Finding Flynn

by Alexandria Bishop

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “That’s all I ask.”

  Before I make any decisions, I need to talk to my mom and figure out what exactly is going on with the meeting. I need to just go home and figure things out for myself.

  “Hey, Chlo, do you care if I head home? I don’t mind if you stay and hang out with the guys. I just need to think about things for a bit.”

  “I can come with you if you want me to. I don’t mind.”

  “No, it’s okay. I need to just process everything and besides, I’ll be too boring for you. Most likely I’ll pull out my Kindle and get lost in Rosemary Beach again.”

  “Okay, well, just text me if you need me.”

  “I will. Thanks, Chlo. Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  I give her a hug and start walking back. As I’m walking away, I hear Jax ask her what Rosemary Beach is. I silently laugh. If anyone can take some advice from those books, it’s Jax. His manwhoring ways can’t last forever and even the bad boys need to settle down at some point. Rush Finlay will always be my number one reformed bad boy. There’s a man that can make you swoon.

  I can’t understand why Flynn would throw away a meeting like this. Signing something with his dad is obviously out of the question or else they would have done that already. I don’t know why he felt the need to lie to me. I have more questions than answers.

  The more I think about it, the more Rosemary Beach calls my name. Flynn almost pushed the book boyfriends out of my heart but Rush, the stubborn man, pushed his way back into my number one spot. I’d rather escape for a bit than focus on the inevitable, which is facing Flynn again.

  ***

  “Hey, Mom, are you busy right now?”

  Smiling up at me, she replies, “Nope. I was just having a glass of wine. What’s going on?”

  “Well, I heard you set up some record label meeting for Flynn’s band so I was just curious about that.”

  “I don’t know if you remember him or not but one of the guys I used to work with, Oliver, left the label to start his own. Flynn’s band has a sound similar to what Oliver likes, so I passed the video and Flynn’s contact info on.”

  “Yeah, I guess the meeting is in a couple of weeks.”

  “What do you mean, you guess?”

  “Flynn and I haven’t talked much. Actually, the night of the party was the last time I saw him.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Ashtyn. What happened?”

  “He lied to me about who he really was. Well, not lied but just omitted that information.”

  “Did he tell you why?”

  “No, I kind of left and wouldn’t let him talk to me, but now he’s saying he doesn’t want to go through with the meeting because you helped him get it. I guess he feels he doesn’t deserve the meeting, which is stupid.”

  “Maybe you should go and talk to him and find out why he lied. I’m sure he had a good reason. I can tell you really care about him, and I would hate for you to throw a relationship away on something silly like this.”

  “Why would say it’s silly? Lying isn’t silly.”

  “You’re right, Ashtyn. But he didn’t actually lie. Your words not mine. And if he had a good reason…sometimes, when you care about someone, you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them explain. It can’t hurt to hear him out, right?”

  “That’s true but I feel like he betrayed me. Like he didn’t respect me enough.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, honey. I’m not inside of Flynn’s head so I don’t know what he was thinking. I just hate seeing you hurt this much, and I want you to feel better. Maybe you’ll feel better after talking to him.”

  “You’re right, Mom. Chloe is out with Jax tonight. I think I’ll go talk to him. Don’t wait up for me; it might be super late before I come home.”

  “Okay, honey. Go talk to him and get this all straightened out.”

  “Before I go, can I ask you something else?”

  “Always. You should know that.”

  I let out a small sigh. I don’t know why this has been eating away at me lately but it seems like my future will be here before I know it. If I don’t know what I want now, how will I ever know?

  “How did you know what you wanted to do with your life?”

  “Which part, specifically?”

  “I don’t know. How did you know you wanted to work in the music industry?”

  “If you remember, I was just Carl’s secretary. I had no idea what I wanted to do until I started working at the label. I expressed interest in learning more about the industry, and Carl slowly gave me more responsibility.”

  “Do you love your job?”

  She picks up her glass and takes a sip before placing it back down.

  Smiling she says, “I do love what I do. I hate to think that my job is what pulled our family apart but I truly love my work. Where is all of this coming from?”

  “Flynn knows exactly what he wants to do with his life. And me? I’m eighteen years old, entering my last year of high school, and I’m clueless.”

  She gets up and wraps me a giant hug. “Oh, honey, you don’t need to know anything right now. You have all next year and college to think about it. Even then, there are people who don’t figure out what they want to do until later on in life. If you go through multiple career changes in your life, that’s okay.”

  I squeeze her even more tightly. I love her so much, and she always seems to know the right thing to say. The whole situation this summer has added so much uncertainty to my life. I don’t even know where I’m going to school in the fall, and it’s just snowballed until I have no idea what to think anymore.

  “Thank you for the talk, Mom. I guess I’m just eager to know where my future lies. What’s on the road ahead for me, you know?”

  She nods her head. There’s that quote about making plans while your life is still happening, so maybe I don’t have to know anything today or tomorrow. I need to take charge of my life and live it the way that I want to. The only question is…what do I want? I’m starting to see the appeal of Neverland. Growing up sucks. Can I just pause time so I can figure that out?

