Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

by Ann, Becca

  “Brody?”

  “Uh, sorry. What?”

  She waves a game in the air by her face, but yeah, I don’t know what it is.

  “You okay with this one?”

  I’m okay with anythin’ right now. “Yup.” I put the food down and grab the game from her. She plops on the couch, not even caring she’s sitting on some unfolded laundry, and she’s still soakin’ wet.

  “Prepare to be annihilated!”

  I laugh and just as I pop in the game, the TV shuts off. The X-Box goes out too. I glance at the clock. Blank.

  Well, so much for that.

  The fizzle of Hayles opening her Coke brings my attention to her again. She’s smilin’—I like that about her. Nothing gets her down—and she takes a sip before sayin’, “Guess we get to play something else.”

  Reason 10: You are the FHF—Freaking Hot Friend

  “And what is that?” I sit next to her, closer than I would have if it was someone else, but far enough away so I don’t touch her.

  Damn, she’s cute. She tucks her legs under her butt and leans toward me like the idea she has should make me just as excited.

  “Twenty questions.”

  I raise my eyebrows. She wants to play twenty questions? Does she realize how dangerous a game that is?

  “You sure?” I say, a smile breaking through. “‘Cause you may regret that.”

  She giggles. “Is that a challenge?”

  Competitive. Girl keeps gettin’ hotter and hotter. “Definitely a challenge.”

  “Okay then, rules.”

  “There are rules?”

  “In my version.”

  How many people has she played this with?

  Don’t get jealous, Brody. She’s never been on a date, remember?

  “Okay…”

  “You have to answer every question, but you do get one,” she holds a finger up, “that you can choose to plead the fifth. But choose wisely. Once you’ve used it, then that’s it!”

  That’s not so bad. She already knows about Quynn, and besides that, there’s really nothin’ I have to hide.

  “Also, twenty questions means twenty total. Ten for you, ten for me. And any question counts as one, so if you ask any follow-ups, they count toward your ten.”

  “Got it.” Hope she’s ready for this. I’m dyin’ to know more about her.

  She adjusts her towel and shivers slightly. I’m such a douche. Girl’s probably freezin’ her ass off.

  “Hang on.” I fling myself over the back of the couch and race to my room. Sweet, I got a clean sweater and a blanket I can give her. I spray a little cologne on them though ‘cause they live in the ass room.

  “Here,” I say handing her my stuff. “You look freakin’ cold.”

  Her face goes a little pink as she smiles. “Thanks.” She takes the blanket and wraps it around her, but leaves the sweater untouched. I’m trying not to get a complex about that.

  “So, you ready?” she asks.

  “Shoot.”

  She smiles again as she tucks into the blanket. I catch her breathing it in.

  Stomach twists.

  “Have you kissed Quynn?”

  Whoa. She ain’t messin’ around. “Loaded first question.”

  She shrugs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cross a line if I did.”

  “You didn’t.” I just don’t want to talk about Quynn. I want to be with Hayles. “No, I haven’t kissed her. On the cheek, maybe, but not like what you mean.”

  Is that relief in her face?

  “Your turn,” she says softly.

  Since she’s going for the kiss question…

  “How many people have you kissed?”

  She barks out laughing. I give her a ‘what the hell is so funny?’ look since I can’t ask the question out loud.

  “Sorry, it’s just… I thought you would’ve figured that already. I haven’t been on a date, so, um, never been kissed.”

  Why does this make me nervous? Why does knowing her lips never touched anyone else’s make my abs feel like they’ve been sucker punched?

  I know why. ‘Cause I want to be the guy who gets to give it to her. Her first kiss, her first date, her first… well, everything.

  But hello! That’s a lot of pressure. I mean, she’s seventeen, almost eighteen. She’s waited this long. It better be hotter than hell.

  “Okay, my turn,” she says, jolting me back to the present. “What do you plan on doing when you graduate?”

  Dude. I have no idea.

