The Nearness of You

by Dorothy Garlock

  Garrett picked the picture and stared at it, his eyes flicking back and forth between Lily and the man. “If this guy is really responsible for—”

  “He is,” Lily interrupted before Boone could.

  “So you say.”

  “So I say,” Clive clarified. Up until now, the young writer hadn’t said much as he nervously chewed a nail, content to let Boone do most of the talking.

  “You’re sure this is the guy who attacked you?” Garrett asked for the second time since they’d arrived.

  “Like I said,” Clive answered, a hint of exasperation in his voice, “I don’t know if he was the one who punched me or if Daisy chased him from the house. What I do know is that that man,” he said forcefully, pointing at the photograph, “broke into our room. I’m absolutely certain of it.”

  Garrett looked at the picture awhile longer, then sighed. “I can always send the information out over the wire,” he explained. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will know who he is. Stranger things have happened.”

  “Don’t forget to mention that his name is Mike Detmer,” Lily added helpfully.

  “I’ll write it down but I’d bet my house that he was lying,” Garrett explained. “A guy would have to be pretty stupid to give out his real name if he knew he was about to commit a crime.”

  “That’s it?” Boone asked. “That’s all you’re going to do?”

  “The wire’s a good place to start.”

  “It’ll probably be the end of it, too.”

  Garrett stared hard at Boone. “What more do you want? Should I go door-to-door at the hotels or start frisking people attending the festival? And all so I can find a few canisters of film.”

  The photographer was off the desk in a shot, his fuse short and burning fast. “Aren’t you the comedian?” he asked through gritted teeth. “Next time I’m in Hollywood, I’ll make sure to warn Abbott and Costello that they have some competition. But I wonder if you’ll find it funny when I kick your—”

  “Boone!” Lily shouted as she moved toward him, forcing him to back up. She couldn’t understand what had gotten into the two men she cared so much about, why they were at each other’s throats. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the other policemen watching them, coffee cups in hand. “Don’t ruin our day together. Not now,” she said softly enough that only Boone could hear. “Not after all the fun we’ve had. Please.”

  That last word broke the spell Boone’s anger held over him. He looked down at her, his eyes searching her face as all the tension drained from his expression. He almost seemed embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” he told her.

  Amazingly, at that moment Lily realized just how hard she was falling in love with Boone. In the short time she’d known him, he had proven to be everything she wanted in a man. She had loved spending the day with him, watching him work, sharing laughs, then later feeling his lips against hers. Even now, seeing him calm his anger, listen to her, and understand her point of view all provided Lily with hope for tomorrow. A future together seemed more possible than ever.

  But that didn’t mean he was off the hook, and not just with her. “I’m not the only person you need to apologize to,” she replied.

  Boone took a deep breath then nodded. He walked over to Garrett and stuck out his hand. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that,” he said. “I was out of line. I’m just mad as hell at having my things stolen, my friend and dog attacked, not to mention letting someone get the jump on me. What do you say?”

  Garrett hesitated. For a moment, Lily wondered if he was going to refuse Boone’s apology. But when her oldest friend looked at her, his expression softened. “I probably wouldn’t have acted all that different if I were in your shoes,” he said, shaking the photographer’s hand.

  For now at least, a truce settled between them.

  Lily, Boone, and Clive waited as Garrett made a couple of phone calls, disseminating their information about Mike Detmer to various law enforcement agencies in the hopes that someone knew of him. “Well, we’ve thrown out our fishing lines,” Garrett said after hanging up the receiver. “Now we just have to hope for a bite.”

  By now it was getting late; the clock on the wall read 11:15. Lily yawned. After such a busy day, Lily was quickly growing tired.

  “Let me walk you home,” Boone said, noticing.

  “I’ll take her,” Garrett interjected. “I…forgot something that I need at home. I can drop her before I start my patrol.”

  Lily had noticed her friend’s hesitation and wondered if he was being completely honest but saw no point in calling him on it. She was so exhausted that it really didn’t matter who took her home. “That’s fine with me,” she said.

  There was a flicker of disappointment in Boone’s face but he nodded. Though she would have liked to give him one more kiss, or even share an embrace, Lily didn’t think it appropriate to do so in the police station. Instead, she gave Boone a wave and promised to see him the next day.

  “Don’t forget the big dance tomorrow night,” he told her.

  Before Lily could answer, she was startled by Garrett’s keys falling to the floor. He made no move to pick them up at first, looking at her, then Boone, then back again, his expression a bit confused. Finally, he retrieved them. “We better get going,” he said, and started for the door.

  Lily followed, stifling another yawn with the back of her hand, thankful that her day was almost at an end.

  She had no way of knowing how wrong she was.

  “Will it be another long night?”

  Garrett didn’t immediately answer Lily’s question as he turned his squad car off Main Street and into a quieter neighborhood, heading for their homes. When he did reply, it wasn’t with words, but more of a grunt and shrug of his broad shoulders. It wasn’t that he was trying to be rude, not intentionally, but rather that his mind was reeling with things far more important than fender-benders and rowdy out-of-towners.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about Lily and Boone.

