Undeniably His (Undeniable Series Book 1)

by Ramona Gray

  Luke winced but Mark continued on mercilessly. “She’s a good person and you know that. Even if she did the stuff that the dillhole at the club said she did – people make mistakes. Don’t condemn her for her past. She loves you for who you are, do the same for her. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to get the chance to be with the woman you love? Don’t throw that away, you fucking asshole.”

  Luke stared at his best friend in silent shock. Mark glared at him before dropping his feet to the floor with a loud thud. “You can still fix this with her. Get on your goddamn knees and beg for her forgiveness if you have to.”

  There was a moment of silence and then Luke groaned. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’ve been saying,” Mark said. “Where are you going?”

  Luke had jumped up and headed toward the door. “I’m going downstairs to talk to Jane.”

  “She’s not here today,” Mark said.

  “What? Is she sick?”

  Mark shook his head. “No. She cc’d me on her email to Kyra. Her foster mother is in the hospital and she asked for a personal day.”

  Luke swore loudly and yanked his cell phone out of his pocket. He dialed Jane’s number and cursed again when it went straight to voicemail.

  “Did she say in the email what hospital?” He asked Mark.

  “No.”

  “Shit.” He thought for a moment before googling the number for the care home. He waited impatiently as it rang twice before Bev answered.

  “Bev, it’s Jane’s boyfriend Luke.”

  “Hello, Luke.”

  Bev’s voice was uncharacteristically solemn and Luke swallowed down the anxiety brewing in his chest. “Listen, I’ve been in meetings all day and just got Jane’s voicemail about Mama J. But she was upset and forgot to tell me what hospital Mama J is at or even what happened.”

  “Josephine had a brain aneurysm this morning. It’s not looking good for her. She’s at St. Mary’s in the ICU.”

  “Thanks, Bev,” Luke said. He hung up the phone and grabbed his coat.

  “What happened?” Mark asked.

  “Mama J is really sick. I have to go to the hospital,” Luke said as he ran out of his office.

  Chapter 18

  “Amy? What are you doing here?” Luke strode out of the elevator and stared in surprise at his baby sister. She was sitting in the small waiting room between Tony from the strip club and a woman wearing a micro skirt and a thin t-shirt that said “Teasers” on the front in flowery script.

  “Hey, dickhead,” Tony said.

  “Hey, Tony,” Luke said distractedly. “Amy? How did you know about Mama J?”

  Amy frowned at him. “Jane woke me this morning and told me. I drove her to the hospital and have been here all day. You didn’t notice I wasn’t at the office?”

  He shook his head as the woman next to her stuck her hand out. “Hey there. I’m Candy.”

  “Hi Candy. I’m Luke – Jane’s boyfriend.” He shook her hand.

  “Nice to meet ya,” she said. “Tony, I’m gonna get a coffee from the cafeteria. You want somethin’, baby?”

  “I’ll come with you. How about you, gorgeous? Can I get you something?” Tony said to Amy.

  “No thank you, Tony,” Amy said.

  He heaved himself up out of his chair and Luke sank into it as he and Candy headed to the elevator.

  “Did Jane text you?” Amy asked.

  “No. Mark mentioned that she took a personal day because her foster mother was in the hospital. I tried Jane’s number but it went straight to voicemail so I called Bev at the care home. Where’s Jane?”

  “She’s in the room with Mama J.”

  “How’s she doing?” Luke asked anxiously.

  “It’s bad, Luke. She has a ruptured cerebral aneurysm and she’s in a coma. They said she’s not going to wake up and that she’s brain dead.”

  “Shit,” Luke said. “I need to see Jane.”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Jane is - I think she’s close to completely losing it. She hasn’t cried and she’s not showing much emotion at all. That isn’t like her.”

  “What room is she in?” Luke said.

  “Luke…”

  “What room, Amy?”

  Amy sighed. “Four. Buzz the door and tell the nurse you’re here to see Josephine Radlin.”

