Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend

by Ann, Becca

  After putting the bread loaf douchebag brother took half of away, I glance at the clock on the microwave.

  Where is Mom? She’s usually home by now. Actually, she should’ve been home an hour ago.

  Maybe she saw Gabe and took off runnin’ while she could. Mom is one smart lady.

  A long sigh escapes Hayles mouth as she walks in the kitchen.

  “Favor?”

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  She slides my phone across the bar. “My phone’s all fixed. Mind taking me to Verizon to pick it up?”

  I smirk. “Only if you tell me how it got waterlogged in the first place.”

  A giggle and an eye roll is the only answer I get.

  “All right.” Stubborn girl. “Let me leave a note for my ma.”

  I jot down real quick where I’ll be—with her car—and also why there’s an open beer on the counter.

  “You really don’t mind, do you?” she asks as I lock the house up, an unopened can of Coke in her hand.

  “Hayles, it’s fine.” I’m probably more psyched than she is about gettin’ her phone back.

  “You are freaking wonderistic, Brody. Why the heck did I not befriend you before now?” She laughs and nudges me with her elbow. My stomach knots up and all the pissed off crap I had from the brief conversation with Gabe just disappears.

  She turns, but I grab her hand and whirl her toward me.

  Do not bail out this time, Brody.

  “Hey, uh…” Brain dead. Going brain dead. Just get it out. “W-what are ya doin’… I mean…” Ugh. Find the words, dude! “I was wondering if, uh, you had any plans yet for your birthday.”

  Her eyes widen, and she shakes loose from my hold. “Nothing yet. Why?” Her face is pink. It’s so cute like that.

  “Can I…” Do it fast, Brody. Like a band-aid. “Can I take you out?”

  It’s out there now. I’m pretty sure it’s obvious I’m askin’ her on a date for real this time. I’m tryin’ to read her expression but it’s hard. What is she thinking? At first her mouth pops open, and her eyes light up like I told her she won the lottery—not sayin’ I’m the lottery, but you get what I mean. Next second her green eyes brim over with those tears, and I’m not sure what to think.

  So I stand here.

  Like an idiot.

  Waiting…

  Waiting…

  Stomach twisting.

  Ready to hurl all over the porch.

  Still waiting.

  How long has it been? Feels like hours.

  “A-are you serious?”

  Whew. I haven’t lost my hearing. “Yeah. I want to take you out.”

  “Like on a date?” Her voice pitches on the word.

  “Uh, yeah.”

  Again, I can’t read her expression. But it sort-of looks like she thinks I’m makin’ some kind of joke.

  “Knock it off, Brody.”

  Ugh. “I’m serious, Hayles.”

  Her forehead crinkles, right there between her eyebrows. Does she have any idea how crazy that drives me?

  “What? Why?”

  Okay, here we go. Can’t tell her just how much I’m obsessing over her. She’d bolt from the porch, and I’d never see her again. But I can’t be too ‘whatever’ about it either, ‘cause she’d never believe me.

  I clear my throat. “You deserve to be taken out for your birthday. And… and I want to be the guy who takes you on your first date.”

  She crosses her arms, makin’ that cleavage pop. I’m goin’ to have to keep my eyes on her face in order to form coherent sentences. “Are you for real?”

  “Uh, yeah.” Dude, I’m so bad at this. She’s going to say no.

  Her eyes get watery for the shortest second in the world, but enough for me to worry over it, then… then she’s smiling. “So, like, what do I wear on a date?” She giggles and hops down the porch. “I’ve never been on one, remember?”

  Just like that, we’re back to normalcy. Well, as normal as it ever is between us.

  “Something comfortable.”

  “PJ’s?” she jokes.

  I laugh and open the door for her, and she plops in. “If you want.” Then the images of her in them make me lose concentration for a second.

  “Be careful. I’d live in my pajamas if I could.”

  As I shut the door and cross to my side, I see her feet slide up on the dash, and she taps her knees to a song I’m sure is just in her head. It’s like our thing now. Feels like we’ve been dating for a week already.

  Why was I so nervous?

  “I take it you’re saying yes then?” I ask as I start the engine. I know it’s stupid, but I want to hear her say it.