  “I dunno. I guess get a job, try to get into the community college, and move out. That’s what I want to do, but not sure if it’ll happen.”

  “Why not?” Her eyebrows crinkle in that damn cute way, and she slaps her forehead. “Craptastic, I just used another question. That’s three for me once you answer.”

  I chuckle and slide a little closer to her. Can’t help it. “Well, my grade is slippin’ in ASL, you know that, but as for movin’ out? Guess it’s ‘cause the only place I can afford on a student’s pay would be close to my brother, and I want to be as far away from him as possible.”

  She nods. “Yeah, I get that.”

  It’s quiet for a minute, ‘cause really, I’m not sure if she’s waiting for me to ask the next question, or if she’s thinkin’. I want to ask her about her family, but something tells me she won’t be too happy with that.

  She still has her ‘veto’ though. Maybe I’ll give it a shot.

  “Uh…” I clear my throat. Dude, Brody, just get it over with. “Why don’t you ever want me to walk you to your door?” That’s an innocent question, right?

  “Because it’s not a big deal.” She smiles, but it doesn’t go up to her eyes.

  “Is there a rule about lying? Because there should be.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up, and she smiles all the way. “I’ve never been good at lying.” She laughs. “The truth? I don’t want you to meet my mom.”

  I don’t care about the follow up question takin’ up one of mine. Gotta know. “Why?”

  “Okay, that’s question three for you. And that’s the one you’re not getting an answer for. My turn.”

  “But—”

  “Are you a virgin?”

  Way to take my mind completely off its train of thought. She’s good.

  “Uh, yeah.”

  It doesn’t bug me I’m still a virgin. At least not with her, since she hasn’t even kissed someone, but still, for an eighteen-year-old guy, it’s hard to admit out loud.

  “Hey! Me too!” She laughs and kicks me in the shin. I wish she’d keep her foot there. I can’t believe this girl hasn’t been on one date. It has to be due to her and not for lack of options.

  I want to ask her out. Not just to ‘hang’, but to hold her hand and open her door and all that other stuff that goes with it. But I can’t do that without feelin’ like she’d get all weird on me.

  We are playin’ twenty questions though…

  I take a deep breath and go for it. “If I asked you out, what would you say?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Knock it off, Brody.”

  “That’s what you’d say?”

  “No, I’m sayin’ choose another question.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you have to ask somethin’ that’s not completely crazy. Somethin’ real.”

  “You think it’s crazy that I’d want to ask you out?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, why?” I stop, trying to count back how many questions that was, but I don’t really care. “And that only counts as one question since you didn’t answer me.”

  She tugs the blanket around her, taking another breath of it. “So, you want to know why I think it’s crazy that you’d ask me out?”

  “Yup.”

  She pauses, her eyes going to the ceiling, down to the floor, over at the TV. This girl is killin’ me.

  “It’s a long answer. You ready for it?”

  “Yeah.” Hell yeah. Maybe then I’ll know how to con
vince her how crazy she is.

  “First, I know who you’d really like to go out with, and it’s not me.”

  She’s really wrong about that one.

  “Second, we’ve hung out like, what? Three times? I’m actually surprised you haven’t ditched me already with how weird I am.”

  That’s one of the best things about her.

  “Third—and you’re going to hate this reason, but it’s true—look at me.”

  Oh, I have been.

  “I’m not exactly Miss Size Zero.”

  Huh?

  “I’m what they call the FFF.”

  “Meaning?”

  “The Funny Fat Friend.”

  What the hell? I know she’s going to get self-conscious, but I look her over. I mean, I’ve been checkin’ her out for the past couple of days. Never once did it cross my mind that she’s fat. Girls say that all the time, but the way Hayles said it, it’s like she actually believes it and she’s all right with it.

  Maybe that’s why she doesn’t care when people moo at her.

  I wouldn’t call her fat though. She looks like an hourglass. Big in the right places. And that stuff doesn’t matter to me anyway. This girl is amazing.

  “Hayles—”

  “You don’t have to say it, Brody.”

