He walked out the front door and stood on the veranda. He was too late. She had forgotten all about him. He walked down the steps and around the side of the house, with the intention of going back to camp, when he saw what looked like a garden at the back of the house.
Postponing his departure, he walked toward the garden. For some reason he did not want to leave this house where she lived. Because one thing was certain. When he left, he would never return.
His heart was heavy. It would have been better if he had never come. Then he could remember her as she was, the tiny frightened girl who depended on him for her survival and looked at him with love in her eyes. He closed his eyes and remembered her laughing delightedly at the way he caught the fish, and he remembered how she had felt in his arms, the sound of her voice when she had told him she loved him, and the brave front she had put on when he had left her at the fort.
Now she was no longer a child, but the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Who would be the lucky man who would win her heart, the one who would teach her all about love?
Oh, Great Father, I cannot bear it. He sat down on a bench and lowered his head. Inside he raged against leaving her. He felt like a man whose purpose for living had been taken from him.
Mara was busy playing hostess, making sure the guests had food and drink. The smile on her face was forced. Soon the music began. David and Linda started dancing and were soon joined by other couples. Mara danced with so many different men that her head was spinning. When at long last the guests started leaving, Mara danced with Jeffery.
"You look exhausted, honey," he told her.
"I could drop if you were not holding me up."
Jeffery halted his steps and led her to the edge of the dance floor, then out into the entryway. "I will cover for you. Run on upstairs. If anyone asks for you, I will make up some excuse. Besides, this is going to be Linda's home now. She can be hostess for the rest of the evening."
"Jeffery, I think I will go into the garden for a breath of fresh air before I turn in for the night." She kissed him on the cheek, and walked to the back of the house.
She encountered Tess at the back door, and placed her finger to her lips. "Shh. If anyone asks, you have not seen me."
Tess nodded and smiled.
The air in the garden was cooler. She could smell her mother's roses. She pulled a white bloom and held it to her nose. The fragrance reminded her of her mother. Mara, hoping she would not encounter anyone, found the secluded spot that had always been her favorite. It was hidden from the rest of the garden by a yew hedge. Sitting down on the bench, she let the mask she had worn all day drop from her face. She had gotten through this day. Now she had to get through the rest of her life. She did not try to stem the tide of tears that washed down her face, but gave in to her misery.
"Why do you cry, Mara?"
She had not heard anyone approach, and was startled by a man's appearance. He was tall. She could not see his features in the dim moonlight, but she was sure she did not know him.
"Why do you cry?" he asked once more.
She quickly wiped the tears from her face, wishing he would go away. "I always cry at weddings. It is a weakness of mine."
"It has been my experience that weddings are a time of great joy, not a time for tears."
His accent sounded strange to her. He had to be from another country. His voice was deep and husky, and had a strange effect on her.
"I do not believe I know you, sir."
"Do you not, Mara?"
She was confused. "You must be a friend of Linda's. I know all of my brother's friends."
"I saw the bride for the first time today." He paused. "I was grieved to hear about the death of your mother and father, Mara."
"You knew my parents?"
"I knew of them, and I know how much you cared for them."
She strained her eyes, trying to see the face of the stranger. There was something vaguely familiar about him. "You have the advantage over me, sir. You seem to know me, and yet I do not know your name."
The man laughed. "I seem to recall how important names are to you, Mara."
"How can that be? I do not know you. It is a usual custom, when two strangers meet, to exchange names. Perhaps it is not so in your country, but in my country, a gentleman would never call a lady by her name unless she gives him her permission to do so."
He caught the reprimand in her voice, and smiled. "If I have erred, you will have to forgive me. I am unfamiliar with your customs. May I sit beside you?"
"I was about to retire for the night. You should rejoin the party. Will you not be missed?"
"I want only to talk to you. Will you not grant this one small favor to a stranger in your land? I am leaving tonight and shall never see you again."
Mara thought for a moment. She found herself wanting to know more about this man. Something about him had struck a cord in her heart. She found herself responding to his deep hypnotic voice.
"I will talk to you for a moment, if you would like," she said, moving over to make room for him on the bench.
He sat down beside her, and once more she tried to see his face, but she still could not make out his features in the darkness.
She was puzzled by his knowledge of her family. Maybe he was someone Jeffery had met in Philadelphia and invited to the wedding, hoping she would be interested in him. It would not be the first time both he and David had tried that ploy.
"You are a friend of Jeffery's, and he sent you to talk to me, did he not?"
"Why should you think so?"
"Because he and David are always trying to interest me in one of their friends or another. Besides, Jeffery is the only one who knew where I would be."
"You are very lovely. You should not need your brothers to find a man for you. There must be many who would be only too willing to grant you your slightest wish."
The low, soothing sound of his voice caused a tightening in her throat. She became angry that she was reacting so strongly to this man.
"Forgive me if I do not find this the least bit funny. You may return to Jeffery and tell him that his little plan did not work. I will not tolerate his matchmaking."