  “Yeah… but…”

  Oh, here it comes.

  “It’s not like it’s a real date or anything. I’m agreeing ‘cause you’re that awesome of a friend, but we both know sooner or later, you’ll be going out with the girl. Not just one of your homies.”

  Grr… this girl!

  “It is a real date. I want to pick you up and—”

  “Can we meet somewhere instead?”

  Girl is way weird about her house. Dude, she’s weird in general and I’m about to throw in the towel, but I give her a once over, and I can’t. She’s worth all the trouble.

  “I don’t want to ruin the surprise.” I wink and toss my arm around the back of her headrest. I’m layin’ it on thick, I know, but she’s gotta catch on to the flirting eventually.

  “Oh gosh, now I’m nervous!” She laughs and pops open her drink.

  “It’ll be fun, I promise.” I smirk at her before putting the car in drive. “And I’m pickin’ you up. No arguing with me.”

  She rolls her eyes as she takes a sip of her Coke. “Okay, but like, text me when you’re on your way. Deal?”

  I can live with that. “Deal.” I wrap my hand around hers, and she lets me.

  Just like that, we’re holdin’ hands. And damn it if I ever let her go.

  Reason 13: I’d beat the crap out of my own flesh and blood for you

  “Hey ma!” My voice is muffled by all the clothes in my hamper, but Mom hears me.

  “What is it?”

  I look through the basket again before I yell back up the stairs. “You seen my blue shirt?”

  “You have a lot of blue shirts, hun.”

  Ugh. “You know the long sleeved one with the writing on the arm?”

  She doesn’t yell back, but I hear her footsteps move to the laundry room and the dryer door swing open.

  “It’s up here!”

  “Will you toss it down?”

  I wait to hear the soft thud on the floor outside my room before going out there. Yeah, Mom’s not catchin’ me half naked.

  Normally I wouldn’t care about what kind of shirt I’m wearin’, but tonight… yeah, first date with the girl I like and her first date period. Better do my best to look like I care while lookin’ like I don’t care.

  It’s harder than it sounds.

  The doorbell rings just as I’m tuggin’ my belt on. If that girl came here instead of lettin’ me pick her up, I’m gonna—

  “Quynn!”

  Ah hell.

  “Hi Terri.” Quynn’s voice hits me in the stomach. I’m goin’ to crap myself. What is she doin’ here?

  “Come in, come in.”

  Their footsteps go right to the living room and then the couch creaks as they sit. I take out my cell. Damn it, I’m already runnin’ late. Maybe I can crawl out my window.

  “Is Brody here?”

  In the words of Hayley… how freakin’ pooptastic! How did I space Quynn was planning on seein’ me tonight? Oh that’s right, I’ve been Hayley obsessed. And now I’m stuck. Gotta bail on Quynn… yeah, she said she was comin’ over to see Mom, and even though it sounds cocky as hell, I know she’s here to see me too.

  Cell’s still in my hand, and I fumble around the keyboard as I try to type Hayles a quick text.

  Sry I’m late. I’m comin’ I promise. Don�
��t u dare start walkin’ over here. I’ll text u when I’m close.

  Yeah, the last thing I need is for Hayles to show up and see me, Mom, and Quynn talkin’ like it’s some sort of messed up book club or somethin’. The image makes my palms sweat.

  It’s so lame.

  “Hey, Quynn’s here. Come talk with us.”

  Yeah, lame isn’t a strong enough word.

  “I can’t.” Damn it, I just snapped at my mom. Now she’ll know—

  “What’s wrong?”

  I sigh. “Nothin’. I’m running late.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Out.”

  Tucking my wallet into my back pocket, I try to walk past her, but she blocks me, crossing her arms over her waist in that ‘Don’t talk to me that way’ mother stance.

  “Brody, you tell me what’s going on right now, or you’re not going anywhere.”

  Ugh. I don’t talk girls with Mom. She’s biased. She doesn’t say it out loud, but I know she wants Quynn and me to…

  Yeah, I don’t talk girls with Mom.

  But I’m honest with my parents.

  “I’ve got a date.”

  Her arms drop. “Oh.”

  Yeah, that’s all she says.

