Hell And Back

by Natasha Madison

  I don’t even feel bad about it. What I did feel bad about was running out on Bella before we had a conversation that was a long time coming.

  Rubbing my face, I turn around and I’m shocked to see her on the porch waiting for me. I wish I could say things went smoothly after that, but it was like a tornado brewing picking up speed.

  When I left there, I waited to see if she would come downstairs to lock the door and not two seconds later, I heard it click. It was her locking me out of her world. Little did she know I’d be busting down that fucking door tomorrow.

  I called Mick as I put my car in drive. He made plans to meet me at Marissa’s, but not before mentioning we are wasting our time.

  I make it to Marissa’s club before Mick does. When I ask him for his ETA, he says he’s ten minutes out.

  I know I should wait for him. Rule number one, never go in alone, always wait for backup, but before I get a chance, I see Marissa running toward me.

  I barely make it out of the car before she throws herself into my arms. I almost don’t catch her.

  “She’s hurt, my baby is hurt. I can tell, I heard it in her voice,” Marissa says before she starts sobbing.

  “You need to calm down, Marissa, and tell me everything,” I say as I try to pull her off my neck.

  She finally releases me as Mick is walking up. He takes in Marissa in her work outfit. I didn’t even get a chance to see it, but she’s wearing a miniskirt. I mean, if that is what they are called since her ass cheeks are out. Her tube top is white and almost see-through. The outfit is completed by her sparkly, six-inch platform, clear acrylic heels.

  Mick takes off his jacket and almost throws it at her. “Jesus, cover yourself up. You’re almost naked.”

  I glare at him, sick of his attitude toward her. He doesn’t even look at me. “So what happened now, Marissa, that you couldn’t wait till tomorrow before calling us?”

  “Lori…she, she called again. She called my cell.” She hands him her cell phone, which he takes and starts to look through it.

  “Unknown number. We can’t do anything.” He hands it back to her.

  She turns to me. “She said she wants to come home. She just can’t get here.” She looks back and forth between us with panicked, teary eyes. “I have to get her home.” The tears start to run down her face, taking her mascara with them. “Help me find her.”

  “Did she tell you anything? Where she was? Who she was with?” I ask her as she is rapidly shaking her head no.

  “Nothing. The call lasted maybe twenty seconds, but I asked her. I told her to tell me where she was and I’d come get her. She just kept saying she wants to come home.” She wraps her arms around her waist as she starts to shake.

  I lean in and take her in my arms just as she starts to fall to the ground.

  “How did you get to work? Did you drive?” I ask her right before a skinny black man approaches us.

  “I don’t pay you to come outside and turn tricks. I pay you to shake your ass and show off your tits. Now get back in there and do what I pay you for.” He looks back and forth at us.

  Mick goes toe-to-toe with him. He may be the same height as Mick, but Mick has a good sixty pounds of muscle on him.

  “I would watch your fucking tone, man. Can’t you see the lady is crying? Instead of making sure we aren’t forcing ourselves on her, you tell her to get back to work. Disgusting.”

  “Ain’t no one need to force her to do anything. She does that shit for free.”

  The minute he says that, Mick’s fist flies faster than a lightning bolt, popping him right in the jaw. The man is knocked to the ground. He picks him up by his collar and gets right in his face. “Talk to her like that again, I’ll have you eating through a fucking straw for a month,” he growls out menacingly as he pushes him away. I grab his arm before he does something more.

  “Marissa, you get your ass back in there now or you look for something else.”

  “She fucking quits, asshole,” Mick says, then turns and looks at her. “Go get your shit. Now.”

  Marissa is either still in shock or just scared of the look in Mick’s eyes, but she nods and hurries inside.

  “We are giving her five minutes. If she is not back, then you go in and get her,” Mick tells me, shaking his fist, which is starting to swell.

  “Mind telling me what the fuck is going on there, partner? You talk to her like she’s trash one minute, and then you step up like a knight in shining armor the next.” I look at him with my hands on my hips.

