Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

by Ann, Becca

  I don’t know how people are comfortable with PDA. Ugh.

  “Uh, Dani, this is Hayley.” I’m so awkward with this. It does feel like a double date now that I think about it. And I know Hayles doesn’t want anythin’ to do with that. How do I make this less awkward?

  “Sup?” Gangster Hayles has arrived, and she gives Dani a fist bump.

  “Yeah, I like you already too. Why don’t we hang out in school?” Dani asks as she drags Hayley to the couch. Tanner goes into the kitchen with the soda and chips, and I take a seat on the floor in front of the girls.

  “Probably because I’m a major dork.” Hayley laughs.

  “Whatever,” Dani says. “Dorks are the best kind of people.”

  “Okay suckas! Get ready to be wiped out!” Tanner comes in with a bowl of half-crushed chips, cups, and the soda. He plops them on the coffee table then leaps over to grab all the controllers. I throw Hayley a smile as I lean back to look at her.

  “You ever play Ghost Recon?”

  She beams at me. “You are so. Going. Down.”

  Sexiness should be based on a scale. And there are certain things that make the points rise or fall. Whooping my butt at a guy’s game—not just whooping, but completely wiping me out and rubbing my face in it—yeah, about a million sexy points.

  Hayles has broken the sexiness scale.

  And my ego, just a little bit. But who cares right now?

  “Shit, man.” Tanner says, tossing his remote down. “She’s good.”

  There’s the flinch but it’s gone before I think anyone else notices it. She stands up and victory dances with the controller. “That’s right, baby! I warned you, but now you have to eat all that smack talk you gave me!”

  Dani starts laughing like crazy and gets up to dance with her. They bump hips and shake their asses as they throw out scores and how girls can ‘so beat boys’ in video games. I’m pretty sure Tanner and I have lost all concentration. I can’t take my eyes off them. It may be a minute before I can stand.

  After they finish dancing—thank all that is holy ‘cause I’m not sure how much of that I could’ve taken before I had to leave the room—Hayles plops herself next to me. Right next to me. Her warm body presses against my arm and her heavy breath tickles my face as she gives me a big smile.

  I have no idea how stupid I look. I think I’m gawking.

  “Don’t be so sad, Brody. Maybe next time I’ll let you live longer than ten minutes.”

  “Uh, yeah, uh huh.” Oh hell, my tongue won’t work.

  Dani giggles. “You broke his brain! I think that deserves another victory dance.”

  Yeah, can’t handle another one of those. I shoot upright and mumble something about havin’ to piss and get outta there.

  Calm down, Brody.

  I splash water on my face and dry it off with the hand towel. Why am I so nervous? Even when it comes to Quynn, I never react this way to somethin’ so stupid. It’s more than just being turned on—which I am—but I can’t believe how awesome this girl is.

  What is wrong with me? I can’t fall for Hayles. She’s helping me get another girl. And how screwed up will that be if I turn out to be exactly like douchebag brother?

  So make up your mind, Brody. Quynn or Hayley?

  I can’t believe it’s even an option right now. I’ve spent more time with Hayley over the past two days than I’ve spent with her period. She’s constantly on my mind. Her personality is addictive, not to mention she’s hot as hell.

  Then there’s Quynn. I’m ashamed to admit my initial attraction to her was purely physical. But then I got to know her, and how fun and what a good person she is. She deserves someone way better than Gabe, and though I’m not exactly happy with the way they broke up, I am happy she’s rid of him.

  But am I any better? Here I am with another girl when Quynn’s at my house.

  Dude, Brody. What have you gotten yourself into?

  “Yo, man! Hurry up! I gotta go too.” Tanner knocks on the door. I make sure there’s no water marks left on my face before I go out.

  “Was that hot or what? Dude, invite a girl every time.”

  He shuts the door before I can respond.

  My mind is still so muddied it takes the entire walk down the hallway before I realize the girls are talking—about me.

  “Okay, tell me honestly. Do you think Brody is hot or what?”

  I’m not an eavesdropper normally, but the question Dani asks Hayles is one I want to know the answer to, too. So I hang out in the hallway.

