Imperfect Love (Heart 0f Hope Book 4)

by Ajme Williams

  “I think I’ve mentioned before that it’s my dick, not my mind.” He gave me a quick kiss. “I liked my work, but it’s not my life. I don’t feel like I’ll be missing out. To be honest, I’m looking forward to new adventures once you’re cured.”

  “As long as you’re sure.”

  “The only thing I’ve ever been more sure of is that you’re the one for me.”

  I rolled my eyes. “If you do get bored, you can give lessons on how to talk romantically.”

  “Nah. It takes inspiration. You’re my muse, Terra. Everything I am and want to be springs from you.”

  “You did it again. You can write a book. How to Be Swoonworthy.”

  He smiled. “Number one. Marry the woman of your dreams.”

  I rested my head against his chest. “Number two. Never let go.”

  Working with Brayden again gave me a new found insight into just how brilliant my husband was in business. Maybe not new found, as I’d worked by his side for a few years before. No, it was more like a rediscovery. I’d gotten so involved in my own life and role as a mom, I’d lost sight of what an effective businessman he was. I was glad to have the opportunity to work with him again as we transitioned the business to the new owners.

  Brayden had done what he’d needed to be with me and the kids and to secure our future, but also, he’d made sure his staff was looked after as well. He negotiated that Kyle would be promoted and that all staff would remain for at least six months, since companies often laid off workers of the businesses they bought. He’d also giving them bonuses before making the final transfer of the business.

  When we finished at the office and said our final goodbyes, it was afternoon and time to pick up the kids.

  “You look tired,” Brayden said as I leaned my head back on the headrest.

  “I am. I haven’t gotten as much sleep as usual.”

  He looked at me with a coy smile. “Sorry.”

  “I’m not.” But now that my surgery was two days away, I was getting nervous. Not so much about the surgery itself but what the doctors might find when they opened me up. What if the cancer had spread?

  “You can rest when we get home. I’ll deal with the kids.”

  “I want to help too. I’ll be out of it for a few days after the surgery, and then I’ll be going into treatment again. I want as much time with you and them while I have the energy.”

  He nodded and reached over to take my hand. He pulled it to his lips for a kiss.

  Noah was the first to arrive at the office when we stopped to pick the kids up at school.

  “Look what I made,” he said holding up a picture showing four human stick figures in a tent. “It’s us camping.”

  “It’s terrific,” Brayden said squatting down to get a closer look.

  Lanie joined us, her face lighting up when she saw both of us.

  “Are you and daddy going to take us and pick us up every day?” she asked as we walked back to the car.

  “Well, we need to talk about that,” Brayden answered.

  “Why?”

  His expression was unsure as he looked at me.

  “How about we go get a snack and go to the park?” I said. We needed to talk to the kids about my surgery, but I didn’t want to do it in the car.

  At the park, we let the kids play for a little bit and then they came to the picnic table Brayden and I were sitting at to have their snack.

  “Remember when I told you that I had to see the doctor again?” I said.

  “He’s going to operate,” Noah said, taking a bite of the snack bar we’d bought for them.

  “Yes. That’s right. Well, that’s coming up in two days. I’ll be gone a couple of days.”

  “Who’s going to take care of us?” Lanie asked around a mouthful of her snack bar.

  “I am,” Brayden said.

  Lanie frowned. “But what about when you work?”

  “I won’t be working. Sometimes I’ll be with your mom, and Emma will help then, but for the most part you’ll have me. Are you alright with that?”

  “I am,” Noah said. “I like it when you’re home.”

  “Me too. But how will we get money if you don’t work a lot.” Lanie was ever the detail girl.

  “Mom and I sold the business. We now have lots of money and lots of time. Maybe when mommy’s all better, we can go on a trip. Would you like that?”

  “Yay! Can we go real camping?” Noah asked.

  “Sure.” Brayden patted Noah on the shoulder. “And you two can catch our dinner since you know how to fish.”

  Lanie’s nose squished in distaste. “I don’t want to eat fish.”

  I liked that we were making plans. It made it seem like I wasn’t sick. But I was sick and a part of me wondered if I’d be able to do all the things Brayden was planning. Since I couldn’t be sure, I had to savor every moment of time I was here.

  There was so much to be grateful for, and I worked to focus on all the good in my life right now, instead of what I’d miss if things didn’t go my way or on what I had missed with Brayden by not being more supportive and understanding, and letting him slip away from me.

  That night, I lay with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was another perfect moment I wanted to capture and remember; the warmth and love of my husband holding me.

  That moment passed in the blink of an eye. Two days later, Brayden kissed me on the head as I was wheeled to surgery. I’d tried to be strong that morning as I kissed my kids goodbye, told them not to worry, and sent them off to school saying I’d see them in a couple of days. After that, I was a nervous wreck. I was so scared of what the doctors might find during surgery.

  “I’m so proud of you, baby. I love you so much.” Brayden’s eyes were misty.