  “Thanks, Ames.”

  “Luke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t screw this up. If she wants you to leave, just leave. Okay?”

  “I will.”

  * * *

  When he walked into Mama J’s room, he could barely stop himself from pulling Jane into his arms. She was sitting next to the bed, holding Mama J’s hand, and she looked so sad and broken that his chest squeezed painfully.

  There was a second chair on the other side of the bed and he eased into it as Jane stared at Mama J’s face. The old woman was hooked up to what seemed like a dozen machines that all beeped and squawked intrusively.

  “Jane?” He said tentatively.

  She glanced at him before turning her gaze back to Mama J. “Hello, Mr. Dawson.”

  “Jane,” he said, “I’m so sorry about Mama J.”

  “Thank you. What are you doing here?”

  “Mark told me you took a personal day because Mama J was sick. I called Bev and she told me what happened.”

  “Right,” she said. “Probably illegal for her to share that information but Bev has a crush on you.” She gave him another of those brief glances before she stared at Mama J again. “You’re probably used to that. Who doesn’t have a crush on you, right?”

  “What I said earlier? I’m sor - ”

  She held her hand up and shook her head. “No, not now. Please.”

  He lapsed into silence as Jane reached out and stroked Mama J’s face with the tips of her fingers. “Thanks for coming, Mr. Dawson. Mama J liked you a lot. It would have made her happy that you came to see her.”

  “You should have called me, honey,” he said softly. “You shouldn’t go through this alone.”

  “I’m not alone,” she said. “I have Amy and I texted Candy from the club. She and Tony are here. You said not to contact you if it wasn’t work related and I said I understood.”

  He flinched at her matter-of-fact tone but hell, he deserved that. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sor - ”

  “Mama J has a DNR,” Jane interrupted. “I knew she did, we talked about it when the Alzheimer’s really started to take hold of her. She didn’t want to be kept alive on machines, she said. She told me that death was only a transition and nothing to be afraid of. She said she would be with her Walter again and she couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than that.”

  She lifted Mama J’s hand to her mouth so she could kiss her knuckles. “The doctor talked to me about the DNR after he said that Mama J was brain dead. In a few minutes, they’re going to come in here and shut off the machines and Mama J is going to die. And then I’ll be all alone.”

  She spoke with an odd lack of emotion that frightened him badly. He stood and moved around the bed, crouching next to her chair and cupping her face. “You’re not alone, honey. I’m here with you. Okay?”

  “It’s over between us. You said that yourself.”

  “I was wrong,” he said. “I made a terrible mistake and I - ”

  “Jane?” A man stepped into the room. He was wearing a lab coat and there was another man and a woman with him.

  Jane stiffened and a look of despair crossed her face. Luke took her hand as she said, “Hello, Dr. Wales.”

  “Hi. Are you ready?”

  “Yes,” Jane said in a low voice.

  The doctor glanced at Luke and Jane said, “You don’t have to stay.”

  “I want to,” he said. “I want to stay with you, honey. Please let me.”

  “Sure, whatever you want,” she said carelessly as she stared at Mama J’s face.

  * * *

  “
Shit, Luke, I have never been so worried about someone in my life,” Amy said.

  It was almost two hours later. Luke had driven Jane back to Amy’s house and Jane had excused herself to her room as soon as they walked through the door.

  “She’s not crying. Why isn’t she crying?” Amy almost whimpered.

  Luke hugged his sister. “I think she’s in shock. She didn’t cry when they shut off the machines and Mama J died.”

  “Oh Jesus, that poor girl,” Amy said as tears dripped down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to say or do. I feel so damn useless. Should I stay with her in her room tonight, do you think?”

  Luke shook his head. “I’ll stay with her.”

  “Does she want you to?” Amy said.

  He swallowed heavily. “She hasn’t asked me to leave yet.”

  “If she does?”

  “Then I will. But I’m hoping she’ll let me stay.”

