The Nearness of You

by Dorothy Garlock

  In a way, Lily understood.

  He had taken a risk and bared his soul to her, revealing his deepest secret, all in the hopes that his love would be returned. But when it wasn’t, when it became clear that things weren’t going to go his way, Garrett had been unable to face that painful truth and so he ran from it. Though her own thoughts were riddled with confusion and sadness, Lily knew that Garrett was in even greater turmoil, angry and in pain. She realized that there was nothing she could do for him, not now. Maybe later, when he’d had time to come to grips with what she’d told him, they could sit down and talk, to try to heal what had just been broken. She certainly hoped so.

  Until then, all Lily could do was wait.

  Chapter Twenty

  OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY’S WINDOWS was a gorgeous October morning. Sunlight streamed down from a cloudless sky, warm enough for people walking by on the sidewalk to stop, slip off a jacket, push back a hat, and raise their face with a smile. Birds and squirrels still went about their preparations for winter, storing food and padding nests, although maybe without as much intensity. Only a few leaves fluttered to the ground to mix with their orange, red, yellow, and brown kin. It was a perfect day.

  But inside Lily a storm raged.

  “I love you…I’ve loved you ever since we were kids…”

  Ever since Garrett drove away, Lily had thought of little beside his declaration. Fortunately, her father had been in his office dealing with festival business, allowing her to climb the stairs without a conversation. Unfortunately, her room had provided little sanctuary. For hours, she had lain in darkness, staring at the ceiling above her bed, thinking. She replayed their conversation, back to how Garrett had spoken to Boone at the police station, how he’d acted in front of the diner, and so on, one moment after another, all the way to when they’d been kids.

  What Lily had come to realize as the dawn sky began to lighten made her feel like a fool. All of those times when she’d thought Garrett was just staring at her, smiling and laughing out of friendship, had been something more. He had always been protective of her, not in the smothering way of her father, but more like a brother. Now she saw that differently, too. Dozens of other examples all led to the same conclusion.

  Garrett had always been in love with her, just as he’d said.

  But she’d been too blind to see it.

  Now she had no idea what to do next. Garrett’s police car hadn’t been out front when she got up; even if he’d been home, Lily doubted he would have wanted to see her. Normally, this was when she would’ve talked to Jane, but she didn’t have her friend’s phone number in the city. Confiding in Boone was out of the question since there was already enough friction between him and Garrett. No, she was on her own, which made sense since—

  “Who were the authors of the Federalist Papers?”

  Lily startled, blinked a couple of times and turned to find Sherman Banks standing beside the checkout desk, crossword puzzle in hand; she’d been so lost in thought that she hadn’t noticed him shuffle across the library.

  “The what now?” she asked.

  “The Federalist Papers,” the older man repeated. “I know that two of the writers were Alexander Hamilton and James Madison, but neither one of them fits and I can’t remember the name of the third.”

  “I’m sure it will be right there in the encyclopedia,” Lily said, her tone short and sharp. She was so consumed by what had happened with Garrett that she didn’t want to be bothered, especially for some silly puzzle answer.

  From the strange look on Sherman’s face, equal parts surprise and embarrassment, Lily understood that her words had unsettled him. “I…I’ll go see if I can find it…” he muttered, then started to trudge away.

  Lily was ashamed of herself. Just because her life had become so complicated didn’t give her an excuse to take her frustrations out on others. “Mr. Banks, wait,” she said as she stepped out from behind the desk. “I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m afraid it’s making me a little crabby,” she apologized. “Now, how about we go find your answer.”

  After Lily had gotten Sherman the right volume, the phone rang. Halfway back to the front desk, she heard the old man exclaim, “John Jay! I should have known!” Smiling to herself, she answered the telephone.

  “Hooper’s Crossing Library. Lily speaking.”

  “I want you in my office as fast as you can get here,” her father grumbled on the other end of the line.

  Stunned, Lily managed, “But…but I’m working…”

  “Right this minute, young lady!” Morris snapped, then hung up.