"What does it mean, this 'matchmaking' you speak of?"
"As if you did not know. You go to Jeffery and tell him for me that I have all the gentlemen friends I need at the moment," she said angrily. "In the last month I have received three proposals of marriage, and one not so nice proposition. I am not the least bit amused by Jeffery's little joke."
"Mara, I met your brother for the first time today. He did not send me to you."
"He . . . did . . . not send you?" she said hesitantly, beginning to feel embarrassed.
"No, Mara, I needed no one to send me to you. I have searched for you for many months."
Mara was on her feet in a flash and faced him angrily. "I warn you, sir, I have heard that speech many times. You are supposed to say something like I have searched for you all of my life. I do not fall for pretty speeches." She knew she should dismiss him and return to the house, but she did not want to.
He ignored her outburst. "Please sit beside me, Mara. It seems I have offended you. I can assure you that is the last thing I would ever want to do. Again, I must remind you I am unaccustomed to your ways."
Mara surprised herself by sitting down beside him again. Why did she not want to leave? They were both quiet for a long time. The faint sound of music drifted into the garden, and the fragrant smell of roses encased Mara in its warm embrace. She was feeling withdrawn from the sound of laughter that came from the dancing couples. She was not a part of them. This man had reached inside of her to spark to life that which she thought was dead.
"Mara, I have heard that you are going away next week."
"Yes, I am going to Philadelphia, then on to Paris."
"Paris. That is in France, I believe. It is across the Atlantic Ocean?"
She turned to him quickly. "Of course, everyone knows that."
&n
bsp; "Will you be away for long?"
"Yes. I do not think I will ever return here to live."
"Why, Mara?"
She swallowed hard. "I have some very painful memories. I am hoping if I go away I will forget."
"You speak of the death of your parents?"
"Yes, partly."
"Mara, I do not wish to offend you again, but there is something I need to know, and there is no way to find out, other than to ask you straight out."
"What would you ask?"
"Mara ... is there someone, a man that you love?"
She felt tears sting her eyes, and she choked them back. This man, whom she did not know, was pulling at her, making her want to confide in him.
"I love a man, yes."
Tajarez felt as if his heart had been ripped from his body. Standing up, he looked down at her, not seeing her face, but knowing every detail all the same.
"I will leave you now. But before I do, will you tell me, are you happy? Will you marry this man?"
The tears came freely now. "I will not marry the man I love. He does not want me."
Tajarez sat down once more. A flicker of hope fanned to life inside of him. "Tell me of this man, who must be crazed not to want you," he said softly.
Mara wiped the tears from her face. "I do not know you. I could never discuss anything so intimate with you. What is your name? Where do you come from?"
Tajarez was beginning to hope that she still loved him, and felt lighthearted. He laughed softly. "Names, it is always names with you."
"It is not my habit to speak with a stranger about my intimate thoughts."
"I do not feel as though we are strangers, Mara. Tell me of your love. Sometimes it helps if you can talk about your troubles. I know this to be true."
Mara considered for a moment. Maybe there was some truth in what he said. She felt she could talk to this man. He would go away after tonight and she would never see him again.
"It is a very painful subject. I would not ordinarily discuss it with anyone other than my family, but I will tell you. Maybe, as you say, it will help. I love someone I met last spring. The circumstances are not important. Most probably I would not be alive today if it were not for him. Anyway, I fell in love with him. We were from different worlds, and he did not love me."
Tajarez's heart was overflowing with happiness. She still loved him. He prevented himself from taking her in his arms. "You are sure this man did not return your love?"
"Yes, I am sure. You will most probably be shocked if I tell you I think he already had a wife. I do not even think he liked me very well."
"Should you not forget this man? Perhaps you will find another whom you will love."
"No, I will never love another."
"You are young yet. There is a lot of time for you to find another."
Mara sighed. "That is what my brothers keep telling me, but they do not understand. I will never love another as I do him. I am not sure I would even want to. Why can they not understand? I love him and I always will."
Mara felt his hand on hers, and she did not pull away.
"You are wrong on two accounts, Mara." With gentle pressure he pulled her toward him. At first she was too shocked to react.
"You see, he was not married, and he does love you. He has never been able to get you out of his mind."
Mara thought she must be losing her grip on reality. Her mind was telling her what she wanted to hear. This could not be Tajarez. She struggled to be free from him. Someone was playing a cruel joke on her. She pushed against his arm, and her hand came in contact with something hard and solid that spanned his upper arm under his jacket—an armband!
"Who are you?"
"Have the days been long and lonely for you as they have for me, Mara? Have you found peace within yourself, or are you in torment as I have been? Do you hunger for another time, another place, as I do?"
Mara felt weak and began to tremble. His hand touched her hair ever so lightly. This could not be Tajarez. He could not speak English.
"Who are you?" she repeated.
He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. "Oh, Mara, my beloved, how long I have dreamed of holding you in my arms once more." He raised his face to her. "Say my name, Mara. You know who I am."
