Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

by Ann, Becca

  “Hayley…”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She looks back at her house, at her mom who’s back to staring at us.

  “Uh, I guess.”

  “Hey,” she says, grabbing my attention back to her eyes. “A step in the right direction today. At least I think so. You should be happy.”

  I should be happy. But I’m worried as shit right now. There’s no nerves or nothing rumbling through me, and I know Hayley hates being touched, but I can’t help it. I pull her into my arms and hold her there.

  She’s so cold, but hugging her freezin’ skin doesn’t bother me. It feels… good. The stomach twists begin as I breathe in her hair. Hot damn! This! This is what a hug with a girl should be like. The stuff in my chest goin’ crazy and noticin’ everything about the person I’m holding. The curves along her sides, her eyelashes batting against my t-shirt, the fact she’s holdin’ her breath, but I’m suckin’ in her scent like it’ll be the last thing I ever smell.

  Whoa, what the hell? This is Hayley. Not Quynn.

  Hayley.

  She hesitates before wrapping her arms around my torso for a split second, then she pushes away, leaving a wide space between us.

  “Uh, thanks Hayles.” I don’t know what I’m thanking her for.

  Her cheeks match her red eyes as she says, “No problem. I’m glad the little pointers I gave you are helping.”

  Huh? Oh, right. She’s talking about Quynn.

  I nod, and she leaps back into her house before I get another word in.

  Reason 7: I think about you before I think about her

  Two hugs. Both I can’t get out of my mind. One was so quick I’m not even sure it happened, and the other was…

  Amazing.

  Incredible.

  Confusing.

  How can someone get so much from a hug? I can’t stop thinkin’ about it.

  And she pulled away like I bit her or somethin’. A blast to my ego for sure, but why do I care? Hayles is just a friend.

  Just. A. Friend.

  It can’t be anymore than that. I don’t really know her, and she’s helping me get another girl. A girl I’ve thought about more than any other girl. A girl who hugged me today too.

  Then why can’t I stop thinking about Hayley?

  I slam my head back into my pillows, toying with the phone in my hand. I’ve been arguing with myself the majority of the afternoon. Call Hayley? Or leave it alone? Send a text? But that’s pretty dick-ish, and I’m freakin’ worried about her.

  My stomach hasn’t untwisted since I held her. Maybe talkin’ to her will solve the issue. I’ve already tried Tums.

  In the end, I decide a text is the best solution to ease my stomach and not pry into her business so much she tells me to get away from her. Though, she’d probably say something more like, “Get the yellow freakin’ bridge away from me!” Something totally off-the-wall in her cute lingo.

  Hey. Wanted 2 kno if ur ok. Call if u can tlk.

  I hit send before I have the chance to retype the message eighty times.

  I don’t know why I expect my phone to vibrate ten seconds after I send the sucker, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t vibrate for the next ten hours actually. Enough time for me to worry my pants off like a girl.

  The five-in-the-morning text goes off just before my alarm clock.

  Srry. Didn’t get this till just now, & ur prbly asleep. I won’t b at school 2day, but I wanna tlk 2 u b4 u go. Call when u can.

  ‘Cause I’m too sleepy to think straight, I hit the call button like the phone will blow up if I don’t.

  A giggle greets me before she says, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be awake already.”

  I clear my throat. Okay voice-box, don’t make me sound like I’m half asleep. “Uh yeah, early riser.” I pause and take a swig of water from the bottle on my nightstand. “So, what’s up?”

  She laughs again. “You’re such a liar. I woke you up, didn’t I?”

  Thanks voice-box. I’m never askin’ you to do anything again. “No, I’m just not all the way awake yet.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I had to get up anyway.”

  “Well, I just wanted to offer up some advice for today, if you’re coherent enough to hear it.”

  I slide to a sitting position, leaning against the headboard and clicking on the light. Yeah, I think this’ll keep me awake enough to listen.

  “Shoot.”

  “Okay, so I was thinking about how much time we’ve been planning on spending together, and it may give Quynn the wrong idea.”

  Whoa, wait. “You mean at the library and stuff?”