  He doesn’t answer, and I know he won’t answer since he just shakes his head. The look in his eyes is something I haven’t seen before.

  Before I have a chance to press him more, Marissa comes out dressed in jeans and a shirt. A huge bag of clothes is in her hands.

  “I have no idea how I’ll pay my next month’s rent, but I guess I’m done with this shithole,” she says quietly as she looks at us. Her face is cleaned of the black streaks that were running down her cheeks, and she looks much younger without all that makeup on her face.

  “Did you see anyone out of the ordinary come in tonight?” I ask her.

  “No one. It was really slow, which is why I had my phone on me. The minute I felt it ring, I jumped.” The tears start to fill her eyes again. “I need to find her.”

  “We are doing everything we can right now. If she calls you back, you tell her to tell you anything. Preferably where she is, but if she doesn’t know then ask what she sees, what she saw on her way there, anything that can get us to her.”

  “I’ll take you home, see if maybe there is anything there you might have missed,” Mick says to her.

  “I have my own car. I don’t want to come back here,” she says to him while handing him his coat back.

  “Fine, I’ll follow you. Jackson, I’ll send you a message if I find anything or if Lori calls again.” He nods at me.

  I have nothing to say to him, so I give him a silent nod. I’m hoping he sees the questions in my eyes and will call me anyway.

  I stay here as Marissa gets in her car with Mick following closely behind her.

  Getting myself back in my truck, I make my way home. I’m so wired. I don’t know how I’ll fall asleep any time soon.

  By the time I make it onto my street, I notice all the houses are dark. Pulling into my driveway, I turn off the truck and take a deep breath.

  Pulling myself out, I do what I have been doing for the last three weeks, looking over at the house whose residents have become very important to me.

  I’m surprised to see blankets on the swing outside. I make my way over, and I’m even more shocked to see Bella curled up in the middle of the swing, sleeping, the baby monitor held tightly in her hand.

  Squatting next to the swing, I run my thumb lightly across her cheek. I wonder how someone could put his hands on beauty like this in anger.

  I brush the hair that has fallen on her face away. Her lips slightly part. “You’re so beautiful,” I whisper to her, knowing she can’t hear me.

  “I won’t hurt you, Bella. I swear it on my life.”

  Her eyes flicker open. “Jackson?” she asks, confused and rising to sit.

  “It’s me.” My hand falls into her lap.

  “I must have fallen asleep watching the stars,” she says, her eyes meeting mine before they drop to my neck.

  “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “What time is it?” she asks, trying to move so my hands fall off her lap.

  “A little after midnight. I just got home. I’m sorry I left,” I tell her.

  “It’s okay, your girlfriend probably misses you,” she says while looking me in the eye.

  “I don’t have a girlfriend, Bella.”

  “You have lipstick on your collar.” She touches the collar softly, her fingers grazing my neck also.

  I turn my cheek so I can hold her hand closer to me before she draws her hand back.

  “I had to go see a woman whose daughter is missing.
A runaway. She called her mother tonight, scared, crying, and begging for help to get home, but hung up before she told her mom where she was.”

  Her hand falls into her lap on top of mine.

  “Is she okay?” she asks me, her face scrunched up with worry now.

  “No, not even a little bit.” I move my hand over so her palm is against mine and I can intertwine my fingers with hers.

  “Bella, if I ever find him, I’m going to kill him.” I don’t wait for her to say anything more. “When I heard Lilah say what she said earlier, I knew right then and there, I would kill him with my bare hands and wouldn’t think twice about it. I was just so angry, and I didn’t want to scare her, so that’s why I left the table.”

  “I thought you were thinking how I could let someone do that to her. You have to know—”

  I place my finger on her lips, silencing her. I don’t want her to talk. I can’t take it.

  Being next to her. Being in her space. Holding her hand. It’s my breaking point. I’m not walking away from her without tasting her lips.