  “Can you tell Quynn I’m sorry, and I’ll see her in school?”

  Her lips purse together for a second before she says, “You can tell her yourself. You have to walk past her anyway.”

  She turns to head upstairs, but pauses, hand resting on the handrail. “Is it Hayley?”

  I sigh again. Mom’s more observant than I thought. And I have been spendin’ a lot of time with Hayles lately. “It’s her birthday.”

  “Oh, okay.” Her voice turns upbeat and her smile goes back on her face. I wish that didn’t bug me, but it does. What if it wasn’t Hayles’ birthday? Why does she care so much about who I decide to date?

  Guess I should rephrase. Why does she care so much that I want to date Hayley? I have a guess, but I don’t want to even think it, ‘cause it’ll make me sound like a big dick.

  “Tell her I say Happy Birthday.”

  “I will.” I reach over and grab my set of car keys off my dresser. “You okay if I…?”

  “Yup, just be careful. And put some gas in it when you’re done.”

  Yeah, I’ll have to do that anyway since I’m sure Mom left it on fumes.

  I nod, and we both head upstairs, my heart going faster with each step. I don’t want to see Quynn’s face or smell her citrusy and girly scent. It’ll just confuse the crap out of me, and I don’t want all that before I’m with Hayles.

  Tonight has to be perfect for her, and I won’t think about another girl on our first date together. Hayles deserves more than that.

  Ugh, am I the right person to do this for her?

  “Hey, Brody!”

  “Oof!” For a tiny girl, she sure has a lot of force behind her hugs.

  Wait… another hug. She’s gettin’ a lot more touchy feely with me. Is it all ‘cause of those two days I actually used those pointers Hayles gave me?

  She pulls back, her face burning red as she tucks the loose strands of hair behind her ear. “Sorry, it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  I chuckle. It comes out kind of shaky and dorky. “I saw you yesterday.”

  “Yeah, but we didn’t talk. You were… busy.”

  Awkward. Especially with Mom standing right here.

  “Yeah, sorry. Been… preoccupied.”

  Understatement. I’ve been obsessed. Followin’ Hayley around tryin’ to figure out what she likes so I can make this date good for her.

  Quynn nods, grabs my hand and pulls me to the couch. I’m a douche, because I whip my hand from hers so hard, I can see it hurt her feelings.

  “Sorry, I-I can’t stay and talk. Got a…” Why is the word not coming out? Say it, Brody. D-A-T-E. It’s not hard.

  “Got plans tonight.”

  Yup, you’re a douche.

  “Oh that’s right. Friday night is game night.” She taps her forehead with the heel of her hand. “Totally forgot.”

  I should correct her. Mom walked out of the room, and I hear the blender going for whatever frilly drinks she’s makin’ for the two of them.

  I shouldn’t lie.

  But I do.

  “Yup, so I gotta run.” I stand, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans. “See ya, later?”

  She gives me a big smile and nods. “Have fun.”

  And I bolt out the door before I make more of an ass of myself.

  I hate this. This isn’t how tonight was supposed to start. I’ve got a date with the most freakin’ awesome girl, and then Quynn shows up, messin’ with my head. Why is it so hard to tell her I’m with someone else?

  Well, I’m not really with Hayley… but I want to be.

  I kick the potted plant that has long ago died, knocking all the dirt and dead leaves on the lawn.

  “What’s up your ass?”

  It’s as if God knew I needed a punchin’ bag. Either that, or He thinks He’s real funny. Gabe takes a puff of his… nope that ain’t a cigarette, as he leans against Mom’s car.

  “What are you doin’ here?”

  He shrugs and takes another drag, coughing before he talks. “Waitin’ for Mark to get home.”

  Oh, so he’s waitin’ to get the snot beat out of him. Not that Dad would do that, but Dad’s the only person who hasn’t said one word to Gabe since the whole cheatin’ on his girl, movin’ out, and quittin’ his job thing.

  And smokin’ pot isn’t going to help anything. He’s such an idiot.

  “Well, move. I gotta go.”

  He doesn’t.

  “You’re leavin’?” He pauses to puff. “Thought you’d stay to get some action with my ex.”