  Lily stood with the receiver in her hand for a long time, as if hoping that it still had more to say to her, that it might explain what had just happened. Her father could be a demanding man, but this was unusual, even for him. His tone, rough and allowing no room for disagreement, bothered her every bit as much as what he’d said. She wondered what he wanted, grasping at any possibility.

  Was he upset about how much time she had been spending with Boone?

  Had word gotten around town about the robbery?

  Or had he spoken with Garrett? Did he know how the policeman felt about her? Was he disappointed that she’d turned him down?

  Whatever the reason, Lily knew that it was in her best interests to do as her father had asked. Morris Denton didn’t like to be kept waiting.

  Just as she was about to go find Ethel to tell her she was leaving, the older librarian stepped from between two stacks of books. Her expression was as unfriendly as ever. When Lily arrived that morning and offered a kind-enough greeting given her rough night, Ethel had mumbled a response and then stalked off. Lily doubted this conversation would go any better.

  “I’m sorry to do this, Ethel, but I need to leave,” Lily said. “My father called and needs me to come to his office.”

  Ethel glared at her fellow librarian with an expression frostier than a January afternoon. “Do you really expect me to believe that was your father on the phone?” she asked with a derisive snort. “I bet it was that fancy magazine photographer you’ve been running around with. He calls and you snap to heel quicker than a dog. You’ll be jumping through hoops by the end of the week!”

  Lily felt her temper rising, but after so many years of putting up with Ethel’s snide comments, she was well versed in turning the other cheek. She grabbed her purse and started for the door. “I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”

  “Your mother would be ashamed of you.”

  Ethel’s words made Lily stop in her tracks. It felt as if her heart stopped, then began beating double-time. “What…what did you say…?”

  “I’m merely pointing out that you are the perfect example of what happens when a girl grows up without a mother’s firm hand to guide her,” the librarian explained. “Sarah would have tamed this recklessness out of you, made you more respectful of your elders and not so prone to flights of fancy.”

  Like too much air in a balloon or too much water in a cup, Lily’s anger was too big to be contained. In mentioning her mother, Ethel had finally gone too far. Moving quickly toward the other woman, Lily knew that this time it would be impossible to hold her tongue, but the truth was, she didn’t want to.

  “How dare you talk to me that way,” Lily said without raising her voice, though it seethed with anger and menace. “But why should I be surprised? You’ve been nothing but horrible to me since the day I started here. You turn your nose up at everything I say, as if I’m a child or an idiot. You belittle everything I do, making me repeat jobs again and again, claiming that it isn’t good enough. You’re the nastiest, most bitter woman I’ve ever met in my life.”

  As she spoke, Lily continued to come forward, forcing Ethel to retreat, but when the older woman bumped into the card catalog, she was trapped. Lily leaned close, her finger just beneath the librarian’s nose. Years of resentment and frustration poured out of her like water rushing over Niagara Falls.

  “But I’m not the
only person you’re rotten to. Far from it,” Lily continued. “You treat everyone who walks in here as if they’re stupid. You act like you’re a queen and we should all feel lucky you let us in your castle. For too long now, all of us, including me, have let you get away with it. But no more,” she declared, her voice finally rising, her vow emphatic. “If you can’t treat me with respect, if you can’t stop being such a…a witch to people, maybe you’re the one who needs to find another job!”

  Lily fell silent, letting her words sink in. Ethel stared at her with a look of horror and fear, her face white as a sheet.

  Though she wouldn’t have been proud to admit to it, Lily was pleased with herself.

  She started to do as she’d intended and go to her father’s office, but when she was halfway to the door, Lily turned back to Ethel. “One more thing,” she said. “Don’t you ever mention my mother to me again. Understand?”

  Ethel nodded, then scurried off to the stacks, her kingdom of books.

  It was then that Lily noticed Sherman Banks staring at her, his crossword puzzle clutched in his hands. He must have heard the whole thing.

  And he was smiling.

