Just Breathe

by Anna Leigh Keaton

  “Dex,” Crystal whispered. “Dex, you’re squishing me.”

  He loosened his arms. “I’m sorry,” he said through a painfully tight throat. He was sorry for squeezing Crystal, and he was sorry he’d been so angry with his sister. At the only person who’d ever really known him. Loved him despite his numerous personality flaws. And trusted him enough with the most precious things in her too-short life.

  “Dex, what’s wrong?” Crystal’s small hand touched his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked down into her sweet, upturned face. Her eyes were puffy from crying. Her nose was bright red. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known.

  He cupped her cheek and wiped away her tears with his thumb. He wasn’t ready to share his thoughts about his sister with her, even though he recalled saying something the first night they met. But he’d been exhausted that night and probably said a lot he shouldn’t have. Instead, he said, “Don’t cry anymore, sweetheart. It kills me.”

  Her bottom lip trembled. She buried her face against his neck once more and wrapped her arm around him. “I don’t mean to,” she said, her words muffled against him. “I hate crying.” She sniffled. After a few deep breaths, she said, “I’m just so tired.”

  Running his hand over her soft hair, he said, “I know. Try to relax and sleep.”

  “You’re in my bed.” She took another shaky breath. “Why are you in my bed?” But she didn’t pull away from him.

  “Shh. Go to sleep. I promise I’ll be gone when you wake up.” He had to be gone when she awoke, because even now his body reacted to her closeness in a very ungentlemanly manner. He wanted her so badly he ached. He wanted to claim her and never let her leave his house. He’d take care of her, protect her, shelter her...if only she’d let him.

  With a nod that made the top of her head bump his chin, she took another deep breath and forced her body relax. Her grip on his shirt eased, and her other hand slipped from his side to snuggle between them.

  He lightly rubbed her back and shoulders, kissed the top of her head.

  “Thank you,” she said in a sleepy whisper.

  His heart fluttered, and he realized it was opening up for the first time in his long, empty life. Opening to Crystal.

  * * * * *

  Crystal was indeed alone when she awoke to bright sunlight filtering through a crack in the heavy curtains over the window. The room was on the north side of the house, so it had to be very early. Rolling over and looking at the clock confirmed her suspicions. It was only six.

  She sat up on the edge of the bed, and dizziness swamped her. Her stomach turned over. Oh, Lord. She swallowed hard and took a couple of deep breaths. Her head throbbed, her eyelids were lined with sandpaper and her mouth with cotton.

  Dehydrated and starving, she realized. She hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours, and all she’d had to drink at the hospital was burnt coffee. She needed some food.

  She was still dressed in the clothes from two days earlier but couldn’t find it in herself to care at the moment. She’d shower and change later. Pushing up from the side of the bed, she swayed a bit but soon steadied. She hadn’t felt this bad since going through chemo.

  When she opened her bedroom door, she smelled fresh-brewed coffee and bacon. Her stomach growled this time, but she still felt a bit nauseous. Ever since her illness, if her sleep routine became even a little unbalanced, she went into a minor fatigue. The doctors told her it could be something she dealt with the rest of her life. She’d been stupid enough to think that once the chemo was done, she’d be back to normal.

  Ha. Not hardly. She took tons of medications to suppress the possibility of recurrence, and then another load of vitamins to make up for everything the medications depleted. And she hadn’t taken any of her pills yesterday, either.

  Food first, she thought as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

  “Hey there, sleepyhead,” Dex said as he looked up from the babies. He sat in his usual position, legs spread, babies on floor between them on their backs as he held the bottles for them.

  She forced a smile, remembering how she’d acted the night before. Bawling her eyes out and clinging to him like a leach. “Mornin’. I smell bacon.”

  He nodded and grinned. “It’s on the counter. Help yourself.”

  She popped a slice of bread in the toaster and picked up a piece of bacon. Oh, God, it tasted good. She ate a second piece, then a third. The toast popped up, she grabbed the margarine from the fridge and slathered it on, then put four more pieces of bacon on the toast, folded it in half and took a big bite. She poured herself a cup of coffee and another of milk as she chewed.