  “That and the rides to and from school.”

  “Hayles, I’ve only picked you up twice.” I rub my eyes, removing all the crust from the corners. “And besides, I was told to spend more time with you.”

  There’s a long pause when I hear some muffled noise in the background, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. When Hayley talks again, she’s whispering so soft, I gotta press the phone so far against my ear, I may as well shove the damn thing inside my head.

  “Um, why?”

  I stifle a yawn before plowin’ into it. “‘Cause I’m fallin’ behind in class, and Ms. Stevens wants me to work on my signs with you.”

  “Sa-weeet!”

  My stomach twists. She’s excited to spend more time with me? Why does that make me happy to hear?

  “This is perfect,” she says quieter, but with no less enthusiasm. “Since I won’t be in school today, you can say you had plans to study with me, but I’m sick. And you can ask Quynn to go over some signs after school.”

  Disappointment soaks my still sleepy body. Right. She’s helping me get closer to Quynn.

  Quynn.

  Quynn.

  I wait for a stomach knot, or that normal nervous feeling I get whenever I think about the hot-ass girl I’ve been droolin’ over for almost a year, and it eventually smacks me in the chest. Though it takes a lot longer than it used to.

  “Uh, I’m not so sure about that.”

  “Oh my gosh, Brody. You’ll be fine.”

  Major stomach twists now. The way my name sounds in her voice does somethin’ weird to my insides. I think I’m goin’ to need more Tums.

  “So, why won’t you be in school? Are you really sick?” ‘Cause she doesn’t sound sick.

  “Yeah. Got a major headache, so I’m slumming it at home today.”

  I nod, then remember I’m on the phone. “Uh, yeah. Hope you feel better.”

  “Thanks.” She pauses. “Well, I’m going to go back to bed. Text me though if you need anything. I’ll probably be super bored and will need entertainment.”

  “You got it.”

  There’s another slight pause before she gives me a small, “Uh, okay, bye.”

  “See ya.”

  Click.

  Is it lame for me to miss her already?

  “I thought you had ASL down, man,” Tanner says after I tell him where I’m headed after the last bell.

  “It’s nothin’. Quynn’ll catch me up, if I can find her.”

  Tanner raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. Even though he’s one of my best friends, he doesn’t know about the inner crap I deal with when it comes to my brother’s ex. For one, Tanner is one of those people who would instantly start going off about her tits. And yeah, I’m not innocent in this area either, but I’d rather not talk about it openly.

  “Hey, you’re still coming over though, right?” He tosses his backpack on his shoulder and shuts his locker.

  Whoops. Forgot about that. “Yeah, but it won’t be till later.”

  “Bring Doritos.”

  I laugh. “Got it.”

  “Tanner!”

  He whips around with a huge smile on his face. Girlfriend closing in. Time for me to go. Not that I don’t like Dani, but I’d rather not be witness to the PDA, which I know is coming. I don’t want to be the perv friend who likes to watch.

 
“Catch ya later,” I say.

  Tanner gives me a fist bump then turns to close the distance between him and the girl he hasn’t seen for a whole two periods.

  I pick up the pace down the hall when I hear the slurping behind my back. By the time I reach the front office—Quynn was office aide today—my stomach has planted itself firmly in my throat. Brody, just don’t puke on her.

  Sucking in a breath—hoping my stomach decides to move back where it’s supposed to—I open the door and step into the semi-dark room.

  “Uh, Quy—” She’s not there.

  I get to her desk, searching for her keys or her purse or something, but nothin’.

  Not sure if I’m relieved or not. My stomach makes its way back behind my bellybutton, but I guess a part of me hoped she’d be here and we’d spend some time together.

  Ah well. My signing isn’t exactly the best way to impress her.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket, and my stomach leaps back into my throat. I texted Hayles every period today, but hadn’t got a response. I do a pretty good impression of a twelve-year-old girl when I dig the cell out.

  Boo. It’s Mom. I mean, Mom’s cool and all, but yeah…

  “Hey.”

  “Hi honey,” she whispers. I can picture her hovering her hand over the receiver. “I wanted to let you know Quynn is here. I know you see her every other day at school, but still. I know you miss spending time with her.”