  Morris Denton’s office was on the second floor of City Hall, facing the park. The view from his picture window was spectacular, showing the heart of downtown. Most times Lily visited, her father would be holding forth before that window, ruminating about where Hooper’s Crossing had once been, where it was currently, and especially about where he was leading it. Even in those few quiet moments of his day, when he wasn’t on the telephone or didn’t have any guests, Lily suspected that her father stared out the window and daydreamed. That’s what she would have done. The view was especially magnificent this time of year, what with the festival, its vendors and visitors, its sights and sounds.

  And so Lily was surprised to find her father sitting at his desk, his back to the window, his face creased with an angry frown.

  But even more shocking was who he was with.

  Dave Dunaway sat in the chair opposite Morris. The owner of Dunaway’s Department Store was a wiry man. His always-rolled-up shirtsleeves revealed the lean muscle of a man always in motion, always at work. Like her father, Dave knew every person in town by name, and odds were he knew most of their family trees and birthdays, too.

  He was also Jane’s dad.

  “Mr. Dunaway…” Lily managed. “Hello…”

  “Take a seat,” Morris told her. “We have lots to talk about.”

  Even as Lily lowered herself into the chair beside Mr. Dunaway, her mind raced to come up with an explanation as to why he was there. Had something happened to Jane? Living in New York City could be exciting but it had its share of dangers, too. Had her friend been in an accident or gotten robbed? Every possibility made her more and more worried.

  “If you don’t mind, Dave,” her father began, “why don’t we back up a bit so Lily knows what brought you to my office.”

  “All right,” Mr. Dunaway answered. “A couple of mornings back, I was gettin’ ready to go open the store. I was drinkin’ a cup of coffee, lookin’ out the kitchen window like I usually do, when I noticed that Jane’s Oldsmobile wasn’t in the drive. When I went upstairs to her room, it was empty. Her bed was made up, like no one had slept in it. That’s when I found the note she’d left on her pillow,” he added, then pointed at a piece of paper lying on her father’s desk.

  Lily felt the bottom fall out of her stomach. That fateful night she had written a message of her own, explaining where she’d gone and why, hoping that her father would understand when he found it. Fortunately, when she had gotten cold feet, she’d managed to reach it before Morris. But since Jane had actually gone through with their plan to leave Hooper’s Crossing, her message had been discovered. The problem was, Lily had no idea what Jane had written.

  She didn’t have to wait long to find out.

  Her father picked up the letter and leaned forward, extending it to her. Lily took it, looked at both men, and then began to read:

  Dear Mom and Dad (Susan and Emily, too!),

  If you’re reading this note, then that means I’m off chasing my dreams. By tomorrow morning, I’ll be in New York City. I think you all know how badly I’ve wanted to leave Hooper’s Crossing. Well, it’s gotten to the point that if I stay here much longer, I’m going to go out of my mind! I need to be somewhere else, somewhere bigger, a place that’s exciting! And Dad, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’ll fail and come crawling back. But I have to try to make it. If I don’t, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. As soon as I’m settled, I’ll let you know. Who knows, maybe you’ll even come for a visit!

  Love, Jane

  P.S. Don’t worry! Lily is going with me and with the two of us watching each other’s backs, nothing will go wrong. She’s the responsible one, remember?

  “She’s right, you know,” Mr. Dunaway said after Lily raised her eyes from the note. “I always understood that someday, no matter how hard I tried change her mind, Jane was going to leave. If I’m bein’ honest, I’m surprised it took this long. Well, a couple of hours after I found the note, the phone rang down at the store,” he continued. “It was Jane callin’ from a pay phone right there in Manhattan. She’d done just like she said. I couldn’t understand half of what she was sayin’ ’cause of all the people and a bad connection, but it as clear as day to me that she sounded happier than she had in a long, long time.”

  Lily nodded. She’d received a similar call at the library, Jane’s voice cutting in and out, giddy about life in the big city. Faintly, Lily remembered her friend saying something just before she was gone for good. Had it been a warning? Had Jane been trying to caution Lily about what was in the note?