  My teeth snap shut, and I’m holding in all the crazy stuff goin’ on in my chest. “It’s not like that,” I growl. “I’m not like you and Dad, who’ll just bang anybody with more money than who they’re with.”

  I know I hit a sore spot, but I don’t give a damn. Bringing up biological Daddy might knock some sense into my brother’s empty head.

  But he just throws me a smirk.

  “You know, you think I’m the bad guy, but if you just get your head out of your ass for a second, you’d get it. Why I did what I did.”

  Whose head is in whose ass?

  “Move.”

  He shrugs again and steps away from the car. We don’t say a word as I get in and start the engine. Good. I don’t want any conversation with my douchebag brother to ruin this night with Hayles.

  I’m ready to pull out, but Gabe sticks his face in the window. The weed smell is going to make me blow chunks all over his stupid grin.

  “Have fun with the wide load.”

  Hell no.

  I’m not even thinking. Don’t care that I’m not thinking. The door swings open with so much force it knocks Gabe flat on his butt. Don’t know how I get there, but I’m on top of him, punching his damn nose into his damn skull.

  There’s a sick satisfaction to beating the shit out of my brother. Knowing I can is good, but everythin’ bothering me gets unleashed on him. Blow after blow, they sabotage my head and explode onto Gabe’s dumbass face. The stupid obsession I have over Quynn, the way I feel about Hayles and no one understanding why, including Hayley herself, what he did to our family, and just how stupid he is and how stupid I am for actin’ just like him. Dragging around two girls because I can’t make up my mind.

  It’s then as I put another knuckle in his mouth that I catch a glimpse of the tatt I’ve got on my wrist. The one I got right after Gabe ran out. And even though I was supposed to help put Quynn back together, I wanted to put her back together, I was the one who fell apart. And she picked me up, dusted me off, and I…

  Fell for another girl.

  My arm stops mid-punch, and I stare into Gabe’s face which is now so bloody and swollen, I can barely tell he’s still smirking underneath it all.

&n
bsp; “Brody?” Mom’s voice feels like a thousand jagged knives in my back. “G-Gabe?”

  I know I shouldn’t look, but I do. My eyes flick to her and Quynn, standing on the porch, both with the same expression on their faces.

  I gotta get out of here.

  Shaking, I shove off my brother and dive in the car. The tires squeal as I full throttle it down the road.

  Reason 14: I need crave you

  I’m late. Really late. First date for Hayles, and I’m beyond any excuse. But I have to sort out my head before I see her. Because I know once I’m with her, there will be little thought process.

  I’m pulled over about a block away from her house, half expectin’ her to come skipping—no, she’d be stomping by this point—down the sidewalk and findin’ me here.

  Is it wrong for me to like Hayley? To want her and not Quynn. Am I just as bad as Gabe and the dad I don’t normally claim? I stare at my tattoo again and trace the symbol, but that only reminds me of when Hayles did that in class a few days ago.

  I wonder what she’d think about this. Say I was fallin’ for a different girl other than Hayles. Would she slap me and tell me to stay focused on Quynn, or would she tell me to go after the new girl?

  Oh dude. I’m so dumb. Makin’ a big deal over this. I have no claim on Quynn. I never did. And she has no claim on me. I’m feelin’ guilty over something I haven’t done, but why? I’m figurin’ out what I want before makin’ a mess like my brother did.

  And I want Hayley.

  How could I want anyone else? She’s amazing, that girl. Damn sexy, funny, and just knows how to make me feel… all that crap you’re supposed to feel when you’re with the girl you just have to be around.

  I need her.

  No, I crave her.

  And right now, I’m bein’ a real jackhole ‘cause I’m over an hour late for her first date, not only with me, but ever.

  Okay, Brody. Erase all that crap about Quynn, about Gabe, and just be with Hayles tonight. It’s her night.

  It’s like I’m on autopilot, and I’m at her house without knowing how I got there. She’s sitting on her porch steps, picking the leaves off the bush next to her. Her hair is down. I’ve never seen it that way before. It’s so long, coming just under her boobs, which are definitely amazing in the shirt she’s wearing. Low cut, but not so low that I can see anything more than just a little cleavage. Damn sexy.