  When they’d shown up at the police station with the awkward writer in tow, Garrett had been stunned. Even as the photographer explained the reason for their late visit, Garrett had struggled to keep his eyes and attention off Lily. This was the second time he’d seen them together, and as bothered as he had been on the first occasion, this one made him feel worse. It was obvious that something was growing between Lily and Boone, more than a simple acquaintance or fleeting friendship. But because Garrett took pride in his work as a policeman, he’d fought down his worries and turned his attention back to Boone’s tale.

  Which lasted right up until he saw Lily’s picture.

  As reluctant as he was to give the other man credit, Garrett had to admit that Boone’s photograph was incredible. In the image, Lily was more beautiful than ever; her expression, the wind in her hair, even the light and angle were all perfect. She was so captivating that Garrett had trouble focusing on the other person in the shot, the one Lily said was named Mike Detmer, now accused of breaking into Marjorie Barlow’s house.

  Besides, Lily was more important to him than some petty robbery. That was why Garrett had offered to drive her home even though he had no reason to do so. Well, that and a little jealousy. He wanted to get her as far away from that slick photographer as possible. When she’d agreed to go with him, he had been elated. But then his victory had turned into the harshest of defeats.

  “Don’t forget the big dance tomorrow night…”

  Boone’s words had left Garrett dumbstruck. Many different emotions had raced through him: disbelief, confusion, even fear and sadness. But the one that overwhelmed all the others was a surprise in and of itself. Anger. It grabbed hold like a rabid dog, sinking its teeth in deep, ripping his flesh while it shook him, refusing to let go. Garrett thought of the times he’d asked Lily about the dance, how he had suggested that they might go together. He hadn’t imagined it, had he? Why was she rejecting him, her oldest friend, who loved her with all his heart? Why was he bein
g pushed aside for a man she barely knew, someone who would be long gone in a matter of days?

  “What’s wrong?”

  Garrett’s trance was broken by Lily’s question. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her staring at him. “What are you talking about?” he asked with a chuckle, trying to blow off her question and doing a terrible job of it.

  “You know what I mean. Something’s bothering you.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not,” she insisted. “Tell me.”

  Garrett shouldn’t have been surprised. Lily knew him better than anyone. Over all the years they’d known each other, she had seen him happy, sad, and every other emotion up and down the line. He could no more hide his feelings from her than stuff a Saint Bernard into a birdhouse. Knowing that she wouldn’t let the matter drop until he came clean, Garrett chose to give her a sliver of the truth.

  “The dance,” he said.

  “What about it?” Lily asked innocently.

  “Boone mentioned it back at the station,” Garrett continued, fighting down his growing dread. “Are…are you going to go with him…?”

  “I am,” she answered with a smile that would have lit up the darkest room. “He asked me this afternoon and I said yes.”

  Garrett felt as if he had been punched right in his heart. He squeezed the steering wheel tighter and tighter, as if he was strangling it. He struggled to come to grips with not only what Lily had said, but how she had said it, giddily, like someone who’d had her greatest wish fulfilled. It was almost more than he could bear.

  “I asked, too,” he muttered through clenched teeth.

  “What did you say?” Lily asked; she must not have heard.

  “I said that I asked you, too,” Garrett snapped, loud enough to startle them both. Now that those first words were out, more followed, as if he was on a slippery slope and picking up speed. “When I picked you up at the library after work, I told you that I have tomorrow night off,” he explained, a tremor in his voice. “I said that I thought we could go together and you agreed, remember?”

  “But—but that’s not right,” she argued.

  “Yes, it is,” Garrett insisted.

  “No, you said that if neither of us had someone else to go with, we’d go together,” Lily told him. “But just then, no one had asked me. I never would have accepted Boone’s offer if I’d already committed to going with you.”

  Garrett’s head spun. For as often as he rehearsed conversations with Lily in his head, trying out a new word here, a hearty laugh there, he had trouble remembering what was imaginary and what was real. Had he told her that? Or was she mistaken? He had no way of knowing for sure.

  But even as he struggled to make sense of things, Garrett realized that they were rapidly nearing their destination; he’d just crossed Eisenhower Avenue, which was only two blocks from home. He couldn’t turn a corner now, hoping to prolong their talk, without it being blatantly obvious. He was running out of time.

  “I’m sorry if I said or did something to confuse you,” Lily apologized, filling the void of his silence, then punctuating it with a yawn.

  And then the ride was over. Garrett pulled the squad car to the curb. Before he could even pull the parking brake, Lily gave his arm a squeeze, thanked him for the taking her home, and opened her door. He watched helplessly as she stepped in front of the headlights and was momentarily bathed in light, like an angel. He had the undeniable feeling that she was walking away from him for good.

  The next thing Garrett knew, he was pushing open his own door and stepping into the street on unsteady legs. “Lily, wait!” he shouted.

  She had just about reached her front walk when she stopped and turned back toward him. “What is it?”

  “There’s…there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” he managed, his heart pounding.