  She realized her hands were shaking when she almost spilled the milk.

  Damn. She could not do this to her body! A pang of fear shot through her. She’d missed her pills yesterday. She hadn’t missed a single dose of anything in six months. What if the cancer came back?

  She dropped her half-eaten bacon sandwich on the counter and sprinted up the stairs. Her heart thudded in her throat, and terror ripped through her. She ran into the bathroom where her medication and vitamins sat in neat rows in a wooden tray on the counter.

  Her hands shook even worse now, and tears tracked down her cheeks. She couldn’t breathe. She gasped for breath and sank down on the edge of the toilet. Sweat blossomed on her forehead and chest. Her vision blurred for an instant, and she prayed the food she’d eaten stayed down.

  Forcing her brain to kick in and slow down, she drew in deep breaths while leaning forward over her knees. Calm the hell down, you moron! Calm down.

  “Crys?” Dex said, and he sounded as if he was in her bedroom.

  She shot off the toilet and slammed the bathroom door, flipping the lock for good measure. He absolutely could not see her in this condition. Her heart was still thudding hard against her breastbone, but the shaking had lessened.

  “Crystal? Are you okay?” he asked from the other side of the door.

  “I’m fine,” she said when she thought she could speak without giving herself away. “I’ll be out in a minute.” Swiping the moisture from her forehead with the back of her arm, she leaned over the counter and flipped on the cold-water tap.

  That had never happened to her before. Logically, she knew she was being stupid. Missing one dose of medication was not going to send her back to the cancer ward and chemotherapy treatments, but the thought of the cancer returning lived in the back of her mind every moment of every day.

  She filled her water glass and then proceeded to open each bottle of pills and set her morning doses on the counter.

  After she took her medicine, she peeled off her clothes and got into the shower to rid herself of the acrid scent of the hospital. After a quick soap and shampoo, she wrapped one of Dex’s big, fluffy towels around herself and opened the bathroom door. Dex was sitting on the edge of her bed holding the babies.

  With a yelp, she jumped back into the bathroom and slammed the door. “Get out,” she shouted. Ohmygod. He saw me. He saw me.

  She looked at her reflection in the mirror, but the towel was so fluffy, maybe...

  “I’m leaving,” he said quietly, and then she heard the bedroom door close.

  She laid her forehead against the cool wood and tried to calm herself down again. “Dammit,” she said on a harsh sigh. She couldn’t keep doing this. She should just tell him. Get it out there so he knew, and then she wouldn’t have to worry about him accidentally seeing her when she wasn’t dressed.

  She opened the door just a crack and peeked into her room to make sure he was really gone. With a sigh of relief, she walked into her room and straight to the door where she flipped the lock. She wondered, since she’d cried on his shoulder last night, if he thought he had the right to walk into her room whenever he wanted.

  No way, she thought. And she’d tell him that as soon as she got dressed.

  Chapter Ten

  With the babies happily cooing away in their swings—which they liked now that he’d faced
them toward each other and they could see each other—Dex stood at the stove making eggs.

  Crystal had eaten almost all the bacon, except for the couple pieces stuck inside the toast she’d left on the counter when she ran upstairs.

  He shook his head and flipped the eggs. He didn’t get her at all. He’d gone after her when she ran out of the kitchen, worried she was sick or something, and she’d locked herself in the bathroom. He went downstairs, got the girls, then sat on her bed, waiting for her to make sure she was okay, and then she’d shouted at him to get out of her room.

  Women. Confusing creatures. No wonder he never went beyond the casual relationship. It made his head hurt to worry about her.

  He flipped the eggs onto a plate and pulled the toast from the toaster. Well, he’d just wait until she was ready to tell him what her problem was. No pushing, he’d promised himself. He wasn’t on any kind of timeline, and if he let her move at her pace, no matter how torturous it might be on his body, he wouldn’t make her feel cornered and possibly cause her to run.

  As he turned to set the plate on the table, Crystal rounded into the kitchen.