  For the first time, the worry had lessened, and I was feeling a bit loopy from the effects of drugs. I looked up into his handsome face, his brilliant blue eyes. “I love you.” I tried to reach up to touch him, but my hands didn’t work. “Don’t let the nurses pick up on you. You’re too handsome, you know? But you’re mine.”

  “I’m yours. Forever.”

  I smiled, letting his words fill me with calm.

  “Okay Mrs. Burrow, time to sleep,” I heard a voice say.

  Holding on to Brayden’s words, I closed my eyes and let darkness come.

  27

  Brayden – One Year Later

  I stood at the podium looking out over the large room of people. I was usually a confident man, but today, the weight of what I was doing, of what I was going to share, made me emotionally fragile. I was certain I wouldn’t get through it without crying but most of the people in the room would likely understand. Cancer had touched all their lives as well.

  I cleared my throat. “I want to thank you all for coming to the opening of the Terra Burrow Cancer Support Center.”

  The room quieted down and people finished taking their seats.

  “Growing up, my life was chaotic. My mother did the best she could, but we were often in precarious, even dangerous situations. It’s safe to say that the world was a scary place for me. But I was never as scared as I was when I learned my wife had cancer. It’s a cliché, but then clichés are born in some truth, right? We don’t realize what we have until we lose it.” A well of emotion clogged my throat. I paused, pulling myself together.

  “I fell in love with my wife the moment I met her, which was a problem because there was a no-fraternizing rule at the place we worked. Not that either of us cared. We were madly in love within the first week.”

  There was soft laughter at my comment.

  “I was certain when I married her that we’d have the fairy tale. And we did until I let it slip through my hands. I wasn’t always there when she needed me. I didn’t put enough focus on her and our two beautiful children. She’d actually consulted a lawyer, which shows just how bad things had gotten between us. Ours wasn’t an estrangement born from fighting, but instead it came from not paying attention.
I’d taken my soulmate, the woman who’d given me love and life and two wonderful kids, for granted, and I’d lost her because of it.”

  I let that sit for a moment.

  “It gets worse. I should have known she was being tested for cancer. I should have been by her side when the doctor told her the diagnosis. But we were so apart that I didn’t know because she didn’t tell me. In fact, she told me about the cancer in a fit of anger. I’d failed as a husband. I’d failed her.” Again, my voice quivered at the guilt I had about how much I missed by not paying attention to the fraying of our marriage.

  “I’m sorry.” I took a drink of water and cleared my throat as sympathetic faces stared up at me. “I loved my wife. That never changed, never wavered, but somehow, we’d lost each other. I wanted it back, and I worked to be there for her. But I did a terrible job of it.” I hung my head as the guilt of that added to all the other guilt.

  “At my lowest point, I was late to an appointment where she learned her cancer was worse than we thought. By chance, I came to the cancer support group in hopes I could figure out how to do better for her. It was here I learned how that chaotic childhood of mine was getting in the way of my being the husband she deserved. Members of the group held me together when after her surgery and next round of treatment, we learned that the cancer wasn’t responding as we’d hoped.” I pinched the bridge of my nose to try to hold myself together as memory of the day the doctor said we needed more surgery and more treatment after we’d been sure she’d be given a clean bill of health.

  “In essence, the group…you all…saved me from getting lost in despair. I know I haven’t given back to you as much as you’ve given me. The renovation of this building and additional programming for cancer patients, survivors, and their families are my small down payment for all that you’ve given me. Not only will there be groups for patients and their families, including children’s groups, but also, we have set up a fund to provide financial assistance to families in need. I was so fortunate to have the resources to leave my work and spend all my time with my wife and children, but most people don’t have that. It’s not right that people have to sacrifice time with their precious families because of a job or to protect their health insurance.”

  Soft clapping came from the group and I took a moment to regather my emotional control.

  “I want to give a special thank you to Bob Connor, whose support during the worst moments of my life helped me get here today.”

  Bob gave me a thumbs up from the audience.

  “Before I let you go to discover all this new facility has to offer, I have one more thing I want to share.”

  I looked out over the group of people and took a breath. “I’d like you to meet Terra Burrow, the woman who inspires me and makes me whole.” I held out my hand and Terra walked to join me.

  The clapping was louder this time, as it should have been because she was a strong, radiant woman. Her hair had fallen out during her treatment, but now it was back worn in a short spiky style that made her look fierce and sexy. She was finally gaining weight again, giving her the curves that made me salivate. Her breasts, while not originals, made her feel confident and beautiful, and therefore added to her attraction.

  I kissed her cheek, feeling so fucking grateful that I could. She was here by my side. Healthy. Happy. Mine.

  “A year ago, I was more terrified than I’d been as a child living on the streets. This woman is everything to me, and the thought of losing her brought me to my knees. The fantastic doctors and staff at the hospital cared for her and she’s here with me today. The support group helped make sure I’d been able to hold it together to be there for my children and my wife through this very difficult year. Because we’re both grateful for that, we hope you’ll accept and enjoy this facility. We give it with much appreciation for what you’ve given us. Thank you.”

  As the clapping resumed, I pulled Terra in for a hug.

  “You were brilliant, as expected,” she said in my ear.