  He hesitated and then said, “I love her, Ames. I love her and I hurt her so badly and I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me for it.”

  Amy hugged him hard. “She will, Lukie.”

  “I hope you’re right.” He kissed his sister on the forehead before walking up the stairs to Jane’s room. He knocked on the door and opened it. Jane was wearing her nightdress and standing by the window with her forehead resting against the glass.

  “Jane? I’m going to stay the night with you. If you’re okay with that.”

  “Sure,” she said. “Whatever you want, Mr. Dawson.”

  He closed the door and crossed the room to stand behind her. He rubbed her lower back. “I’m so sorry about Mama J, honey.”

  “Thank you,” she said. He could see her reflection in the glass and she remained dry-eyed as she said, “I went to visit her last night. She was tired but she was good. You know? She was Mama J. She knew who I was and she – she knew that I was upset. She comforted me and gave me advice and t-t-told me she l-l-loved me.”

  Her small body was beginning to shake and he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his chest as her face crumpled and she made a wailing cry that hurt his heart. He turned her and lifted her up. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck as she sobbed brokenly. He carried her to the bed and she clung to him and continued to cry as he laid on the bed. He rubbed her back and whispered meaningless words of comfort as she cried. Almost half an hour later, her sobs had become the occasional watery sniffle.

  “Better?” He whispered.

  She nodded and gave him a desperate look of need before resting her head on his chest. “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

  “I won’t,” he said. “Go to sleep, honey.”

  * * *

  Jane stared at the ceiling as the beams of light from the rising sun shone into the bedroom. Luke was snoring quietly and she resisted the urge to study his face in the dim light. She had only slept a few hours before waking. She’d spent the rest of the night thinking about Mama J and trying not to dwell on the bad memories. She wanted to only remember the good things and she knew that was what Mama J would want too.

  She eased her body away from Luke’s. She needed to start making arrangements for Mama J’s funeral. Panic bit at her insides. Funerals were expensive and her little nest egg wouldn’t be nearly enough no matter how cheaply she tried to do the funeral.

  She cringed and wished bitterly that she could afford to give Mama J the funeral she deserved. She wiped at the tears that were threatening to fall and sat up before reaching for her phone. It was on the nightstand where she’d left it last night and she stared blankly at it for a moment. What did she want her phone for again?

  She was tired and so sad and she wanted to curl up against Luke’s warm body and think about nothing. She snuck a quick glance at him. His face was relaxed in sleep and she ignored her urge to run her fingers through his dark hair. God, she loved him so much.

  He loves you too, Janie. He’s with you now, isn’t he?

  Yeah, he was. She didn’t know why but she assumed it was because he felt sorry for her, was maybe worried that she was going to off herself like her mother did because he broke her heart and Mama J died. When he woke up and she assured him that she wasn’t suicidal, he’d leave and she’d be alone.

  The thought sent despair through her and she fought back the wave of tears again before staring at her phone. She needed to make funeral arrangements. She would keep herself busy and not think about how much it hurt to not have Luke or Mama J. She would plan Mama J’s funeral and…right, money. It was expensive and she needed to get another job asap. She was pretty sure that funeral homes had payment plans but she would need a second job to make the monthly payments.

  Janie, stop. Mama J is dead and you don’t have the care home expenses anymore. Stop and think about -

  She ignored her inner voice. She needed a second job. If she had a second job she wouldn’t spend her time thinking about how much she missed Luke or that with Mama J dead, she was truly alone. More panic rose in her and she pushed it down grimly. Using her phone, she checked the local job ads, searching with growing desperation for weekend waitress jobs. There had to be something out there.

  “Jane?”

  Luke had woken and he sat up in the bed beside her, rubbing his hand across the scruff on his jaw. She gave him a fleeting smile before scrolling through her phone again. “Hi, Luke.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Looking through the job postings for a second job,” she said.

  “Why?”

  “Funerals are expensive,” she said. She squinted at her phone. There was a posting for a waitress job at a night club on the west side. It would be a hell of a bus ride but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

  “Jane, stop.”