  Hell yeah! “Thanks. I’m on my way home.”

  I do another impression of a twelve-year-old girl skipping toward the car, and my phone buzzes again.

  Hayley.

  Hey sry. Been sleepin off the headache. I’m better now tho. R u with Quynn?

  No, but I will be. I don’t feel like telling her that though. Not sure why.

  Nah. She left b4 I could catch her.

  That’s honest. Instead of startin’ the car and heading home, I wait for her response. I don’t have to wait long. She’s fast.

  Feel like going 2 the library again? I gotta get outta my house.

  Yes. I want to spend time with Hayles too. But how often does Quynn come over for a visit?

  Never.

  But she’ll be there for a while. Probably stay for dinner.

  And I’ll be at Tanner’s. Shoot, what do I do?

  Hmm… Quynn’ll be talkin’ with Mom. They need time alone and stuff. And Hayles was pretty messed up yesterday. Better see if she’s okay.

  My stomach twists as I stop talking to myself and type in my reply.

  How abt a game night at Tanner’s house. U up 4 it?

  Reason 8: You slaughter me at Ghost Recon

  “Wow. I think it’s been way too long since I’ve bought Doritos. Look how many different kinds there are!” Hayley taps her thighs to the music playing over the intercom as we walk down the chip aisle.

  “Really?”

  “MmmHmm.” She picks up a bag. “What the fart is Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger?”

  “One of the best kinds.” I take the bag and she raises an eyebrow. “What? Not a cheeseburger fan?”

  She makes a face. Dude, that eyebrow crinkle gets me every time. “I eat cheeseburgers, just not in powder form on corn chips.”

  “You’re missin’ out.” I put the bag back on the shelf and go for the traditional Nacho Cheese.

  “I don’t want to be the party pooper,” she says reaching for the chips in my hand. “You can get what you want. I’m just a tag-a-long.”

  I laugh. “Tanner is a Nacho Cheese guy. And you’re not tagging along, Hayles. I invited you.”

  She gives me a wide grin. “Tanner has good taste buds. I like him already.”

  “You don’t know him?” That’s a shocker. Tanner’s one of those people seems like everyone knows. Football team, popular girlfriend, friends with pretty much everyone ‘cause he’s so loud.

  Hayley shakes her head. “I know of him. But I don’t know him, know him, you know?” She giggles. “I think I just said ‘know’ about fifty times.”

  I laugh… again—always around her, really. “You are so wonderfully bizarre.”

  Her face gets a little red, and I think mine does too. I guess I said that out loud.

  “You haven’t seen anything yet.” She stops mid-walk right before we get to the checkout stand. “Hmm…”

  “What?”

  “Want to do something fun?”

  Her eyes tell me this is something more embarrassing than fun. “Uh…”

  She snatches the bag from my hands and stomps to the cashier. What the hell?

  “Excuse me,” she says to the lady, who sets down the magazine she was reading. “I was hoping you could help settle an argument.”

  I’ve never heard Hayley sound annoyed before. She’s always upbeat and funny without being ‘theater geek’ irritating. Now she sounds pissed.

  The cashier’s eyebrows shoot to the sky, but she answers, “Okay, hun. What’s the problem?”

  “You see my friend over there?” Hayley points right at me, and if I wasn’t beet red before, I am now. “Well, come here, Brody so you can argue your side too.”

  Holy hell.

  Why am I walking over there?

  “Okay, so here’s the story,” she huffs and turns back to the cashier. “It’s my birthday next weekend, right? And Brody here wanted to get some stuff for the party. Now, we’ve been friends for like ever, so he should know I hate Nacho Cheese Doritos.”

  The cashier nods and glances at me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond. This is pretty much past the point of embarrassing.

  “And do you see this?” Hayley grabs the chips and shoves them in the poor woman’s face. Now I’m trying not to laugh. “He goes straight for them. Know why?” She doesn’t let the cashier answer. “Because they’re his favorite!”