  “I’m going to kiss you, Bella. In the next few seconds, I’m going to lean in and kiss you. This is me giving you a chance to tell me no.” I hold my breath, hoping to fucking God she doesn’t say no. Not knowing how I would walk away from her or if I even could. But she has to make this decision. She has to be the one to make the choice. She has to choose me.

  “I look at you, I watch you, and it takes everything I have to not lean in and hold you. To pick you up and carry you to my bed. To hold back and not tell you what I’m feeling.” This time, it’s her placing her finger on my lips.

  I kiss her finger. My heart is almost beating out of my chest. She removes her finger from my lips.

  Three things happen.

  First, my hands cup her face as my thumbs stroke her cheeks while I pull her toward me. Second, she looks me straight in the eyes, and third, I lean in and place my lips on hers.

  The minute our lips touch, I hear her sharp intake of breath as my tongue seizes the opportunity to invade her mouth.

  It’s gentle, it’s soft. I kiss her gently, softly, and it’s exactly like I thought it would be. Her tongue tangles with mine, and I tilt her head to the side so I can deepen the kiss.

  Her hands rest on my shoulders, anchoring her in place as she kisses me back.

  I slowly pull back, trailing little kisses along her jaw. “Bella, promise me tomorrow things will change. Tomorrow, I’ll ring the bell and we’ll start this—me and you and Lilah.”

  “Jackson.”

  “No, Bella, no. There is no pushing me away now, angel. Just take my hand. We’ll go slow and take baby steps. Please, Bella. I need you two as much as you two need me.”

  “Jackson…there is so much you don’t know.”

  “And you’ll tell me when you’re ready. But I’m going to tell you right now, nothing you say will change how I feel. Bella, honey, I already know whatever happened wasn’t good, but I don’t give a shit about what happened. I do care about what happens from here on out, though.”

  I lean in to kiss her again before she can say anything else. I need to show her this thing between us is real. There is no fighting this force that is pulling us together. We’d be stronger together than we are apart.

  “Promise me, Bella,” I whisper as my forehead rests on hers.

  “Okay, Jackson, I promise. But I don’t know how this will work.”

  “That’s the beauty of it, sweetheart, we can figure it out together. We can do this.”

  “Okay.”

  I kiss her once more. The taste of her on my lips is delicious, and it’s something I know I’ll never forget.

  “Bella, you need to go inside before we get carried away and do something you aren’t ready for.” I pull her up with me.

  She leans over to grab the blankets, pillows, and baby monitor.

  “Good night, Bella.” I lean in, kissing her lips lightly.

  “Good night, Jackson.”

  She turns and walks inside, watching me as she closes the front door and locks it. Once I know she is upstairs, I make my way across the street to my own house.

  Once I get to my own porch, I turn around and sit down on the top step, looking at the house across the street.

  It’s a house that holds two broken-hearted girls, but it’s a home where I’m going to work on mending those two hearts. It’s been seven years since I’ve felt the kind of peace I’m feeling right now, and I know it’s a feeling I’m going to fight to give her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Bella

  I dump the blankets on the couch before I drop down on them.

  If you had told me this morning my life would be changing by the time tomorrow came around, I would have laughed at you and rolled my eyes.

  When I felt something rub my cheek, a sense of calmness engulfed me. It’s hard to explain, but I didn’t feel fear, like I have these last few months.

  I knew I was safe. When I opened my eyes to see Jackson touching me, I thought I was dreaming. It had to be a dream.

  But then I sat up and immediately saw the lipstick on his collar. My stomach rolled. I have felt many things lately, but that was a first. The thought of someone else touching him, seeking comfort in his arms, it was my breaking point.

  Then he opened his mouth. The words were from his heart. The feelings he was feeling, I felt them all. Then he touched me, and I was a goner. There was no going back.

  His hard hands on me, I felt like we could fight all my demons away together. He wanted to do that with me.

  He wanted to do that for Lilah. I had to take this leap of faith. I had to be the one who made that step to him, and I knew I couldn’t walk away. More importantly, I didn’t want to.