"Tajarez!" she cried out in agony.
"It is I, beloved, and you were very mistaken when you said I did not love you. Never has a woman been loved as deeply as I love you. Kiss me, Mara. Let me feel your lips on mine once more," he said in a passionate voice.
His breath was warm against her lips. His lips gently covered hers. She surrendered herself to him completely. The night suddenly seemed filled with thousands of bright stars and joy washed through her, taking away all her loneliness and doubts.
Her heart was beating to the tempo of his. She had many questions to ask him, but for the moment, nothing mattered but that she was in his arms and that he loved her. When he released her, she rested her face against his broad chest, listening to the erratic beating of his heart.
"Tajarez, it is you. You are here."
He buried his face in her hair that smelled so sweet, of some unknown fragrance. "It had better be me. I would kill any man who I found kissing you as I just did." His voice was light and teasing, but it held a threat, all the same.
"How did you find me? When did you come? How long can you stay?"
He laughed deeply. "I will answer all of your questions in due time. But first you must answer a question for me.”
It felt so good to be in his arms, so right. It was where she belonged. "What would you like to know?"
He was quiet for a moment. "This trip you are going on, is it so important to you?" He rested his face against hers. "A year is a very long time, Mara."
She reached up and shyly touched his face. "Are you asking me not to go?"
"Yes, I am asking you not to go."
She moved out of his arms. He had hurt her very badly before. She could not let him hurt her again.
"A year is not so long, Tajarez, and I do love Paris. I have many friends there whom I have not seen in quite some time."
"Gentlemen friends?" he said through clenched teeth.
She smiled to herself. She was feeling in command, thinking he sounded jealous, and she decided to test him. "Yes, I have a number of gentlemen friends living there whom I like very well. Paris is always such fun."
He grabbed her by the shoulders roughly and pulled her toward him. "Do not play games with me, Mara. I am not one of your gentlemen friends who stand in line waiting for a smile from you." His hand moved up her throat and cupped her chin. "I am a man, Mara, a man who usually gets what he wants, and I want you." His lips came down on hers painfully. She tasted her own blood as his mouth assaulted hers. There was pain, but there was so much more. Her head was whirling, and she felt a weakness as her arms went around his neck. She felt her body relax against his. She could feel the hard muscles underneath his coat. He released her mouth and his lips moved to her throat.
"Tajarez, please," she said weakly.
He was kissing her eyes, her neck, and then her lips once more. Just when she thought she would faint from his kiss, he pushed her roughly away, and placed his hands over his face. "Do not ever tease me again, Mara," he whispered in a shaky voice, "or I will not be responsible for the consequences."
Mara was plainly shaken. She had only meant to tease him a little. She had not expected such a brutal reaction. As he had said, he was a man, and there was something almost primitive about him at the moment. What did he expect of her? Once he had cast her aside, and now he was here, demanding what?
"What do you want from me, Tajarez?"
His head snapped up, and she heard him let out his breath. "Everything, Mara. I want everything you have to give a man."
She was determined that he could not come back into her life and then leave as he had before. She had suffered greatly because of him. "Could you be more specific, Tajarez?"
His han
d touched her face. "You want me to say it, Mara, very well. I want your love. I want you beside me for the rest of my life. I want you to be the mother of my children. I want you in every way a man can want the woman he loves. Is it not proof to you that I love you when I have come so far to find you?"
"Why did you leave me last spring?"
"You were white."
"I am still white."
"It no longer matters."
"Are you asking me to marry you?"
He was silent for so long she thought he would not answer her. Then he spoke softly: "I must ask you something first. I believe it will offend you, but the answer is most important, or I would not ask."
"If it offends me, I will tell you."
"Are you a maiden still?"
"I do not understand."
"Are you . . . have you ever been with a man?"
Her innocence seemed apparent, but he must hear her admit it before he could ask her to be his bride. He pulled her into his arms once more, knowing the embarrassment his probing question would cause her, but the prince royal could not marry unless the maiden was pure, so there would be no question that the children from the royal couple were indeed of royal blood.
"Mara, have you ever been on intimate terms with a man?" He felt her stiffen in his arms, and she jerked herself free, rising quickly to her feet.
"You dare to insult me! I do not think I will talk to you anymore. You may leave."
He rose and stood in front of her. "It is not my intention to insult you. Trust me. I must have your answer."
"Never!"
He grabbed her and shook her roughly. "Answer me, Mara," he demanded.
"Take your hands off me. No man has dared ever ask such a question of me. Do you think so little of me to believe I would let a man touch me in the way you suggest? I knew you would think little of my morals after the way I let you kiss me beside the river, but I can assure you no one other than yourself has even kissed me the way you did."
She was angry and hurt, and wanted to lash out at him.
His deep laughter made her even angrier.
"You dare to laugh at me, Tajarez. I wish you would just go." She stomped her foot, furious with him.
Savage Desire (Savage Lagonda 1) Page 10