  Lily stared, waiting for him to go on.

  For a moment, Garrett feared that this would be like all the other times he’d built up his confidence only to chicken out and spend the rest of the day kicking himself for being such a coward. But somehow, almost miraculously, this time was different. The strength to finally confess his feelings welled up from deep inside him. Maybe it was because he understood what was at stake, that it was now or never, that he had to speak now or forever hold his peace. So even though his mouth was as dry as cotton, the words he spoke came out loud and clear, a burden lifted from his shoulders.

  “I love you…”

  Lily stared at him in disbelief, unable to move or speak. Her heart banged hard against her rib cage. She’d heard Garrett’s words clearly, but now it felt as if they had washed over her like a wave and were now racing off into the distance, fading away, losing their shape. “What…what did you say…?” she asked, hoping that she’d heard wrong or that there was a misunderstanding.

  But there wasn’t.

  “I love you, Lily,” Garrett repeated. High above, the clouds parted, bathing them both with bright moonlight, shining off his silver policeman’s badge. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, ever since we were kids,” he explained, taking a small, tentative step toward her. Where during the whole drive across town he’d appeared distracted, Lily thought Garrett now seemed to be focused, sure of himself. “If I had a dollar for every time I’ve wanted to tell you, for all the times I tried, I’d be the richest man in Hooper’s Crossing.” He laughed, though there wasn’t much humor in it. “But I could never bring myself to go through with it. Until now.”

  “Ever since we were kids…”

  The weight of Garrett’s words rattled around inside her head like marbles in a tin cup. Lily thought of all their years together. They’d been inseparable, one memory on top of another as far back as she could recall. Her life was entwined with his, two peas in a pod, two sides of the same coin, growing up a stone’s throw from each other. All that time, Lily had believed she’d known Garrett inside and out, but just like that he had proven her assumption wrong.

  “The last time I tried to tell you was when we talked about the dance,” he explained, “but I clearly didn’t do too good a job of it.”

  Lily still couldn’t speak. Her mind raced along the course of their friendship, trying to find something, a clue, a sign of how Garrett claimed to feel about her, but there was nothing. Had he really been pining away for her all this time? How had she never noticed? Most important, what happened now? There were so many questions, but no matter how hard she tried, Lily couldn’t come up with a single answer.

  “I know this has to be a surprise to hear,” Garrett continued, uttering one of the biggest understatements Lily had ever heard. “But I couldn’t hold it back any longer, not now, not with…” he began but never finished.

  Lily suspected that she knew what Garrett had meant. This was because of Boone. After all, the timing of his declaration coincided with his learning that the photographer had asked her to the festival dance. The more she thought about it, the stranger Garrett’s behavior had been, ever since running into her and Boone outside the diner.

  “I…I just…this is so…” she stumbled, finally finding her voice, but Garrett didn’t let her get far.

  “Lily, please,” he interrupted. “I’ve been trying to tell you these things for so long that I can’t stop. Not now. If I do, I may never start again. When I’m finished, you can say whatever you want.”

  She nodded.

  “From that first time you waved at me from across the street, you’ve always been the best person I’ve known,” he continued, taking a step, then another. “Every time I see you, whether you’re here on the porch or sitting in the sun outside the library, I can’t help but stare. You’re so beautiful it takes my breath away,” Garrett told her, though Lily was still too stunned to be embarrassed. “But you’re more than your looks, much more. You’ve always been as funny as you are smart, kind as well as caring. Whenever I needed to talk about the death of my parents, you listened, just like I did when
you spoke of your mom.” By now, Garrett was close enough to tenderly take her by the hand. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Lily. Then, now, always. I’m in love with you.” He paused, his eyes searching her face, his expression pleading, his words insistent. “I just need to know if you can love me back.”

  Listening to Garrett bare his heart moved Lily. Tears filled her eyes and her lower lip trembled. In that moment, she understood a truth so well, so completely, that it hurt all the way down to the center of her.

  She did love Garrett.

  Just not in the same way. Not how he wanted, how he needed her to.

  “I…I can’t…” Lily said, stepping back and taking her hand from his, as strangely uncomfortable with his touch as she’d been with his words. “I care about you, Garrett, I really do, more than you know, but not like that.”

  “Don’t say that. The two of us—”

  “You’ve always been there beside me,” she interrupted; now it was her moment to speak, to tell him how she felt. “I don’t want to imagine what my life would be like without you in it. You’re family, the younger brother I never had, which is why there isn’t that kind of love in my heart for—”

  “Stop!” Garrett shouted, his policeman’s voice loud in the still of the night; the intensity of his response momentarily startled Lily. From where she stood, his eyes looked wet in the moonlight as his hands bunched into fists at his side. “You…you can’t say that…” he muttered while he shook his head. “I…I don’t want to hear that. Not now. I have to…”

  Abruptly and without another word, he turned and walked away.

  “Garrett, don’t go!” Lily yelled, but he ignored her. He didn’t so much as look back before he got into his squad car and sped away, leaving her staring after his headlights until they were lost to sight.