  Making my way into the bed, I gather Lilah in my arms. Her small frame fits perfectly, and I can’t help thinking we would fit perfectly in Jackson’s arms.

  It doesn’t take me long to fall asleep. For once, I sleep without dreaming or, at least, I don’t remember dreaming.

  Sitting at the table the next day at breakfast, I finally open the computer to check into those online courses Jackson was talking about. Lilah is perfectly content with coloring while eating pancakes with a ton of syrup.

  The knock on the door doesn’t scare me anymore. Instead, I smile. Opening the door, I smile wider as soon as I see him.

  Jackson. In worn blue jeans that mold him perfectly. His blue Henley stretched tight along every curve and cut of his upper body. His hair glistening in the sun, still damp from the shower. The big black chunky watch on his left hand. He looks like my own personal badass.

  “Good morning,” I say as I move out of the way so he can come in. He leans down to kiss my cheek, but it is really the corner of my mouth.

  While he walks past me, his fingers graze mine, his pinky wrapping around mine while he pulls me inside with him.

  “Good morning, Princess Lilah.” He greets her with a kiss on her head.

  He releases my finger, and I still feel his heat on me. “Do you want coffee?” I ask him. “Brenda made me buy this machine that makes lattes. It’s the bomb.” I laugh at how his face lights up when I say latte.

  “Anything is good, Bella,” he says with a smile. My hands are itching to touch him. To just hold his hand would be enough.

  I make his coffee while he discusses the day with Lilah. He doesn’t have to work today since it’s Saturday, but he is on call, so if anything happens he might have to leave.

  I bring his coffee to him with the milk and sugar bowl.

  Placing it in front of him, I stand next to him as he slides his hand around my legs so Lilah won’t see him holding me.

  I have no reason to move, so I just stay here next to him, enjoying the moment when there is another knock on the door. This time, I don’t have to open it since the door opens on its own and Brenda comes in.

  Her eyes take in the scene before her as she looks back and forth between Jackson and me. “Jesu
s, I go away for one day, and I miss the whole thing!” she says on a laugh as she makes her way to the table.

  I don’t say anything because Lilah is squealing Ms. Brenda is back. Clapping her syrupy hands together, you would think Santa just walked in the door with all the Christmas gifts.

  “Jackson, this is a nice surprise. You’re here early.” She sits down with Lilah on her lap.

  “Yup, I am,” is all he says. Brenda doesn’t push it. She just nods and goes back to asking Lilah about what she did while she was gone.

  I sit down at the table, taking in the changes that have happened over the last five weeks. Five weeks ago, my daughter would have been hiding under the table. Now we don’t even bat an eye when someone walks in our door.

  “There she is, my little heart. Did you miss me? I missed you so much. I showed all my friends the pictures we took together,” she says, kissing her head.

  I walk away from Jackson to grab a wet cloth to clean Lilah’s sticky face and hands. His hands move to the table, and it’s a movement Brenda doesn’t miss.

  “Why don’t we go upstairs and get dressed? I missed you so much I want to go doll shopping. Would you like that? Mommy can come with us or she can stay with Jackson.”

  “Momma doll shopping.” Her eyes open like saucers.

  “We will see.” I can’t even understand what doll shopping is.

  “Sounds like fun. We should go,” Jackson pipes in. Brenda turns and looks at him with her mouth hanging open.

  “Jackson, you want to go doll shopping with us?” Brenda asks incredulously.

  “Sure, why not?” He shrugs. “I have the day off. Let’s try new things.” Looking at me sideways, he smiles at my shocked look.

  “Then it’s settled, my little heart. Let’s go get dressed and Jackson can convince Mommy to go doll shopping.” Brenda takes her upstairs, leaving Jackson and me all alone.

  “Bella, come here,” he says softly.

  “I am here, Jackson,” I tease him. My heart beats faster, my stomach fluttering at the look he is giving me.