  “I made some—”

  “You are not welcome in my bedroom unless I invite you. After I blubbered all over you last night, I can see why you might feel welcome, but you’re not. I shouldn’t have cried on you. You are my boss and nothing more. If you come into my room again without a direct invitation, I will quit. Do you understand me?”

  “—eggs.”

  Damn, she was worked up. He carefully set the eggs on the table, then turned back to the counter and poured her a fresh cup of coffee. After setting it on the table next to her food, he picked up his plate and coffee and sat down across the table.

  “Okay,” he said slowly as he sprinkled pepper over his breakfast. “I was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were all right. I’m sorry I crossed the line. It won’t happen again.”

  That’s what she wanted to hear, wasn’t it? You were right; I was wrong. Women liked that shit, right?

  Lord, he was going to make himself insane. “Look,” he said when he realized she hadn’t sat down or responded in any way. “I am sorry you feel I invaded your privacy.”

  “Fine.”

  “But... I would like to know why you ran out of here like you did. Were you sick?”

  “I forgot something.”

  He frowned. “What did you forget?”

  She pressed her lips together for a moment, then sat down and picked up her coffee cup and took a sip. “Thank you for breakfast,” she said with a stilted politeness that did not fit her. “This was very kind of you.”

  For cripes’ sake. What the hell was wrong with her? “You’re welcome.”

  Breakfast passed in an uncomfortable silence. Crystal ate her toast and drank her coffee but didn’t touch the eggs. When one of the babies let out an unhappy squeal, it seemed just the thing she’d been waiting for, because she jumped up and hurried into the living room as if she couldn’t wait to leave his company.

  Dex cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. Maybe she was embarrassed about her crying jag last night. She probably didn’t like anyone seeing her at a weak moment. That must be it, he thought as he wiped down the counter. He’d just have to give her time to get over it. Time he had. All the time in the world.

  * * * * *

  “Stop hovering over me, girl,” Uncle Charlie grumped as he scowled and glared at Crystal. “Where’s my babies? I want to see my babies.”

  Crystal rolled her eyes. “They’re not your babies, and they’re at home with Dex.”

  “You go get them. I want to see them.”

  With a sigh, she rubbed her fingertips over the ache between her eyebrows. Jerald and Gus were hiding in the backyard because Charlie was being a big pain in the rear since she brought him home an hour ago, so she didn’t even have them to take some of his grumpiness off of her. He was perched in his easy chair like the king of Siam, demanding this and that, and now he wanted to see his babies.

  “Uncle Charlie. Wouldn’t you be more comfortable in bed? The doctor doesn’t want you overdoing it.”

  “I’m not dead, so stop trying to bury me. And I spent the last three days in bed. ’Cept when they were poking and prodding and sticking wires in my unmentionables.”

  Crystal almost smiled at that. He’d gone through three days of tests, including an angiogram. And he hadn’t spent the three days in bed. He’d been put through two stress tests and who knows what else.

  “Uncle Charlie—”

  “You go get those babies and let me see them, and then I’ll go to bed.”

  “Promise?”

  His forehead wrinkled, and his lips pursed in a nasty frown.

  “Okay, okay.” She headed for the front door. “I think they mixed up your drugs and gave you a pain in the butt pill.”

  “I heard that, missy. You better watch it or I’ll turn you over my knee. Don’t think I won’t. You’re getting too big for your britches.”

  “Yes, sir,” she said, throwing in as much sarcasm as she could. She opened the door. She knew he was just out of sorts. He hated hospitals, and he hated being away from home. But his attitude was downright snarly tonight.

  The front door of Dex’s house opened when she was halfway across the road. Dex leaned against the doorframe, hands in the pockets of his faded Levi’s, and looked good enough to eat.

  “How’s Charlie doing?”

  “Have you ever smacked a grizzly bear in the nose with rolled up newspaper?” she asked as she brushed past him, surreptitiously breathing in his musky scent, and headed for the babies lying on the floor gurgling at each other.

  Dex laughed. “No.”

  “Yeah, well, imagine he’s the bear.”

