down at my shorts and a matching blue tank top without a bra. Even though my breasts are small enough to pull this off, I still cross my hands over my chest so he doesn’t see me.

  He looks me up and down and gives me a chin up. I nod at him and then turn back to Brenda.

  “Good morning. You’re up early,” I say while two hands wrap around my thigh.

  “Good morning, sunshine, how are you this morning?” Brenda ignores me, going straight for Lilah.

  She hides her face in my thigh, fighting her smile at Brenda.

  A honk makes us all look up to see Jackson drive away, waving.

  “What a boy that one is.” She sighs while waving. “What I wouldn’t do to be twenty years younger.” This makes me laugh because I’m thinking Brenda is close to seventy. Even if she were twenty years younger, I doubt she’d have a chance with him, but more power to her.

  “So I was thinking today we hit up the hardware store, maybe go get some new drapes. I know your Nan was looking at replacing them right before she passed. So what do you say we go shop a little?”

  I look around the house. It is in dire need of new shades, a new sofa, a television. It needs a makeover, and let’s face it, I have the money to do it.

  I will worry about how to replace the money soon enough.

  “I think you are right. This house needs a little bit of a makeover. Is there a second-hand store we could maybe pass by to perhaps pick up a couch?”

  “I think we could see what we can do. You don’t know this, but your Nan, she saved me. She helped me when I moved in next door. I had just lost my Harold. I was lost. I begged death to come and take me. I begged to just go and be with him. I even tried to go with him. She found me. She saved me. Every day she would show up at my door. Knocking, irritating me. That woman”—she laughs while recalling the memory—“she didn’t take no for an answer. So every day she got me out. Took me shopping, took me to the mall, took me to the zoo, took me to Bingo. Jesus, I was sixty, and we were already eating dinner at four-thirty. She never left me, though. Day in, day out, she would be there for me.” She wipes a tear from the corner of her eye with the back of her hand.

  “She was amazing, right?” I ask her.

  “She was more than that. She turned out to be the best friend I ever had. Now it’s my turn to return the favor. I’m going to do my all to save you. Because you were all she talked about. You were all she ever wanted to talk about. So, for that, I will be here for you. And you will let me, not for you, not for me, but for her.” She points to Lilah. “And for Nan.”

  “I don’t need you—”

  “You do need me. I know, I said the same thing. We might not be running from the same thing, but I know when someone is drowning and is a second away from letting go. I’m your lifeline. Take it. Go upstairs and dress your little angel. Then you will let me buy you a new couch, a TV, some throw pillows, because God knows your grandmother hated them”—she giggles once again—“and then we are going to buy some beautiful drapes with color. It’s time this house started living again.” She turns around, walking away. “I’ll meet you in the car in thirty minutes.”

  “I guess we are going shopping today with Brenda. Would you like that?” I pick Lilah up, closing the door and heading upstairs to dress us.

  I have a shopping date with a sixty-five-year-old woman, and in that minute, I feel a draft move over me, almost like I’m being hugged. If I didn’t know better, I’d think someone was trying to talk to me. It’s the sign I needed.

  Chapter Nine

  Jackson

  It’s so fucking hot outside. The humidity is thick in the air. We’ve been up and down these streets, trying to talk with anyone who might give us any information.

  The people in this neighborhood can smell a badge a mile away. They walk on the opposite side of the street to get away from us.

  I wipe my brow. “No one is fucking talking, Mick. Plus, all the people we want to talk to are probably sleeping it off.”

  “We should come back down tonight, catch them in action. You up for it tonight? Or are you still nursing your sour mood?”

  I can’t hide anything from him. “Kendall and I have run its course. It’s over. Been a long time coming.” I place my hands on my hips, waiting for his snarky comments.

  “It’s about time you set her—and yourself—free. I’ve been waiting for this. No one could have said anything to make her turn around and walk away. It had to be you to pull the plug. She’s a good girl. She’ll be just fine.” He turns to walk to the car. “What was the last straw?”

&nbs
p; “I can’t really pinpoint it,” I say, getting into the car. “When I got home, she was on my couch watching television, and it just felt wrong. Then my neighbor dropped off cookies, and my head wasn’t there. She sensed it, we had a conversation, and now we’re just friends, without benefits.” I pull out into the street, making my way back to the precinct.

  “Your neighbor brought you cookies? That threw you off?” He turns around in his seat and takes off his sunglasses to look at me.

  “Leave it be.” I don’t say anything else. He knows when I’m ready, I’ll talk. “What time do you want to head out tonight? I think around ten should be good.”

  We make it to the precinct, and he nods his head. “I’ll pick you up tonight. I’ll get an unmarked car.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll be at home if you need anything.”

  “Hey.” He leans in the car. “Bring me a cookie tonight.” He closes the door before I can reach over and smack his head.

  “Bastard,” I say to myself, pulling away from him and flipping him off as I make my way home.

  My mind is all over the place, making lists in my head of things to do. Maybe I should write all of this down, make a plan I can stick with. One with boxes I can check and all. Who am I kidding? It’ll just be ignored and then wind up as another thing lying around collecting dust.

  Pulling into my driveway, I look across the street to see Brenda, Lilah, and Bella unloading a ton of shit from Brenda’s car.

  Walking over, I smile at Lilah, who gives me a shy smile while she looks down.

  “Hey, what do we have here? Did you guys leave anything in the store?” I try to make the conversation light.

  “Hey there, Mr. Muscle guy, you going to show us how big and strong you are by bringing in some bags?” Brenda jokes with me while Bella just looks toward the rest of the bags in the trunk.

  “I have no choice now. My man card has been questioned.” I pick out about five bags filled with more throw pillows than any house needs.

  “You really don’t have to. I’m sure you have other things to do,” Bella finally speaks to me in a soft voice.