  “You’re biased.”

  “So? That doesn’t make me wrong.”

  I took her hand and we joined the group of people who came to celebrate the reopening of the cancer support center. I liked being able to see their joy at the first big project Terra and my foundation had taken on, but I was emotionally drained and wanted to get away to be with my wife.

  We made the rounds, talking with everyone who’d come to support the opening, but at the first chance, I’d led her outside to the car.

  “Your guests will miss you,” she said.

  “They’ll make do.” I drove us back towards my father-in-law where the kids were spending the day.

  “I’m so proud of you, Brayden.”

  I glanced at her. “You helped with this project too. We did it together.” We’d first come up with the idea during an emotional breakdown of sorts I had when we learned Terra’s cancer wasn’t responding as it should. It had been her idea to build a new facility, partly as a way to give back, but also to give me something to do to distract me. She joined in, at first just a little bit because she was weak from double doses of radiation and chemotherapy.

  While the distraction helped, it wasn’t until three months ago when she was given a clean bill of health did I finally breathe again. We celebrated with a camping trip with the kids, who were better troopers than me over the last year.

  “It’s a good thing. The center will support so many more people,” she said.

  I nodded. “Hey, how about some ice cream?”

  She laughed. “How did we get from the cancer center to ice cream?”

  I shrugged. “I want ice cream.”

  “I wouldn’t mind ice cream.”

  I drove us to the ice cream shop, ordered our cones, and sat outside to look at the view as we ate. It was a clear, sunny day. Perfect for the cancer support center openings and spending time with my wife.

  “Hey, what’s that?” I pointed out over the sound.

  “What?” She looked out over the water. “What are you pointing at?”

  “It’s nothing.” I went back to eating my ice cream.

  She looked at me frowning like I’d gone nutty. I suppose I had. I was a goofball, totally and madly in love with my wife.

  “How’s your ice cream?” I asked.

  “It’s—” She stopped when she saw the diamond ring I bought to go along with her engagement and wedding band. “What’s this?”

  I shrugged. “Secret prize?”

  She plucked the ring from the cone and used her napkin to wipe off the ice cream. “It’s beautiful. What’s the occasion?”

  I took the ring from her. “I love you. Isn’t that occasion enough?”

  She smiled at me and it made my heart soar. I was the luckiest man in the world.

  “Our ten-year anniversary is coming up and I want to renew our vows. I want to marry you all over again now that we’ve got a new lease on life. What do you say? Will you marry me again?”

  “Yes. A million times yes,” she said as I slipped the ring on her finger. “I love you Brayden.”

  “If it’s half as much as I love you, then I’m a lucky man, indeed.” I kissed her hand. “I’ve already reserved the Rose Garden and hired a minister, but I’ve left everything else up to you.”

  She looked at me with stars in her eyes. It made me feel like I was Superman.

  “Our anniversary isn’t that far away,” she said.

  “Emma has gathered some ideas and quotes—”

  “You brought her in on this? She never said.”

  I cocked my head and gave her a guilty grin. “It gets worse than that. The kids know.”

  “What?” She laughed. It made me remember the first time I heard her laugh after she was told the cancer was gone. It was light and lovely.

  “They helped me pick the ring. Lanie wants to be your maid of honor and Noah the best man.”

  “Of course.” She leaned in, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m so lucky that you�
�re mine.”

  “Funny, I think that every day.”

  She tilted her head up, her green eyes filled with love shining at me. “That I’m lucky you’re mine?”

  “That I’m lucky you’re mine.” I kissed her, sealing the deal.

  We had dinner with the kids at her father’s house, announcing our re-engagement.

  “Will there be kissing?” Lanie asked. “That’s embarrassing.” At seven years old, kissing was still revolting to her.

  “Kissing is required,” Tom said. “You’re not married until the minister says ‘kiss the bride.’ But I agree, your parents kissing is embarrassing.”

  “Huh?” I looked at Terra, pulling her to me and kissing her. “I have to say they’re wrong.”

  “I don’t know, it’s a little embarrassing in front of my father,” Terra said, but she kissed me again.

  Later as Terra was getting the kids packed up to go home, Tom pulled me aside. “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for her.”

  “I love her,” I said.

  “I know. It does my heart good to see it. There was a time when I worried about it. Having been through this sort of thing with my own wife, I know the toll it takes on you. You’ve been strong for her and the kids. I know you feel like there was no other option, but not everyone can do it.”

  I nodded. “To be honest, I had moments where I wasn’t doing very well.”

  “That’s to be expected. I wish my wife had been here to meet you. She’d have liked you, Brayden. She probably even would have helped you and Terra through that rough patch better than me.”

  “I wish I could have met her too.”

  Terra entered the room. “You two planning world domination?”

  “What’s world domination, mommy?” Noah asked next to her.

  “They want to rule the world,” Lanie answered.

  “Nah,” I said looking over my beautiful family. “Who needs the world when I have you three?”

  “Good answer,” Tom said slapping me on the back.

  “What were you talking about?” Terra asked me later that night as she climbed into bed next to me.