  “That bad, huh?” Dex strolled in and tilted his head as he looked at her on the floor checking the babies’ diapers. “What are you doing? Dealing with grumpy old men isn’t enough? Now you come back to change dirty diapers, which there aren’t any, because I just did it.”

  She smiled up at him. Ruby and Amber never sat in dirty diapers, never had to cry more than a couple moments before he was there with their food or a gentle touch. He was such an incredible parent.

  “Uncle Charlie is demanding to see his babies. He promises to go to bed after I bring them over to see him.”

  Dex leaned over and lifted Amber into his arms. “Want me to come with you?”

  She picked up Ruby and stood. “Yes,” she said with relief that she didn’t have to deal with Charlie alone. “That would be nice. But watch out. No telling what’s going to come out of the old man’s mouth tonight. He’s being a pill.”

  Charlie held up his hands to take Ruby as soon as Crystal came through the door holding her.

  “There’s my little piece of honey,” he cooed to the baby as he snuggled her against his chest and rubbed his cheek against her head. “I’ve missed you. Hello, Dexter,” he said without looking up from the baby.

  “Hi, Charlie. Glad you’re feeling better.”

  Charlie turned a dark scowl on Dex, who sat down on the sofa, still holding Amber in his arms.

  Dex sent Uncle a cheeky grin. “The babies missed you.”

  “I know.” He kissed Ruby’s forehead then lifted her away to grin at her. She blew a bubble. “I missed them, too. It’s good having babies around.”

  “I’m going to make supper,” Crystal said. “Be nice, Uncle.”

  “I’m always nice.” He motioned for Dex to exchange babies with him.

  Crystal frowned and headed for the kitchen. She hoped Charlie got over his mood soon. Besides being a pain in her backside, she didn’t like him upset. But she wasn’t about to coddle him. She knew from experience that he didn’t believe in coddling when she was feeling like crap and wanted to curl up and die, so she assumed he didn’t want any, either.

  She pulled open the freezer and withdrew a container of chili she’d made a couple of weeks earlier. After popping it
in the microwave, she pushed open the back door and made a face at Uncle Gus. “Chicken,” she accused.

  He grinned and tapped his temple. “Smart.”

  “He’s acting like a spoiled child, and you’re giving into his demands,” Jerald said. “You should head home and let us deal with him.”

  “You’ll just be mean. Besides, how are you going to deal with him if you’re hiding out here?”

  “If you ignore him, he’ll knock it off.” Gus stretched his legs out in front of him and slouched in the lawn chair. “You remember what he was like right after he had his appendix out. He was bitching and demanding for two weeks until we told him to shut up and get over it.”

  That had been six months before her diagnosis, Crystal thought. She hadn’t left his side for the three days he spent in the hospital. And then she’d stayed at the uncles’ house for the next two weeks. Until Jerald and Gus kicked her out, she’d worried over Charlie like a mother hen.

  She wasn’t doing that now, but he had been put through dozens of tests over the last couple of days. She felt sorry for him because she knew, more than anyone else in this house, what it was like being poked, prodded, stuck with needles, and pumped full of drugs. And Uncle Charlie was old.

  “We know you love him, Crys,” Jerald said, giving her a sympathetic look.

  “I’d do the same for either of you two.”

  Gus nodded. “And we appreciate that, sweetie, but he’s fine. You heard the doctors.”

  She nodded and sighed. “I know. But I was so scared.” So scared she’d clung to Dex and cried all over him. Wished that he’d stayed with her all night. Wanted even more comfort from him than he’d given. When he held her, she felt...safe.

  Going back into the kitchen, she pulled a loaf of bread from the fridge and stuck it on the table, then went back for the tub of margarine. She felt as if her brain was on autopilot ever since Dex had kissed her. She did everything she was supposed to, but behind every motion she made, every thought she had, there was Dex. The way he tasted, smelled, felt. How his smooth tongue had sunk into her mouth. How his long, sexy fingers had curled around the back of her neck. What would those fingers feel like on her body? Between her thighs?