  The chips go flying back on the counter as Hayley turns on me. Her mouth is all about the fake rage over the stupid chips, but her eyes are laughing. “How selfish is that? For my birthday, I think I’m okay to request Ranch Doritos. Even though you hate them.”

  She turns back to the cashier. “Right?”

  The poor woman’s eyes switch back and forth between the two of us, and she squeaks, “Maybe get both?”

  Hayley slams her fist on the counter and both me and cashier victim jump back. “That’s not the point!” Her voice cracks. She’s crying. Crying! Over chips.

  Bravo.

  I’m a horrible actor, but I’m goin’ to try my best here. This is sort-of fun.

  I shove my hand in my pocket and toss the cash on the counter. Taking the bag of chips and Hayley’s wrist, I say, “Well, it’s my birthday too. We’re sharing this party, remember? And if I’m buyin’, I’m getting what I want.”

  The look on the cashier’s face almost makes me lose it and bust out laughing right there. “You can keep the change.”

  I tug Hayley toward the door. She yanks from my grasp but follows me. When we get to the car, her face breaks open into a huge smile, and she claps.

  “Well played, Brody. Holy freakin’ baby cows. That was full of awesomesauce!”

  I want to grab her in one of those amazing hugs again. This girl is full of awesomesauce.

  Once we stop our ridiculous laughter, I open the door and ask over the frame as she plops down, “Care to explain why we just freaked out that girl?”

  “‘Cause it’s fun! Also, she was reading the Soap Digest. Thought I’d give her another ‘big drama over nothing’ story.”

  She buckles and gestures for me to get in the car.

  “You know,” I say as I start the engine, “you sure can act. If I wasn’t in on it, I would’ve thought you were really pissed.”

  She shrugs and presses on the radio, sticking her feet on the dash. “I didn’t make up all of it.”

  “Don’t tell me that’s actually happened before.”

  “Ha! No. I was just saying that it really is my birthday next week. Eighteen, baby!”

  “Cool. You d
oin’ anything?”

  She shakes her head, still smilin’. “Nah. Birthdays and I don’t have the best track record. But still, I’ll be an adult! I’m so ready to graduate and move out.”

  Ditto on that one. If I get to graduate, I’m so outta here.

  The rest of the drive doesn’t take long, and Hayles yaps my ear off about the colleges she wants to go to, whether she’ll live in the dorms or rent an apartment, and what kind of jobs she’ll apply for. She sounds real excited about it all, makin’ me excited for her, but all this talk makes me wonder if I should get attached so close to the end of the year.

  “Okay,” she says as we step on Tanner’s porch, “you sure he’s cool with me being here? I mean, this is a dude’s thing, right?”

  “Dani’s here too. So, no, it’s not just a ‘dude’ thing.”

  Her hand clasps my wrist, and she tugs me back so I’m inches from her face.

  Stomach twists, mouth pools, palms sweat.

  Ah hell.

  “They don’t think… like, this isn’t a date, is it?”

  Guess the idea of being on a date with me scares the crap out of her.

  “Nah, of course not.” I gulp. “Just friends hangin’ out.”

  She drops my arm and takes a step back, her cheeks flaming.

  “Oh good.” She sighs. “Then there’s no pressure for me to be all flirty and stuff. ‘Cause I really don’t know how to do that.”

  Well, whatever she has been doin’, it’s working on me.

  I chuckle and walk in without knocking. Hayles gives me a hesitant look, but follows.

  “Doritos?” Tanner pipes up from the couch, not even lookin’ at me or Hayley.

  I chuck the bag right at the back of his head. It smacks him and he leaps off the couch, fists raised, but stops when he sees Hayley standing next to me.

  “Okay dude, you got lucky. I’m not going to beat you up in front of your girl.”

  “Oh, I’m not his girl. He only wishes.” She nudges my arm.

  If she only knew how right she is.

  Tanner chuckles. “I like you already. It’s Hayley, right?”

  She nods.

  “Sweet. You can have a seat over there. Dani’ll be here—”

  “Right now.” Tanner’s girl skips in, holding a two liter bottle of Cherry Pepsi and smacks a kiss on his lips before turning to face us.