  “He’s way hot. Everybody knows that.”

  Whoa. Stomach twists.

  “You guys dating, but not really dating?”

  Hayley laughs. “No. We’re just friends. I don’t think I’m exactly his type.”

  At least I haven’t been obvious.

  “Are you sure? He’s been flirting with you all night.”

  Maybe I have been obvious.

  “Trust me, I’m sure. I know who he likes.”

  “You?” Dani laughs.

  “Ha, ha. No!”

  Yes. Hell yes.

  “Okay, okay, but let’s just say hypothetically, if this girl was you, would you go for it?”

  I’m leaning forward so much, I have to duck my head back around the wall so they don’t catch me listenin’. She’s taking forever to respond! Would she go for it?

  “Gosh, I can’t even think about that hypothetically.”

  Why not?

  “Why not?”

  Thank you, Dani.

  “You’ve seen Brody, right? I mean hello! You know those sexy scales?”

  Ah hell…

  “Scale from one to ten?”

  “Yeah. I’m like a four, and that’s only because I’ve got a big rack. And Brody is like a fifteen. There’s no way for me to even contemplate him being interested in me. Because it’s just not possible.”

  Dude, is that really what she thinks? If anything, it’s the other way around.

  “Just say it is possible. Would you go for it?”

  “I don’t—”

  “Hey man, did you get lost?”

  Damn Tanner.

  “Very funny,” I growl as I walk into the game room. Both girls’ faces are bright red, and I’m sure mine is too. Tanner seems to be the only one relaxed. But he did just spend a hell of a lot of time in the bathroom.

  “Okay, round two, girl. Be prepared for a rematch!” Tanner grabs the controller and sits on the edge of the couch.

  Hayles laughs and rolls her eyes. “Your funeral.”

  Reason 9: You’ve turned me into a psycho

  “Holy super fun! Thanks for bringing me. Your friends are awesomesauce!”

  “Uh, yeah. Uh huh.” Tongue not working again. Either that or my brain isn’t functioning. I can’t get her words out of my head, and I wish Tanner would’ve taken longer in the can.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  Hayles smiles, but she looks concerned. Can’t help but smile with her.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired I guess.”

  “Okay…”

  Silence. Well, not really silence. She sings along to the radio. But her voice is lost in the swirling thoughts going through my head.

  I think I want to ask her out. On a date. But she’s been so weird about that topic, I’m pretty sure she’ll cringe or laugh at me.

  And Quynn… well, I’m still not sure how I feel about that.

  “Brody?”

  Stomach twists. “Yeah?”

  “Did something happen with Quynn?”

  “Huh?”

  Even though it’s dark, I still see her face go red. “You’ve just been quiet. I know I don’t know you all that well, but I’m a perceptive person, remember? So, spill. What’s wrong?”

  Everythin’. I’m falling for you, but still like Quynn. Not sure how to ask you out without you freakin’ on me. Can’t decide whether or not I want your help anymore—if I should give up on this whole date the brother’s ex thing, or if I sho
uld grab you and kiss you right now.

  “Nothing.”

  She clears her throat. “Can I be blunt?”

  “Yeah.”

  “If you’re thinking it’s hopeless, you’re wrong. And you need to stop thinking that right now.”

  What is she talking about?

  “Since I’ve totally been failing at my pointers today, I’m going to let you in on a secret about girls.”

  “What’s that?”

  She smiles. My heart does a funky flip floppy thing. “Hugs usually mean more than just a hug.”

  “Uh, yeah?”

  “Yes.”

  I get to her street, wishin’ she didn’t live so close to Tanner so I could spend more time with her.

  “Hey, would you mind turning your lights off when you pull in? I don’t wanna wake anyone up.”

  I nod, flipping the switch as I park in her driveway. She unbuckles, but I’m not done talkin’ to her. Not yet.

  “Uh, Hayles?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What do they mean?” I gulp. “The hugs?”

  Her tongue slides over her lips before she talks. Uh, yeah. That’s hot. “I guess it depends on the girl, but what I get from it, you said something that made her feel cared for. That means a lot to girls.”

  “So, it’s like a trust thing?”