  “Say what?”

  “That I’m not fat. I know you feel you have to, but you don’t. Really, I’m okay with it.” She adjusts on the couch, crossing her arms and the blanket around her stomach. Tryin’ to hide it or somethin’.

  “But—”

  “Please.” Her voice cracks. Dude, I was going to tell her I think she’s damn sexy, but now I’m not sure if she’ll want to hear it.

  I scoot closer again. She doesn’t shift away, so I take a stab at tellin’ her what I think of her.

  “You know, I don’t know many of your friends, but I’m pretty sure you’re the hot one.” It’s a round about way of tellin’ her she needs to realize how freakin’ beautiful she is.

  Her cheeks flush, and she smiles as she rolls her eyes. “Yeah. O-kay.” She shoves my arm, but her hand lingers there, playin’ with the fabric of my shirt.

  Damn, that feels good. Gut is getting all crazy twisted again. I want to grab her hand and hold it there.

  Then her breath catches, and she snaps her hand back under the blanket. Her face gets dark red, and she avoids eye contact with me.

  “Well, given the fact all my friends have boyfriends and I have yet to go on a date, I’m pretty sure I’m the FFF, but whatever.”

  She’s tryin’ to change the subject. Did I make her that flustered? Nice.

  “It’s probably ‘cause you were the one to set them up. You said that right?”

  “Yes, I did. Freaky Frisbees, you are a good listener.”

  When it comes to you, hell yeah. “So, question like six or somethin’, how did you get into that whole deal?”

  Her face falls, and her eyes go straight to the floor.

  “Crap. I already used my ‘no answer’.” She sighs. What is so bad? Guess the right thing to do would be to let her off the hook and tell her not to answer, but too bad. I’m going to do the wrong thing and make her answer. I gotta know more about her. It’s like a freakin’ drug. And the more I find out, the more I want her. I’m almost sitting on top of her now that I think about it.

  “Yup, you did. So whenever you’re ready…” I smirk and her cheeks go pink again.

  “It’s another long answer.”

  My eyes flick to the window. It’s still pouring like snot out there. “Looks like we’ve got time.”

  “Okay, so there was this guy. Jason.”

  “Dolley?”

  “Yeah.”

  I know him. He’s one of those punkers who think they’re real good at the guitar, but really, they blow.

  “Anyways, when I started high school, me and my girlfriends went out and met up with a few boys. One of the guys was Jason and he like, was way cute and nice to me and asked for my number at the end of the night.”

  “I thought you said you hadn’t been on a date.” I smile and cock an eyebrow. I want to touch her, but I keep my hands to myself.

  “I don’t count that as a date ‘cause it wasn’t. Just a group of friends hanging out.”

  “But he asked for your number. That sounds like he was into you.”

  I shouldn’t be jealous of something that was forever ago, but I am. Stupid punk dick.

  “Right? I knew I wasn’t crazy about that!”

  “Huh?”

  “Well, he asked for my number and called me… a lot! Like every freakin’ day. I thought, ‘Holy crap! Someone actually picked me out of all my skinny gorgeous friends. Score!’ But, then after a couple of weeks, he asked if we could all hang out again. As a group, which I was okay with. You know, less pressure and crap.”

  “Okay…?” Yeah, still not getting where this is going.

  “Well, he asked if Lexi would be there. I told him yes, ‘cause she’s like my best friend, and he asked me… well, he asked if I could talk him up so he’d have a chance with her.”

  What a pussy. Even in the ninth grade, I knew how to ask out a girl without going through the best friend first.

  “Well, I was a little pissed, and a lot hurt, but I probably just read things wrong.”

  “No—”

  “But when I told Lexi about Jason, she was so thrilled… I guess she was into him too, so I set them up.”

  “Wait, she didn’t know you liked him?”

  “No. I don’t tell people about my crushes. It’s like voicing them only makes it worse when they don’t like me back.”