  Luke’s hand closed around her phone and he tugged it away from her.

  “Hey, give that back,” she said.

  “Just stop for a minute, honey.”

  “I can’t,” she said. “I need a second job for Mama J’s funeral. She deserves a nice funeral!”

  Her voice was rising and she made herself stop and take a few deep breaths. “Please give me back my phone.”

  “I’ll pay for the funeral,” Luke said.

  She burst into loud and bitter laughter. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

  “No,” he said. “I want to pay for the funeral, Jane.”

  “God,” she said, “you really do think the worst of me, don’t you?”

  “No,” he said. “Honey, I don’t. I shouldn’t have - ”

  “Here,” she collapsed on her back and spread her legs, “climb on and have a go, Luke.”

  “Jane,” he said. “Stop it.”

  “Why?” She said. “That’s what girls like me do, right? We spread our legs for guys so that they’ll buy us shit. I guess I’ll probably be the first woman to fuck for funeral costs but hey, aim high in life, right?”

  “Stop it!” He sat her up and gave her a gentle shake. “Don’t say shit like that.”

  “You think I’m a whore,” she said.

  “I don’t!” He shouted. “I don’t think that and I’m sorry for what I said. I should never have believed that asshole and I don’t know why I did. I’m so sorry, Jane.”

  She stared at him for a moment. “What did Jeremy tell you?”

  “Does it matter?” He said. “I was wrong to believe him and I’m sorry.”

  “Tell me,” she said. “It matters to me.”

  He sighed and she listened with a numb kind of disbelief as he recited what Jeremy had said to him. When he was finished, she stared at her hands and said, “You believed him.”

  “I shouldn’t have. I was upset and surprised and acted like an idiot,” he said.

  She lifted her head and met his gaze. “When I started working at the club, I was a virgin.”

  He winced. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, honey. Please, I don’t - ”

  “I want to,” she s
aid. “I have to. Just listen, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “When I started working at the club, I was a virgin. I was also lonely and worried about Mama J. The Alzheimer’s was starting to get bad and I was so afraid I was going to lose her. And I was tired of feeling alone, you know? Jeremy was, well, he had a certain kind of charm and I was stupidly naïve and believed him when he said he loved me.”

  She dropped her gaze to her hands that were twisting in her lap. “Shamefully, it didn’t take him very long to get me into bed. I didn’t know it at the time because he was my first but the sex wasn’t very good. Jeremy didn’t always take his time and didn’t seem to notice or care if I had an orgasm. I – he used to tell me that my breasts were too small and was always hinting that I needed a boob job.”

  “Asshole,” Luke muttered.

  She shrugged. “I thought he loved me. I really did. I knew he wasn’t always good to me but I thought I was in love with him. I know now that I was just tired of being alone. But at the time…”

  She trailed off and gave him a small smile of regret. “I look back now and wonder how I could have been so stupid. I talked to him lots about Mama J. Told him how much she meant to me and yeah, I told him that her care was expensive and that it was tough financially but I never asked him for money. What he said about buying me groceries is true. There were a couple of times when he bought me some food. Both times it was when he was staying overnight at my crappy apartment and I think he only bought the food because he was hungry but whatever – I needed the food. I should have said no, he made me feel a little bad for accepting his charity, but I was hungry.”

  She could hear the shame in her voice and she pulled away when Luke tried to touch her. “A few months after I started sleeping with him, I stopped by his place unexpectedly and found him in bed with one of the dancers from the club. He’d been sleeping with a bunch of women at the same time. We, uh, we’d always used condoms but I went and got tested for STDs immediately. I was terrified that he had given me something. I was clean, thank God, but I couldn’t believe he had betrayed me like that. I tried to talk to him about it, tried to get him to feel bad for what he had done but he laughed at me. Told me I was a stupid little girl if I actually believed that he would fall in love with someone as pathetic as me.”