  She smiles and raises her eyebrows. “Wow, Brody. Yes. That’s exactly what it is. Quynn trusts you with her feelings. That’s huge!”

  Right, Quynn. “Uh, can I be honest with you?”

  She rolls her eyes. “I hope you’ll always be honest with me.”

  I laugh as she punches me in the arm. Can’t tell you how good it is she remembers stuff I said to her before. “Touché.”

  “Well…?” Her eyes get all wide. I know it’s dark, but I’m finally noticing her eye color. Could be just the lack of light, but they are the deepest green I’ve ever seen.

  I clear my throat. Dude, relax. “I guess I’m not sure about Quynn anymore.”

  “What?!” Whoa, her voice can get real loud. “Why? It’s only been like a couple days, and you’ve already made some huge dents. Why’re you questioning it now?”

  ‘Cause of you. You’re fun, awesome, and hot as hell. And you came out of nowhere, makin’ me feel gooey crap I didn’t know I was capable of.

  “I dunno.”

  She shifts, so her torso faces me. I try to keep my eyes away from her chest, but I can’t help glancing once. Okay, maybe twice.

  “Look, I’m going to ask you plain and simple. What did you feel when she hugged you?”

  Nothing.

  “I dunno,” I say again. “It happened really fast.”

  “Just think. Close your eyes if you need to. But think hard about what it felt like to have her that close to you—to comfort her.”

  I do end up closin’ my eyes. I have to in order to concentrate on Quynn. It was pretty amazin’ to have her slim and sexy body against mine, even though it was only two seconds. Her arms slung around my neck is what I remember most, and that was hot. I’d always wanted her to hug me like that. Why didn’t it feel any different though?

  And dude, it was nothing compared to Hayles. Yeah, I was the one to hug her, and it was just as short, but there was something different about it. Her short and cute body snuggled into mine. Her chocolate smell. Her surprise even. And when she wrapped her arms around my torso I’m pretty sure I lost all train of thought.

  I could hold Hayles for the rest of my life.

  “Brody?”

  My eyes shoot open. I almost forgot I wasn’t alone.

  “Hmm?”

  “What did you feel?”

  Be honest, Brody. “That I just got an answer I’ve been lookin’ for.” Cheesy, but honest.

  She giggles. “Good.” Her hand reaches for the door handle.

  “Hey, what are you up to tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know. Why?”

  Voice-box, do not fail me again. “Do you want to hang out?”

  “Oh!” Her face brightens. Damn cute. “Like another game night?”

  “If you want.” I laugh. “But just you and me this time, if that’s all right.”

  She’s so expressive. Her face goes from major excitement to suspicion in a split second. “Not a date though, right?”

  I guess not, because that’s the deal breaker. “Nah, ‘course not.”

  “Then, yeah! I’m totally up for it. Text me to let me know when I should head over.”

  “How about I pick you up so you don’t have to walk in the rain?”

  She shakes her head as she tosses her eyes to the ceiling. “Okay, but don’t come in. Like, just text me when you get here, and I’ll come out.”

  Kind of wish I knew why she’s so weird about her house, but I don’t want to mess this up.

  “Great. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  She smiles and steps out of the car—she’s got one hell of an ass—and leans back to say, “Catch you later, home-fry.”

  I’ve got to figure out how to get the corn chip smell out of my room. Not that I’m expecting Hayles to be in my room today—okay, okay, I don’t expect, but I’m hopin’ like crazy we end up here—but it should probably smell better anyway.

  I throw open the window, even though it’s pouring outside, and start chuckin’ all the laundry on the floor into the basket in the corner. The bed sheets go too, as well as the stuff crammed under the bed. I’m pretty sure there are a thousand empty Monster cans jammed into my overflowing trash.

  “Brody!”

  “Yeah?”

  Mom stumbles downstairs, and her jaw drops. “Are… are you cleaning?”

  You’d think I just murdered someone. “Yeah. Got a friend comin’ over later.”

  Her brow furrows. “You’ve never cared before.” Then her face splits open with a wide smile. “Is this friend a girl?”

  Dude. Do not want to talk about this with Mom. But I’m honest. “Yeah. Is that all right?”