  I give my mom another hug and start walking toward the pub. I have no idea where Flynn lives but I figure he might still be at work. We can figure everything else out from there. On the way, I can figure out what exactly I want to say.

  Chapter 12

  Flynn

  Ashtyn: I’m at the pub. I thought you’d be working Are you at home?

  She’s here?

  I scramble up from my bed and throw things around, trying to find my shoes. I silently curse myself for throwing my clothes on the floor when I got off work. My normal clean and calm self went out the window as soon as Ashtyn stopped talking to me. Struggling with my Chucks, I finally throw my door open and race down the stairs.

  Attempting to breathe after my mad dash, I spot her down the road, already blocks away.

  Shit!

  I didn’t text her back and she probably thought I was ignoring her. I take in a giant breath of air before chasing after her. I consider myself fit, but I’m more of a long distance runner. I’m not used to the effort required for a full-on sprint. I’m so out of breath when I get close that I stop to wheeze like an old smoker. Leaning over, I rest my hands on my knees and get my breathing in order.

  “Ashtyn!” Wheeze. “Wait!” Wheeze. “Ashtyn, stop!”

  She stops dead in her tracks but doesn’t turn around. Whipping her around, I start to pull her into a hug but her face is drenched in tears. The giant punch to my gut knocks me backwards because I’m the asshole who put those tears there.

  I’m to blame.

  The stream is never-ending, and I kiss each and every one away. Letting out the sexiest sigh, she lets her herself fully lean into me. I pull back slightly to look into her eyes, and see that the pain is slowly fading away. Not gone but just being in my arms is helping.

  “Sorry I didn’t reply back. I wa
nted to come down to you instead of texting.”

  Her eyebrows pull together and wrinkle. “What do you mean come down?”

  I forgot she doesn’t know where I live hence the whole issue in the first place. “I live in an apartment above the pub.”

  Her face wrinkles up even more. I don’t say anything because it’s pretty cute. Instead, I grab her hand and lead her back the way I came. Rather caveman-like, I drag her down the street. She’s showing no hesitation, so I step up the pace a bit. I don’t want her to come to her senses and leave.

  I’m just glad that Jude hasn’t been staying here for the past week. I’ve been pretty miserable, so I don’t blame him for wanting to stay away. He made up some lame story about his family being out of town, and he’s been staying with Jax and Hudson. One of these days we’re going to have to tell them what’s going on with him. It’s not my story so I won’t say anything but I’m sick of all the lies. I need to fess up about my lies too.

  I lead her into my apartment, and she turns around, studying her surroundings. She probably thinks this place is cramped and is trying to figure out where the rest of it is. I don’t blame her; she’s used to much nicer and larger surroundings. Shit, it took me forever to get used to something this small but now I kind of like it. It’s comfortable and you can’t get lost in here.

  Now that I have her here, I’m stressing the fuck out because I don’t even know where to start. I pace the floor, trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to tell her everything. Jax is my best friend but even he doesn’t know what I’m about to tell Ashtyn.

  Getting right to the point, she says in an annoyed tone, “Why did you lie to me? Did you know who I was when I first walked into the pub? Was this just a game to you?”

  She pulls me out of my own head and I stop my pacing, but now I’m pissed. How could she ever think this was a game? “This was never a game for me. Everything between us has been real. I didn’t tell you everything, but I can’t believe you’d think that.”

  She doesn’t even blink when she shoots out an instant response. “So then answer my first question.”

  Running my fingers through my hair, I feel like pulling it all out. I know she needs these answers but I can’t believe she’d think so little of me. “I didn’t know who you were when you walked in but I did have my suspicions.”

  Rolling her eyes she says, “So what was the point?”

  “If you remember, I did try and get rid of you. I was pissed when you came waltzing in. I thought you were rubbing the whole situation in my face. I realized quickly you had no idea who I was, and I actually liked talking to you. Then you needed me to come to your rescue and it gave me a reason to keep you around longer.”

  With a cute frown on her face she asks, “Why were you pissed at me?”

  I had never planned on telling her this part. I don’t want her to feel like shit, but no more lies. I sag into myself and tell her, “I was living in Dad’s vacation house. When your mom agreed to move here, I became homeless. My dad is a dick and found a reason to kick me out.”

  The only thing left on her face is pity. I’d rather her hate me than feel sorry for me. That feels even worse somehow.

  Not making eye contact with me she says, “I feel horrible now.”

  I shake my head. “Don’t. That right there is why I never said anything. But no more lies, right?”

  She nods but her voice cracks. “But I feel horrible. We made you homeless.”

  I chuckle. “Do I look homeless to you? Besides, I kind of like the idea of you sleeping in my bed.”

  That gets a smile out of her. “Huh. I kind of like that idea too. Although it’s a lot nicer with you in it. Wait, is that how you helped me in? Do you still have a key?”

  “Yeah, it was my room and I kept my key. I don’t miss that giant place but man do I miss that shower.”

  Her entire face clouds over. “Oh I know what you mean. I absolutely love that shower. All of the showerheads and nozzles are amazing. I stay soaked the entire time I’m in there.”