  That makes sense. But dude, still feel like kickin’ Jason’s ass until my foot pops out his mouth.

  “They still together?”

  “Yeah.” She scratches her nose and slides closer to me. Damn. Her wet hair mixed with her normal chocolate smell is a real turn on. “The same thing happened with Mike, Wes, and Nick. That’s when I learned not to get my hopes up with every guy who paid me even the smallest amount of attention. To take matters in my own hands, and offer to help out before I could get hurt… or attached.”

  Shit.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  I’m no better than any of the other douchebags who used her to get to someone else. It may have started that way with me, but it sure as hell won’t end that way.

  No wonder she’s so weird about dating.

  “Anyway, all my friends now have boyfriends I set them up with. And I’m pretty good at it, since they are all still together.” She smiles and pats my leg. “So there’s my resume! Do I have you convinced now I can get you with Quynn?”

  I nod, but I’m not really payin’ attention anymore. I feel like shit. She’s never goin’ to think I’m for real until I tell her Quynn isn’t who I want anymore.

  It’s her.

  But will she ever believe that?

  “So, I’ve lost count on our questions.” She laughs, her breath tickling my face. “But I’m pretty sure you’ve run out.”

  I nod.

  “Hey.”

  I look at her.

  “You okay?”

  No. I’m not okay. I’ve got a girl who refuses to believe anyone could fall for her because she’s fat, and she refuses to fall for anyone else because she doesn’t want to get hurt.

  I don’t ever want to hurt her. I want to be with her. Hold her and show her she’s freakin’ wrong.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  Reason 11: You are perceptive

  One day. One damn day since I talked with Hayles. I’ve never been more happy for a Monday.

  Funny thing, it’s not ‘cause of Quynn that I’m anxious to get to the ASL room. I have the palm sweats and the gut knots and all that other stuff that tells me I’m in way over my head. That’s normal for the ASL room, but it’s for a different girl this time.

  And it’s about a hundred times worse.

  I kind of wonder if it’s ‘cause I couldn
’t text Hayles at all after I dropped her off. I really regret not askin’ her more about her ‘waterlogged’ phone. I’m askin’ today ‘cause this shit sucks. It’s like I need to talk to her. All. The. Time.

  Damn it.

  I am in way over my head.

  And it’s only lunch time. Just one. More. Hour.

  I jam my earphones in and crank up the music. I’m not in the mood to people watch today. Gotta calm my nerves.

  I’m going to do it today. I’m going to ask her out, and she’s going to say yes and believe me. Even if I have to freakin’ shake her until she gets it.

  Drummin’ my fingers on my knees, I close my eyes and try to erase everythin’ twisting in my stomach. It’s just a girl. Just a girl. Done this before. What’s the worst that can happen?

  She’ll say no.

  Then convince her to say yes.

  Good luck with that, Brody. She’s pretty firm on her self-image.

  Well, she’s wrong.

  One of my earphones gets pulled out and my eyes snap open.

  “What are you listening to, homie?”

  Can’t help feelin’ like I may hurl all over her as she sits down—right next to me again—and sticks the headphone in her ear. I go to turn it down, but she stops my hand, keeping hers on mine as she listens.

  Can’t. Concentrate.

  She’s all warm and soft and crap. I want to grab her into my arms and keep her there forever.

  “Mr. Grant, I’ve underestimated you.”

  “Huh?” Yeah, I’m going to try to ignore the fact it doesn’t matter what name she calls me, I like it. Point for Hayles about the name thing.

  “You have good taste in more than just chips.” She grabs the iPod out of my hand. Her finger flicks through the playlists, and I hear a small, “Ooh!” before the song changes. Then she hums along softly by my face.

  Damn beautiful.

  “Uh, Hayles?”

  “Mmm?” She turns the music down.

  Bailing… “I didn’t know you had this lunch.”

  “Yup. Right now you’re saving me from the slob fest going on in the cafeteria.” Her eyes toss up to the ceiling before meeting mine. “I hate being witness to PDA.”