  “While all of us were plenty worried about Jane, my wife and I were comforted by the fact that she hadn’t gone off alone,” he said, looking right at Lily. “That’s why I was so confused when I saw you in the store yesterday.”

  With that, things clicked into place in Lily’s head.

  Yesterday, she and Boone had gone around town, taking pictures to replace those that had been stolen. One of the places Lily had been happy to show him was the view from the upper windows of Dunaway’s Department Store. She hadn’t seen Jane’s father when they’d entered, but on the way out Lily had noticed him coming out of the storeroom and waved; Dave had stared at her, his expression strangely blank. Now she knew why.

  “I struggled to make heads or tails out of you still bein’ in town for the rest of the day and most of the night,” Mr. Dunaway said. “In the end, I reckoned that the only thing I could do was bring the note to Morris. I’d been meanin’ to do it regardless, to see how he was copin’ with you gone, but the darn festival’s had me runnin’ ’round in circles. Now I wish I’d picked up the phone soon as I found Jane’s note to see if he knew anything.”

  He didn’t, not then, but now he knows it all.

  Lily realized that she was caught as surely as a mouse in a trap. All of the precautions she’d taken, slowly taking her money out of the bank, hiding her suitcase first in the back of her closet and then in the bushes in front of the house, and then racing upstairs to destroy her own note, had all been for nothing.

  “I think you owe us both an explanation,” her father prodded.

  Lily took a deep breath, trying to settle her rattled nerves, and then said, “It’s true. I was supposed to go with Jane to New York City. We planned it for weeks. I…I got in the car with her that night, but just as we were leaving town, I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t know why, not exactly, but I couldn’t,” she told them, the shame of her weakness as fresh as when it had happened. “But Jane wouldn’t wait. She said that she couldn’t stay any longer and that she was going whether I came with her or not. So she dropped me back at home and drove away. I got a call the next day, just like you. She did sound happy,” she said with a small grin.

  “At least now I know the whole story,” Dave told her. “And while I wish you were t
here watchin’ out for her, I’ve gotta let Jane try to make her own way. Heck, even if I managed to find her in the city and haul her back, she’d just hate me for it, then take off again the first chance she got.” He shook his head, then rose from his seat. “I better get back to work. The store isn’t gonna run itself, ’specially not at festival time. Thank you, Lily. You, too, Morris,” he said, then left.

  But when Lily rose, hoping to follow and get back to the library, her father spoke. “Sit down, young lady,” he said, his tone making it obvious that he wasn’t in the mood for any disagreement. “You and I aren’t done, not by a long shot.”

  That’s what Lily was afraid of.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  DID YOU WRITE me a note that night?” Morris began.

  Lily nodded.

  “What did it say?”

  “The same things as Jane’s,” she answered. “I told you where I was going, who I was with, and that I didn’t want you to worry.”

  Her father was silent for a while, his brow furrowed. “This was the night I found you outside talking with Garrett, wasn’t it?”

  “He startled me when I came home,” Lily explained.

  “Did Garrett know what you were planning to do?”

  “No. The only person who did was Jane.”

  Morris got up out of his chair to stare out the window. Lily was thankful for the respite, no matter how brief it might be. But while the questions had stopped, her father was hardly done talking.

  “Your mother has been gone now for more than fifteen years,” he began, “and not a one of them has been easy for me. There were a lot of times, especially in the beginning, when the responsibility of raising you nearly overwhelmed me. I didn’t know what to do and made my share of mistakes. But I fought on. For you. For Sarah. Through it all, I longed for someone to talk to about raising a child, someone who could give me advice when you were unruly, when you disobeyed, those difficult moments that every parent faces. I even entertained the idea of remarrying,” he said, a revelation that momentarily stunned his daughter, “but I knew that it wouldn’t be fair. I could never love someone else like I did your mother. So, in the end, I chose to share my life with just one other person.” He turned to look at Lily. “With you.”