  “Oh Brody, I don’t know…” She bites her bottom lip and takes a few breaths. “I mean, I’d like to be the cool Mom, but I just don’t think having a girl here while your dad and I are out is a good idea. Especially if you’re cleaning your room. Call me crazy, but it worries me.”

  Ugh. “She’s just a friend.”

  “Then why are you cleaning your room?”

  “Because it stinks.”

  “Brody…?”

  Damn it. She’s not goin’ to let this happen. “Look, Mom, Hayley and I are just gonna—”

  “Oh! It’s Hayley?” She cocks her head, and I nod. “Well, that’s fine.” She swipes her hand through the air. “I thought… I was assuming it would be… never mind. You kids have fun. I’ll be home around ten.” She kisses my forehead—ugh—and leaves.

  Uh… okay. That was weird. But at least I don’t have to worry about Parent Patrol.

  I check my phone for the millionth time. Still nothing. I texted Hayles the second I woke up and it’s been about four hours. What the hell? Did she forget or somethin’?

  Maybe I should just go get her. Tell her I just happen to be in the neighborhood and wondered if she still wanted to hang.

  There is somethin’ seriously wrong with me. Girl’s turned me into a psycho.

  I snatch up a pair of gym shorts and toss them in the pile of laundry. Then grab the garbage and trudge upstairs.

  Crap. The kitchen and front room are a disaster too. Not nearly as bad as my room, but bad enough I gotta clean it before Hayles gets here. If she gets here.

  It’s only 2:00. Chill out.

  I check my phone again as I pull the front door open.

  “Fart! Brody, you scared the poo out of me.”

  There she is. Drenched to the bone, big smile on her face and a grocery bag in her arms. She scared me too, but I don’t let her know. Not sure what comes outta my mouth, but she laughs.

  “Can I please come inside, even though I’ll drip everywhere?”

  �
��Yes! Get your crazy ass—” She flinches. Oh right. “Sorry. Butt in here.”

  I drop the garbage and run to get her a towel.

  “Thanks,” she says as I wrap it around her. I kind of want to rub her shoulders and dry her off myself, but I bet she’ll slap me if I try. “Lookie what I brought you!” She thrusts the grocery bag in my arms and tugs the towel around her tighter.

  I can’t help the laugh barreling out my mouth. “Cheeseburger Doritos. Did you give another cashier an interesting story?”

  “Nah. But maybe next time.” She smiles and wipes a few raindrops from her cheeks.

  “Why the he… heck did you walk here?” At least I caught the swear this time. Didn’t realize I was so bad at that.

  She shrugs and follows me into the kitchen. So much for cleanin’ everything before she got here. “I like the rain.”

  “I was goin’ to pick you up. You never answered my texts.”

  “Yeah, sorry. I don’t have my phone on me today.”

  Her eyes drop to the floor as she sits on the bar stool. Is that all she’s going to say about it?

  “Uh, am I going to have to ask?”

  “Ask what?”

  “Why you don’t have your phone.” I rip the bag of chips open and dump some in a bowl. Guess I didn’t have to worry so much about the corn chip smell.

  “We’re not going to talk about it.” Her voice is stern, but she’s smilin’ with her eyes, so I know she’s not all that serious.

  “Drop it in the toilet or somethin’?”

  I could listen to her laugh all day. She shoves my shoulder and rolls her eyes. “No. But it is a bit… waterlogged.”

  Before I can ask what she means, she grabs a chip, sniffs it, and then jams it in her mouth.

  “Okay, so these aren’t as bad as I thought. You’ve got good taste.”

  “Told you.” Laughing, I open the fridge and pull out two cans of Coke and nod to the front room. “You want to play another game?” I’m up for another slaughter, since that was crazy hot.

  “Ooh!” She hops off the stool and skips into the next room. “Let’s see what you got…”

  The small of her back peeks out from her shirt as she crouches. Her wet clothes cling tight to her skin, showin’ off some serious curves. Goin’ to have to sit down or adjust or something. That is damn sexy. She looks so… soft. Not like bony chicks, but someone who holds their own. If I hold her, I know she won’t break.