  I smirk at her in the way I know makes her blush. “I’m sure there are lots of things we can think of to make sure you spend the entire time soaked.”

  That cute blush of hers creeps up her neck and all over her face. Her skin turns a rosy pink and it makes me wonder where else she turns that same shade. I become hard just thinking about it and have to adjust my pants slightly to give myself a little more room to move.

  “Yeah, yeah you laugh it up. One of these days, I’m going to stop putting my foot in my mouth and you’ll lose all of your ammo. What are you going to do then?”

  “Babe, the day that happens, Maria Sharapova will come strolling through town and profess her undying love for me.”

  That cute wrinkling face pops up again. “I don’t get it. Who?”

  I gasp and feign shock. “She’s a professional tennis player. Total babe. Point is that’s never going to happen. Same thing as if I was to say when pigs fly. Face it—you’ll give me humorous fodder for life.”

  “Whatever. Don’t go breaking my heart when you become a famous rock star and Maria what’s-her-face comes begging for you to take her away.”

  “Never going to happen. And if it does, I’ll have to break Maria’s heart because I’m a taken man.”

  Her entire face lights up at my admission. I don’t want to scare her away by admitting anymore but I know she’s it for me. Hell, I knew it that first night. It’s why I didn’t try very hard to send her away.

  She starts breaking the distance between us but then stops. She’s gnawing away at her bottom lip and I can’t stop my eyes from going straight there. It makes me think of all the times she’s nibbled on my lip ring. Makes me wish it was my lip she was nibbling on instead of her own.

  “I don’t get it. You’re an amazing musician and you have a father that owns his own record label. Why don’t you already have a record deal? Couldn’t that help whatever your problems are since you both have a passion for music?”

  I was hoping that would be the end of the conversation. I don’t want to get into my whole sordid tale but I promised her no more lies. I hope she doesn’t change her opinion of me after this. I finally have her back and I can’t go through losing her again. If I continue keeping secrets from her, I will single-handedly be putting the nails into the coffin of this relationship. All I can do is trust she won’t leave me in the end.

  “You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter if I make a million platinum albums and win all the Grammy’s in the world. There’s no chance in hell my father would ever want to help me. His whole world died the day I was born.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My mother was Olivia James. The Olivia James. She had it all. The voice of an angel, glamorous good looks, and the promise of an amazing career. But she wanted the one thing that she couldn’t have.”

  I pause for a minute.

  “She wanted a baby and I killed her. Everyone told her it wasn’t safe but she was a stubborn woman and she wanted to do it all herself. She wanted to carry and deliver her own child. Unfortunately, she had a serious heart condition that made it very likely the pregnancy would be fatal for both her and me. She was able to carry me to term but the labor was too much for her and shortly after I was delivered, she died.”

  I hang my head. I can’t look at her and see what she’s feeling. I broke my family. If I wasn’t here right now, my mom would still be alive and my parents would be happy. Why couldn’t she just have listened to the advice from everyone around her?

  “My dad died that day along with her. I killed both my parents the day I was born. The man that claims to be my father is just a shell of a person. I’m sorry but this bright idea of yours just isn’t going to happen. I love music but I won’t attach my career to anything belonging to him. Not that he would ever allow it anyway.”

  I finally look up at her. My entire body sags and I’m afraid for her response. I’m surprised because I was expecting pity
but her nostrils are flaring and her face is bright red. I’m not sure what part of what I just said is making her so angry.

  “You can’t honestly believe you killed your mom. She knew what could happen if she went through with it, and she did it anyways. Honestly, I’m happy she did. You’re sitting here with me right now because your mom wanted you so much that she risked her own life for you. I’m not sure how you twisted that up into meaning you killed her. She wouldn’t want you spending your life feeling guilty over something that was her decision. You did not kill your mom, Flynn.”

  I quietly mutter, “Maybe someone should tell that to my father.”

  I’m a complete jackass for saying that because Ashtyn breaks down. Her eyes were watery before but there is a stream pouring out of each eye now and it wrenches my insides. I pull her onto my lap and try to calm her down but the sobs take over. Her entire body is shaking and I’m helpless. I just hold her while rubbing her back until she eventually calms down.

  Through her sobs I can barely make out her saying, “I’m so sorry, Flynn. I can’t imagine going through something like that. No parent should ever say horrible things like that to their own child.”

  Just nodding my head I say, “Thank you for listening to me, Ashtyn. I don’t tell many people that story for obvious reasons. I can’t stop the guilt that weighs down on me, and it’s the only way I can rationalize the hatred my father has for me.”

  She looks like she wants to say something but then changes her mind. Instead, she flips her legs around and straddles my waist. I hold my breath unsure of what she’s about to do, but I don’t want to do anything that would change her mind. She leans forward and lightly presses her lips against mine and starts to back away.

  Pulling her back, I rock her against me and groan at the friction between us. Moving from her mouth, I continue kissing my way up her jaw until I hit that perfect spot right behind her ear. Flicking out my tongue, I start playing with her earlobe as she continues rocking against me.